Well, it starts up again tomorrow. For the next 6 months, every big wave that starts to form off of the coast of Africa will become big news along the Southern Atlantic and Gulf coasts of the United States. Anderson Cooper's got his bags packed and is ready to travel at a moment's notice. Local TV stations are stocking up on batteries, generators, and food -- even though, should a big one strike their town, there's not going to be anybody around able to watch.
And it's always nice to see that the Associated Press has done a little research and has determined those five locations in the United States that are set to become the next New Orleans -- and not in a good way.
For those of you who are curious, and don't want to click on the link, the locations are Galveston, Texas (yay for me), Miami, Florida, New York City, New York, the Outerbanks of North Carolina, and Southern Florida.
Now, for any of you who are curious, a direct major hurricane hit on Galveston will not only wipe out that city, it will probably wipe out all of east and southeast Houston -- yeah, that includes the Clown.
So, as you can guess, I'm real pumped about the next six months. And for those of us who live in hurricane country, let's hope that we don't have any visits from Anderson Cooper or the dudes from The Weather Channel any time soon.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
What I'm Listening To
So, it's kind of the in thing to post what you're listening to you on your iPod. My pal Mike does 11 songs that he gets off of listening to the "Shuffle" feature. Now, I listen to the iPod at work a lot. Recently, I've been in a heavy Beatles stage, with some Kinks and Elvis Costello thrown in, but I'm getting to be in the need of a little variety, so let's hit the shuffle and see what comes up. These are the first 15 songs to play today.
1. "The Beat," Elvis Costello. All right. This Year's Model is one of my all-time favorite records, and I've been listening to this CD a lot recently. "The Beat" is only about the 7th or 8th best song on this CD. That would make it one of the best songs on the lesser works of lesser performers.
2. "Wrapped Around Your Finger," The Police. Good. Let's go from a rocker to what I think of as a ballad, though it's not a real ballad. It is a strange little love song, as are most of the "love" songs on Synchronicity.
3. "Raging Eyes," Nick Lowe. A friend and contemporary of Elvis Costello who never hit it as big as Elvis. This is a bit of a country rocker -- which is fitting since Lowe was at one time married to one of Johnny Cash's daughters. Lowe's best known for two other songs: "Cruel To Be Kind" which was his only major U.S. hit, and "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding," which was more famously covered by Elvis Costello and, years later, Bill Murray.
4. "To Forgive," The Smashing Pumpkins. Well, it's a little early for a clunker, but so it goes. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness was a good CD. Unfortunately, it's a 2 disc CD. And it's full of lots of filler. Like this.
5. "Don't Walk Away," Juliana Hatfield. I never could figure out why she never hit big. She was poised to go huge in the mid-90s, just like Liz Phair, but just as she hit at the point, the mood started changing from alt-rock to boy bands. I don't know which of her albums this is from. My iPod version is off her "greatest hits" collection, Gold Stars 1992-2002. This song is just perfect for her wistful voice.
6. "I Still Believe," Sheryl Crow. The final song of Tuesday Night Music Club. And not the best song on a good CD. Unfortunately, it would probably qualify as the best song of her most recent CD Wildflower.
I'm really tired and out-of-sorts at work today. I really need a pick-me up. I need some rock.
7. "Hit So Hard," Hole. This will work. Almost. I listen to this CD, Celebrity Skin lots. I like this song, but it's not the best thing on it.
8. "From The Heart Down," The Pretenders. This is a standard Chrissy Hynde power ballad. And not one of her best, from not one of her best CDs, Viva El Amor. I don't listen to this CD much, primarily because she's done lots better.
9. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood," Santa Esmeralda. Okay, I'm awake now. Sure, Elvis Costello has covered this song, and the most famous cover of this Nina Simone song came from The Animals, but this version blows away all of those others. These guys turn it into a long, Latin-infused dico/rocker with horns and clapping hands. It's from the Kill Bill, Vol. 1 soundtrack.
10. "Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)," Steve Harley. This is off of the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack, and I think it's the song from the closing credits. This is a song that I really like, and it makes me want to go back and listen to the CD. The movie's a Citzen Kane-type thing about a David Bowie-esque rocker who is assassinated during a concert. Or was he? And anyone who knows any of the stories of the Glam Rock era will recognize Bowie, Mick Jagger, Iggy Pop and Marc Bolan in lots of the characters.
11. "The Honeymooners," Bruce Springsteen. What? You don't know this one? It's off of his Tracks box set, which was a set of songs that never made it onto any of his albums. This sounds like something that might have gone on Nebraska.
12. "Surfin' Safari," The Beach Boys, of course. I nice quick song that makes me long for "Good Vibrations."
13. "Loose Tongue," Neil Finn. A good rocker from Finn's solo CD, Try Whistling This. Finn's not really known for songs that rock. His best work known work was New Wave ballad-ish work that he did with the Split Enz and Crowded House.
14. "Trampled Under Foot," Led Zeppelin. Talk about a rocker. I appreciate Zeppelin, but I've never been that big of a fan. But how can you have a music collection and not have some Zeppelin?
15. "I'm A Man," Chicago's version of the Steve Winwood-penned tune from Chicago's first album, Chicago Transit Authority. This was stil the experimental version of the band, and the song's infused with elements of rock, pop, jazz, and blues. And it doesn't really work, though it's still an okay song.
1. "The Beat," Elvis Costello. All right. This Year's Model is one of my all-time favorite records, and I've been listening to this CD a lot recently. "The Beat" is only about the 7th or 8th best song on this CD. That would make it one of the best songs on the lesser works of lesser performers.
2. "Wrapped Around Your Finger," The Police. Good. Let's go from a rocker to what I think of as a ballad, though it's not a real ballad. It is a strange little love song, as are most of the "love" songs on Synchronicity.
3. "Raging Eyes," Nick Lowe. A friend and contemporary of Elvis Costello who never hit it as big as Elvis. This is a bit of a country rocker -- which is fitting since Lowe was at one time married to one of Johnny Cash's daughters. Lowe's best known for two other songs: "Cruel To Be Kind" which was his only major U.S. hit, and "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding," which was more famously covered by Elvis Costello and, years later, Bill Murray.
4. "To Forgive," The Smashing Pumpkins. Well, it's a little early for a clunker, but so it goes. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness was a good CD. Unfortunately, it's a 2 disc CD. And it's full of lots of filler. Like this.
5. "Don't Walk Away," Juliana Hatfield. I never could figure out why she never hit big. She was poised to go huge in the mid-90s, just like Liz Phair, but just as she hit at the point, the mood started changing from alt-rock to boy bands. I don't know which of her albums this is from. My iPod version is off her "greatest hits" collection, Gold Stars 1992-2002. This song is just perfect for her wistful voice.
6. "I Still Believe," Sheryl Crow. The final song of Tuesday Night Music Club. And not the best song on a good CD. Unfortunately, it would probably qualify as the best song of her most recent CD Wildflower.
I'm really tired and out-of-sorts at work today. I really need a pick-me up. I need some rock.
7. "Hit So Hard," Hole. This will work. Almost. I listen to this CD, Celebrity Skin lots. I like this song, but it's not the best thing on it.
8. "From The Heart Down," The Pretenders. This is a standard Chrissy Hynde power ballad. And not one of her best, from not one of her best CDs, Viva El Amor. I don't listen to this CD much, primarily because she's done lots better.
9. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood," Santa Esmeralda. Okay, I'm awake now. Sure, Elvis Costello has covered this song, and the most famous cover of this Nina Simone song came from The Animals, but this version blows away all of those others. These guys turn it into a long, Latin-infused dico/rocker with horns and clapping hands. It's from the Kill Bill, Vol. 1 soundtrack.
10. "Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)," Steve Harley. This is off of the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack, and I think it's the song from the closing credits. This is a song that I really like, and it makes me want to go back and listen to the CD. The movie's a Citzen Kane-type thing about a David Bowie-esque rocker who is assassinated during a concert. Or was he? And anyone who knows any of the stories of the Glam Rock era will recognize Bowie, Mick Jagger, Iggy Pop and Marc Bolan in lots of the characters.
11. "The Honeymooners," Bruce Springsteen. What? You don't know this one? It's off of his Tracks box set, which was a set of songs that never made it onto any of his albums. This sounds like something that might have gone on Nebraska.
12. "Surfin' Safari," The Beach Boys, of course. I nice quick song that makes me long for "Good Vibrations."
13. "Loose Tongue," Neil Finn. A good rocker from Finn's solo CD, Try Whistling This. Finn's not really known for songs that rock. His best work known work was New Wave ballad-ish work that he did with the Split Enz and Crowded House.
14. "Trampled Under Foot," Led Zeppelin. Talk about a rocker. I appreciate Zeppelin, but I've never been that big of a fan. But how can you have a music collection and not have some Zeppelin?
15. "I'm A Man," Chicago's version of the Steve Winwood-penned tune from Chicago's first album, Chicago Transit Authority. This was stil the experimental version of the band, and the song's infused with elements of rock, pop, jazz, and blues. And it doesn't really work, though it's still an okay song.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The Curse on the Houston Astros
Well, it's not as well known as the Curse of the Bambino, or the Billy Goat Curse, but there is a curse on the Astros. And you can read all of the details over at the Houston Press.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Harry Potter and The God-Fearers
Okay, I saw this story today originating from Georgia, and revolving around that Wicca-practicing bastard Harry Potter.
Apparently, there was a mother attempting to have the Harry Potter books removed from public school libraries in Georgia. Primarily because Mr. Potter preaches the love of all things Wiccan. She wants him banned because witchcraft is a religion, and, wait for it, allowing it in schools violates the separation of church and state. Mommy then states: "'I have a dream that God will be welcomed back in our schools again,' Mallory said. 'I think we need him.'"
I should laugh this off, which in my own way, I'm doing here. But let's look at the irony. A Christian conservative who wants God back in the schools is attempting to use the First Amendment to get a children's book banned from school libraries because the book deals with the Wiccan religion.
First off, no, the book doesn't deal with Wiccanism. And I read lots of books when I was a wee toddler, that came from my school library, and lots of them had witches in them, and they never made me want to be a Wiccan -- though that Neve Campbell movie from a few years sure made it look like fun, as did that Alyssa Milano show. And I doubt very seriously that Joe Bob, Jr. wants to become a Wiccan after reading Harry Potter. He just wants to climb on a broom stick and play Quidditch.
Second, unless C.S. Lewis has been banned from the Georgia public school libraries, she's got no arguments. C.S. Lewis's children's works were known for the use of Christian imagery -- when that Narnia movie came out several years ago, Disney even had a special marketing campaign aimed at the churches. And if his books are in the library, then the whole God not being in the school argument is just as stupid as it sounds.
Finally, Mommy Mallory just plain misunderstands the whole church/state thing, as most conservatives do. The amendment's not violated by having a religious book in the library. There's nothing wrong with having a Bible in the library. It's when the school has classes on the Bible, and only the Bible -- despite the presence of children of other religions -- that problems arise, because then it's seen as the school/State, endorsing a religion. That's not happening here. She's not trying to stop the state from offering a Wiccan-studies class while forbidding Bible-studies, she's just trying to stop some kid who can't afford to buy one of the books from reading the book.
And why do I even keep addressing this? I'm just preaching to the choir, so to speak. Those who don't understand the distinction (and those who don't see the irony) aren't going to be persuaded by my arguments anyway.
Apparently, there was a mother attempting to have the Harry Potter books removed from public school libraries in Georgia. Primarily because Mr. Potter preaches the love of all things Wiccan. She wants him banned because witchcraft is a religion, and, wait for it, allowing it in schools violates the separation of church and state. Mommy then states: "'I have a dream that God will be welcomed back in our schools again,' Mallory said. 'I think we need him.'"
I should laugh this off, which in my own way, I'm doing here. But let's look at the irony. A Christian conservative who wants God back in the schools is attempting to use the First Amendment to get a children's book banned from school libraries because the book deals with the Wiccan religion.
First off, no, the book doesn't deal with Wiccanism. And I read lots of books when I was a wee toddler, that came from my school library, and lots of them had witches in them, and they never made me want to be a Wiccan -- though that Neve Campbell movie from a few years sure made it look like fun, as did that Alyssa Milano show. And I doubt very seriously that Joe Bob, Jr. wants to become a Wiccan after reading Harry Potter. He just wants to climb on a broom stick and play Quidditch.
Second, unless C.S. Lewis has been banned from the Georgia public school libraries, she's got no arguments. C.S. Lewis's children's works were known for the use of Christian imagery -- when that Narnia movie came out several years ago, Disney even had a special marketing campaign aimed at the churches. And if his books are in the library, then the whole God not being in the school argument is just as stupid as it sounds.
Finally, Mommy Mallory just plain misunderstands the whole church/state thing, as most conservatives do. The amendment's not violated by having a religious book in the library. There's nothing wrong with having a Bible in the library. It's when the school has classes on the Bible, and only the Bible -- despite the presence of children of other religions -- that problems arise, because then it's seen as the school/State, endorsing a religion. That's not happening here. She's not trying to stop the state from offering a Wiccan-studies class while forbidding Bible-studies, she's just trying to stop some kid who can't afford to buy one of the books from reading the book.
And why do I even keep addressing this? I'm just preaching to the choir, so to speak. Those who don't understand the distinction (and those who don't see the irony) aren't going to be persuaded by my arguments anyway.
Wilma! Stop This Crazy Thing!
It's come to The Clown's attention that there's this new museum which has opened in the Northern Kentucky/Cincinnati region, and that this new museum is a Creationism museum. (Maybe it's just me, but I always kind of thought that museum's based on history/science actually had to be grounded in fact).
But it gets better.
Not only is the earth really only several thousands of years old, but man coexisted with the dinasours, and there are actually displays which show man and T-Rex happily cavorting. So, I guess that I know where this teacher is taking his class for field trips.
But, you know, the amazing thing, Carl Everett looks sane compared to the people who believe this crap. Carl's nuts, but he knows that the two never coexisted. Sure, Carl doesn't think that the dinasours existed in the first place, but still, next to a museum that seemingly treats The Flintstones as reality, maybe Carl's not all that wrong.
But it gets better.
Not only is the earth really only several thousands of years old, but man coexisted with the dinasours, and there are actually displays which show man and T-Rex happily cavorting. So, I guess that I know where this teacher is taking his class for field trips.
But, you know, the amazing thing, Carl Everett looks sane compared to the people who believe this crap. Carl's nuts, but he knows that the two never coexisted. Sure, Carl doesn't think that the dinasours existed in the first place, but still, next to a museum that seemingly treats The Flintstones as reality, maybe Carl's not all that wrong.
Monday, May 28, 2007
And the Oscar Goes To...
Okay, I don't really care who wins the Spurs-Jazz series, but I was watching because the Astros thankfully had the night off.
Anyway, I'm wondering. I know that Eva Longoria's engaged to Tony Parker, but is she giving acting lessons to Manu Ginobili? Man, that guy deserves an Oscar for some of the flops he took in tonight's game with the Jazz. I think that soccer players are even jealous of some of those flops.
And it's nice to know that Eva's going to have something to do once Desperate Housewives is inevitably canceled.
Anyway, I'm wondering. I know that Eva Longoria's engaged to Tony Parker, but is she giving acting lessons to Manu Ginobili? Man, that guy deserves an Oscar for some of the flops he took in tonight's game with the Jazz. I think that soccer players are even jealous of some of those flops.
And it's nice to know that Eva's going to have something to do once Desperate Housewives is inevitably canceled.
The Ballpark Tour: Chicago's U.S. Cellular Field (i.e., New Comiskey)
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just don't understand the concept of ballpark design. But, for years I've heard about what a dump Chicago's New Comiskey (a.k.a U.S. Cellular Field) is -- well, except from my friend Vicki who "just love(s) New Comiskey." I've heard about how the White Sox missed the boat and built an albatross of a stadium based on an outdated-80s mold, when it should've been based on the new retro-craze sweeping the country.
I don't get it. What is it about bricks and girders and funny angles that makes a good ballpark? One of the best baseball stadiums that I've ever been to is Kansas City's Kauffman Stadium -- the Royals suck, but this stadium, built in the early-70s, is still tops -- I place it behind only Camden Yards, AT&T Park, and Coors Field for the best ballpark in baseball. And I've got to confess, I don't get it with New Comiskey. I thought the place was okay.
My favorite ballpark is Camden Yards in Baltimore. It was the first of the retro parks. My least favorite park is a three way tossup between Minute Maid Park, Shea Stadium (sorry, Mike), and Tropicana Field. I don't care if the park if full of brick and girders or steel and concrete. I just want a good seat. And a comfortable environment. I want to be around knowledgeable fans. I like a scoreboard that's easy to read and full of relevant stats. I want the baseball to be the important thing.
I enjoyed New Comiskey. I sat in the field boxes way up the right field line. I had a good view of the field. Yeah, the seats were a bit cramped, but no worse than the seats at Shea or Minute Maid Park. I took a walk around the park, and it seemed as if there was a good view of the field from every seat. Now, I didn't make it up to the upper deck, and it's my understanding that there's been a lot of renovations up that way -- I think a few row of seats were lopped off and that the steep incline of the aisle was lessened a bit.
The food was plentiful, with lots of options and good, cheap prices. I was even able to get a 20-ounce bottle of Pepsi for $3.75. At Minute Maid, that easily runs close to $5.00. The concourses were wide, and I found the place very easy to navigate. All of the scoreboards were full of stats -- the out-of-town board even had room for game stats. Sure, the stats weren't as comprehensive as what I saw at Milwaukee's Miller Park, but I've never been to park that has as a comprehensive a set of stats for each play as Miller Park.
I don't recall there being a lot of loud, canned music. There was an organist, and I got a kick out of his playing Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" whenever Tampa Bay's B.J. Upton came up to bat -- I just thought that it was a nice play on the guy's name, and not something that many people would catch.
The people that I was sitting next to really knew the game. They knew the players, and they knew who'd been slumping, who was coming out of a slump. And they were loud, especially with boos. And I like that. I like fans who make their opinions known. There are many of fans in Houston who think that a player shouldn't be booed, especially if he's trying. I also liked that the ChiSox aired Ozzie Guillen's post-game press conference on the DiamondVision. Since Ozzie's not exactly known for his ability to censor himself, airing his press conference is a big risk. And Drayton would never try anything like that in Houston -- he wants the people out of Minute Maid before the last pitch, because the sooner the fans are out, the less he has to pay the people working the game.
Now, I do think that the Sox could've done a better job of making New Comiskey more readily reflect South Side Chicago. And since I never made it to the original Comiskey Field, I can't say how much New Comiskey reflects the original. It was also kind of surprise that the park is completely enclosed. It seems like the Sox could've found a way to work the park so that that fantastic Chicago skyline was visible out past left field.
What else can I say? It's an okay park. It's definitely not disaster that I've been told that it was. Sure, it's not Camden Yards, or ATT&T Park, or Coors. But it's definitely a step above Minute Maid Park, Tropicana Field, Shea Stadium, and the Metrodome. I'd put in the same category that I place Turner Field and Miller Park. It's a fun place to watch baseball. There's nothing else to do there but watch the baseball. It's not an architectural wonder. There's no great scenery in the outfield. It's just a nice place to watch baseball.
And if you ask me, that's not really such a bad thing.
I don't get it. What is it about bricks and girders and funny angles that makes a good ballpark? One of the best baseball stadiums that I've ever been to is Kansas City's Kauffman Stadium -- the Royals suck, but this stadium, built in the early-70s, is still tops -- I place it behind only Camden Yards, AT&T Park, and Coors Field for the best ballpark in baseball. And I've got to confess, I don't get it with New Comiskey. I thought the place was okay.
My favorite ballpark is Camden Yards in Baltimore. It was the first of the retro parks. My least favorite park is a three way tossup between Minute Maid Park, Shea Stadium (sorry, Mike), and Tropicana Field. I don't care if the park if full of brick and girders or steel and concrete. I just want a good seat. And a comfortable environment. I want to be around knowledgeable fans. I like a scoreboard that's easy to read and full of relevant stats. I want the baseball to be the important thing.
I enjoyed New Comiskey. I sat in the field boxes way up the right field line. I had a good view of the field. Yeah, the seats were a bit cramped, but no worse than the seats at Shea or Minute Maid Park. I took a walk around the park, and it seemed as if there was a good view of the field from every seat. Now, I didn't make it up to the upper deck, and it's my understanding that there's been a lot of renovations up that way -- I think a few row of seats were lopped off and that the steep incline of the aisle was lessened a bit.
The food was plentiful, with lots of options and good, cheap prices. I was even able to get a 20-ounce bottle of Pepsi for $3.75. At Minute Maid, that easily runs close to $5.00. The concourses were wide, and I found the place very easy to navigate. All of the scoreboards were full of stats -- the out-of-town board even had room for game stats. Sure, the stats weren't as comprehensive as what I saw at Milwaukee's Miller Park, but I've never been to park that has as a comprehensive a set of stats for each play as Miller Park.
I don't recall there being a lot of loud, canned music. There was an organist, and I got a kick out of his playing Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" whenever Tampa Bay's B.J. Upton came up to bat -- I just thought that it was a nice play on the guy's name, and not something that many people would catch.
The people that I was sitting next to really knew the game. They knew the players, and they knew who'd been slumping, who was coming out of a slump. And they were loud, especially with boos. And I like that. I like fans who make their opinions known. There are many of fans in Houston who think that a player shouldn't be booed, especially if he's trying. I also liked that the ChiSox aired Ozzie Guillen's post-game press conference on the DiamondVision. Since Ozzie's not exactly known for his ability to censor himself, airing his press conference is a big risk. And Drayton would never try anything like that in Houston -- he wants the people out of Minute Maid before the last pitch, because the sooner the fans are out, the less he has to pay the people working the game.
Now, I do think that the Sox could've done a better job of making New Comiskey more readily reflect South Side Chicago. And since I never made it to the original Comiskey Field, I can't say how much New Comiskey reflects the original. It was also kind of surprise that the park is completely enclosed. It seems like the Sox could've found a way to work the park so that that fantastic Chicago skyline was visible out past left field.
What else can I say? It's an okay park. It's definitely not disaster that I've been told that it was. Sure, it's not Camden Yards, or ATT&T Park, or Coors. But it's definitely a step above Minute Maid Park, Tropicana Field, Shea Stadium, and the Metrodome. I'd put in the same category that I place Turner Field and Miller Park. It's a fun place to watch baseball. There's nothing else to do there but watch the baseball. It's not an architectural wonder. There's no great scenery in the outfield. It's just a nice place to watch baseball.
And if you ask me, that's not really such a bad thing.
And Speaking of Boobs...
Following up on the Houston SOB (topless club) legal battles from a couple of weeks ago, I'd thought that I'd let those of you interested in seeing your bare boobs, or looking for a reason to visit Houston, that an appellate court ruled late last week that the City cannot enforce the distance requirements that it had been threatening to do in a series of letters sent to the clubs several weeks ago. The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals also ruled that the owners and employees of the appealing clubs could not be arrested for working in a SOB that is within 1500 feet of a school, church, park, etc.
Now, the Appellate Court seems to be narrowing in on a seemingly minor issue --and anyone who's ever studied law knows that this is generally what Appellate Courts, and the Supreme Court do.
The Federal District Court judge had based her ruling upholding the city's distance requirement on a list provided by the city which provided alternate locations to which the clubs could relocate. However, the attorney for the SOBs argued that that list is a decade old, and is no longer accurate. The argument being that it's okay for the city to do this if there are alternate locations, but if these locations don't exist, then the city can't rely on non-existing locations to be allowed to shut down otherwise legal businesses.
I predict that, in the end, the SOBs are going to lose, yet again. But it's interesting that the Court chose to look at this issue, because if the SOBs are going to win on any issue, this will be it. The grandfathering argument is a loser. It's always a loser, especially in a city with no zoning and haphazard, constantly changing regulations.
And while many of you might think that I think many of the SOBs should be allowed to stay near schools, etc., I just need to say that many of these places do operate legally, without violating any laws, and they operate at hours that don't conflict with schools, churches, etc. Many of these businesses were also operating legally at places where the city told them that they could operate, until the city changed the rules, and I'm not a fan of the whole changing rules in midstream thing.
But finally, my problem with this whole law is this: if there are illegal activities going on in these places, isn't that why the vice squad exists? I've been in some of these places, and I've never seen any prostitution or drugs, etc. But I do know some people who work there, and they say that the stuff does exist, and it does give those who operate within the rules a bad name. So, why not just do the police work? Why not bust the girls working as prostitutes and selling sex instead of topless dances? It shouldn't be that hard of a case to prove, should it?
But that's just me. What do I know? I'm just a Clown.
Now, the Appellate Court seems to be narrowing in on a seemingly minor issue --and anyone who's ever studied law knows that this is generally what Appellate Courts, and the Supreme Court do.
The Federal District Court judge had based her ruling upholding the city's distance requirement on a list provided by the city which provided alternate locations to which the clubs could relocate. However, the attorney for the SOBs argued that that list is a decade old, and is no longer accurate. The argument being that it's okay for the city to do this if there are alternate locations, but if these locations don't exist, then the city can't rely on non-existing locations to be allowed to shut down otherwise legal businesses.
I predict that, in the end, the SOBs are going to lose, yet again. But it's interesting that the Court chose to look at this issue, because if the SOBs are going to win on any issue, this will be it. The grandfathering argument is a loser. It's always a loser, especially in a city with no zoning and haphazard, constantly changing regulations.
And while many of you might think that I think many of the SOBs should be allowed to stay near schools, etc., I just need to say that many of these places do operate legally, without violating any laws, and they operate at hours that don't conflict with schools, churches, etc. Many of these businesses were also operating legally at places where the city told them that they could operate, until the city changed the rules, and I'm not a fan of the whole changing rules in midstream thing.
But finally, my problem with this whole law is this: if there are illegal activities going on in these places, isn't that why the vice squad exists? I've been in some of these places, and I've never seen any prostitution or drugs, etc. But I do know some people who work there, and they say that the stuff does exist, and it does give those who operate within the rules a bad name. So, why not just do the police work? Why not bust the girls working as prostitutes and selling sex instead of topless dances? It shouldn't be that hard of a case to prove, should it?
But that's just me. What do I know? I'm just a Clown.
Say A Prayer For Me Now, Part The Continued
As some of you might remember, last week I wrote about a bill that just went through the Texas Legislature that could maybe require a school to teach a Bible Study class if requested by 15 or more students. There was confusion regarding whether the school had to offer the class if so requested, or whether it only had to consider such a class.
And you might remember that the idiot who wrote and sponsored the bill said that this was an issue for the experts to figure out (I still don't understand why an expert is needed. If you wrote the fucking bill, you should know whether it's a requirement or not).
Anyway, now Texas School Districts have realized that this bill is out there, and they're not quite sure how they're going to deal with the matter: "'That wasn't high on our radar,' said Manuel RodrÃguez Jr., president of the Houston school board. 'There are so many other things right now we should be concentrating on — No Child Left Behind, end-of-course testing, public school funding, separation of church and state.'"
Silly man, don't you realize that nothing's more important than making sure that the Bible's shoved down everybody's throat. Really, I haven't been to Church in years -- I'm afraid that lightning might strike me dead if I were to enter one -- but I just don't recall this Jesus guy being so gung-ho on forcing others to believe as he did. It was supposed to be a voluntary kind of thing.
But I digress.
There's one final thing, and it's a quote from some moron at the Georgia Department of Education: "'There are worse things that could happen than 20 students coming together and saying, 'we want to have an academic study of the Bible so we can be prepared to go to college,'' he said. 'We should be embracing students wanting to expand the educational opportunities in their schools.'"
First, why in the Hell is the Houston Chronicle going to someone from Georgia to comment on a Texas law. This state has plenty of religious morons who can handle this -- unless he's one of the experts with whom the bill's sponsor wanted to confer. But, secondly, how does having an academic study of the Bible prepare one for college?
I know that I've been out of college for awhile -- it's over a decade now -- but I don't remember a knowledge of the Bible being a necessity to ace my English and writing classes. And the same was through for my Political Science and History classes. I just don't understand.
But then again, there are lots of things in this world that I just don't understand.
And you might remember that the idiot who wrote and sponsored the bill said that this was an issue for the experts to figure out (I still don't understand why an expert is needed. If you wrote the fucking bill, you should know whether it's a requirement or not).
Anyway, now Texas School Districts have realized that this bill is out there, and they're not quite sure how they're going to deal with the matter: "'That wasn't high on our radar,' said Manuel RodrÃguez Jr., president of the Houston school board. 'There are so many other things right now we should be concentrating on — No Child Left Behind, end-of-course testing, public school funding, separation of church and state.'"
Silly man, don't you realize that nothing's more important than making sure that the Bible's shoved down everybody's throat. Really, I haven't been to Church in years -- I'm afraid that lightning might strike me dead if I were to enter one -- but I just don't recall this Jesus guy being so gung-ho on forcing others to believe as he did. It was supposed to be a voluntary kind of thing.
But I digress.
There's one final thing, and it's a quote from some moron at the Georgia Department of Education: "'There are worse things that could happen than 20 students coming together and saying, 'we want to have an academic study of the Bible so we can be prepared to go to college,'' he said. 'We should be embracing students wanting to expand the educational opportunities in their schools.'"
First, why in the Hell is the Houston Chronicle going to someone from Georgia to comment on a Texas law. This state has plenty of religious morons who can handle this -- unless he's one of the experts with whom the bill's sponsor wanted to confer. But, secondly, how does having an academic study of the Bible prepare one for college?
I know that I've been out of college for awhile -- it's over a decade now -- but I don't remember a knowledge of the Bible being a necessity to ace my English and writing classes. And the same was through for my Political Science and History classes. I just don't understand.
But then again, there are lots of things in this world that I just don't understand.
He's Always Been A Champ To Me
So, I understand that Dario Franchitti won the Indianopolis 500 yesterday. But if you ask me, he didn't need to win that race to be a champion. He's been a champion since he married Ashley Judd.
Really, after that, what more in life is there to accomplish?
Really, after that, what more in life is there to accomplish?
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Photo Time -- U.S. Cellular Field (i.e., New Comiskey)
So, I went to Chicago to see U.S. Cellular Field (i.e, New Comiskey). This makes ballpark number 18 out of 30 at which I've seen a major league game (and it's number 22 if you count ballparks that aren't used anymore).
Exiting the EL and crossing the expressway. This is outside of left field.
Exiting the EL and crossing the expressway. This is outside of left field.
This is the view from center field.
The scoreboard. At the right is the visiting team bullpen -- the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for this game. This is the view from my seat.
This is a packed stadium early in the game. The D-Rays would win 11-5. The stadium emptied quickly when the ChiSox started to throw in the towel.
They air Ozzie's post-game press conferences. This is rather daring, being as how Ozzie ain't exactly known for censoring his language.
I'll post my ballpark review later. I just thought that you guys might like pictures.
Photo Time -- Chicago, Continued
My photo tour of Chicago, continued.
This is the Chicago Tribune Building.
Holy shit, nearly 4 bucks a gallon.
This is the Chicago Tribune Building.
Holy shit, nearly 4 bucks a gallon.
The Hancock Tower. Again. I just love the architecture of this building.
The Chicago Skyline from outside of U.S. Cellular Field (i.e., New Comiskey). That large building in the far background is the Sears Tower, the largest building in Chicago.
This is the view from my hotel room.
Photo Time -- Chicago
Well, I'm in Chicago this weekend. Here are some photos.
The Billy Goat Tavern. This is where the "Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger. No Coke, Pepsi. No fries, chips," Saturday Night Live sketch came from.
The Billy Goat Tavern. This is where the "Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger. No Coke, Pepsi. No fries, chips," Saturday Night Live sketch came from. 
This is from the skydeck of the Hancock Tower. It's a misty, foggy day, so it's really hard to see anything. But, that body of water, obviously, is Lake Michigan.
And this is the Hancock Tower. Just tilt your head to the left.
This is the Chicago skyline from The Navy Pier.
This is the Ferris Wheel at The Navy Pier. It's based on the very first ferris wheel, which was at the Chicago World Fair in the late 19th Century.
Photo Time -- Milwaukee's Miller Park
Here are some of my photos from the trip to Miller Park last weekend. You can read more of my thoughts about Miller Park here.
The statue is of Hall-of-Famer Robin Yount.
The statue is of Hall-of-Famer Robin Yount.
Hey kids, look, it's the Sausage Races.
Photo Time -- Baltimore, Continued
And here's some more from Baltimore and Camden Yards, including some of the city's Inner Harbor.
Photo Time -- Baltimore
Well, I'm on R&R in Chicago this weekend. But I thought, while I await the start of the White Sox game, that I'd share some photos from a trip to Baltimore's Camden Yards last month.
Enjoy
Enjoy
Thursday, May 24, 2007
In Which I Post Because I Can
Okay, there's nothing that I can really add to this story, except to say that if Samuel L. Jackson had been there to get the motherfucking snakes off of the motherfucking plane, there probably wouldn't have been a problem.
We now return you to your regular programming.
We now return you to your regular programming.
In Which I Discuss the Meaning of Increasingly Irrelevant
I've been meaning to write on this for several days, so excuse me if the topic's a bit old...
GOPer Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee has announced that he will not attend a Baptist conference to be hosted by former President Jimmy Carter.
Huckabee's withdrawal follows Carter's statement regarding the Bush Administration in which he said: "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history.''
Huckabee, of course, feels that Carter has broken some unwritten pact that former presidents are to not go around criticizing the current president. It also follows Bush Administration statements that Carter is "increasingly irrelevant."
Now, I'll admit, Jimmy Carter was probably not the best president that this country has ever had. But he's still a hell of lot better than the current occupant. But I've got this to say to Huckabee's statement. Who's in a better position to criticize a sitting president than a former president? Second, what was Carter supposed to do, not answer a question that was posed to him? Further, how often do Bush and his cronies go about criticizing the work of former President Clinton?
Now, Huckabee's supposed to be a rising GOPer star. But this reeks of desperation. He's got to attack Carter? A man who's been out of office for nearly 30 years? And it's not like Carter's statement was wrong.
But the really funny thing is the Bush White House attacking Carter as being increasingly irrelevant. Jimmy Carter is the one American who is respected in just about every part of this world. He's the one who's brought into countries to measure the fairness and legitimacy of elections -- boy, I sure wish he would've been sent to Florida in November of 2000. Carter, unlike the current White House occupant, was actually able to broker some peace in the Middle East. How many people in the Bush White House have won Nobel Peace Prizes? And you just know that, if some Democrat is elected in 2008, that Bush is going to come out swinging. You just know that he ain't going to keep quiet.
I thought that I had a point that I wanted to make. Some grand theme that I was going to get to. But I'm out of practice.
The main thing is that if anybody in this country has the gravitas to take on George W. Bush's view of the world, it's Jimmy Carter. And if more American people were like Carter, it's doubtful that the world, and this country, would be in the shape that it's in. And, finally, if there's one leader, or former leader, in this country, who best reflects a Christian attitude that would've been practiced by Jesus Christ, it's got to be Jimmy Carter.
But when George Bush devotes his post-presidential life to Habitat for Humanity and to humanitarian efforts, then maybe we can argue. But who am I kidding, Dubya ain't going to be doing no humanitarian work, he's going to be cashing in and becoming richer. He's going to end up on more corporate boards than Gerry Ford, and that guy seemed to be on the board of just about every company in the world.
And I'm trailing off again, so maybe I'll just end it here.
GOPer Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee has announced that he will not attend a Baptist conference to be hosted by former President Jimmy Carter.
Huckabee's withdrawal follows Carter's statement regarding the Bush Administration in which he said: "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history.''
Huckabee, of course, feels that Carter has broken some unwritten pact that former presidents are to not go around criticizing the current president. It also follows Bush Administration statements that Carter is "increasingly irrelevant."
Now, I'll admit, Jimmy Carter was probably not the best president that this country has ever had. But he's still a hell of lot better than the current occupant. But I've got this to say to Huckabee's statement. Who's in a better position to criticize a sitting president than a former president? Second, what was Carter supposed to do, not answer a question that was posed to him? Further, how often do Bush and his cronies go about criticizing the work of former President Clinton?
Now, Huckabee's supposed to be a rising GOPer star. But this reeks of desperation. He's got to attack Carter? A man who's been out of office for nearly 30 years? And it's not like Carter's statement was wrong.
But the really funny thing is the Bush White House attacking Carter as being increasingly irrelevant. Jimmy Carter is the one American who is respected in just about every part of this world. He's the one who's brought into countries to measure the fairness and legitimacy of elections -- boy, I sure wish he would've been sent to Florida in November of 2000. Carter, unlike the current White House occupant, was actually able to broker some peace in the Middle East. How many people in the Bush White House have won Nobel Peace Prizes? And you just know that, if some Democrat is elected in 2008, that Bush is going to come out swinging. You just know that he ain't going to keep quiet.
I thought that I had a point that I wanted to make. Some grand theme that I was going to get to. But I'm out of practice.
The main thing is that if anybody in this country has the gravitas to take on George W. Bush's view of the world, it's Jimmy Carter. And if more American people were like Carter, it's doubtful that the world, and this country, would be in the shape that it's in. And, finally, if there's one leader, or former leader, in this country, who best reflects a Christian attitude that would've been practiced by Jesus Christ, it's got to be Jimmy Carter.
But when George Bush devotes his post-presidential life to Habitat for Humanity and to humanitarian efforts, then maybe we can argue. But who am I kidding, Dubya ain't going to be doing no humanitarian work, he's going to be cashing in and becoming richer. He's going to end up on more corporate boards than Gerry Ford, and that guy seemed to be on the board of just about every company in the world.
And I'm trailing off again, so maybe I'll just end it here.
Say A Prayer For Me Now
Okay, I know that many of you want to read more of my sports opinions, but most of that is over at the Houston Press for the present -- and it's mostly Astros rants, which you would probably find tiresome. And I know that most of you don't share my fascination with Texas politics. But since this is the state in which I live...
The Legislature has struck again. It's approved a new Bible-studies class for High Schools. Here are some of my favorite items regarding this new class.
1. Legislators don't know whether a school has to offer the classes or not. There's wording in the bill that states if 15 students sign up for such a class, that the school has to offer the class. There's also wording in the bill that states that the school may offer the class if requested, but is not so required.
When pressed on this little matter, the author of the bill stated: "We'll just have to get some experts to look at it."
We'll just have to get some experts to look at it? What kind of fucking answer is that? This moron drafted the bill. He should be the expert on it. If he doesn't know the answer, then why is this thing being passed?
2. If requested by 15 students, the study of the Quran would also be offered, with that of the Bible. Somehow, I'm suspecting that this ain't going to be happening. This is Texas. I'm willing to bet that while a school will do everything in its power to get that Bible study class going, that it's going to do everything possible to prevent the Muslim class.
But here's my problem with this: why is this class being offered? The author says it's to teach appreciation of the Bible and morality. He also said something along the lines that it would be impossible to understand the impact of Martin Luther King without understanding the Bible.
First, I'd dispute the MLK part. The man stood up against a bigoted power structure. I don't need the Bible to appreciate that.
And what's the use of churches? Aren't churches supposed to be teaching an appreciation of the Bible? There are more churches in this state than there are schools. Less than a mile to the north of me is one of the mega churches. Less than a mile to the south is another. I live around several Catholic churches, many Baptist churches, and at least one Methodist church. Shouldn't these places be teaching the Bible, and the morality that arises from such a book?
If the church can't do the job, why should a school be expected to do it? We don't expect the Church to teach math, why should the school teach the Bible?
Yes, I know, the thing's an elective which no one has to take. But that doesn't mean that it should be taught in school. And since when do fifteen teenagers get to dictate what a school teaches? I could've easily gotten fifteen of my high school friends to request a class on the study of the classics of Monty Python, but I would've been laughed out of the district.
Also, which version of the Bible will they be teaching? Will it be that of Baptist Jerry Falwell, or that of Baptist Jimmy Carter?
But, if they do teach this damn class, I'm showing up and asking the question that I've been asking for years, and I'm not leaving until I get a proper answer: where did the wives for Cain and Abel come from? It just said that they had wives. There's nothing about them sleeping with their sisters, which some scholars say is the answer, but which I find disingenuous since the Bible, does, in other portions, say that various figures slept with relatives.
Yeah, yeah, I know, just leave it alone. But I don't want my nieces and nephew exposed to this mythology in school. If their parents want them to go to church and learn it -- and so far that answer is no -- then fine, though I will do all within my power to teach them some facts, but don't take away precocious school time from more important matters for this drivel.
The Legislature has struck again. It's approved a new Bible-studies class for High Schools. Here are some of my favorite items regarding this new class.
1. Legislators don't know whether a school has to offer the classes or not. There's wording in the bill that states if 15 students sign up for such a class, that the school has to offer the class. There's also wording in the bill that states that the school may offer the class if requested, but is not so required.
When pressed on this little matter, the author of the bill stated: "We'll just have to get some experts to look at it."
We'll just have to get some experts to look at it? What kind of fucking answer is that? This moron drafted the bill. He should be the expert on it. If he doesn't know the answer, then why is this thing being passed?
2. If requested by 15 students, the study of the Quran would also be offered, with that of the Bible. Somehow, I'm suspecting that this ain't going to be happening. This is Texas. I'm willing to bet that while a school will do everything in its power to get that Bible study class going, that it's going to do everything possible to prevent the Muslim class.
But here's my problem with this: why is this class being offered? The author says it's to teach appreciation of the Bible and morality. He also said something along the lines that it would be impossible to understand the impact of Martin Luther King without understanding the Bible.
First, I'd dispute the MLK part. The man stood up against a bigoted power structure. I don't need the Bible to appreciate that.
And what's the use of churches? Aren't churches supposed to be teaching an appreciation of the Bible? There are more churches in this state than there are schools. Less than a mile to the north of me is one of the mega churches. Less than a mile to the south is another. I live around several Catholic churches, many Baptist churches, and at least one Methodist church. Shouldn't these places be teaching the Bible, and the morality that arises from such a book?
If the church can't do the job, why should a school be expected to do it? We don't expect the Church to teach math, why should the school teach the Bible?
Yes, I know, the thing's an elective which no one has to take. But that doesn't mean that it should be taught in school. And since when do fifteen teenagers get to dictate what a school teaches? I could've easily gotten fifteen of my high school friends to request a class on the study of the classics of Monty Python, but I would've been laughed out of the district.
Also, which version of the Bible will they be teaching? Will it be that of Baptist Jerry Falwell, or that of Baptist Jimmy Carter?
But, if they do teach this damn class, I'm showing up and asking the question that I've been asking for years, and I'm not leaving until I get a proper answer: where did the wives for Cain and Abel come from? It just said that they had wives. There's nothing about them sleeping with their sisters, which some scholars say is the answer, but which I find disingenuous since the Bible, does, in other portions, say that various figures slept with relatives.
Yeah, yeah, I know, just leave it alone. But I don't want my nieces and nephew exposed to this mythology in school. If their parents want them to go to church and learn it -- and so far that answer is no -- then fine, though I will do all within my power to teach them some facts, but don't take away precocious school time from more important matters for this drivel.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Praying for Your Health
So, it appears that my fellow Houstonians are more inclined to seek religious help when ill, than to seek the advice of a doctor.
(Sound of my head banging loudly on my desk.)
Why do I feel like I'm returning to the Dark Ages? Yes sir, it looks like you're having a heart attack, but that's because you don't have Jesus in your heart, so if you pray it'll get all better. What, you need a heart transplant. The only transplant you need is to transplant Jesus into your life.
(Head still banging on the desk. Loudly. Again. Again. Again.)
Look, I know that medical treatment is costly -- boy, do I know that now. But getting the Rev. Jim Bob to pray to about stopping that cough just ain't gonna stop that pneumonia from getting to you.
Though, now that I think about it, if more of these nutjobs really do go to the Rev. Jim Bob instead of Dr. Jim Bob, then there might be a few less of these nutjobs to go about fucking up the world.
But then, who would go voting for any member of the Bush family?
(Sound of my head banging loudly on my desk.)
Why do I feel like I'm returning to the Dark Ages? Yes sir, it looks like you're having a heart attack, but that's because you don't have Jesus in your heart, so if you pray it'll get all better. What, you need a heart transplant. The only transplant you need is to transplant Jesus into your life.
(Head still banging on the desk. Loudly. Again. Again. Again.)
Look, I know that medical treatment is costly -- boy, do I know that now. But getting the Rev. Jim Bob to pray to about stopping that cough just ain't gonna stop that pneumonia from getting to you.
Though, now that I think about it, if more of these nutjobs really do go to the Rev. Jim Bob instead of Dr. Jim Bob, then there might be a few less of these nutjobs to go about fucking up the world.
But then, who would go voting for any member of the Bush family?
Milwaukee's Miller Park: A Review
So, I've spent the past several days at the ballpark. Or, ballparks. Two parks to be exact -- even with a blog, I want to be accurate if I can.
I hit Minute Maid Park on Thursday night. I went to see The Big Evil following through on his quest to catch Hank Aaron. And here's where you can read my report on that game.
I didn't think that it was possible for Drayton's pleasure palace to get even tackier. But I was wrong.
Have any of you people see those foul poles? It's bad enough that they're sponsored -- and is there anything at MMP that's not sponsored -- but Drayton's got Chick-Fil-A as a sponsor, and they put the cows on the foul poles, and the cows even have a message written on the poles: "Eat Mor Fowl." Isn't that cute? It's misspelled, because they're cows. (You know, Gary Larson used to do the smart cow bit -- he'd have had the words spelled right, but maybe a letter pointing the wrong way). But come on. We paid for this monstrosity, so can't we please cut back on some of the damn ads? Or, if Drayton doesn't want to do that, then maybe he can stop jacking up the ticket prices every season. Come on, does anyone really think that he's losing money? Well, anyone not working for the Houston Chronicle?
There is one improvement to MMP. The music wasn't as loud or as obnoxious. It wasn't blasting away during every spare moment. One could actually talk about the game. And it was a good game, one worth talking about. And speaking of talking, what's the point of having a PA announcer like Bob Ford, with an incredible voice, if the sound system's all fucked up and you can't understand half of what he says?
But I did learn a few things. For instance, did you know that Mike Lamb likes to do crossword puzzles? Well, the video crew put that up on the big screens. In the first inning. Never mind keeping up all of the stats because stats are a huge waste of time.
And what's with the cheerleaders on the dugout? Come on, Drayton. I know that you still haven't figured out baseball, but this ain't football. Okay? And if you're going to give us cheerleaders, then at least dress them like it. If you're going to do it, then do it right, damn it.
And, I think it was funny that, to pump up the crowd at the end of the game, that the video crew showed a clip from Rocky 6. This is funny, see, because I'm supposed to hate the chemically-enhanced Barry Bonds, who's trotting out to left field at the time of the clip, while, at the same time, I'm being told to cheer by a chemically-enhanced actor. I'd say they were going for irony here, but this is the Astros, and I know some of the people on that video crew, and I'm doubting that any of them caught the irony.
My favorite part of the game though had to be the top of the 12th inning when the Giants scored to go up 2-1. Only the big board in right field had the correct score, however. The auxiliary boards had a score of 3-1. But who am I to expect the scoreboard crew to get the correct score?
Then I hit Milwaukee's Miller Park on Saturday night. It's another state-of-the-art retractable roof stadium that also opened in 2001. But they screwed it up because it doesn't try to look like it's from the 1930s. And you know what, the video boards -- always stats. Even though there's a a big, main scoreboard right under the video screen, the screen also shows stats. They both show stats during the game. Just what are these people thinking? The stats are constantly updated -- during the game. But they don't understand some things because I never learned any trivia about the players, so I don't know if J.J. Hardy likes to do crossword puzzles.
And here's another about the Miller Park scoreboard that I really liked. They give the scoring for every play. Prince Fielder would be stepping into the box, and while most of the scoreboard, and all of the video board showed stats on Fielder, one corner of the main board told me what J.J. Hardy just did -- not that he grounded out, but that it went 5-3, so that if I missed the play because some idiot was standing up to get a beer, I would know what happened and could record the play on my score card. And not only do they put up errors on the line score, they tell you who made the error. I had to guess that Mike Lamb, on Thursday night, was the one who made an error in the 8th inning of the Astros game. I didn't have to guess about Prince Fielder's errors though, they put them on the board as soon as the scorer made the call. Then again, I didn't learn from the video board or scoreboard about Fielder spends his off-time.
Miller Park doesn't have all of the fancy angles. There's no 305 foot Crawford Box equivalent. There's no hill in center field, nor any flagpole that is in play. There's no stupid-ass choo-choo train either. There are lots of ads, but once again, the tackiness factor is missing. And, though the place is the size of MMP, it felt bigger, and smaller. Bigger in that I didn't feel crowded or lacking space, even though the place was sold out, and smaller in that I felt like I was on top of the action. Why, the food was even cheaper than at MMP. A brat, large drink, ice cream, and bag of peanuts was several dollars cheaper than at MMP.
Funny me, and I thought that the whole ballpark experience was supposed to include getting ripped-off at the concession stand.
The sound system was good, but the music wasn't too loud,and it definitely didn't play constantly. Either that Miller Park entertainment crew don't know what they're doing, or else the Brewers have figured out that the fans actually want to watch baseball.
Miller Park's only an average park. It's on par with Atlanta's Turner Field, only it has a roof. There are no fantastic views of the Milwaukee skyline. It's just a ballpark. That's the only reason that the stadium seems to exist.
I really wish the Astros people would come to this realization. We're just there to watch the game. We could care less about choo-choo trains and cheap home runs. We don't care if Mike Lamb does the crossword, but we'd really like to know who made the error.
Is that really too much to ask?
Oh, and there's one other thing that Miller Park has that the MMP doesn't, the Sausage Races.
I hit Minute Maid Park on Thursday night. I went to see The Big Evil following through on his quest to catch Hank Aaron. And here's where you can read my report on that game.
I didn't think that it was possible for Drayton's pleasure palace to get even tackier. But I was wrong.
Have any of you people see those foul poles? It's bad enough that they're sponsored -- and is there anything at MMP that's not sponsored -- but Drayton's got Chick-Fil-A as a sponsor, and they put the cows on the foul poles, and the cows even have a message written on the poles: "Eat Mor Fowl." Isn't that cute? It's misspelled, because they're cows. (You know, Gary Larson used to do the smart cow bit -- he'd have had the words spelled right, but maybe a letter pointing the wrong way). But come on. We paid for this monstrosity, so can't we please cut back on some of the damn ads? Or, if Drayton doesn't want to do that, then maybe he can stop jacking up the ticket prices every season. Come on, does anyone really think that he's losing money? Well, anyone not working for the Houston Chronicle?
There is one improvement to MMP. The music wasn't as loud or as obnoxious. It wasn't blasting away during every spare moment. One could actually talk about the game. And it was a good game, one worth talking about. And speaking of talking, what's the point of having a PA announcer like Bob Ford, with an incredible voice, if the sound system's all fucked up and you can't understand half of what he says?
But I did learn a few things. For instance, did you know that Mike Lamb likes to do crossword puzzles? Well, the video crew put that up on the big screens. In the first inning. Never mind keeping up all of the stats because stats are a huge waste of time.
And what's with the cheerleaders on the dugout? Come on, Drayton. I know that you still haven't figured out baseball, but this ain't football. Okay? And if you're going to give us cheerleaders, then at least dress them like it. If you're going to do it, then do it right, damn it.
And, I think it was funny that, to pump up the crowd at the end of the game, that the video crew showed a clip from Rocky 6. This is funny, see, because I'm supposed to hate the chemically-enhanced Barry Bonds, who's trotting out to left field at the time of the clip, while, at the same time, I'm being told to cheer by a chemically-enhanced actor. I'd say they were going for irony here, but this is the Astros, and I know some of the people on that video crew, and I'm doubting that any of them caught the irony.
My favorite part of the game though had to be the top of the 12th inning when the Giants scored to go up 2-1. Only the big board in right field had the correct score, however. The auxiliary boards had a score of 3-1. But who am I to expect the scoreboard crew to get the correct score?
Then I hit Milwaukee's Miller Park on Saturday night. It's another state-of-the-art retractable roof stadium that also opened in 2001. But they screwed it up because it doesn't try to look like it's from the 1930s. And you know what, the video boards -- always stats. Even though there's a a big, main scoreboard right under the video screen, the screen also shows stats. They both show stats during the game. Just what are these people thinking? The stats are constantly updated -- during the game. But they don't understand some things because I never learned any trivia about the players, so I don't know if J.J. Hardy likes to do crossword puzzles.
And here's another about the Miller Park scoreboard that I really liked. They give the scoring for every play. Prince Fielder would be stepping into the box, and while most of the scoreboard, and all of the video board showed stats on Fielder, one corner of the main board told me what J.J. Hardy just did -- not that he grounded out, but that it went 5-3, so that if I missed the play because some idiot was standing up to get a beer, I would know what happened and could record the play on my score card. And not only do they put up errors on the line score, they tell you who made the error. I had to guess that Mike Lamb, on Thursday night, was the one who made an error in the 8th inning of the Astros game. I didn't have to guess about Prince Fielder's errors though, they put them on the board as soon as the scorer made the call. Then again, I didn't learn from the video board or scoreboard about Fielder spends his off-time.
Miller Park doesn't have all of the fancy angles. There's no 305 foot Crawford Box equivalent. There's no hill in center field, nor any flagpole that is in play. There's no stupid-ass choo-choo train either. There are lots of ads, but once again, the tackiness factor is missing. And, though the place is the size of MMP, it felt bigger, and smaller. Bigger in that I didn't feel crowded or lacking space, even though the place was sold out, and smaller in that I felt like I was on top of the action. Why, the food was even cheaper than at MMP. A brat, large drink, ice cream, and bag of peanuts was several dollars cheaper than at MMP.
Funny me, and I thought that the whole ballpark experience was supposed to include getting ripped-off at the concession stand.
The sound system was good, but the music wasn't too loud,and it definitely didn't play constantly. Either that Miller Park entertainment crew don't know what they're doing, or else the Brewers have figured out that the fans actually want to watch baseball.
Miller Park's only an average park. It's on par with Atlanta's Turner Field, only it has a roof. There are no fantastic views of the Milwaukee skyline. It's just a ballpark. That's the only reason that the stadium seems to exist.
I really wish the Astros people would come to this realization. We're just there to watch the game. We could care less about choo-choo trains and cheap home runs. We don't care if Mike Lamb does the crossword, but we'd really like to know who made the error.
Is that really too much to ask?
Oh, and there's one other thing that Miller Park has that the MMP doesn't, the Sausage Races.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
All Apologies, Again
I just want to apologize to everybody. I hope that you don't think that I've abandoned you. There have been lots of things that I've wanted to write, but I just haven't had the time.
I've been preparing all of the paper work to handle my dad's Medicaid application and interview, and I've been paying all of his bills, and setting up all of his doctor's appointments. And I've been working 11 hours days around that, trying to catch up on all of the billables that I've missed out on. I'm sure my friend Mike (if he's still coming around) can talk about the importance of billables.
I will have everyone know that I did take this weekend off, and that I tried to escape from everything. Even from the computer. I flew up to Milwaukee and caught the Brewers versus the Twins. I've got to say that it was great to be at a game that was packed with educated fans, though it was kind of strange that it looked like about 15,000 of the 40,000-plus fans were Twins fans. I did think that Miller Park was a nice facility, and I'll try to get a review up of it later this week.
And I went to the Astros-Giants game Thursday night. That was a good game. Especially if you're like me and you can really appreciate a game where both pitchers are on the top of the game and just toying with the batters. The final score was 2-1 Giants after 12 innings.
So, I hope that you all forgive me, and I'll try to write more later this week. Though I won't promise anything, because I don't want to make any promises that I might end up breaking.
P.S.: wish me luck, I meet the Medicaid people on Tuesday. If I screwed something up, then I'm fucked.
I've been preparing all of the paper work to handle my dad's Medicaid application and interview, and I've been paying all of his bills, and setting up all of his doctor's appointments. And I've been working 11 hours days around that, trying to catch up on all of the billables that I've missed out on. I'm sure my friend Mike (if he's still coming around) can talk about the importance of billables.
I will have everyone know that I did take this weekend off, and that I tried to escape from everything. Even from the computer. I flew up to Milwaukee and caught the Brewers versus the Twins. I've got to say that it was great to be at a game that was packed with educated fans, though it was kind of strange that it looked like about 15,000 of the 40,000-plus fans were Twins fans. I did think that Miller Park was a nice facility, and I'll try to get a review up of it later this week.
And I went to the Astros-Giants game Thursday night. That was a good game. Especially if you're like me and you can really appreciate a game where both pitchers are on the top of the game and just toying with the batters. The final score was 2-1 Giants after 12 innings.
So, I hope that you all forgive me, and I'll try to write more later this week. Though I won't promise anything, because I don't want to make any promises that I might end up breaking.
P.S.: wish me luck, I meet the Medicaid people on Tuesday. If I screwed something up, then I'm fucked.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
No, Don't Take My Blondie, Too
So, I'm driving home from dealing with my dad on Tuesday afternoon. It's about 1:00, so I switch over to my traffic and weather station to get some idea of the traffic, in case I need to detour -- it's Houston, there's always some wreck somewhere that has a freeway shut down.
Anyway, I hit the button early, and I hit the end of Rush Limbaugh -- it wasn't him, it was some substitute. Is Rush in rehab again?
But that's not the point. The point is that Rush ruined one of my favorite The Pretenders' songs by making "My City Was Gone" the song that leads into his show. Now, today, I hear Blondie's "Rapture" when the show comes out of a commercial break.
Leave my music alone. Go find some country hack to use as your music. Leave the good stuff alone.
Please.
Anyway, I hit the button early, and I hit the end of Rush Limbaugh -- it wasn't him, it was some substitute. Is Rush in rehab again?
But that's not the point. The point is that Rush ruined one of my favorite The Pretenders' songs by making "My City Was Gone" the song that leads into his show. Now, today, I hear Blondie's "Rapture" when the show comes out of a commercial break.
Leave my music alone. Go find some country hack to use as your music. Leave the good stuff alone.
Please.
Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter
Okay, it's been awhile. I'm sorry. But I do have life issues with which to deal on occasion.
That said, I couldn't help but notice that Jerry Falwell is dead.
Now, as hard as this might be to believe, as a kid, I went to Church. Every Sunday. I did the whole Sunday School and Church Service bit. And, you're going to find this even harder to believe, but I was raised as a Southern Baptist -- back in the good ole days when the only people who were more evil than atheists were the Catholics -- yep, I still remember going to Sunday School and hearing my Sunday School teacher telling jokes about nuns.
It's kind of funny how the Southern Baptists and Catholics have become good friends these past several years.
So, that said, perhaps all of you can understand my ambivalence about this whole religious thing. I actually think that there might be a God, but He/She's definitely not this thing that the Falwell's and the Robertson's, etc. have been telling us about.
Now, to the point of this post.
I don't go to Church anymore. I call myself agnostic and I side with those who don't want to force every school kid to say a prayer every morning. And I agree with all of those people who get pissed off every time some politician starts talking about how important God is to his/her life. And it really pisses me off every time some jock talks about how God was behind his game winning home run -- I tend to think that if God does exist, he's got more important things to do than to make sure Lance Berkman has a good ballgame.
To wrap this up, I don't know what will happen to me when I die. I'm really ambivalent about this whole life after death thing, and seeing my lack of faith, if something exists, I'll probably end up burning for eternity -- I think lawyers are automatically assigned to Hell as a general principal.
But, of this I'm pretty confident, if I do end up in Hell, Jerry Falwell's going to be keeping me company.
That said, I couldn't help but notice that Jerry Falwell is dead.
Now, as hard as this might be to believe, as a kid, I went to Church. Every Sunday. I did the whole Sunday School and Church Service bit. And, you're going to find this even harder to believe, but I was raised as a Southern Baptist -- back in the good ole days when the only people who were more evil than atheists were the Catholics -- yep, I still remember going to Sunday School and hearing my Sunday School teacher telling jokes about nuns.
It's kind of funny how the Southern Baptists and Catholics have become good friends these past several years.
So, that said, perhaps all of you can understand my ambivalence about this whole religious thing. I actually think that there might be a God, but He/She's definitely not this thing that the Falwell's and the Robertson's, etc. have been telling us about.
Now, to the point of this post.
I don't go to Church anymore. I call myself agnostic and I side with those who don't want to force every school kid to say a prayer every morning. And I agree with all of those people who get pissed off every time some politician starts talking about how important God is to his/her life. And it really pisses me off every time some jock talks about how God was behind his game winning home run -- I tend to think that if God does exist, he's got more important things to do than to make sure Lance Berkman has a good ballgame.
To wrap this up, I don't know what will happen to me when I die. I'm really ambivalent about this whole life after death thing, and seeing my lack of faith, if something exists, I'll probably end up burning for eternity -- I think lawyers are automatically assigned to Hell as a general principal.
But, of this I'm pretty confident, if I do end up in Hell, Jerry Falwell's going to be keeping me company.
Friday, May 11, 2007
What's A Few Boobs Amongst Friends?
Well, since I was just writing about a couple of boobs...
Earlier this week, I wrote about Houston's Sexually Oriented Business Law, which the city has spent quite a large amount of money defending.
Well, yesterday, the city sent certified letters to 124 of Houston's S.O.B.s, stating that the businesses were in violation of the code, and that they had to come into compliance, or shut down. NOW.
A couple of things. I find it interesting that the city waited for the Offshore Technology Conference -- one of the city's largest conventions -- to leave town before deciding to enact the ordinance, even though a judge gave the city approval to do so last month. (See, I think there is something to that bare boobs are one of the few reasons for visitors to come to this city argument, and that the city leaders wanted to cash in one last time).
Another thing, if you'll look closely at this list of the 124 businesses which received the letter, you'll note a very strange name at the bottom of the list: the downtown Houston Hyatt Regency Hotel. So, if you've got upcoming reservations for the Hyatt Regency, you might want to look into re-booking your trip.
And, one further irony: on Tuesday, the Texas House passed a bill, sponsored by a rep from Houston, to slap a five dollar tax on strip club door fees, with that money to go places that help victims of sexual assaults and sexual abuse. I guess that the rep forgot to coordinate things with the mayor, because this "windfall" just disappeared as fast as a dancer's top on the second song.
Earlier this week, I wrote about Houston's Sexually Oriented Business Law, which the city has spent quite a large amount of money defending.
Well, yesterday, the city sent certified letters to 124 of Houston's S.O.B.s, stating that the businesses were in violation of the code, and that they had to come into compliance, or shut down. NOW.
A couple of things. I find it interesting that the city waited for the Offshore Technology Conference -- one of the city's largest conventions -- to leave town before deciding to enact the ordinance, even though a judge gave the city approval to do so last month. (See, I think there is something to that bare boobs are one of the few reasons for visitors to come to this city argument, and that the city leaders wanted to cash in one last time).
Another thing, if you'll look closely at this list of the 124 businesses which received the letter, you'll note a very strange name at the bottom of the list: the downtown Houston Hyatt Regency Hotel. So, if you've got upcoming reservations for the Hyatt Regency, you might want to look into re-booking your trip.
And, one further irony: on Tuesday, the Texas House passed a bill, sponsored by a rep from Houston, to slap a five dollar tax on strip club door fees, with that money to go places that help victims of sexual assaults and sexual abuse. I guess that the rep forgot to coordinate things with the mayor, because this "windfall" just disappeared as fast as a dancer's top on the second song.
The Stupidest Person on the Face of the Earth: Sports Edition
Pop Quiz:
Question One: You're a defensive back for the Tennessee Titans. You've had a few off-the field legal scrapes, including some that you failed to inform your team, or the league of. You've also been involved in a very disturbing incident inside a Las Vegas strip-club over the NBA All-Star Weekend. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has summoned you to New York City for a little meeting. A little meeting in which you are probably going to be suspended without pay. You:
a. go straight to your hotel, and straight to bed. You want to convince the Commish that you're really a good guy, and you need to be well rested;
b. go straight to your hotel, where you meet with your agent and your lawyer so that you can prep for your meeting with the Commish;
c. go to a strip club because what's a few bare boobs among friends.
If you chose option "c," you are Pacman Jones, one of the stupidest men on the face of the earth.
Question Two: You are a former Heisman Trophy winning running back. You were a number one draft pick. You've been an All-Pro. You've quit on your team once, because you wanted to see the world and smoke pot. You've also been suspended multiple time for failing drug tests. You're just finishing a one-year suspension, and you've petitioned the NFL for reinstatement. You:
a. don't smoke cigarettes, let alone marijuana, because you know that you're going to have to take and pass a drug test in order to be reinstated;
b. follow your yoga ritual and put your mind at ease;
c. smoke some dope. What's a little weed between friends?
If you chose option "c," you're Ricky Williams, another one of the stupidest men on the face of the earth.
This has been a pop quiz. Hopefully, unlike Pacman and Ricky, you didn't fail.
Question One: You're a defensive back for the Tennessee Titans. You've had a few off-the field legal scrapes, including some that you failed to inform your team, or the league of. You've also been involved in a very disturbing incident inside a Las Vegas strip-club over the NBA All-Star Weekend. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has summoned you to New York City for a little meeting. A little meeting in which you are probably going to be suspended without pay. You:
a. go straight to your hotel, and straight to bed. You want to convince the Commish that you're really a good guy, and you need to be well rested;
b. go straight to your hotel, where you meet with your agent and your lawyer so that you can prep for your meeting with the Commish;
c. go to a strip club because what's a few bare boobs among friends.
If you chose option "c," you are Pacman Jones, one of the stupidest men on the face of the earth.
Question Two: You are a former Heisman Trophy winning running back. You were a number one draft pick. You've been an All-Pro. You've quit on your team once, because you wanted to see the world and smoke pot. You've also been suspended multiple time for failing drug tests. You're just finishing a one-year suspension, and you've petitioned the NFL for reinstatement. You:
a. don't smoke cigarettes, let alone marijuana, because you know that you're going to have to take and pass a drug test in order to be reinstated;
b. follow your yoga ritual and put your mind at ease;
c. smoke some dope. What's a little weed between friends?
If you chose option "c," you're Ricky Williams, another one of the stupidest men on the face of the earth.
This has been a pop quiz. Hopefully, unlike Pacman and Ricky, you didn't fail.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Oh, Fu...!
This is not good news. Hurricane season is still over three weeks away, and already they're starting. Any Clown readers want to give me a roof during a storm?
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
But Then Why Would Anyone Want to Come to Houston?
The Houston Chronicle is reporting today that the City of Houston has spent nearly $1.3 million in legal fees to outside lawyers in the city's battle against sexually oriented businesses -- topless bars, massage bars, adult bookstores, etc.
Since 1997.
There are several things that I want to focus on, but the first involves a comment by Mayor Bill White, when questioned by the Chronicle about these fees: "I would prefer that not people not litigate against lawful ordinances."
Now, I normally agree with Bill White -- he's a Democrat who managed to get elected to a major office in the GOPer hell that is Texas. But I've got to disagree here.
First, an ordinance is lawful just because it's approved by City Hall. There could be Constitutional concerns. Or it could be invalidated by state or federal law. It takes more than just an 8-7 vote by Houston's city counsel to make a law. Just as a 218-217 House vote and 50-50 Senate vote with Cheney tiebreaker and Bush signature doesn't necessarily make a bill a lawful law. That's one of the things that keeps the U.S. Supreme Court so damn busy.
And, in all fairness, White wasn't Houston's mayor in 1997. He was president and CEO of the Wedge Group at the time, so it's doubtful he was paying much attention to the battles over Houston's S.O.B. (sexually oriented business) law.
But I do remember. And I remember many attorneys telling various city lawmakers that the proposed ordinance was broad. And vague. And possibly unconstitutional. And those were attorneys working for the city of Houston. And it was passed anyway. So, the lawfulness of this ordinance isn't quite as obvious as he would have us believe.
The current focus of the lawsuit battle is a requirement that no S.O.B. can be located closer than 1500 feet to a school, a park, a daycare center, or a church. And you know, that makes some sense, I suppose. You don't want a bunch of pervs coming out of an adult bookstore and mingling with the kindergartners. And you don't want some of those pervs going to church to be tempted to hit the massage parlor on the way out of giving one's life to God.
Here's a slight little thing. The city's topless bars are creatures of the night. Some open up around lunch, but most are creatures of the night. A narrower, more reasonable regulation might have been to say that such establishments can only operate from 6 to 6 if they are within 1500 of a prohibited location. The city's solution is that the business must close and relocate. But there's a catch to that: even if a place lawfully moves to an area where it's allowed to operate, as soon as church happens to relocate to that same area, the S.O.B. is one again illegal. There is no grandfathering clause.
And yeah, I'm sure the massage parlors and adult bookstores aren't real nice. And maybe some of the people involved aren't nice people. But there are more than enough criminal laws on the books to handle these places -- hell, isn't that the reason for the existence of vice squads? And if a business is operating legally, why shouldn't it be allowed to stay at its location, especially if it was there long before a school, a church, a playground, or a daycare center?
S.O.B.s are legal in Texas if the proper laws are followed. The topless bars have to deal not only with vice issues, but have all kinds of licensing regulations to meet. And I know that some people find naked boobs to be kind of icky, but they're not illegal in the state of Texas -- well, not inside that is.
I'm sure that some people will make a decreased property value argument, but there are two responses: these places generally were either there first -- and the people moved to them -- or the area is in decline and property values are in the shitter anyway. And two of Houston's most popular topless bars, Treasures and The Men's Club, are located in Houston's Galleria area. And property values have definitely not decreased here -- if anything, with all of the building of high-priced residential and commercial property going on out there the past decade, property values have risen.
Also, if these places are closed, what are Houston's TV stations going to do during sweeps? Each station's always running stories on a topless club, or stories on the life of a topless dancer, or something during sweeps. And where are the fire and police guys going to go when trying to pad expense reports?
And there's one final reason why the city should just drop this matter. Have you ever been to Houston? I'm a native of Houston, and while I love things about it, there's really nothing to recommend about it expect for the lack of zoning, the lack of a state or local income tax, and cheap property. That's it. There's definitely no reason for tourists to come here. Charles Barkley once said that the only reasons to come to Houston were for the barbecue and the topless clubs. And I think the Chuckster nailed it.
And I remember when I was in school out in Sacramento back in the early-90s. Just about the only things that the guys knew about Houston were that the topless clubs were the best in the U.S.
If we run the S.O.B.s out of business, what reason is there going to be for any convention to come to this city? What can Houston can offer that can be offered in Miami? Or Las Vegas? Or New York? Or L.A.? Or San Francisco? Nothing.
And the city needs this tourist business because that's how the various sporting palaces are being paid. So, the city might end up being out of more than just $1.3 million in legal billing.
And, as I said, it's all so unnecessary because any of the problems that these establishments might be causing are easily solved by the vice laws. Otherwise, places that are operating legally will be punished.
And if gun owners can still lawfully go out and by AK-47s, why can't I go see the bare bouncing boobs at the local strip club -- yes, I have been a few times.
Since 1997.
There are several things that I want to focus on, but the first involves a comment by Mayor Bill White, when questioned by the Chronicle about these fees: "I would prefer that not people not litigate against lawful ordinances."
Now, I normally agree with Bill White -- he's a Democrat who managed to get elected to a major office in the GOPer hell that is Texas. But I've got to disagree here.
First, an ordinance is lawful just because it's approved by City Hall. There could be Constitutional concerns. Or it could be invalidated by state or federal law. It takes more than just an 8-7 vote by Houston's city counsel to make a law. Just as a 218-217 House vote and 50-50 Senate vote with Cheney tiebreaker and Bush signature doesn't necessarily make a bill a lawful law. That's one of the things that keeps the U.S. Supreme Court so damn busy.
And, in all fairness, White wasn't Houston's mayor in 1997. He was president and CEO of the Wedge Group at the time, so it's doubtful he was paying much attention to the battles over Houston's S.O.B. (sexually oriented business) law.
But I do remember. And I remember many attorneys telling various city lawmakers that the proposed ordinance was broad. And vague. And possibly unconstitutional. And those were attorneys working for the city of Houston. And it was passed anyway. So, the lawfulness of this ordinance isn't quite as obvious as he would have us believe.
The current focus of the lawsuit battle is a requirement that no S.O.B. can be located closer than 1500 feet to a school, a park, a daycare center, or a church. And you know, that makes some sense, I suppose. You don't want a bunch of pervs coming out of an adult bookstore and mingling with the kindergartners. And you don't want some of those pervs going to church to be tempted to hit the massage parlor on the way out of giving one's life to God.
Here's a slight little thing. The city's topless bars are creatures of the night. Some open up around lunch, but most are creatures of the night. A narrower, more reasonable regulation might have been to say that such establishments can only operate from 6 to 6 if they are within 1500 of a prohibited location. The city's solution is that the business must close and relocate. But there's a catch to that: even if a place lawfully moves to an area where it's allowed to operate, as soon as church happens to relocate to that same area, the S.O.B. is one again illegal. There is no grandfathering clause.
And yeah, I'm sure the massage parlors and adult bookstores aren't real nice. And maybe some of the people involved aren't nice people. But there are more than enough criminal laws on the books to handle these places -- hell, isn't that the reason for the existence of vice squads? And if a business is operating legally, why shouldn't it be allowed to stay at its location, especially if it was there long before a school, a church, a playground, or a daycare center?
S.O.B.s are legal in Texas if the proper laws are followed. The topless bars have to deal not only with vice issues, but have all kinds of licensing regulations to meet. And I know that some people find naked boobs to be kind of icky, but they're not illegal in the state of Texas -- well, not inside that is.
I'm sure that some people will make a decreased property value argument, but there are two responses: these places generally were either there first -- and the people moved to them -- or the area is in decline and property values are in the shitter anyway. And two of Houston's most popular topless bars, Treasures and The Men's Club, are located in Houston's Galleria area. And property values have definitely not decreased here -- if anything, with all of the building of high-priced residential and commercial property going on out there the past decade, property values have risen.
Also, if these places are closed, what are Houston's TV stations going to do during sweeps? Each station's always running stories on a topless club, or stories on the life of a topless dancer, or something during sweeps. And where are the fire and police guys going to go when trying to pad expense reports?
And there's one final reason why the city should just drop this matter. Have you ever been to Houston? I'm a native of Houston, and while I love things about it, there's really nothing to recommend about it expect for the lack of zoning, the lack of a state or local income tax, and cheap property. That's it. There's definitely no reason for tourists to come here. Charles Barkley once said that the only reasons to come to Houston were for the barbecue and the topless clubs. And I think the Chuckster nailed it.
And I remember when I was in school out in Sacramento back in the early-90s. Just about the only things that the guys knew about Houston were that the topless clubs were the best in the U.S.
If we run the S.O.B.s out of business, what reason is there going to be for any convention to come to this city? What can Houston can offer that can be offered in Miami? Or Las Vegas? Or New York? Or L.A.? Or San Francisco? Nothing.
And the city needs this tourist business because that's how the various sporting palaces are being paid. So, the city might end up being out of more than just $1.3 million in legal billing.
And, as I said, it's all so unnecessary because any of the problems that these establishments might be causing are easily solved by the vice laws. Otherwise, places that are operating legally will be punished.
And if gun owners can still lawfully go out and by AK-47s, why can't I go see the bare bouncing boobs at the local strip club -- yes, I have been a few times.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Cross Promotion
You can see more of my thoughts on Roger Clemens over at the Houston Press. Have fun.
The New Stupidest Man on the Planet Earth
Okay, I've been kind of busy lately, so I missed this when it happened. But I just can't let it go.
GOPer Presidential Candidate, Mitt Romney, has admitted that his favorite book is L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth. This is, quite possibly, one of the worst books ever written. And as someone who's read lots of sci-fi, I've read lots of awful crap.
L.Ron Hubbard, for those not in the know, is the father of Scientology, that little cult religion thing of which Tom Cruise is a member. And John Travolta. Battlefield Earth is also, quite possibly, one of the worst movies ever made. And as hard as it might be to believe, Oscar-winner Forrest Whitaker was actually in this movie.
But wait, it gets better. This weekend, he got off on some tangent about how the French only allow marriages to last for only 7-years. Which, of course, is wrong. Do you know where this mental giant got that "fact?" From a science fiction novel by Orson Scott Card.
And this guy wants to be president?
Hell, how did this guy ever get elected to the office of governor?
The sad thing: there are people who will vote for this guy. And you can believe he's locked up the Hollywood vote -- there's lots and lots of movie stars caught up in the whole Scientology scam.
And I'll give Mitt this much, at least we now know that he reads books. Which is a little something that we can't say about the current occupant in the White House.
GOPer Presidential Candidate, Mitt Romney, has admitted that his favorite book is L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth. This is, quite possibly, one of the worst books ever written. And as someone who's read lots of sci-fi, I've read lots of awful crap.
L.Ron Hubbard, for those not in the know, is the father of Scientology, that little cult religion thing of which Tom Cruise is a member. And John Travolta. Battlefield Earth is also, quite possibly, one of the worst movies ever made. And as hard as it might be to believe, Oscar-winner Forrest Whitaker was actually in this movie.
But wait, it gets better. This weekend, he got off on some tangent about how the French only allow marriages to last for only 7-years. Which, of course, is wrong. Do you know where this mental giant got that "fact?" From a science fiction novel by Orson Scott Card.
And this guy wants to be president?
Hell, how did this guy ever get elected to the office of governor?
The sad thing: there are people who will vote for this guy. And you can believe he's locked up the Hollywood vote -- there's lots and lots of movie stars caught up in the whole Scientology scam.
And I'll give Mitt this much, at least we now know that he reads books. Which is a little something that we can't say about the current occupant in the White House.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Breaking Houston Sports News
Well, of interest only to those of us in Houston, and New York City...
Roger Clemens announced that he is signing with the New York Yankees. And given Mr. Drama Queen's need for the spotlight, he made the announcement today, at Yankee Stadium, during the 7th-inning stretch of the Yankees-Mariners game, from owner George Steinbrenner's box.
From this Astros fan, I'd like to say, good fucking riddance.
Also, it's being reported out of New York that Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy is retiring. The Comical meanwhile, is stating that he's yet to make up it his mind. Being that most of the Houston sportswriter are more concerned with their radio shows, I'm thinking that the New York reports are more accurate regarding Van Gundy.
And, from this Rockets fan, I'd like to say, good fucking riddance to you, too.
Yes, I know, I never write about the Rockets. And that's because this team bores the hell out of me. The team, under Van Gundy, has played that 90s-style thug ball with scores in the 80s. It's a game in which the offense holds the ball for 22 seconds, then takes a 3-pointer -- often off the mark -- with 2 seconds left. And this kind of basketball just stinks. The NBA might think that it's ratings now stink because Jordan's retired, but the ratings stink because of this kind of basketball. The NBA started soaring in the ratings not with Jordan, but with Magic and Larry Bird and those Showtime Lakers and the Celtics scoring 120 points a game off of fast break after fast break with any member of the team capable of scoring 20 points a game, not just one guy.
That's why I'm pulling for the Phoenix Suns to win this year. This is a FUN team to watch. Fast break after fast break after fast break. And the NBA is a copy-cat league, if the Suns win, other teams will do that. At least that's what I'm hoping.
I've got no clue on who I would like to see coach the Rockets. I'd like to see someone new and fresh and not bedded to thug-ball. But, that said, Richard Justice doesn't want it to be Larry Brown. So, if Justice is against it, then I've got to be for Larry Brown. Frankly, while Brown ain't young or fresh, he's won in every place but with the New York Knicks. He got the Nets into the playoffs when he was there -- and this was when no one could coach the Nets to a winnng record. He took UCLA to the Final Four, and he took Kansas to the NCAA Championship. He coached the L.A. Clippers to the playoffs in the early-90s. He revived the Spurs. He revived the Pacers. With nothing but Allen Iverson, Brown coached the Sixers to the NBA Finals. He won a championship with the Pistons.
Yeah, I can understand why Justice doesn't want him here.
As for Clemens. It's obvious why he didn't sign with the Astros. There can only be one person associated with the Astros who has a God-complex. And since Jesus Ortiz has taken up that mantle, then there's just no way that Clemens is coming back. Only Rocket can play God.
Which is why it makes sense that he signed with the Yankees. The Yankees pitching staff is battered. Carl Pavano's out for the year with Tommy John surgery. Mussina's been injured. Wang's been injured. Hughes is out for a month. Pettitte's been battling problems with his back. Rocket's going to be the savior of this team.
It makes perfect sense. And I don't know why anyone would be surprised.
Roger Clemens announced that he is signing with the New York Yankees. And given Mr. Drama Queen's need for the spotlight, he made the announcement today, at Yankee Stadium, during the 7th-inning stretch of the Yankees-Mariners game, from owner George Steinbrenner's box.
From this Astros fan, I'd like to say, good fucking riddance.
Also, it's being reported out of New York that Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy is retiring. The Comical meanwhile, is stating that he's yet to make up it his mind. Being that most of the Houston sportswriter are more concerned with their radio shows, I'm thinking that the New York reports are more accurate regarding Van Gundy.
And, from this Rockets fan, I'd like to say, good fucking riddance to you, too.
Yes, I know, I never write about the Rockets. And that's because this team bores the hell out of me. The team, under Van Gundy, has played that 90s-style thug ball with scores in the 80s. It's a game in which the offense holds the ball for 22 seconds, then takes a 3-pointer -- often off the mark -- with 2 seconds left. And this kind of basketball just stinks. The NBA might think that it's ratings now stink because Jordan's retired, but the ratings stink because of this kind of basketball. The NBA started soaring in the ratings not with Jordan, but with Magic and Larry Bird and those Showtime Lakers and the Celtics scoring 120 points a game off of fast break after fast break with any member of the team capable of scoring 20 points a game, not just one guy.
That's why I'm pulling for the Phoenix Suns to win this year. This is a FUN team to watch. Fast break after fast break after fast break. And the NBA is a copy-cat league, if the Suns win, other teams will do that. At least that's what I'm hoping.
I've got no clue on who I would like to see coach the Rockets. I'd like to see someone new and fresh and not bedded to thug-ball. But, that said, Richard Justice doesn't want it to be Larry Brown. So, if Justice is against it, then I've got to be for Larry Brown. Frankly, while Brown ain't young or fresh, he's won in every place but with the New York Knicks. He got the Nets into the playoffs when he was there -- and this was when no one could coach the Nets to a winnng record. He took UCLA to the Final Four, and he took Kansas to the NCAA Championship. He coached the L.A. Clippers to the playoffs in the early-90s. He revived the Spurs. He revived the Pacers. With nothing but Allen Iverson, Brown coached the Sixers to the NBA Finals. He won a championship with the Pistons.
Yeah, I can understand why Justice doesn't want him here.
As for Clemens. It's obvious why he didn't sign with the Astros. There can only be one person associated with the Astros who has a God-complex. And since Jesus Ortiz has taken up that mantle, then there's just no way that Clemens is coming back. Only Rocket can play God.
Which is why it makes sense that he signed with the Yankees. The Yankees pitching staff is battered. Carl Pavano's out for the year with Tommy John surgery. Mussina's been injured. Wang's been injured. Hughes is out for a month. Pettitte's been battling problems with his back. Rocket's going to be the savior of this team.
It makes perfect sense. And I don't know why anyone would be surprised.
Friday, May 4, 2007
The Unconstitutional Constitution: Only In Texas
I wrote several months ago about the Texas House was debating a bill to strip citizenship rights from children of illegal aliens, even if the children were born in the States -- which according to a little thing called the U.S. Constitution makes them U.S. citizens.
Well, they're really debating this topic. The sponsor of the bill wants to strip away birthright citizenship, and, get this, he's wanting the state to pass his bill so that the U.S. Supreme Court will have to hear the issue.
That's right, this moron wants the U.S. Supreme Court to rule the Constitution of the United States unconstitutional.
Just when I don't think it's possible for the elected leaders of the my great state of Texas to get any stupider, something happens to change that.
Well, they're really debating this topic. The sponsor of the bill wants to strip away birthright citizenship, and, get this, he's wanting the state to pass his bill so that the U.S. Supreme Court will have to hear the issue.
That's right, this moron wants the U.S. Supreme Court to rule the Constitution of the United States unconstitutional.
Just when I don't think it's possible for the elected leaders of the my great state of Texas to get any stupider, something happens to change that.
The Messiah Has Returned
Okay, you know those bad car wrecks which you just have to stop and look at? Or that movie that's just so bad you have to keep watching to find what level of ineptitude to which it is going to sink?
That's where I am with Astros beat writer Jose de Jesus Ortiz. The guy's just such a complete and total hack that I just have to keep checking on the guy to see what new low to which he has stooped. And friends, I've pointed out lots and lots of low points from this hack. But today...
Today he reaches a new low in hackitude.
You'll remember that Ortiz was very upset with Tony La Russa, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the city of St. Louis after La Russa was arrested for drunk driving. Remember the illogical comment that La Russa was a hypocrite because he was a member of PETA and driving drunk.
And, you'll remember how I nailed Ortiz for offering support of Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez because he was a baseball fan from Houston.
Well, it gets worse, because, ladies and gentlemen, Ortiz says that if the Cardinals and the city of St. Louis would've just listened to him, Josh Hancock would've not died in the car wreck early last Sunday morning. Yes, I kid you not:
"It's sad today to know that Hancock might have been saved if he had received the right message.
"We tried to deliver that message, and we ended up with death threats from Cardinals fans last March, which is why we're under an alias here in St. Louis now." (emphasis mine)
That's right, Josh Hancock died because Ortiz's message was ignored.
Now, I've got an awful lot of problems with Ortiz, one of the main being that this guy has absolutely no credibility. But I'm not going to get into that now. Because, you see, I think the guy must be delusional.
His name's Jesus Ortiz, and I think that the guy really thinks that he's that Jesus. The Messiah. There's just no other way to explain it.
Update:
Oh, and Mike, the guy was once the Mets beat writer for the Newark Star Ledger.
That's where I am with Astros beat writer Jose de Jesus Ortiz. The guy's just such a complete and total hack that I just have to keep checking on the guy to see what new low to which he has stooped. And friends, I've pointed out lots and lots of low points from this hack. But today...
Today he reaches a new low in hackitude.
You'll remember that Ortiz was very upset with Tony La Russa, the St. Louis Cardinals, and the city of St. Louis after La Russa was arrested for drunk driving. Remember the illogical comment that La Russa was a hypocrite because he was a member of PETA and driving drunk.
And, you'll remember how I nailed Ortiz for offering support of Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez because he was a baseball fan from Houston.
Well, it gets worse, because, ladies and gentlemen, Ortiz says that if the Cardinals and the city of St. Louis would've just listened to him, Josh Hancock would've not died in the car wreck early last Sunday morning. Yes, I kid you not:
"It's sad today to know that Hancock might have been saved if he had received the right message.
"We tried to deliver that message, and we ended up with death threats from Cardinals fans last March, which is why we're under an alias here in St. Louis now." (emphasis mine)
That's right, Josh Hancock died because Ortiz's message was ignored.
Now, I've got an awful lot of problems with Ortiz, one of the main being that this guy has absolutely no credibility. But I'm not going to get into that now. Because, you see, I think the guy must be delusional.
His name's Jesus Ortiz, and I think that the guy really thinks that he's that Jesus. The Messiah. There's just no other way to explain it.
Update:
Oh, and Mike, the guy was once the Mets beat writer for the Newark Star Ledger.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
I Hate To Say I Told You So
...but I told you so.
You might remember that, several weeks ago, I went off on Astros beat writer Jose de Jesus Ortiz for a particularly stupid story -- yeah, I know, what else is new.
This particularly stupid story dealt with how shortstop Adam Everett, at age 30, had finally learned how to hit a baseball. At that time, Everett was in the midst of a 7-game hitting streak, was hitting .292, with 1 homer and 2 RBI.
I thought that 8 games was a bit soon to be writing this story. I thought that he should give Everett some time and see how he's doing come July or August. I was pretty sure that the results were going to be different.
Well, I didn't have to wait that long. Coming into tonight's game against the Reds, Everett was batting .217 with 1 HR and 6 RBI. And his average has only gone down because Everett grounded into a double play with 2 men on base to end the first inning.
So, I hate to say I told you so, but...I told you so.
Update:
He's now 0 for 3. Somehow, I don't think Ortiz is going to be writing a story explaining how he got it so wrong.
You might remember that, several weeks ago, I went off on Astros beat writer Jose de Jesus Ortiz for a particularly stupid story -- yeah, I know, what else is new.
This particularly stupid story dealt with how shortstop Adam Everett, at age 30, had finally learned how to hit a baseball. At that time, Everett was in the midst of a 7-game hitting streak, was hitting .292, with 1 homer and 2 RBI.
I thought that 8 games was a bit soon to be writing this story. I thought that he should give Everett some time and see how he's doing come July or August. I was pretty sure that the results were going to be different.
Well, I didn't have to wait that long. Coming into tonight's game against the Reds, Everett was batting .217 with 1 HR and 6 RBI. And his average has only gone down because Everett grounded into a double play with 2 men on base to end the first inning.
So, I hate to say I told you so, but...I told you so.
Update:
He's now 0 for 3. Somehow, I don't think Ortiz is going to be writing a story explaining how he got it so wrong.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
200 Hundred Down...
This, folks, is my 200th posting. I hope for a lot more. I'm trying to get back on a regular posting schedule, so I hope that you will stick around.
Thanks,
The Clown
Thanks,
The Clown
A Feel-Good Story
Yes, folks, even I can do syrupy feel-good stories. Though hopefully mine's not as bad as what the hacks at the Chronicle crank out. So, for anyone who's interested, here's a little story on Cincinnati Reds rookie outfield Josh Hamilton.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
My Astros Progress Report
It's not very good. And it's over at the Houston Press, so go check it out. And don't forget, check out the rest of the Press blogging. I know that they appreciate it.
An Explanation for the Post Below
Okay, before anybody jumps down my throat, yes, it is a horrible thing that Josh Hancock died. And I don't care how he dies, the Cardinals should be allowed to mourn how they wish.
My problem is with Jesus Ortiz, the Astros beat writer. How this moron got a job as a sportswriter I can't understand. Now, I understand that he used to be a beat writer for the Mets, and I think he worked for Newsday -- Mike, if you're still reading the blog, do you remember this idiot? But it appears that he's working the Astros beat because he's from Houston.
Ortiz, to be polite, is a hack. This season, I've learned about his hatred for drunk drivers and about how the fans of St. Louis are hypocrites for supporting Tony LaRussa. I've also learned that, despite what Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez might have done, he deserves the unwavering support of his friends, and that those friends who don't support him are hypocrites. I've gotten numerous Lance Berkman religious updates. Plus, there are the Touched By An Angel moments involving Craig Biggio and Josh Hancock's death.
The thing about this is, that none of this involves his assignment, which is covering the Astros and writing about baseball.
But, what really bugs me is that the guy is a management stooge. What Astros management tells him, he writes. And he writes it as gospel. Frankly, I'm surprised that former Astros GM Gerry Hunsicker hasn't sued him for defamation (yes, I know that Hunsicker that would lose the suit -- I'm the one that taught you guys defamation law). But there's been no excuse for some of the stuff that he's written, and what he wrote about Hunsicker probably cost Hunsicker the GM's job with the Phillies -- another reason that the Phillies deserve to lose, along with not hiring Jim Leyland.
I understand the sense of loss that the Hancock family, and the Cardinals, are feeling. I just wish that Ortiz wouldn't try to make it about himself, especially since Hancock's death appears to have been caused by the one thing that Ortiz despises above all else -- drunk driving.
Bias Alert:
I have to state that I know the second Astros beat writer, Brian McTaggart, with whom I used to work on the Astrodome scoreboard. I think Brian is one of the best writers that the Chronicle has, and I think it's disgusting that he has to be the second teamer while this hack dos most of the work. But, I would feel the same away about Ortiz whether Brian was there or not. There's probably plenty of sports writers across the country who are just as bad, I just don't know them.
Also, I doubt that Brian's even heard of, much less read, this blog.
My problem is with Jesus Ortiz, the Astros beat writer. How this moron got a job as a sportswriter I can't understand. Now, I understand that he used to be a beat writer for the Mets, and I think he worked for Newsday -- Mike, if you're still reading the blog, do you remember this idiot? But it appears that he's working the Astros beat because he's from Houston.
Ortiz, to be polite, is a hack. This season, I've learned about his hatred for drunk drivers and about how the fans of St. Louis are hypocrites for supporting Tony LaRussa. I've also learned that, despite what Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez might have done, he deserves the unwavering support of his friends, and that those friends who don't support him are hypocrites. I've gotten numerous Lance Berkman religious updates. Plus, there are the Touched By An Angel moments involving Craig Biggio and Josh Hancock's death.
The thing about this is, that none of this involves his assignment, which is covering the Astros and writing about baseball.
But, what really bugs me is that the guy is a management stooge. What Astros management tells him, he writes. And he writes it as gospel. Frankly, I'm surprised that former Astros GM Gerry Hunsicker hasn't sued him for defamation (yes, I know that Hunsicker that would lose the suit -- I'm the one that taught you guys defamation law). But there's been no excuse for some of the stuff that he's written, and what he wrote about Hunsicker probably cost Hunsicker the GM's job with the Phillies -- another reason that the Phillies deserve to lose, along with not hiring Jim Leyland.
I understand the sense of loss that the Hancock family, and the Cardinals, are feeling. I just wish that Ortiz wouldn't try to make it about himself, especially since Hancock's death appears to have been caused by the one thing that Ortiz despises above all else -- drunk driving.
Bias Alert:
I have to state that I know the second Astros beat writer, Brian McTaggart, with whom I used to work on the Astrodome scoreboard. I think Brian is one of the best writers that the Chronicle has, and I think it's disgusting that he has to be the second teamer while this hack dos most of the work. But, I would feel the same away about Ortiz whether Brian was there or not. There's probably plenty of sports writers across the country who are just as bad, I just don't know them.
Also, I doubt that Brian's even heard of, much less read, this blog.
Hypocrite, Thy Name Is Jesus Ortiz
Yesterday, I pointed out this little tidbit that was released by the Astros beat writer, Jesus Ortiz.
I return to this because of one reason, it now appears that Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock may have been drunk when he crashed his rented SUV into a wrecker and died.
Now, we all know how Ortiz feels about drunk drivers, so what I want to know is, is Ortiz going to put his money where his mouth is, or is he going to play the sniveling cowardly hypocrite that I think that he is.
I'm put my money on sniveling cowardly hypocrite.
I return to this because of one reason, it now appears that Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock may have been drunk when he crashed his rented SUV into a wrecker and died.
Now, we all know how Ortiz feels about drunk drivers, so what I want to know is, is Ortiz going to put his money where his mouth is, or is he going to play the sniveling cowardly hypocrite that I think that he is.
I'm put my money on sniveling cowardly hypocrite.
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