The Case For Stripping

I came across this story earlier today about a new government-mandated plan to ease student loan repayment burdens. Primarily, if you have a change in income status -- like the fucking bastards you work for laying you off so they keep their fancy Park Avenue apartments -- you may be able to qualify for a new income-adjusted payment plan which would mean lower monthly payments.

Now I'm not sure if this will help me out or not. I've already consolidated together all of my law school loans, and I took every known deferment known to man the last time I was out of a work, which happened to be about a decade ago. And what I learned is that it doesn't help too much, since the bastards keep adding on the interest. But I suppose I'll look into it. No matter what happens, though, it looks as if I'm stuck paying off these bastards for at least another decade, as part of the program is that, after 25 years of payment, the loans are forgiven, whether they're paid off, or not.

And that's definitely not going to help me out any, because, well when I consolidated all of my loans, I went on an extended, 25-year payment plan, of which I'm now in year 15. So, yeah, come 10 years from now, I should have the loans paid off.

But that's not the main reason I write, my loan payment problems, I write for another reason. I write to all of you kids just getting ready to enter college, or to go to graduate school. I write with advice. DON'T GET ANY STUDENT LOANS!

IT'S NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!

I don't care how you do it. Just don't get the loans.

I was talking about this with an old professor of mine the other day, who is still a professor. And I was bitching about my loans. And I mentioned that I happened to know a woman who actually paid for school by stripping -- I mean, the cliche was actually true, and I know because I helped her with a lot of her school work. For a business major, she wrote a lot of damn papers. She finished school with no loan debt. She got a decent job -- not one paying lots of money, but a decent one in her line of study that came with benefits -- and she doesn't strip anymore, and apparently, she's got no use for me anymore, either. And my old professor said she had a couple of her students who did this, as well.

So where am I going with this, well, stripping's not illegal, so ladies, if you can make money at it, do it. Trust me, it's a lot better to get out of school with no massive debt than to be stuck paying the damn things off for most of your working life. And we talked, and we decided this. Whatever you have to do to avoid getting these damn loans, do it. Strip. Sell drugs. Prostitution. Bookie. Scam the rich trust fund brats out of their tuition money. It doesn't matter what. Just do it.

Trust me on this. You'll be better off in the long run.

You don't want to end up like me, a bitter, broken down, bastard in his mid-40s who is nowhere near close to paying off his student loans and whose life is virtually destroyed. And hey, if you're damn church doesn't like the thought of you stripping or selling drugs, then tell them to pay your damn tuition, otherwise, they can shut the fuck up. After all, your damn pastor ain't going to be the one stuck paying off your damn tuition for the next three decades. That'll be you.