It's A Thin Line

It's kind of video day here at the CVC because I'm running errands all day, and I'm going to a concert tonight. I've got some legit content down below with the Aeros story from last night, but otherwise, you're going to have to be content with videos.

That said, I'm seeing the great Chrissie Hynde and The Pretenders tonight at the House of Blues. It's supposed to be a mix of the new album, which I like, some of the band's greatest hits, and so-called deep cuts. So I'm excited.

But one of the songs that has supposedly been left off of the set list, just happens to be one of my favorites The Pretenders songs of all-time. So I'm going to show a video of the band performing it in concert nearly 25 years ago instead.

Here's The Pretenders with "Thin Line Between Love And Hate."

Stuck In Traffic

The Aeros have two more games this weekend. Tonight they're in the Quad Cities. Tomorrow night, they're in Milwaukee. So, per Rob's request, here's Traffic's "Rock N Roll Stew."

Note, this is the best I could find.

Cashing It In: Aeros Quit And Lose To Rockford 6-1

I’m not really sure of what to say about tonight’s 6-1 Houston Aeros loss to the Rockford IceHogs before 6375 fans at Toyota Center. So I’ll just let coach Kevin Constantine do the talking.

“But the way the third period went was not surprising at all, to us, based on the way the first two went.” Or how about this. “We weren’t sharp at all.” Or “there was no real explanation.” But my favorite Constantine quote has to be this: “We just cashed it in at the end, which is not good. I think we had three games where our team cashed it in this year…once it got 4-1, we quit.”

As is usual for the Aeros when they get more than three days off, they came out like crap in the first period. The only reason the score was tied at 0-0 after the first was the play of goalie Nolan Schaefer. And there were two reasons the score was tied 1-1 after two periods. First there was a pretty play at 10:03 where defenseman Paul Albers split the Rockford defense and buried the puck to tie the score. The second reason was the play of goalie Nolan Schaefer.

Unfortunately for the Aeros, Nolan Schaefer decided to join his teammates, and he took the third period off, allowing Rockford to score five goals, the first one coming just seven seconds into the period. Mitch Love tried to get some life into the game, but not even his four minute double minor for roughing at 5:06 of the third or his five minute penalty for fighting at 11:06 could bring any life to this team tonight.

I don’t think that there’s much more I can add. The game was a disaster. The Aeros once again had a multi-day break and failed to arrive for the game. Just the same old, some old. Except for Constantine saying they quit. He doesn’t say that too often. But this time, it was pretty damn apt.

With the loss, the Aeros dropped to fourth place in the AHL West Division with a record of 28-22-1-8 (65 points). Chicago moved into third at 32-27-2-1 (67 points), and Rockford is now second at 31-24-0-5 (67 points). The Aeros play the Quad City Flames in Quad Cities on Saturday, then take on the Milwaukee Admirals in Milwaukee on Sunday afternoon.

SOME MISCELLANEOUS GAME NOTES:

Some of you might have noticed that Kevin Constantine pulled Nolan Schaefer at the 7:08 mark of the third period right after Rockford scored to go up 3-1. And some of you might have noticed that Barry Brust then left the game at the 11:47 mark of the third. And if you were really paying attention, you might have noticed that Brust hopped off of the ice then went down the tunnel.

Brust injured a foot during his short time on the ice and was unable to push off. Constantine’s not sure of the severity of the injury, yet, but he did say the team would probably be calling Anton Khudobin up to the team tomorrow.

*********************
Some of you might also have noticed the plus/minus number for defenseman Brandon Rogers, which was a -19 coming into the game tonight, and got only worse. Constantine, too, has noticed this, as has Rogers.

“No one’s probably thought about that more than Brandon,” Constantine said. “At a point of the season he thought about it too much. And the stat itself became something that occupied him so much mentally that he was making life worse for himself. The good news is that he’s gotten over that number. And he doesn’t stare at it anymore.”

The problem, according to Constantine, is that Rogers started the season playing with a shoulder on which he’d just had surgery, so he changed his style of play a bit to protect the shoulder. That caused bad play which caused his plus/minus to start looking bad. And then Rogers started noticing the number, which got to affecting his play, and turned it into a mind thing.

But Constantine thinks his play has started turning around.

*********************
Speaking of injuries, Benoit Pouliot was scratched because of a groin strain. He’s currently day-to-day, but Constantine thinks that it is doubtful he will be able to play this weekend.

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There were some strange things that happened tonight, besides Rockford’s five-goal third period. For instance, Mitch Love was out on the ice for a first period Aeros power play opportunity. And the team’s one goal came from Paul Albers, who scored his second goal of the season. The assist was from John Scott, for his second assist of the season. And out with them was the line of Mitch Love, Jason Ryznar, and Matt Kassian. So after last night, that group has a grand total of nine goals and 13 assists on the season.

And Rockford’s first third period goal, which came at the seven second mark, was the fastest that a goal has ever been scored on the Aeros to start a period.

********************
Another first for the game came when the Aeros honored one of the Lady Dynamic as the Dynamic of the game. This was the first time this season that one of the Dynamics has been so honored with her photo on the video board and her name spoken by the PA guy. Some quick thinking in the press box by Heather Galindo, Ms. Conduct herself, noted that this was probably because there are 12 Dynamics, and there were 12 games left. So we’ll probably be seeing this the rest of the season.

And I’m pretty sure that if I don’t mention this Mr. Andrew Ferraro will be upset with me, so…

Not only did Ferraro call the time of the IceHogs of the first goal, he also counted us down to the shot.

*******************
I’m not really sure what video to play that really fits what happened tonight. But since I’m seeing The Pretenders tomorrow night, and since I’m really looking forward to seeing the great Chrissie Hynde, how about I try playing The Pretenders “Back On The Chain Gang.”

The Pretenders - New Music - More Music Videos

Sex Sells -- The Evil Elle Edition

I had a video from Flight of the Conchords this morning, so for sex sells, I thought I would hit the SI Swimsuit archives for a woman representing Australia, because, as all Conchord fans know, Australia is evil. So here is the evil Elle Macpherson.

I Wish I Were Joking

There were many who probably read my Houston Press post this morning and thought that I was joking -- I took to the Press to sign Jeff Garcia so that Mrs. Garcia would come here -- when I said that the Texans would probably sign Denver Broncos backup QB Patrick Ramsey because Gary Kubiak has hot flashes whenever a former Bronco is available for the team.

I only wish I had been joking.

According to the Houston Chronicle, "The first unrestricted free agent to visit the Texans' offices is quarterback Patrick Ramsey." And in his blog, the Chron's John McClain expresses surprise at this development. I don't know why McClain is surprised, however. Kubiak played and coached for the Broncos. It seems as if most of his coaching staff has ties to the Denver Broncos. And Kubiak goes out of his way to sign Denver Bronco rejects to the squad.

This should really surprise nobody. And the fact that the Chron's lead Texans writer is surprised by this just goes to show how out of touch the Chron really is.

(Updated & Invalidated) They're Just Not That Into You

UPDATED: Apparenly, Mr. Tejada has had a change of heart and will play for the Dominican team after all.

ORIGINAL:

Miguel Tejada announced the other day that he will not be playing baseball for the Dominican Republic World Baseball Classic team this season. He's doing this, we're told by Houston Astros manager Cecil Cooper, because he wants to stay in camp and work on his defense and his play with the Houston Astros.

There's also a brief mention that Tejada would be playing out of position because the Dominican Republic wants him playing at first base and not shortstop. So Tejada, being the crybaby that he is, refused to play. The story also doesn't tell you who the Dominicans are planning to play at shortstop in place of Tejada.

So I thought that I would share this with you.

It seems that also on the Dominican Republic roster at the shortstop position are Jose Reyes of the New York Mets and Hanley Ramirez of the Florida Marlins. Yep, that's right, aging steroid criminal Miguel Tejada was shoved over to first base so that two of the best shortstops in baseball could play their instead.

Tejada wants us to think it's so he can concentrate on preparing for this season with the Astros. But it's because he's a crybaby who's upset that he can't play at shortstop.

Took A Bus Out Of Town

Ms. Conduct, I know you like the Flight of the Conchords, but that you haven't seen any of the current season. So I thought I would play this video for you, from their best episode of the season. It's also, I think, one of the best songs they've ever done.

For the curious, the episode, and the video, were directed by Michel Gondry, one of the revolutionary video directors of the 90s, and the director "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." So here are the Flight of the Conchords with "Carol Brown/Choir of Ex Girlfriends."

Sex Sells -- The Bar Edition

For today's edition of sex sells, I give you another photo of this year's SI Swimsuit Cover Girl, Bar Refaeli.

Jeff Garcia, Houston Texans Backup QB -- Please Make This Happen

I've got a request to make of the Houston Texans. You're supposed to be trading Sage Rosenfels tomorrow, which means you're going to be in the market for a new backup quarterback. Well, I have a suggestion for that QB.

Why not give Jeff Garcia a try? Huh? He's a proven winner, having led the 49ers, the Eagles, and the Bucs to the playoffs. Unlike Matt Schaub, he's a tough bastard who can take a beating. Sure, I know he's about to turn 39, and I know that he actually wants to be a starting QB, but damn, please...

Sign Jeff Garcia. If just that we can get a glimpse of Mrs. Jeff Garcia sitting in the stands. Please.



And you can find a very not safe for work image of Mrs. Garcia from her Playboy centerfold days by clicking here.

Flight of the Wiigs

So I finally got around to watching this week's "Flight of the Conchords," and well, after last week's, this one was rather disappointing. And I've got a special favor to ask of the people out there...

Enough with Kristen Wiig already. "Saturday Night Live" already uses her way too damn much, and everywhere else I see her used seems to use her for exactly the same type of role. I like Kristen Wiig. I do. I think she's funny. I think she's attractive. But really, isn't there some other attractive women with comedy talent out there that you can use?

Charlie Crist Screws Around With The Astros and Mike Hampton Ain't Happy

You know, if a frigging politician can't show up in time for a baseball game, then don't hold the damn game up. The people who come to see the game don't give a damn about frigging politicians, they're there to see baseball.

Of course the fans aren't really something that Drayton McLane gives a damn about.

If you're wondering what I'm bitching about, well...

The Astros spring training opener was supposed to start at 12:05 Houston time yesterday. And Mike Hampton was pitching, and he's got a bit of an injury history, so it's not really good to go about screwing around with his pregame routines. But Florida governor Charlie Crist was supposed to throw out the first pitch. And he was running late. Instead of finding someone else, they decided to hold off the start of the game. Which screwed around with Hampton's routine.

Crist finally got his act together and arrived about 15 minutes late.

Mike Hampton wasn't happy: "They said, 'the governor's running late so we'll start at 1:20,'" Hampton said after throwing two scoreless innings. "I was like, 'I don't care if he's running late. Let him pitch the third inning.' Don't mess with my game plan. We're here to play baseball."

But who cares about Hampton and the fans. Charlie Crist got to stop all action so that he could throw out the first pitch for a meaningless spring training baseball game.

I'm Sleeping, And Right In The Middle Of A Good Dream

I've been kind of serious with the music the past couple of days, so I thought I would lighten things up a bit. And I've been seeing some commercial the past couple of days that's been using some Partridge Family song. I couldn't remember which song, but it got me in a certain mood. So...

Here's The Partridge Family with "I Think I Love You." Oh, and guys, Shirley Partridge, MILF. Right?

Shocking Baseball Injury News

Here's a shocking baseball news flash...

Kerry Wood is injured. Yes, you saw the right, the iron man that is Kerry Wood is injured.

This time out, Wood, who is the new closer for the Cleveland Indians, is suffering from a sore back, and he hasn't thrown since the weekend and isn't expected to throw again for a few more days.

The 31-year-old is known for his injury history with the Chicago Cubs where, in 11 seasons, he took 12 trips to the disabled list. He was forced to move to the bullpen because of continuous arm problems.

The Indians signed him to a two-year, $20.5 million contract over the off-season.

Sex Sells -- The Dodgers Dodged Brooklyn Edition

Looking at Brooklyn Decker, it's kind of hard to believe that the Dodgers left Brooklyn for Los Angeles. But I guess that Andy Roddick's not to upset about that. So here's Ms. Decker from this year's SI Swimsuit Edition. (And yes, I'm not really sure where the swimsuit is, either.)

Bo Knows Banking?

I was always a huge fan of Bo Jackson, who I thought would become one of the best baseball and football players of all time. And I thought the NIKE ad campaigns set around Bo Jackson were some of the best ever.

Who can forget the whole "Bo Knows..." bit.



So imagine my surprise to discover the other day that Bo Jackson is now a banker. Yep, Bo knows banking because, apparently, he's opening a bank. And with the way the banking industry is going now, Bo better know his banking. Apparently, he does know just about everything else, so maybe it won't be a problem.



But to get serious for a moment. Man, was Bo something. Remember how he exposed Brian Bosworth as a fraud? He was a power runner who could break big runs. And in baseball, he could hit for power, could run the bases, he had a cannon of an arm in the outfield, and there wasn't a ball that he couldn't track down in center. If the guy doesn't injure his hip in a football game, I really believe he might have turned out to be one of the greatest players of all time in both sports.

I don't really know how well Bo Jackson knew all of those other sports, but damn, he knew football, and he knew baseball. And I want to wish* him good luck with the banking business, as well.

*as if Bo Jackson really gives a damn about what I think.

My 25 Random Facts About The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo

As some of you might know, I'm not too big of a fan of the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo. And as some of you might be aware, that dislike aside, I worked the event for many years as a member of the Astrodome in-house video crew.

So today, with the rodeo coming, I've decided to give my 25 Random Facts About the Rodeo. You can find the list over at the mothership.

Come On And Save Me

Since I did Michael Penn "No Myth" yesterday, I thought I would go with his wife Aimee Mann today. So here she is with one of her songs for P.T. Anderson's film "Magnolia." So, Aimiee Mann with "Save Me."

Sex Sells -- The Daniella Edition

Today's SI Swimsuit model is Ms. Daniella Sarahyba.

Just Another Of The Many Things I Don't Understand

I don't get it. Honestly, I just don't get it.

Barry Bonds is supposed to be the worst person on the planet. His teammates didn't like him. His coaches didn't like him. The fans and the press and the other players didn't like him. He's supposed to be everything that is wrong about baseball.

And he's supposed to be going on trial for perjury next week. After over five years of investigations that nearly ruined the careers of Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield, Barry Bonds is finally supposed to be going on trial. Yet he might walk, because his trainer, Greg Anderson, won't rat him out.

I've read all of the books about Bonds. I've read about how he treated his friends. His family. His teammates. No one likes Barry Bonds. But Greg Anderson won't rat him out. And if Anderson doesn't rat out Bonds, then most of the case that the Feds think that they might have Bonds will get tossed because the only person who can offer supporting testimony for the evidence is Greg Anderson.

Andy Pettitte spilled all of the beans on Roger Clemens within seconds, seemingly. But Anderson has done jail time instead of telling the Feds what they want to know about Bonds. And he might be doing jail time again.

Barry Bonds might be walking because Greg Anderson won't talk. I've got no problem with that. The Feds have screwed up this case from the beginning, and they should never have brought chargers without being able to prove up a case without Anderson. But I don't understand why Greg Anderson won't talk. After all, if Barry Bonds is so damn evil, then why won't he talk?

I don't get it. I just don't get it. But maybe, just maybe, Barry Bonds isn't that bad of a guy after all. Maybe somebody actually likes him. Why else would Greg Anderson be willing to go to jail for the guy?

What If I Was Heathcliff, It's No Myth

I had no idea what to do for the video jukebox today. I've had no recent requests. I wasn't on a theme of any kind. And I was watching TV last night, and I'd just finished watching "House," which I had DVRed, and I come out onto the end of some nonsense called "Medium." I've never watched it, but I stick with it because it's the very end and they're playing some song that sounds like it's Aimee Mann, and I like Aimee Mann, but I start free associating and...

Do you know that Aimee Mann is married to Michael Penn, the brother of Sean Penn. And do any of you remember that Michael Penn had a huge hit in the late-80s with a song called "No Myth"? I don't even have this song on my iPod, but I heard Aimee Mann, started free associating, and suddenly I'm singing "No Myth." Which got me to trying to find the video on YouTube, but it's not there -- lots of bad covers of it are there, but not the original.

But the MTV website, of all places has it. So, enjoy Michael Penn and "No Myth." (Oh, excuse the short commercial at the start.)

Michael Penn - New Music - More Music Videos

Penn went on to release several albums, though never hitting the big success front again. He's scored several P.T. Anderson films, most famously "Boogie Nights" in which he also appears as the poor engineer Nick stuck trying to record Dirk Diggler's single.

About That 2-1 Aeros Win Over Iowa

If you read the comments to my post on Saturday's game, then you'll notice that there was a discussion of two Iowa goals that were supposedly disallowed. Technically, it's my understanding that a goal can't be disallowed if it's never allowed, and never did the goal light go on for Iowa to have a goal disallowed.

Now there was a play in the first period where it looked like Iowa might have got a goal as one of their players was when in the process of taking a shot as he slid into Nolan Schaefer and the net. From our angle in the press box, we couldn't tell one way or the other, and the replay didn't help any. I know Iowa disputed the play, but the goal judge said no goal and the ref stated that he had blown the play dead.

I didn't ask Schaefer about this play because, well, by the end of the game, I had forgotten. So I checked with someone I knew who definitely had a better view than I did. And Mr. Fred checked his camera.

This is the best photo that he has of the play.


The puck can't be seen, but it appears that it must have gotten into the goal. Why they didn't call it a goal, I'm not sure. But I'll go with explanation from the PA guy that he got from the ref: no goal because he'd blown the play dead.

And once again, can we just say great work with the camera there Fred.

Sex Sells -- The Semi-Oscar Edition

Okay, last night's Academy Awards had to be among the worst in history. So I'm getting away from the current SI Swimsuit Issue and going to the archives because, while Hugh Jackman may never do a movie again, that doesn't mean we can't showcase one of his co-stars from the X-Men movies. So here's Rebecca Romijn.

Wall-E Rules

I'm a movie fan. I don't see as many movies as I used to -- I used to see just about every damn movie that came out, but I've seen too much bad stuff to do that anymore. For the first time in several years, I actually saw all of the movies that were nominated for the Best Picture Academy Award.

Of the five that were nominated, Slumdog Millionaire was definitely the best of the bunch. I've actually seen it twice, and the joy of the movie, the Dickens-type plot twists, still surprise. The cast of unknowns is good. And Danny Boyle is quick becoming one of my favorite directors -- every film I've seen the guy does has been different from the last. He doesn't repeat himself. Each film of his has been in a different genre -- horror, mystery, sci-fi, romance, contemporary, etc. And he's nailed it with about every film.

The best film of the year, however, was Wall-E, and I fail to understand just exactly how it is the Pixar films are always treated as being not worthy of a big award. It was more original, more entertaining, more engrossing, than just about any of the nominated films. Wall-E just happened to be the movie that Continental was showing each way across the Atlantic on my vacation trips in November. I'd seen it in the theater, and I watched it a whole bunch of times on those flights, and I've yet to tire of it.

I thought Sean Penn was good in Milk, but I really thought Mickey Rourke was deserving for The Wrestler. Nice to see Kate Winslet finally get her Oscar.

And I don't think I'm alone in saying that that had to have been one of the worst Oscar ceremonies of all time. Hugh Jackman was awful. And what was with that Jedi Council thing for the acting nominees. I don't know about you, but instead of listening to five former winners talk about each of the nominees, I would have preferred to actually see clips from the nominated performances. But maybe that's just me.

Jai Ho Everybody

For those who didn't see Slumdog Millionare, here is the final credit sequence as scored by the film's composer, A.R. Rahman, who also wrote the song, "Jai Ho."

A Note About That Kassian Misconduct Penalty Last Night

I know what I wrote about Matt Kassian's ten minute misconduct penalty for inciting last night. And I was wrong. So sorry about that.

Here's the thing. We don't see everything that happens. So I saw a scrum at the net. I saw Mitch Love trapped in a headlock at one moment. I saw Jason Ryznar down there. So I assumed that, since Kassian was part of that line, he was on the ice when things started.

That's wrong.

According to my sources, who got it from Mr. Kassian himself, the entire line change hadn't been made yet, so Kassian was still on the bench when things got started. So he came out for the scrum. Which made him the sixth man on the ice. And as we saw with Matt Foy a couple of weeks ago, we know what's supposed to happen to the first guy who comes off of the bench for a fight. Luckily, there wasn't a fight. It appears that the ref used some discretion and didn't kick Kassian out of the game. And probably, if Kassian hadn't have done his little thing with the glove and tried to start a fight, there would have been no penalty on Kassian whatsoever.

I should have checked on that after the game last night, because I could believe that Kassian got a ten minute misconduct for this dangling of the glove. So apologies. I'll try to do better.

And Mr. Fred, you're right. The penalty kill was fantastic last night.

I Aint' Apologizing For This One

I heard Diana Krall cover this song with Elton John yesterday. I couldn't find their cover, so I thought I would just post this video of Elton John doing the original. I love this song. And funnily enough, I associate with it hockey because it's played at a key point in "Slap Shot."

But enough of that nonsense. Here's Elton John and "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word."

Aeros Get Down And Pork The Chops, Win 2-1 In Shootout

Photo of Kurtis Foster courtesy of Fred Trask.

0-10-1-0.

That’s what the Aeros record for the season was when neither they nor their opponent had been able to score a goal in the first period. 0-10-1-0. So come the end of the first period tonight, when the Toyota Center crowd of 11,714 saw the Aeros and Iowa Chops skate off of the ice to a 0-0 tie, it looked as if the Aeros were staring at defeat.

But that was the old Houston Aeros. That wasn’t the Houston Aeros team that was on a five game winning streak. That wasn’t a Houston Aeros team looking to put space between themselves and the teams below them in the standings for a playoff spot. That was a team that hadn’t been graced with the presence of NHL vet Kurtis Foster.

Foster, who’s been down in Houston rehabbing from a gruesome injury he suffered last season with the Minnesota Wild, seemed to bring a new life to the Houston Aeros. A sense of confidence. A presence of can-do. A spirit of victory.

So perhaps it was fitting that Foster, who had five assists to go with five games he had played with the Aeros this season, was the one who put the Aeros up 1-0 at 6:46 of the second period on a wicked slap shot from the boards up behind the circle.

“Schultz just kind of threw it over and I just kind of held on to it looking for a pass,” Foster said after the game. “And they just kept skating away from me so I thought I might as well wind it up and I was able to hit that corner. It’s nice to get a goal. It’s been a long time since I scored. It felt good.”

And though Nolan Schaefer let up a puck slip between his pads later in the period that resulted in a game-tying goal, these Aeros refused to die.

Behind the play of Foster on the defensive side, and the bone crunching hitting of the Love/Kassian/Ryznar line, the Aeros put on a display of physical hockey and speed that, while not resulting in any goals for the rest of the game, kept the Iowa Chops off balance and unable to put anymore points on the board, resulting in a game that was 1-1 at the end of sixty minutes.

And just like 0-10-1-0 spelled doom for the Aeros as the first period ended, the Aeros overtime/shootout record of 4-9 seemed to spell doom as well. Only the Aeros had an advantage. For despite all of their problems in the extra period this season, the Aeros were still better than the Iowa Chops who were 3-9 in OT/SO play.

Neither team could score in the overtime, and it was down to the shootout. Neither team scored in the first round, and while Schaefer kept the Chops’ Drew Miller from scoring in the second round, Iowa goalie Dave LeNeveu was unable to stop Corey Locke who went five-hole to give the Aeros the advantage. Schaefer gave up a goal to the Chops’ last shoot out skater Adrian Veideman, but Jesse Schultz iced the game with his goal.

The 2-1 win gives the Aeros a season-high six-game winning streak, and improves their record to 28-21-1-8 (65 points). And since the second place Rockford IceHogs did not play tonight, the Aeros moved into second place in the AHL’s West Division. Rockford’s in third place with 64 points, and Chicago’s in fourth with 63 points. The Chops got a point for getting to the shootout, but they’re still in fifth place with 60 points while Peoria, with a loss to Chicago, dropped into a tie for sixth place with the idle Quad City Flames, both teams having 56 points.

The Aeros are off for most of the upcoming week, and they won’t return to game action until Friday night when they take on the Rockford IceHogs at 7:05 at Toyota Center for what will be the first of a three game weekend – the other two will be on the road, however.

MISCELLANEOUS GAME NOTES:

Tonight’s game saw one of the more entertaining fights of the season, and of course, it involved Mitch Love. Love, who is listed at a generous six feet tall, went at it with Iowa’s Francis Wathier who is 6’4”. And Love got in several shots before Wathier really knew what was coming and easily came out the victor.

And Matt Kassian got a ten minute misconduct penalty toward the end of the second penalty for attempting to insight a fight with one of the Iowa players. There was a scrum around the Iowa goal and all of the players were tangled. Kassian got lose and was skating around the edge of the fun when he took off one of his glove and waived it at one of the Chops, trying to get him to fight. The fight didn’t happen, and Kassian spent the rest of the second and about the first half of the third period sitting in the penalty box.

That aside, it’s easy to see how these guys, along with line mate Jason Ryznar have become not only crowd favorites, but favorites of Coach Kevin Constantine.

“They’re a steadying influence in our team’s confidence of the physical part of the game,” Constantine said tonight. “And their shifts are amazingly consistent….Five on five…they’re as good of a line as we’ve got right now.”

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Speaking of favorites, the guys love Kurtis Foster. As we walked into the locker room after the game, they all started pointing us to Foster and telling Andrew Ferraro and myself that he was the guy we needed to talk to. We were going to him anyway, but they were all so eager to see us give him some attention.

And as much as the guys like Foster, he likes them. “It’s a great bunch of guys here. Lots of fun times,” he said. “They definitely made it easy for me. They welcomed me in. The coaches were great…They made the game fun.”

Kevin Constantine, while hoping the team doesn’t lose it’s attitude when Foster returns to Minnesota, also felt that Foster has helped this team get on this current win streak.

“We go on a winning streak when he starts playing,” Constantine said. “I hope it’s not entirely connected to him playing. But it’s not completely disconnected him to either. A point a game, a goal tonight that becomes a critical goal, a steadying influence back there, I don’t think I could overemphasize how important he was to the team.”

On top of that, what Constantine liked the most about Foster is what the rest of the guys all seemed to like about Kurtis Foster. Foster genuinely seemed to enjoy playing here, and did everything that he could to fit in with the guys and make himself part of the team.

“He just fit in. He was just one of the guys on the team,” Constantine said. “He never presented himself as a guy living on borrowed time here, just waiting to go back. His professionalism, fitting in with our group, was phenomenal. That’s what I think the coaching staff appreciated the most, his great attitude in coming here.”

Foster’s returning to Minnesota on Sunday. And while he was happy to be here, happy to be playing again, it’s not hiding anything to say that he wants back in the NHL.

“And whenever it’s time to put me in the lineup I’ll just be tickled pink,” he said. “It’ll be a fun day. I’m just excited to get back up there.”

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Nolan Schaefer stops one of Iowa's shots. Courtesy of Fred Trask.

While most of the attention tonight was focused on the team’s sixth straight win, and Kurtis Foster’s impending return to the NHL, there was another milestone last night that shouldn’t be forgotten. Nolan Schaefer not only got the win tonight, he also got the 100th win of his professional career. And he got on a night where he stopped 24 of 25 shots.

Iowa’s one goal came on a mistake which Schaefer thought he had stopped. “We kind of had a turnover and it surprised me a little bit,” he said. “I came out and [a Iowa player] took a good slap shot that was right in the hole of where my blocker and my pad goes. And it kind of bounced around bit and I thought I had it, but I guess I didn’t.”

The puck actually slipped out behind him and Iowa’s Drew Miller was just standing there, waiting to pounce on the opportunity.

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Kurtis Foster's goal tonight gave him six points for his six games with the Aeros (1-5=6). It should also be noted that Jesse Schultz got the assist on the Foster goal, giving Schultz not only his 25th assist of the season, but also his sixth straight game with a point (6-2=8). This was, however, the first time in six games that Schultz did not score a goal, breaking his career-high of five straight games with a goal. But I'm sure that Schultz is happy with getting the goal in the shootout for the win.

This was also the first time in eight games that the Aeros power play unit didn't score. And it was the first time that they failed to get a power play goal against the Chops in their last three games.

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While the Aeros are now 1-10-1-0 when neither team has scored after the first period, they are now 17-4-1-3 when they score the game's first goal. And I also need to note that Mr. Prediction, Andrew Ferraro, predicted that the team to score the first goal tonight would win the game.

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Here's a note for the sound crew. "The Final Countdown?" Really? The game's going to overtime. The crowd is alive. The building is jumping. And you play "The Final Countdown." That's the best you could come up with? If ever a situation was appropriate for Elvis Costello's "Pump It Up," that was the time.

And speaking of music, I thought I would play us out with this little ditty that I heard a portion of at the game tonight. This should also get you in on your feet and into a good mood -- it's also keeps with the 70s music theme that I've been on. So here's K.C. & The Sunshine Band with "Get Down Tonight."

A Little Pagan To Offset the Faith

So tonight is Faith and Family night for the Aeros. And you guys know how I am about that faith crap. So I'm getting my own vibe set with the cover to a novel from the great Elmore Leonard. I think Pagan Babies sets the tone I'm looking for.

That said, I hope that everybody enjoys the game tonight.

Sex Sells -- The Kolanos Edition

This will probably upset the guys a bit, but I also want to keep the ladies happy. So instead of a bikini photo, I thought I would post a photo of Krys Kolanos. Ms. C., this specifically is for you.

Photo courtesy of Fred Trask.

Drawing The Line In The Sand

Here's the thing, I've spent about an hour on this post, trying to make it something that it's not. But I've figured things out now, I think, so...

I've wondered about the current on-going crucifixion of Alex Rodriguez. Did he lie to the press about using steroids?* Sure. Was he caught? Sure. Has he admitted to using steroids? Sure. Has he come clean about everything, told the truth about everything? Probably not.

*I'm using steroids as a catch-all to include steroids, HGH, and other possible performance-enhancing drugs.

But that doesn't explain the treatment he's getting.

Really, do any of you out there really think that Andy Pettitte, Miguel Tejada, or Jason Giambi have come totally clean about their involvement with steroids? Think a minute. Has Jason Giambi ever admitted to actually steroids? No. He just apologized for his various misdeeds, but he didn't cite specifics. And don't get me started on Miguel Tejada's purchased-but-didn't-use-HGH excuse. And Pettitte's story has changed a couple of times since he came clean the day after the Mitchell Report was released.

So why is A-Rod getting such treatment? Why is he being treated from the others?

Roger Clemens I get. I've long suspected that he was a jackass, and everything I've read since the Mitchell Report confirms that -- seriously, read Andy Pettitte's depo and you'll hate Clemens' guts. And Clemens pulled a Gary Hart and dared everybody to come after him. So he's getting what he asked for.

Barry Bonds I get. I don't like it, but I get it. Nobody's ever liked Barry Bonds. Ever. His teammates have always hated him. Opposing players. The press. Everybody has always hated this guy. So while the press was more than willing to overlook Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa's misdeeds because they were nice guys and people liked them, Barry Bonds had to be brought back down to earth.

And I suggest any of you who are really interested to head over to Yahoo! Sports. They've been doing some stellar work on the upcoming Bonds trial, and you can see that the Feds have let lesser players get away with many things in order to use them against Bonds. Giambi appears to have been just as guilty of crimes as Bonds, but there's no Fed trial coming up against him. And I can't wait to hear the outrage after Bonds gets off -- most of the Feds' best evidence is continuously getting tossed and I think a good defense attorney, which Bonds has, will tear this case apart once it gets to court.

But just what did A-Rod do? Besides not be as likeable as Derek Jeter?

That said, Bud Selig and his pals better be careful or they're attempt to get A-Rod is going to destroy major league baseball. I really think that.

It came out yesterday that A-Rod spent the 2007 season traveling with a trainer from the Dominican Republic, Angel Presinal, that was banned from MLB clubhouses after being caught with steroids in 2001 when he was working with Juan Gonzalez for the Cleveland Indians. Then word came out that MLB might be considering suspending Rodriguez for working with Presinal.

There's just one problem. One very big problem. Presinal is a prominent trainer in the Dominican Republic. He was the team trainer for the 2006 Dominican baseball club that took part in MLB's World Baseball Classic. And he's worked with many, many prominent stars. Like Pedro Martinez, Vladimir Guerrero, Miguel Tejada, and David Ortiz.

How can you punish Rodriguez for hanging with this guy if you're not going to punish Martinez, Guerrero, Tejada, and Ortiz. Especially Ortiz who is one of the biggest current stars in the game and is unrepentant about spending time working out with Presinal. I'm going to give Ortiz the A-Rod treatment right now and say that his statements sound a lot like those that A-Rod has given out over the years. So when does the investigation into David Ortiz get started?

I don't know what MLB needs to do right now. But the crucifixion of A-Rod while letting others who are just as guilty off of the hook really, really bugs me. But if the press wants to keep on with this vendetta, then they better get started on the others. I want Selena Roberts going after David Ortiz now. After all, he was considered to be a washout when he was with the Minnesota Twins -- and the Twins don't give up on many players -- before suddenly becoming a big star with the Red Sox. And he's linked to a steroids guy. So come on, if you want to go down this road, then get to it.

But I have the feeling that Bud Selig is going to screw it up, because screw it up is all that Bud Selig ever does.

P.S.: By the way, if Bud Selig is really concerned with honesty and integrity, maybe he'll get around to letting everybody know who it was in his office that violated a court order and leaked Rodriguez' name to SI's Selena Roberts. But then again, Bud Selig's never really been too concerned with honesty and integrity -- he started out as a car salesman, after all.

Rufus and Chaka Got The Love

This is D.J. John spinning your video requests. And Rob's got a request and I'm gonna play it. This goes out to Mitch Love and the guys on the Fourth Line -- yeah, Jason and Matt, you too. So here's Rufus and Chaka Khan coming to you on Soul Train and performing "You Got The Love."

(note, Rufus and Chaka don't get started until about 1:35 in. And they fade out before the song ends, but I prefer performance clips over those with just still pictures.)



And yes, that is a great bass line on that song.

P.S.: Remember, if you've got a request, I'll do my best to find a clip on the YouTubes and post it.

Sex Sells -- The V. Edition

I might have gone the hockey route yesterday, but to close out the week, I'm going back to the swimsuits, kind of. Here's Anne V. from this year's issue.

Stanford Banking Scam Traps New York Yankees Players

The New York Mets and their owner might have gotten ensnared in the Bernie Madoff matter, losing millions of dollars, but at least two New York Yankees are trapped in the workings of renegade Texas banker R. Allen Stanford.

Yankee outfielders Johnny Damon and Xavier Nady had accounts with one of the Standford subsidiaries, and as a result, their accounts have been frozen. Damon says he can't pay his bills, and Nady has been cut off from his credit cards, so he's not able to rent an apartment in New York at the moment.

With this, the failure of Manny Ramirez to find a job, and everything involving A-Rod, it's been a bad week to a Scott Boras client.

As The Miguel Tejada World Turns

Are the Astros about to get caught up in the Alex Rodriguez mess? Not that anybody's making a big deal about it, yet, but the New York Daily News has a big story out about a trainer Alex Rodriguez has been involved with.

The trainer, from the Dominican Republic, is named Angel Presinal, and he's been banned from the private areas of MLB ballparks -- including locker rooms -- since the end of the 2001 season. In October of 2001, Canadian Border Service officials seized an unmarked bag containing several forms of steroids. Toronto police and the Cleveland Indians -- which had just arrived in town for a series with the Toronto Blue Jays -- were informed of the bag, and the bag was then delivered to the hotel where the Indians were staying in order to see who would claim the bag. And the lucky person to claim the bag was Presinal, who claimed that it belonged to then-Indians outfielder Juan Gonzalez.

Presinal, who supposedly traveled with A-Rod throughout the 2007 season, operates a gym in Santa Domingo, Dominican Republic and has worked as a trainer for the Dominican Republic's World Baseball Classic team. In addition, he has also worked as a trainer for Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, and Houston's own Miguel Tejada.

And there are rumors that a suspension could be in the offing for A-Rod's relationship with Presinal, which makes it possible that Tejada and the others could also be facing a suspension for their relationship with him.

SI.com is reporting, however, that A-Rod will probably escape any suspension, but that MLB is considering a suspension of Tejada over his conviction for lying to Congress. And you've got to wonder if the judge in charge of sentencing Tejada might be interested as well, seeing as how it looks as if he's still not being entirely truthful over his knowledge of, and involvement with, steroids in baseball.

So, Drayton, do you still think this trade was a good idea?

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

You know, I've always known that Drayton McLane is a cheap bastard, but...

Come on. If your team is in Florida for spring training, is it asking too much that some type of medical professional also be there? We learned earlier this week that Mike Hampton had to fly to Houston for heart tests because one Astros doctor was here in Houston. And catcher Toby Hall injured his shoulder earlier this week, but the team doctor won't be able to look at him until this weekend at the soonest because...

He's at the NFL Draft Combine doing medical work for the Houston Texans.

Drayton, when your team is in Florida for spring training, and you've got a bunch of guys on the squad known for their injuries, it might help to have the doctors there also. It might also help to have a full-time doctor.

And what does this tell us about the status of medical care in Florida? The doctors out there must be really bad if they can't treat this stuff.

There Was A Time When I Was...

I'm going to end Friday on a mellow tone. And I'm going to end my 70s female theme week with Olivia Newton-John and "Have You Never Been Mellow."

Aeros Pork The Chops, Defeat Iowa 4-3

Sunday afternoon brought us the mystery puck off of the head of Mitch Love for a goal against Chicago. Tonight against Iowa featured a Jesse Schultz goal on a shot that wasn’t a shot and a John Lammers goal on a puck that grazed his shorts for the game winner against Iowa. Wild things are happening for the Aeros. Wild, wild things.

Trailing 1-0 to the Iowa Chops after one period, and before a crowd of 3339, and looking rather sloppy, the Aeros came out for the second and were quickly hit with two penalties, putting the Chops on a 5-x-3 power play for the first two-and-a-half minutes of the period. But the Aeros escaped and kept the Chops from scoring. Then the Aeros got the Chops into the penalty box, and the Aeros power play took over.

Anyone who watched the Aeros last season would find this hard to believe, but the Aeros are excelling on the power play this season, and at 12:03 of the second, Matt Beaudoin backhanded a wrist shot past the Iowa goalie to tie the game at 1-1. Then at 15:30 Krys Kolanos fired in a shot on the power play to put the Aeros up 2-1.

With the score tied at 2-2 at 1:25 of the third and the Aeros again on the power play, Jesse Schultz saw Robbie Earl on the other side of the goal. So he sent the puck that way. Only Earl never got the puck.

“I saw Robbie Earl open on the other side of the net and I was trying to pass it through the defenseman to him,” Schultz said. “And [the defenseman] went down to try and block it and it went off his skate and through the goalie’s legs.”

Just like that, the Aeros were up 3-2, only to give up the tying goal nearly five minutes later. But at 15:10 of the third, the Aeros were once again on the power play and Kurtis Foster was on the point with the puck and fired the puck toward the goal. John Lammers crashed the net for the rebound. It appeared that the puck hit the outside of the net and bounced out only to glance off of John Lammers and into the goal.

“I was just going to the net,” Lammers said, “and it ended up going off of my pants and went into the net. I didn’t even touch it with my stick. So it ended up just kind of a lucky goal, but that’s what happens when you go the net.”

And like that, the Aeros had defeated the Iowa Chops 4-3 for their fifth straight win, which is a season high winning streak. The win moved the Aeros record for the season to 27-21-1-8 (63 points) and put them in sole possession of third place in the AHL West. They’re one point behind Rockford, and two points ahead of fourth place Chicago. Iowa is in fifth place with 59 points.

The Aeros take on Iowa again on Saturday night at Toyota Center with the game set for 7:35.

MISCELLANEOUS GAME NOTES:

Coming into the game, the Aeros had the AHL’s fifth-ranked power play – yes, I know that’s really hard to believe. The Aeros went 4-for-6 on the power play last night. They’re now eight for their last ten power plays against Iowa, and for the season, the Aeros have scored on 14 of 28 power plays against the Chops.

“Our power play has just been good lately,” Coach Kevin Constantine said after the game. “We went on the road, and I thought the reason we were a better offensive team on the road was our power play was pretty good. It’s just more being in a rhythm with our power play than it is anything to do with Iowa.”

“Our power play is kind of carrying us right now,” Schultz said. “And we’re just going to ride it as long as we can.”

They may need to keep riding it as neither Schultz nor Constantine was much pleased by the rest of the team’s play.

“It probably wasn’t our best game, but we just found a way to win,” Schultz said.

“We looked a little lethargic to start tonight, but we did enough to win,” Constantine said, damning the team with faint praise.

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The Aeros now have two 20 goal scorers for the season as Krys Kolanos’ goal gave him 20 for the season. Corey Locke also has 20 goals. Jesse Schultz has 18 goals so far this season. The Aeros only had two 20 goals for all of last season.

Schultz’ goal gives him five game point streak (6-1=7). And Corey Locke has a three game point streak after his two assists tonight (1-5=6). Coming into the game, Locke was the AHL’s fifth ranked scorer, and after tonight, he’s got 59 points (20-39=59). He is only three assists away from tying his career high of 42.

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Mr. Prediction, the Chron’s Andrew Ferraro, wants me to let everyone know that he said the winner of this game would be the team that scored the game’s second goal. And that team was the Aeros and they did get the win. However, I need to point out that late in the third period, he said the game was going to go to OT, and that didn’t happen.

I only did so-so on my pregame predictions. I was off on the starting goalie. It was Nolan Schaefer instead of Barry Brust. I was off on the starting line – it was Locke/Kolanos/Beaudoin instead of Love/Ryznar/Kassian – and Matt Kassian did not score a goal as I predicted.

However, Krys Kolanos, did score a goal, as I predicted. The Aeros did win, as I predicted. The Aeros did score four goals, as I predicted. Sure the Chops got three goals when I predicted one, but I think I did pretty damn good with that.

So there.

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To play us out tonight is a song/video that I think works perfectly with the Aeros dominating power play. So here's Oasis with the loud, bombastic "D'You Know What I Mean?"



Oh, and Rob, I got the receipt. Thanks again.

Sex Sells -- The Thrashers Edition

Since there's an Aeros game tonight, I thought I would take a break from the bikini photos and go with something a little more hockey oriented. So from SI.com, here's one of the Atlanta Thrashers Ice Girls.


Photo courtesy SI.com/Scott Cunnigham/Getty Images

Some Fearless Predictions for Aeros vs. Chops

You're probably in a bit of shock now, wondering where all of my posts are for today. Well, here's the thing, this is kind of it for today. There will be swimsuit photo later, and an Aeros post late tonight, but...

I've been cranking out the product this week, but last night, what with new episodes of Lost, Life, Life on Mars, and American Idol plus Conan and Craig Ferguson, and having to put together my post for the mothership, I just didn't feel like sitting at the computer for four-plus hours cranking out the product -- yeah, I know if often doesn't look like it, but I actually put in some time and effort towards the junk I produce here.

It happens.

That said, I thought I would throw out a few quick items.

First, the Aeros have had a three-day break since they last played a game. The Aeros are awful coming off a long breaks. They generally start slow and take awhile to get going, if they ever do. I say Constantine tries something different tonight. I say he throws the Scoring Line of Love, Kassian, and Ryznar out to the start the game tonight. They're the supposed energy line, so let's have them get off a few big hits and get the team into the game right away. I also say Barry Brust gets the start at goal -- Constantine likes to reward his goalies for good play, after all.

Of course, I could be wrong.

Speaking of wrong, I'm going out on a limb and calling for an Aeros victory over the Iowa Chops tonight. Let's say 4-1. Kolanos gets a goal. Kassian gets his first home goal of the season. Benny does something so good so that Ms. Conduct has to keep saying nice things about him.

And here's a H/T to Ms. Conduct for letting me know about the Cal Clutterbuck showing up at a high school hockey game the other night. I like Cal, and I miss talking to him after games.

That's about it....

Oh, I need an idea for the Houston Press for tomorrow. I've already done my one Aeros post of the week, and I because of the Slap Shot post screw-up (it was supposed to have run last Saturday) I actually got two hockey posts in the mothership blog this week, so if you have any non-hockey ideas, let me know. I've got an Astros idea, but if you can top it, I might go with it.

If The Real Thing Don't Do The Trick...

There's hockey tonight. YAY! So for today's video, I'm keeping with both my 70s female singers (unintentional) theme and I'm also going to my list of suggested songs for them to play at Toyota Center during an Aeros game.

So here's Heart with "Barracuda."

Sex Sells -- The Analytics Edition

I've been checking the comments, but more importantly, I've been checking my numbers over at Google Analytics, and those numbers say SI Swimsuit photos bring me good numbers. So I'm going to keep at it as long as the numbers are there -- or I tire of it.

Today's SI Swimsuit girl is 2009 rookie Esti Ginzburg. She's one of the rookies in this issue.

Wait, Wait A Minute. Family Guy Said What?

Talking about the pot making fun of the kettle...

Family Guy the other night decided it was going to take on Two and a Half Men for being a dumb sitcom. Nothing, to me, is more brain dead than Family Guy, and it amazes me that they're ripping on another show for being dumb.

Now I'll admit, Two and a Half Men isn't one of those intellectual masterpieces. It's not cutting-edge like 30 Rock or The Office, nor does it have the charm of How I Met Your Mother. But it doesn't try to be any of those shows. It just tries to be a sitcom that delivers solid belly laughs week after week. I watch the show and I know it's not high art -- I was one of those fringe who never missed an episode of smart sitcoms like Arrested Development and Sports Night.

But Two and a Half Men doesn't try to be those shows. It's just a show of boob jokes and booze jokes and fart jokes. It does a great job of executing the material. The writing, for dumb jokes, is smart. The directing is precise. The actors perform the material without smirking.

I'm not saying that everybody should like Two and a Half Men. But then again, I like The Three Stooges and the Marx Brothers. I'm a fan of Benny Hill and Monty Python. I like smart humor. I like dumb humor. I just ask that the show actually be funny.

I don't like Family Guy. It's not funny. There are no jokes. There are just gags that have nothing to do with the flow of the show, and often, the shows make no sense in the concept of an actual plot. One of the great South Parks of all time involves Eric Cartman boycotting Family Guy for being offensive and not funny. He goes out to Hollywood to shut the show down, only to discover the show has no writers. There are just manatees who juggle balls with ideas. When one of the balls comes down a shoot, that's the next line of the show.

So I just find it funny that the Family Guy people think they're better than Two and a Half Men. Then again, I doubt very seriously that the Family Guy people actually understand humor anyway.

A-Rod Is A Bigger, Better Man Than Miguel Tejada

Alex Rodriguez went before press yesterday and discussed his so-called steroid use for nearly an hour. Miguel Tejada arrived in Kissimmee, Florida yesterday and spoke with the media for about five minutes. A-Rod spoke of the drugs he used, clarified statements, and tried to give details. Miguel Tejada refused to speak about his purchase of HGH or about his lying to Congress. Alex Rodriguez faced his teammates in public. Tejada faced his teammates in private.

Miguel Tejada is a coward. He's a coward who gives out an iffy story about paying over $6000 for HGH but throwing it away before he could use and refuses to accept questions about it while hiding behind his enablers with the Houston Astros like Drayton McLane, Cecil Cooper and his teammates. I'm sure Alex Rodriguez would love to hide behind his enablers. But he doesn't.

So why won't I be surprised when Tejada is accepted around ballparks this summer while A-Rod is met with universal hate. Sure, we still probably don't know all of the facts and details around A-Rod's drug use, but at least he's facing the heat from the media and the public while Tejada isn't.

But here's something that's really pissing me off. I was hearing all day yesterday about how courageous Roy Oswalt was with his statements last week about how steroid users were destroying baseball and how pissed he was at having faced someone like A-Rod while A-Rod was on 'roids. But none of those people congratulating Oswalt's courage yesterday were mentioning how he's embracing Miguel Tejada.

Oswalt is just like his boss Drayton McLane who is all bark and no bite. I want Oswalt saying the same things about Miguel Tejada that he says about Alex Rodriguez. That to me would be courageous. Calling out a teammate as a cheater would mean something to me. Letting a teammate off of the hook is just standard operating procedure and just as cowardly as Miguel Tejada.

I know that I shouldn't be expecting anymore than what I'm seeing. But damn, I want Tejada to face the same pressures that A-Rod does. And if Roy Oswalt wants to go public with his anger and disgust, then he's got to go public with his anger and disgust toward every player, including his teammates.

And what I really want, I suppose, is for Miguel Tejada to be called out for his cowardly behavior. After all, it's Miguel Tejada, the convicted criminal, who refuses to answer for his misdeeds while it's A-Rod, the non-criminal, who's being treated as the convicted criminal. And that's just wrong.

If A-Rod, after all, is A-Fraud, then just who in the hell is Miguel Tejada?

Drayton McLane: Some Criminals Are Better Than Others

Many of you who have read me over the years -- whether here or at the mothership -- know that I'm not much of a fan of Chron sportswriter Jesus Ortiz. But I have to give credit where credit is due, and this story of his on Miguel Tejada's "triumphant" arrival at Astros camp is a good read.

Ortiz notes that Tejada has just been convicted of lying to Congress. He notes that Drayton McLane has stated time and time again that he wants a team of good guys who play baseball the right way. He notes that McLane tossed Julio Lugo aside for supposedly assaulting his wife and for which Lugo was never convicted. And he calls McLane out for this hypocrisy.

Here's the money quote from McLane on the difference between Tejada and Lugo: "Miguel, I think, if you look back to the entire steroid issue that this is a very controversial, very complex deep issue that just wasn't one occurrence. But this is something that had been apparently in baseball for a period of time. We're trying to bring a conclusion to all of this. I think the evidence as we know it is that he had not been proven that he had ever taken steroids. The issue was not steroids. The issue was him defending a teammate." (emphasis mine).

But Ortiz notes in his story that the issue isn't Tejada defending a teammate; the issue is Tejada lying to Congress. The issue isn't Tejada protecting the so-called integrity of the locker room; the issue is Tejada being convicted of a crime while the guy who wasn't convicted gets kicked off of the team. And Ortiz nails the whole situation with one damning line: "At this point, Tejada is the first Major League Baseball Player who has pled guilty to lying to Congress."

What I like about Ortiz's article is that, finally, someone in the major media -- i.e., not me -- is shoving Drayton's words down his throat. Most of us know that Drayton is a hypocritical blowhard whose only concern is making money. But generally, he's never called on it. This time, he is with Ortiz wondering if McLane has changed his "stance on having criminals on the club."

He also tells us that Drayton gave Tejada a hug on seeing him today. I wonder if Drayton gave Julio Lugo a hug. And it kind of makes you wonder about Drayton's treatment of Roger Clemens. The Rocket hasn't been indicted of anything. He hasn't been convicted of anything. He's not a criminal. Yet Drayton has requested that he not come to camp this year and work out with the minor leaguers like he did last year. But why not? If it's okay for a convicted criminal to play for the big league club, then Drayton shouldn't have any problem with Rocket hanging around. Should he? After all, like with Tejada, it hasn't been proven that Rocket took steroids.

But then again, I learned years ago that I could Drayton McLane was lying by his lips: if they were moving, he was lying. And once again, Drayton's lips were moving, so he must have been lying.

Linda Ronstadt On My Mind

Okay, Rob's comment about Linda Ronstadt album covers has gotten her on my mind this week. So why not, I think, play some more Linda Ronstadt -- this is actually kind of hard in that I'm discovering that there's not really that much YouTube footage of her performing, especially rockers.

But first, as per Rob's comment of album covers, here's my favorite Linda Ronstadt album cover. "Living In The U.S.A."

I don't know, there's just something about those tight blue shorts and the knee high socks that gets to me. But here's the cover that Rob spoke of, with Linda Ronstadt in the polka dot dress.

And this is also a fantastic cover, with all of the polka dots of her dress blending into the polka dots of the backing. And if I remember, the rear of the cover was the lower half of her dress and her legs.

Which leads to today's video, Linda Ronstadt performing "Heatwave" in 1980.

The Drayton McLane Pop Quiz

Pop quiz: How do you know that Drayton McLane is lying?

A. His lips are moving.
B. He issues a press release.
C. He nods his hand.
D. All of the above.

The answer: D. All of the above, though I believe "his lips are moving" is the best answer. In other words, Drayton does nothing but lie. But shock of all shocks, he's actually been caught in a lie. And better, at least two of the Chron's writers are calling him out on that.

The topic of course is Miguel Tejada. And the lie's this: when the Astros traded for Tejada, the day before he was named in the Mitchell Report, Drayton McLane claimed afterward that the Astros had no clue that Tejada was about to be fingered as a steroid cheat. But today, after Miguel Tejada arrived in camp, McLane admitted that they did suspect that Tejada might be named, and that this was a topic of discussion.

McLane likes to play the people of Houston as suckers. And the number of people who continue to pay the outrageous prices for tickets and concessions at that amusement park called a baseball stadium for his poor product shows that he might be right about that sucker part. But maybe, just maybe, more people are beginning to see behind the curtain. And they're not seeing a wizard, they're seeing a rich old man who knows nothing about baseball.

What Moron Would Take Business Advice From This Man?

Just in time for the new season of "The Apprentice" -- which once again I won't be watching -- comes news of The Donald's latest business failure. Yep, Trump Entertainment Resorts Inc. has gone into bankruptcy. For the third time.

And this comes on the string of various defaults, lawsuits and project failures over the past several months -- including the failure of a project being managed by the winner of the original season of "The Apprentice." So I wonder how the projects being run by the other "Apprentice" winners are panning out?

This edition of "The Apprentice" is another of the celebrity editions, if you stretch the definition of celebrity to include Andrew Dice Clay, Ty Murray, and Melissa Rivers. So the winner just donates winnings to charity instead of getting an apprenticeship with The Donald, which might have been interested as maybe the winner could learn all about the ins-and-outs of bankruptcy court.

But I'm amazed that people still listen* to this guy spread his business expertise. The only thing he knows how to sell is himself -- and he's good at that -- but he doesn't seem to be so hot with anything else. Though, with the economic times we're in, maybe watching a rich guy who continuously guides his businesses into bankruptcy might be just the right guy to command a reality TV program.

* -- yes, I watched the first couple seasons of "The Apprentice" because there were some hot women on the show. And I watched the first celebrity edition because one contestant was a Playmate and another was Carol Alt, who happens to be one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Sex Sells -- Rhoda's Edition

Okay, I need the swimsuit photos. What can I say? So today we have SI Swimsuit rookie Hilary Rhoda.

Shocking News: Jay Mohr Is Right, Though Just Not In The Way He Intended

I have a quick way of knowing if a movie or TV show is really going to suck. If I see Jay Mohr's name in the credits or the commercials, I know not to waste my time. Seriously, has this guy done anything since he first did his Christopher Walken impersonation on SNL all of those years ago. And he's been coasting off of that since then.

(A quick aside: seriously, people, if you see Jay Mohr in anything, don't waste your time. For a supposed comic, the only thing funny about the guy is just how quickly his shows get canceled. I think you can also apply that to Dennis Miller who hasn't been funny since he tried to do football analysis on Monday nights.)

So anyway, I'm taking advantage of my President Day's Holiday yesterday to sleep late. I mean late. I'm in bed so late, in fact, that I'm half-a-sleep when the Jim Rome shows comes on. I figure at the point I should probably get up, because if Rome gets off on a rant I'm not going to sleep because I'll be laughing. But yesterday being a holiday and all, Rome decided to take the day off and go with a guest host.

Now Rome could have gone with someone funny. Or someone who knows something about sports. He did neither. He got Jay Mohr to be his guest host. So I jump out of the bed and shower, but I left the radio on, and as I'm toweling off, Mohr's off on one of his many non-sports tangents. I don't know what started the thing, but at one point, he says that something is as stupid as a cop ticketing someone for parking on the line next to a handicap parking space.

This is one of my pet peeves. No, not cops targeting people for parking on the line of handicap parking spaces. I'm talking about the assholes who park on the lines of any parking space, whether or not it's next to a handicap spot or not. If you can't park properly, then you don't deserve to be driving.

I know that this might come as a shock to some of you -- and it sounds like it does to Jay Mohr -- but you're supposed to park between those lines. You're not supposed to park on them. You're not supposed to park with your vehicle straddling one of the lines. You're supposed to park between them.

And do you know the worst offenders? Yeah, it's those moron rednecks who not only drive big trucks and SUVs, but insist on backing their aircraft carriers into those spaces. Because while these idiots might think they know how to park those behemoths, they obviously don't. Just go out and check any parking lot. You'll see assholes driving trucks who have decided to back into their parking spaces. And they're going to be parked on a line. Now they're going to have plenty of room to get out. But they're going to be parked so that the guy who's parked next to them can't get into his car because there's no room. And once you get in, you can back out without losing your side view mirror.

But hey, at least they backed in their space.

Now that I think about it though, maybe Jay Mohr is right. It is stupid for the cop to ticket assholes who park on the line next to handicap spaces. They should be calling wreckers instead and having the improperly parked cars towed instead.

How Stupid Does He Think We Are?

I wrote about the possibility of the Astros signing Ivan Rodriguez yesterday. This was based on a Richard Justice blog post, and a story on Rodriguez which stated his interest in the Astros. And in his blog post, Justice pointed out that this made sense and should be something that the Astros pursue.

But if you read his column in today's Chron, Justice argues that the Astros should stay far, far away from Rodriguez. He uses almost the same arguments. Makes the same claims. And comes out with a different conclusion.

This has me wondering. Just how stupid does Richard Justice really think we are? Does he think that those people who read his blog aren't going to read his column? Does he think that people reading the column aren't going to bother looking at blog post -- or maybe he thinks that people who read his column are too old to own a computer and would never think of reading what he writes for on-line consumption.

I will give him some credit, though. Usually, he goes through and changes his blog posts to reflect whatever his new line of thinking is. Maybe his habit of doing this has changed. Maybe his editors wouldn't let him do it this time. Or maybe he just thinks we're so frakking stupid that we'll never catch on to what he's doing.

Not The New York Yankee Network

I watched the MLB Network's "Hot Stove" studio show yesterday and suffered a bit of shock. They didn't spend the entire hour long show talking about the New York Yankees. Yes, I know. That's surprising, but apparently, unlike ESPN, they recognize that there are other teams that play baseball.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be watching a lot more of the MLB Network than I am of ESPN come the actual MLB season.

The Little Wing Favorite Mistake

Okay Rob, I couldn't find a video version of Eric Clapton and Duane Allman performing "Little Wing." I did find this concert video of Clapton doing the song with Sheryl Crow helping out on the vocals and David Sanborn adding some saxophone.

Oh, before the video, here's a little trivia. I've read that the ex-boyfriend of Crow's "My Favorite Mistake" is actually Clapton, though she has never officially confirmed or denied that rumor.

But anyway, here's "Little Wing."

I-Rod To The Astros? We Can Only Dream

I hate what I'm about to write. You have no idea how much it pains me to write what I'm about to write, but...

Richard Justice is correct. The Astros should seriously make a play for Ivan Rodriguez.

Rodriguez, the free agent catcher, has stated that the Astros are one of the teams he's considering signing with for this season. And if the Astros can work out the right deal for a one-year contract with Rodriguez, I say that they should do it -- this would probably be a contract like they've got with Mike Hampton.

Justice goes into the negatives with Pudge. Pitchers don't like him because they don't think he calls a good game, or cares enough to call a good game. And he's aging which means his defense isn't what it used to be -- the guy's won more Gold Gloves for his defensive play at catcher than any catcher in MLB history. And his bat definitely isn't what it used to be.

But then think of this. Do you seriously expect me to believe that Humberto Quintero is a better option for catcher this season than Ivan Rodriguez -- who happens to be one of the greatest catchers in MLB history? The Astros seem to be staking their catching future on last year's number one draft choice Jason Castro, but he's had about half -a-season of minor league experience and probably isn't ready for big league play. So maybe they should try and sign Pudge to a one-year incentive laden deal. See if he will go for it. Let Pudge and Toby Hall handle the catching duties this season.

Let Castro hang around with those two during spring training and pick up the tricks of the trade -- he'll definitely learn more from Pudge and Hall than he'll ever pick up from Quintero. As long as, that is, he doesn't pick up too many tricks of the trade from the Pudge. Tricks like steroids.

Yes, Pudge Rodriguez has been linked to steroids. Jose Canseco has said he injected Rodriguez. And Rodriguez' name is linked to that same list on which A-Rod's name was on. But the Astros treatment of Miguel Tejada shows that the team really doesn't give a damn about steroid users, so Pudge should prove no problem fitting into this clubhouse.

And pitchers might not like working with Pudge. But here's the thing, if Nolan Ryan could work with Pudge, then Roy Oswalt can handle Pudge. And if Wandy Rodriguez can't handle it, then tough shit, because Wandy Rodriguez is a career five starter who should consider himself lucky to still have a spot on a major league roster, much less still challenging for a top spot in a starting rotation.

Sex Sells -- The Semi-Body Paint Edition

Here's some more of my SI Swimsuit due diligence. Here's another photo of Brooklyn Decker, half of her in body paint, and the other hand covered with her arms. But first, I've got a question. Looking through the web and finding photos of women in bikinis is fun, but do you want me to continue? Just curious. I like to keep the readers happy.

Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard -- The Houston Astros Need You

Via the Chron we learn that the news out of Florida is that Mike Hampton is on his way back to Houston with heart problems and Jose Valverde has a swollen pitching arm that required a trip to the hospital this morning. So it's sounding like business as usual with the Houston Astros.

An EKG of Hampton on Saturday morning revealed an irregular heartbeat. He was permitted to continue with his workouts, and after this morning's workout, he got on a plane and flew to Houston to meet with the team's physician Dr. Jim Muntz for an examination this afternoon. While in Houston, he is expected to undergo a procedure to correct his heartbeat with the application of an electrical current.

This is just another of many medical setbacks for Mike Hampton. Hampton has not pitched a complete season since 2004. He missed 2006-2007 in the entirety, and he pitched only 12 games in 2005 and only 13 games last season. But most of this injuries have dealt with his pitching arm. The Astros are depending on a healthy Mike Hampton to help keep the rotation from falling apart.

And Jose Valverde awoke this morning with a badly swollen right forearm. He went to the hospital, where it was discovered that he has an infection that caused severe irritation, swelling & bruising on his forearm. He is being treated antibiotics. No one is sure of how Valverde's arm got infected, though they suspect that it came from an insect bite.

Valverde has been cleared to throw, and the team is hoping that Hampton can rejoin the team by Thursday or Friday.

When Will I Be Loved?

My discussion of Warren Zevon with Mr. Fred at the Aeros game last night got me to thinking that Zevon wrote many songs that other artists performed and made hits. One of my favorites was "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" which Linda Ronstadt turned into a huge hit. So I thought I would play that for today's video jukebox, only I couldn't find a version of it on YouTube -- well, a version of her performing it, that is. But since I was on a Linda Ronstadt kick by this time...

Here's Linda Ronstadt performing "When Will I Be Loved."



And as a further aside, I had this friend in high school, Sydney, and she hated Linda Ronstadt with a passion. I don't remember her reasons behind the hatred, but it was there. I just remembered that and thought I would share.

The Aeros Howl At The Moon, Defeat Chicago Wolves 4-2 [WITH UPDATE]

The puck going off of Mitch Love for the Aeros first goal. Photo courtesy of Fred Trask.

If you ask anybody, they’ll tell you that Mitch Love is a fighter, not a scorer. Mitch Love included. And if you’ll ask anybody, Mitch Love included, the duty of his line isn’t to score goals. But the Houston Aeros defeated the Chicago Wolves 4-2 tonight in front of a crowd of 6165, and the person who scored the first goal of the game to give the Aeros a lead they would never lose was Mitch Love.

Though Mitch Love would debate that part; that part about the scoring that is: “I don’t know if it was even mine. I went to the net and [Jason] Ryznar put the puck on there. There was a bunch of bodies. I guess they gave it to me, but we’ll see about it on video” later.

The goal, which came at the 12:00 mark of the first period, could just have easily been given to a member of the Chicago Wolves, and to us on press row, without the aid of instant replay, it initially looked like Jason Ryznar had put in his own rebound. But the ruling was that the rebound of Ryznar’s shot went off of the goalie, hit Love, then went into the net.

But whatever happened, the Aeros were up 1-0. And less than a minute later, at 12:55, Jesse Schultz scored his fifth goal in four games – and his fourth straight game with a goal – when he knocked in the rebound of his own shot, and just like that, the Aeros, who were playing their third game in three nights were up 2-0.

Coach Kevin Constantine was high on Love, Ryznar, and their fellow line mate, Matt Kassian after the game. “Then they provide on top of that all the toughness for our team which lets the rest of our guys play in a safe environment….Their stature and their importance to the team just kind of keeps growing all the time.”

Love sees their role as being the line that pumps up the rest of the team and gets them into the flow of the game. “A lot of the boys in here look for us to bring a little bit of energy every night. I thought the first period we did that a little bit,” he said. “Anytime we get a goal it’s a bonus for us and hopefully brings a little life to the team.”

Also helping the team out tonight was Barry Brust who got his first start between the pipes in eight games, and only his second start in 15 games. Constantine admitted after the game that he’s been riding Nolan Schaefer because Schaefer has been hot and winning, but that after having started 14 of the 16 was suffering from a little fatigue. But he was really happy with Brust’s play, as he should have been, seeing as how Brust stopped 30 of 32 shots in getting his first win since December 20.

“I felt pretty good out there today,” Brust said afterwards. “I got a chance to practice a little bit,” and practice, he admitted, makes all of the difference.

Barry Brust makes one of his 30 saves against the Chicago Wolves. Photo courtesy of Fred Trask.

The Wolves didn’t let the Aeros get an easy win, and got the score to 3-2 at the :56 mark of the third period. And after Saturday’s 7-6 win over Iowa which saw the Aeros have several big leads which Iowa kept chopping away at, it was a relief when Maxim Noreau got a pretty pass from Kurtis Foster and buried the puck on a power play at the 18:02 mark to seal the 4-2 win.

Despite the win, and despite his goal, not everything was hunky-dory with Love. “We can’t continue to play the way we have and expect to win,” he said.

But for this one night – and this one weekend which saw the Aeros get three wins against two division opponents – I think the Aeros will take a win no matter how they get it.

The guys will now get a three day break from games before returning to Toyota Center on Thursday night for a key divisional matchup with the Iowa Chops.

SOME MISCELLANEOUS GAME NOTES:

The Aeros got their fourth straight win tonight to tie their season high. They also got points for the fifth straight game. At this time, their record for the season is 26-21-1-8 (61 points) and good for sole possession of third place in the AHL's West Division. They're one point behind the Rockford IceHogs for second place, and they're two points ahead of fourth place Chicago and four points ahead of fifth place Iowa. Peoria is in sixth place with 54 points; Quad City sits in seventh place with 52 points, and last place San Antonio has 5o points. So just 12 points separate the second and last place teams.

And the Aeros are just off of a key road trip which saw them win three of six games while gaining points in four of the six. "We got points. We had a good road trip," Constantine said. "We came back home and won in a tough environment. We’ve won four in a row so we’ll just try to roll with it right now."

*******************

On the play of Love/Ryznar/Kassian, Constantine had more to say: "They’ve been a steady line for us. There’s a high level of trust in the coaches in that line that they’re going to play on our page, they’re going to play very physical, they’re going to be very trustworthy defensively. They rarely get themselves in trouble. Their line’s a real steadying influence for our team."

******************

Constantine was also asked about the improved play of Benoit Pouliot since his return to Houston from Minnesota: "I’ve had a good year and a half now to observe him as a professional athlete. I can just tell you that there’s a tremendous growth and maturity in his approach to the game of hockey. His focus on the game, his coachability on the game…it’s just really been fun to watch," Constantine said. "I’ve really enjoyed watching him grow up in the game."

*****************

What none of asked Constantine about, but in hindsight probably should have, was about the fantastic play of the team's power play units. The Aeros were 17th in the AHL on the power play when they went on the road trip. Coming into tonight's game, they had moved up to fifth place. And the Aeros were two-for-five on the power play tonight which gives them six straight games with a power play goal. They're also averaging more than a power play goal per game with 57 power play goals in 56 games. Last season, the Aeros scored only 61 power play goals total.

I'm pretty sure though that Constantine's answer would have been about the same as what he gave us for the team's overall improved play on the offensive end of the game: they've had some time to practice.

******************

With his goal tonight, Corey Locke now has 20 for the season in 53 games played. Last year's leading goal scorer, Joel Ward, had 21 goals for the entire season. And Locke's assist tonight gives him 37 for the season, which is just five short of his career high of 42. And with 57 total points, he is just 15 points away from his career high point total of 72.

*****************

This was the final game of Houston's 10th three-in-three this season. They have five more to go. They are 5-8-1-1 in the first of the three, 7-6-0-1 in game two, and 5-4-0-1 in game three. And no team in the AHL will play more than Houston's 15 three-in-three games this season.

*****************

And Kurtis Foster, in Houston for his reconditioning assignment, skated tonight, going in all three games of this three-in-three though it was expected he would only skate in two of the three. He's looking good, and he had two assists tonight, and he currently has four points for his four games played with Houston. He should be back up with the Wild come this weekend.

****************

And to play us out tonight, here is a little something for Fred Trask, who mentioned this song to me during dinner. It's kind of fitting, seeing as how the Aeros beat the Wolves tonight, and seeing as how they're the farm team to the Wild.

So here's the great, late, vastly underrated and under-appreciated Warren Zevon with "Werewolves of London."

INJURY UPDATE:

I meant to include this in the orginal post. So apologies.

Marco Rosa is suffering from a bruised ankle after taking a puck on it. This is the same ankle that's had him playing at 95% for most of the past several weeks. Constantine assured us that it's a new injury on a different spot of the same ankle. He said it's only a bruise and not a sprain, and he believes Rosa should return soon.

The news isn't so good for Danny Irmen and Morten Madsen. Constantine said that both of them have high ankle sprains, which he considers to be the most difficult injuries in hockey to recover from. He's not expecting them back at anytime in the near term.

Saturday Night Live Is Saturday Night Dead

Well, Mr. Pathetic -- that would be me -- has spent this Valentine's Day alone, as natural. And I've been watching Saturday Night Live. And I've got to tell you, they've had some bad SNL's over the years, but really, I swear, I don't think I've seen an SNL this bad since the final days of the Sandler/Spade/Farley/ Scheinder cast -- and those shows were awful.

One would think that with Alec Baldwin hosting the show they could come up with something good. But this crap tonight is so bad that not even Baldwin can make it funny. They should have asked to borrow Tina Fey instead of Cameron Diaz -- because Fey can write funny material. And when the first skit out of the open and the Digital Short star the Jonas Brothers, you know they've got nothing for the night. And the end of the show is a repeat of commercial parodies that aired earlier this year.

Did they think that because it was Valentine's that know one would be watching?

Oh, and one final thing: yes, Kristen Wiig is attractive, and funny. But you don't have to put her in every single sketch. Amy Poehler didn't even get shoved into these many sketches a show. Yes, I agree, Casey Wilson isn't funny, so get another woman if you must. Or use those two others that you've got. I don't know their names because they're new, but also BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT KRISTEN WIIG IN EVERY DAMN SKETCH.

What's So Funny 'Bout Covering The Cover of The Cover of The Original?

Fred, this is about as good as I can do. It's 28 seconds of Jakob Dylan on lead vocals for "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding" with Jenny Lewis and Zooey Deschanel on backing vocals. Elvis Costello sang the first and last verses of the song, Dylan took the middle part. Costello's in the clip on the guitar. But maybe this will give you an idea of how the song sounded.

Sex Sells -- The Polka Dot Bikini Edition

Continuing with my SI Swimsuit Issue due diligence. Here is Andy Roddick's girl friend, Brooklyn Decker. If he could only play tennis as well as she can wear a bikini he might be one of the greatest tennis players ever.

Breaking News: New York Has A Baseball Team

For some reason, I've been watching ESPN News today -- there's just not that much on and I'm too much of couch potato to get out and do anything, though I think I'm off to the movies later. Anyway, I've been watching ESPN News, and they mention that Spring Training started yesterday.

But the only two teams they talk about are the Yankees and the Dodgers. The Yankees because of A-Rod, and the Dodgers because of Joe Torre and his book.

Hey, ESPN, there are 28 other teams out there. How about talking about them for a change. Well, not the Red Sox or the Mets, but one of the others. Please.

Hank Aaron: The Record Belongs To Bonds

This is why I will always be a fan of Henry Aaron: the guy's got class.

While Bud Selig is dithering around like the incompetent fool that he is -- and Richard Justice is never going to make me think otherwise -- and trying to decide if he should take the home run record away from Barry Bonds and give it back to Aaron, Aaron has come out and stated that the record belongs to Barry Bonds.

Aaron acknowledges how important the record was to him, but he also states that Bonds earned the record. He states that no one knows when Bonds started juicing, so how do you adjust the stats. Then he says that if you mess with Bonds' stats then you have to start messing with the stats of everybody in the era.

It would be easy for Aaron to scream about being cheated out of his record. And there are numerous players out there bitching about such things -- Roy Oswalt, I'm talking to you -- but Aaron stays above that. That's because Henry Aaron is a classy guy who is a calm, steadying force in a void of chaos.

Somehow, I think that Selig will dither on about this for a year or so, then decide that Aaron is right.

What's So Funny 'Bout Covering The Cover of the Original?

One of Elvis Costello's best known songs is "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding." But most people don't know that Costello didn't write the song. He just covers it. Indeed the song was written, and originally recorded, by Costello's producer on some of his early works, Nick Lowe.

I stumbled across this on YouTube the other day. It's Nick Lowe doing the song on Jimmy Kimmel. I hope that you enjoy.



And Fred, I'm looking for the version that Costello did on his TV show that features Costello and Jakob Dylan on lead vocals and Jenny Lewis and Zooey Deschanel on backing vocals. It's fantastic.

Sex Sells -- Flying The Friendly Skies Edition

I've been continuing my SI Swimsiut issue due diligence. But this time, the choice isn't that hard. What with one of her swimsuit photos gracing the body of a Southwest Airlines 737, who better for today's swimsuit photo than Bar Refaeli -- though I really don't think you're supposed to go swimming in this outfit.

Spring Training Memories

I've been to Spring Training twice in my life. 1999 and 2000. My friend Cathy and her husband let me crash in their home outside of Orlando, and I spent the week both years traveling around watching the Astros and Tigers and Royals -- those were the three easiest stadiums to get to in the area.

I remember the first game.

It was one of the days that is just made for baseball. It was about 70. The sun was out and the sky was just that color of blue that you can only see at a baseball game. It was in the place where the Royals were playing at the time, the Boardwalk and Baseball complex which, by then, had shut down the boardwalk part. The Astros were playing the Royals.

I don't remember much about the game. I just remember these two incredibly beautiful women sitting in the row in front of me who were in Florida on spring break. They were high school teachers -- think the Van Halen video and the teachers in the bikinis and they looked nothing like any of the high school teachers I ever knew. And they loved baseball.

And sitting next to me were two St. Louis Cardinals fans who lived outside of Orlando and they wanted to see some baseball. And we all just talked about the greatness of baseball for about two hours. I have no idea who won the game -- not that it mattered. I was at a baseball game.

I remember walking back to my car, trying to step over one of those ropes they used to divide sections of the parking lot, and catching my foot and falling. I could have swore that I heard something snap in my ankle, and I had a very painful walk to my car, as well as a painful drive back into Orlando as it was my right ankle. It really swelled up and had a nice red color.

I limped around Florida the rest of the week. But I didn't miss any games.

I just wanted to share the story.

Because baseball starts today. And I don't care about steroids or HGH or recessions or ticket prices. I don't care.

That is all. Thanks for reading.

P.S.: I'm just sharing some of my photos from some of the stadiums I've been to. This is Safeco Field in Seattle.

Today Is The Greatest

"Today is the greatest
Day I've even known
Can't live for tomorrow
Tomorrow's much too long"

Smashing Pumpkins, "Today"

Yes, today is the greatest day I've ever known. And do you know why? Pitchers and catchers are reporting today. That's why.

The Astros might suck. Roy Oswalt might want Alex Rodriguez' marks erased from the record books because he used steroids while stating that he Clemens is innocent. Miguel Tejada and Carlos Lee might still think they can play baseball.

But I don't care. I don't care.

It's baseball season. It's a renewal. A time for new life. Every team stands a chance to win it all -- except for the Astros, the Pirates, the Reds, the Padres, the Marlins, the Royals, the Orioles, the Rangers. But it doesn't matter. It's baseball season. It's my way of disappearing from all of the disappointments of my life -- and I have many. I dare you, go to a baseball game and try not to lose yourself in a new, better world.

That's enough, I guess. I love baseball. And pitchers and catchers are reporting today. Nothing can go bad today. Nothing.

Southwest Lets You Get A Seat In The Rear

Southwest Airlines is always kind of good at getting attention. And like I've learned on this blog due to the spike I've had in readership since I started posting the daily swimsuit photos, Southwest Airlines knows that sex sells.

So they've decided the best way to sell flights is to paste the photo of one of the SI Swimsuit models -- in a bikini -- onto the body of one of their 737s. The lucky model is this year's cover girl, Bar Refaeli. So I guess if you have the right boarding pass number on Southwest, you can get a boob seat, or a literally, an ass seat.

I guess they're trying for the horny guy flight demo, but that they don't want to go back to the flight attendants in hot pants style they used in the 70s.

But seeing as how they're letting a model in barely existent bikini grace their airplane, it is kind of funny that they wouldn't let a woman fly on one of their planes because they thought her clothing was too revealing.

Truth Hits Everybody, Ain't That Right, Rocket?

What with A-Rod's confession, and Tejada's plea deal, and Rocket's defamation suit be kicked, I figured out just the perfect song to end this week. So here's The Police with "Truth Hits Everybody."

The Straightest Line Goes Through Atlanta

This is one of those things that might interest only me, but I noticed today that the Minnesota Wild beat writer Michael Russo has a bit of a strange travel schedule.

Strange in one of those oh-so-common ways with which anybody who travels on a regular basis is aware.

He's currently in Detroit. Tomorrow he returns to Minneapolis/St. Paul. By way of Atlanta.

I've had some pretty strange connections in my travel career. I do everything possible to avoid Atlanta, and because I fly Continental most of the time, I try to avoid Newark like the plague because a sprinkle shuts down that damn airport for about five hours. But I've never had to go out of the way to make a journey of about 700 miles.

My brother works for Delta, and I've heard tell stories of trips from Austin to Seattle by way of Atlanta. Or of trips home to Austin from Providence, RI by way of Salt Lake City. But Austin isn't a hub city, and my brother is trying to take flights that he's sure he'll be able to get on.

But Detroit and Minneapolis/St. Paul are both served by Northwest Airlines. They're both rather major airports for Northwest. So it just strikes me as kind of funny that the guy's having to fly home via Atlanta.

Sex Sells -- Sitting On Rocks Edition

I'm continuing with my due diligence review of the new SI Swimsuit issue. And like I said, there are no spectacular photos like some of those we've seen in the past of Heidi Klum and Christie Brinkley. That said, I rather like this one of Anne V.

The Disturbing Tale of Roberto Alomar

Perhaps the most disturbing thing I've read over the past couple of days involves former baseball player Roberto Alomar. Alomar, who was quite the All-Star at second base for the San Diego Padres, Toronto Blue Jays, Cleveland Indians, Baltimore Orioles, New York Mets, Chicago White Sox, Arizona Diamondbacks and Tampa Bay Devil Rays is being sued by his former girlfriend Ilya Dall.

Dall is suing Alomar for $15 million for having sex with her without a condom while knowing that he had AIDS, though another story states that he didn't actually know he had AIDS while they were having unprotected sex, but that he should have known since his doctors were encouraging him to be tested. The suit and stories detail the various physical problems that Alomar was suffering from. The suit also states that Alomar told Dall that, at age 17, he was raped by two Mexican men after a baseball game.

Dall claims that Alomar was diagnosed as HIV-positive in 2005, and that he was diagnosed with AIDS in 2006. Alomar's attorneys dismissed the allegations as frivolous. Alomar responded in his blog, stating that he is in good health and that this all a lie.

The Rocket Strikes Out Again

Okay, I'll give you the link to my post at the mothership when it goes up. And remember to click on it so that it gets some numbers. HERE IS THAT LINK. But...

U.S. District Court Judge Keith Ellison today dismissed most of Roger Clemens' defamation suit against Brian McNamee. Ellison stated that the proper venue for this lawsuit was New York. He also stated that McNamee's statements to George Mitchell's investigators were made as part of an ongoing federal investigation, and thus could not form the basis of a defamation lawsuit.

Ellison did not dismiss the portions of the lawsuit detailing McNamee's discussions with Andy Pettitte about Roger Clemens that occurred in Texas. But since Andy Pettitte has stated under oath that Clemens used HGH/steroids, then Clemens stands very little chance of winning that portion of the suit.

A Dunn Deal Is Finally Done

I want to offer congratulations to the Washington Nationals. They won the non-existent Adam Dunn sweepstakes yesterday, inking him to a two-year $20 million contract.

Dunn's not much on the batting average, but he's good for 40 homers a year -- he has hit at least 40 homers a year for each of the past five seasons -- and he's got a great on-base average. The guy might strike out a lot, but he gets on base a ton. He's not that great a fielder, but I think he more than makes up for it by his offense.

Of course, if I was a Nationals fan -- and there aren't that many of them from what I understand -- then I would be a bit disturbed for other reasons. Nationals GM Jim Bowden seems to be trying to reassemble the Cincinnati Reds in Washington, which is a bad thing because the Reds weren't that good. Dunn will be joining former teammates Austin Kearns, Ryan Wagner, Dmitri Young, and Wily Mo Pena.

(Oh, note to ESPN to whose story I'm linking. Aaron Boone is currently property of the Houston Astros, not the Washington Nationals.)

(And Brian McTaggart of the Chron reports that Dunn's agent contacted the Astros last week, but the Astros weren't interested.)

And Bobby Abreu, another free agent outfielder with a power bat and a decent defensive skill set appears to have finally found a team. He signed a one-year $5 million contract with the Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim. Abreu is 35 and a graduate of the Houston Astros farm system. He's the only player in MLB history with 200 homers, 300 steals, .400 on-base percentage, and a .300 career batting average.

This also means that the options are quick running out for Manny Ramirez, as there were some who thought the Angels might try and snatch him away from the Dodgers. But that's not going to be happening.

Down By The Riverside, It's Bound To Be A Better Ride

Maybe it's just me -- and it probably is -- but with all of the steroids/HGH crap that's been going on with Miguel Tejada and Alex Rodriguez as we're just now on the verge of Spring Training, I find that I've got this song from The Bangles stuck in my head. I think it just gets to the way I feel about all of this.

So here's The Bangles with "Hazy Shade of Winter."

Don't Be Like Mike Night

The Milwaukee Admirals of the American Hockey League are having a fun crowd promotion on February 19. In (dis)honor of Michael Phelps, the Admirals are hosting a "Don't Be Like Mike" night. Anyone who is a graduate of the DARE drug program and brings their graduation certificate to the box office can in for two dollars.

But the rest of the fans don't need to fret. Anyone named Michael, Phelps, Cheech, Chong, Weed, or Wied can also get a two dollar ticket, as can anyone who comes with their Olympic gold medal. If the Admirals score a goal at 4:20 of any period, a lucky fan will win season tickets for next season. And the team will also be giving away a weed wacker.

And the team also announced that there will be a document shredder at the top of section 225 so that the fans can destroy any embarrassing or incriminating photos.

So there you have it Milwaukee. That sounds like a fun time.

Once Again, With Feeling...Ken Caminiti Did Not Die Because of Steroids

I made the mistake of listening to some sports talk radio today. And one of the hot topics was steroids in baseball. And one of the local Houston idiots started going on about how dangerous steroids are, and how using steroids can kill you.

I'm not going to get debate the dangers of steroids. And I'm sure that the improper use of steroids can probably kill a person. But...

Steroid use is not why Ken Caminiti died.

I know that Caminiti used steroids. The whole world knows that Caminiti did steroids. But do you know what? Caminiti was a drug addict. He was arrested multiple times for cocaine use. And do you know why he died such at such a relatively young age?

He died of a drug overdose. An overdose of cocaine and opiates. Not steroids.

I understand the need to have scary examples to present to youth. And I understand that Ken Caminiti is a good example to use for the evils of steroids. But the story of his wasted life should be a good enough example as it is. There's no need to keep with the myth that he died from using steroids.

Because he didn't.

Sex Sells -- The Bottomless Edition

Okay, I've been doing my due diligence and checking out this year's SI Swimsuit Issue. And I'm finding myself slightly disappointed. There's just nobody around this year to compare with some of the past models, like Heidi Klum, or Christie Brinkley, or Kathy Ireland, or Tyra Banks, or Rachel Hunter, or... well, you get what I'm saying.

That said, here's a photo that I like. And this young lady is Melissa Haro. I hope she didn't get any splinters.

Mr. Tejada Goes To Washington (WITH UPDATE)

This is cross-posted over at the mothership here. So give it a click to help the numbers....

Miguel Tejada appeared in court today and pleaded guilty to one misdemeanor count of making a misleading statement to Congressional investigators. Tejada acknowledged that he lied when he denied to investigators any knowledge of banned substances being used by other major league players. Prosecutors told the judge that they had "insufficient evidence" to prove that Tejada lied when he denied taking steroids or HGH.

Sentencing has been set for March 26, 2009. The maximum punishment for Tejada's transgression is one year in jail and a $1000 fine, but it is very doubtful that Tejada will get this punishment. Tejada has been released on his own recognizance, but he must report weekly, by telephone, to a federal probation officer, and he must undergo drug testing.

Tejada will be holding a press conference here in Houston later today.

There are a couple of items of interest here.

First, it sounds, by means of this plea, that Tejada is still denying that he took steroids or HGH. But he does admit to purchasing HGH. Will his admission of buying, but not taking the HGH serve as that apology and act of contrition that Richard Justice so longs, or will he get the A-Rod treatment which is that he's still not telling the truth? I say the Chron goes into overdrive to make sure we all know that Tejada was just an innocent who must be forgiven.

Besides, Tejada is now locked into this story in that I'm sure an admission at a press conference that he actually took HGH/steroids will result in a maximum punishment for Tejada, as well as a probably giving the Feds a good reason to revoke the plea agreement.

And though I don't deal with immigration law, several of my colleagues who do have informed me that Crimes of Moral Turpitude, which includes lying to Congress, can be rather a problem to immigrants. I'm pretty sure that Tejada's attorneys have it as part of the plea that Tejada's immigration status will not be affected, but the law, from what I've been told, does allow for the deportation of immigrants who commit such crimes, and it also allows immigration officers to forbid immigrants from entering the country.

I'm sure that Tejada's attorneys have an understanding with the Feds that Tejada's immigration status won't be affected, but it's still an interesting topic to think about. Still, we probably won't know anything further on this until his sentencing hearing on March 26. And it's going to be interesting to see just what it is Tejada admits to this afternoon.

UPDATE: Well damn, what do you know? Quoting from a letter sent by the Feds to Tejada and his attorneys regarding a possible plea agreement: "His guilty plea in this case may subject him to detention, deportation and other sanctions at the direction of the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement."

I don't think he's getting deported. But perhaps things are a bit more serious than I thought.

News Flash: Astros Suck

Bad news Astros fans, the Baseball Prospectus people have just released their projected team standings and records for the season. And well, let's just say that they have a different take on things than Richard Justice.

As you can see, they've got the Astros picked to finish in fifth place, just barely above the Pittsburgh Pirates, with a 66-96 record. I don't find much to argue with, as I wrote basically the same thing over at the mothership the other day.

As you can see, their picks for last year were off -- they had the Rays in fourth place in the AL East and the Phillies finishing third in the NL East. But their picks are based on a thorough knowledge and understanding of stats, and with the Astros, their pick seems to be about right to me.

That's what you get when your team has one legit ace, Roy Oswalt, and a bunch of four-five starters backing him up in the rotation. And that's what you get when you depend on the rapidly aging Miguel Tejada to put up the stats of his youth, and when you depend on Kaz Matsui to stay healthy. Or when you hope that Michael Bourn has got his act together. Or that Aaron Boone/Geoff Blum can be a viable alternative at third, or that Humberto Quintero is a legit catcher.

Yeah, Astros baseball is going to be fun this season. Real fun.

Sacrificing The Soul

Okay, here's my full-blown post on the Tejada thing that's supposed to be happening in a few minutes. We'll see how accurate I am. I also go further in-depth on A-Rod and Richard Justice and Selana Roberts.

And Rob, as requested, here's Santana and "Soul Sacrifice," live from Woodstock.

There's A Smart Young Woman...

"Green Shirt" is probably one of my favorite Elvis Costello songs. That and "Lipstick Vogue." And for some reason, with all of the fun we're going to face today because of Miguel Tejada, I just have the yearning to listen to this song over and over again.

So I'm going to share.

Here's Elvis Costello and The Attractions with "Green Shirt."

Stormy Weather Ahead For The Senate

Now we all like to bitch about how the government is trying to screw us over. But if the voters of Louisiana get their chance, a member of the U.S. Senate might actually be someone who made her living getting screwed over.

Porn star Stormy Daniels, age 29, is currently considering making a run for the Senate in her home state of Louisiana, and there is a movement in the state to draft her to run. If she were to run, she would be running against the incumbent Republican Senator, David Vitter, who might be better known throughout the country as that senator caught playing around with, and paying lots of money, to high-class prostitutes in Washington, D.C.

She probably doesn't stand a chance, but if there's one state where someone could pull this off, it would be Louisiana. And, well, I guess there would be some justice to having a person really experienced with screwing people, so to speak, in a position to screw us all over.

(And if you want to see her nude pictures, then do your own Google search.)

Not Leveraging My Disbelief

So I've finished with my writing for the mothership, and I'm trying to goof off a bit while watching the telly. I'm catching up on that Tim Hutton show on TNT, Leverage, which I find to be an amusing diversion in an Ocean's Eleven type way.

And I'm generally willing to go along with the whole suspension of disbelief thing because the cast is good, the editing and photography slick, and like I said, it's a pleasant diversion. But about 10 minutes in to tonight's show, they show two of the male characters at a table in their conference room, and they make a point of how they're watching all of the day's game on the NFL Direct Ticket package -- and they show about nine screens worth of NFL football games being played.

There's just one problem. It's already been established that one of the female characters is doing her jury service duty that day. In fact, she even comes into the board room after the jury's done for the day, and she starts talking to the guys, and they're yelling at her to get out of the way because they're trying to watch all of the football games.

Only they couldn't be watching any football games because the NFL doesn't play a slate of day games during the middle of the week. And they sure as hell don't have jury duty on Sundays.

So just like that, I'm gone. I try to get back into the show, but it just never happens. Instead, I end up back here, typing away, while I wait for Craig Ferguson to get started.

Richard Justice Doesn't Like A-Rod But Hearts Miguel Tejada

I had planned to use the night writing here on the CVC about Miguel Tejada and Alex Rodriguez and some rank hypocrisy coming from Richard Justice of the Chron. But I've just spent the past three hours writing a post on this topic for the mothership -- they pay me after all -- and I'm rather tired.

It's a bit long, so hopefully the editors won't chop it up, and hopefully it will run before 10:00 a.m. our time or else parts of it will be outdated because of Tejada's court appearance. I don't feel like playing the big link game, but let's just say that Richard Justice wants us all to forgive Miguel Tejada, despite Tejada having lied to Congress, but he's angry at Alex Rodriguez because, even though A-Rod hasn't lied under oath or lied in a criminal proceeding, and even though it was A-Rod's rights who were violated by the leaking of his name, A-Rod hasn't shown enough contrition, especially toward SI reporter Selena Roberts who A-Rod accused of stalking him.

Justice, not knowing Roberts, vouched for her integrity. But Justice forgot to state that Roberts was one of the chief culprits behind the media crucifixion of those Duke lacrosse players accused of rape several years ago, and despite every thing she wrote about it being wrong, has never apologized to those players.

So Roberts and Tejada don't have to express sorrow or apologize, A-Rod, the only guy who has apologized for his wrong actions, isn't contrite enough.

Oh, and the ClownVision Chronicles got its first national link today as the Baseball Musings blog linked to my post on Tejada.

Sex Sells -- Heidi Klum Edition

I know that Bar Refaeli is the new SI Swimsuit Cover Model, but damn, have you seen these pictures of Heidi Klum...




I just can't say no to more Heidi.

Miguel Tejada Charged With Lying To Congress

I'm still waiting for the mothership to post this, but...

Charges were filed today against Houston Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada for "unlawfully, willingly and knowingly" lying to Congressional investigators about the steroid usage of Rafael Palmerio.

Tejada is set to appear in U.S. District Court at 11:00 tomorrow morning. It is being speculated that the parties have entered into a plea agreement which will be read into the record at the time of the hearing.

There has yet to be a comment from Tejada or the Houston Astros on this matter.

And I'll try to post more info tonight.

The Pressing Issues of the Day

This post isn't meant to be political. It's meant to be an attack on the idiots in the so-called mainstream media.

So I don't know how many of you watched President Obama's press conference last night, but if you did, you noticed that he answered about 13 questions. And he gave long answers -- some with which I agreed, and some with which I didn't. And some of you might have noticed during the press conference that the President called on a blogger with the Huffington Post for a question. Bloggers generally can't get into these things with the big boy media, but there were actually a couple allowed in.

The best part about the whole thing is that the blogger asked a better question than most of his colleagues. Indeed, while we're facing the onset of a possible depression, and more banks going kaput, and continued problems overseas, the reporter from the Washington Post decided to use his question to ask President Obama his opinion on Alex Rodriguez admitting to using steroids.

Now maybe the guy was confused. Maybe he thought Bush was still president and we all know what a baseball guy Bush was. But I saw it as just another failure of the mainstream press. With so many important issues, he chose to waste time on Alex Rodriguez. But then again, so much of the mainstream media seems to exist nowadays only for the purpose of wasting time.

I've Got It Bad, Got It Bad, Got It Bad

Hopefully a little Van Halen will be enough to wake up everybody this morning. And if you've got to hit classes today, maybe this will give you something to look forward to.

So here's Van Halen (David Lee Roth edition) with "Hot For Teacher."

ESPN Suspends Scott Van Pelt For Being Correct

I don't listen to ESPN Radio much. I got kind of tired of Mike and Mike's act, and I've never been able to stand Colin Cowherd -- really, is there a bigger, less knowledgeable ass in broadcasting than Cowherd. So I missed it last week when Scott Van Pelt went on a rant against Bud Selig.

Van Pelt spoke of how reading about Selig's salary made him choke on his own vomit and just went on to blast Selig left-and-right and up-and-down. Van Pelt went down the logical road. He asked how a guy responsible for letting steroids in baseball spiral out of control could make $18 million a year? He reminded everybody about how Bud's solution to a tied All-Star Game with no pitchers left was to shrug his shoulders, then Bud's great idea to make the home field advantage in the World Series dependent on the winner of the All-Star Game which is actually an exhibition contest. Then he went on about Game Five of the just concluded World Series and how Selig was seemingly making up the rules as he went along.

Van Pelt said what most people think about Bud Selig anyway -- well, not Richard Justice -- but most of us sane people. And Van Pelt did what you want a good radio talk host to do, he got people thinking. ESPN's response was a suspension (link includes the actual radio statements).

Now the prick that is Colin Cowherd deliberately set out to destroy a website several years ago, and faced no punishment -- he got an internet rebuke from the ESPN ombudsman, but nothing more -- but the result for going on about Bud Selig is a suspension. Of course, ESPN holds the rights to MLB, so maybe there are some execs trying to kiss up to Bud and keep him happy. But you just can't punish Van Pelt for doing his job.

Especially since he was right. And especially since ESPN personalities have said much worse about the likes of Alex Rodriguez and Barry Bonds, and especially since some of ESPN's reporters just do nothing but make crap up.

Matt's The Man

File photo of a fighting Matt Kassian courtesy of Fred Trask.

I couldn't help but notice that Matt Kassian got a goal for the Aeros on Sunday night. Which makes me happy because I'm a fan of Matt's and I've been pulling for him to get his goal -- which was his first point this season.

Kassian's a great guy to talk to every night in the locker room. He's always ready with a quip and he just always seems like a nice guy. He's also one of those guys who realizes his role in the team, and while I'm not always around, to me, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who goes about bitching that he's not playing on a line with Krys Kolanos every night.

When Kassian plays, he generally plays on what I've come to refer to as the Aeros "scoring line" -- that's the line with Kassian, Mitch Love, and Jason Ryznar. Mitch Love is the leading scorer on this line, so that should tell you how dangerous this line is on offense. Then again, that lines really delivers solid hits and doesn't make a lot of dumb mistakes. Which is a good thing because the Aeros sometimes tend to be a team that makes a lot of dumb mistakes.

And Krys Kolanos had another good night last night. He didn't get a goal, but he got three assists. I like having Kolanos around, because the offense just seems to run better when he's around to push the puck. But...

At some point, this team needs to be able to prove that this offense can perform without Kolanos around. Corey Locke is able to handle things for himself without Kolanos, but he doesn't seem to have the ability to pull the entire team along with him like Kolanos does.

The Aeros are off until Friday when they take on Iowa in Des Moines, but they'll be spending the week in St. Paul practicing with the Wild.

But congratulations Matt.

I've Got A Confession To Make

I have a confession to make. I think I know how Alex Rodriguez got nailed with the steroids. And I think it's partly my fault.

It all started at Minute Maid Park, or Enron Field as it was then called. And the Rangers were in town to play the Astros -- the Silver Boot was at stake. And while the game was being played, I was doing my standard job of logging the game on beta tapes for MLB and switching the concourse monitors from the Fox Sports baseball feed to the DiamondVision feed between innings.

A friend of mine, who requested that (s)he be referred to only as Vixen, sat to my right doing his(her) job of shading the cameras -- shading cameras means that one is adjusting the light levels so that all of the cameras look the same on your TV screen. A good example is Texas Stadium with that giant hole in the middle. You know how sometimes a player busts a long run and goes from the dark part of the stadium into the bright sunshine portion, and the screen is suddenly white and you can barely see anything before the picture adjusts -- well there's some guy in a truck fiddling with knobs so as to fix the picture so you can see. Well that's what Vixen was doing.

And the Astros were losing -- yeah, that's a big shock -- and we were bored, so Vixen got someone to bring us some nachos. I wasn't really hungry -- yeah, that's a big shock, too -- so I passed. And Astros brass saw Vixen eating nachos and made Vixen get rid of the nachos. I didn't see Vixen for awhile, but I noticed that A-Rod seemed to perk up a bit.

So now it all makes sense to me. Vixen handed over the nachos to A-Rod. And just like that A-Rod was juicing. And it's all my fault. Because if I would have had my share of the nachos, A-Rod may never have juiced.

My Memories Have Just Been Sold

None of the girls I ever dreamed about/went to school with in high school have ever ended up as a Centerfold, though I have had two friends who have had college classmates appear in the Girls of the Southwest Conference edition -- which should tell you how long ago that was.

Anyway, here's the J. Geils Band and "Centerfold."

Manny Sings The Blues

I really didn't intend to post anything else today, but I came across this post/joke over at Deadspin, and I just had to share...

St. Louis Blues goalie Manny Legace was waived on Friday, and he's supposed to report to the Blues AHL affiliate Peoria Rivermen tomorrow. Legace is a former NHL All-Star (2207-2008), which means he was an All-Star last season. But things got off to a bad start for Legace early this season when Sarah Palin made a campaign stop in St. Louis before a Blues game. They put a carpet out on the ice so that Palin could go out to center ice and drop the puck. A carpet which Legace tripped on, causing an injury.

So Sarah Palin, along with ending John McCain's presidential hopes, may have ended Legace's career. So that's some real straight shooting for you.

I Was Struck By Lightning, Walking Down The Street

There's so much I could be writing about today. Like all of the stuff surrounding Alex Rodriguez and steroids testing. Or the Aeros losing another game in the shootout -- a shootout which got Kevin Constantine ejected from the game for arguing over the condition of the ice in front of the net. Then there's a couple of ridiculous stories over at the Chron about how the Astros really really have a chance to go to the playoffs this season.

But this is just one of those days where I don't feel like doing a damn thing, much less sitting at this computer and writing. So I think I'm taking a pass for today.

That said, I did have a video I wanted to share. Primarily because I almost drove off of the road when I heard this song on the radio yesterday. Those of us who live in Houston know that Houston's terrestrial radio sucks. So imagine my shock when a Houston radio station decided to play some Oingo Boingo. And not "Weird Science," which is perhaps the band's best known song, but "Dead Man's Party," which happens to be my favorite.

So, on video jukebox, here's Oingo Boingo, live in 1985, with "Dead Man's Party."

Is A-Rod A-Fraud?

Sports Illustrated is reporting that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroid use in 2003. The testing was part of a supposedly anonymous agreement between the owners and the players union to determine if further testing should take place starting the next season.

There are, supposedly, 104 MLB players who tested positive on this test. Alex Rodriguez is the only name that has been made public. Sports Illustrated does not name the people who provided the information, only stating that two sources are familiar with the test results, and two are familiar with the evidence gathered by the government in it's investigation of steroids.

This pisses me off, but not why you think, so hear me out.

This is not the first time the name of these 104 players has been supposedly been leaked. In the past, Jeff Bagwell, Luis Gonzalez, and Albert Pujols have supposedly been linked to steroid use. I remember the day the Mitchell Report in December 2007. Hours before the report a list of names was leaked and the names were reported as steroid users. Among those names were Luis Gonzalez, Jeff Bagwell, and Albert Pujols. And as anyone who has read the Mitchell Report knows, neither of those guys was named.

I'm also pissed off because of the privacy violations. I'm a big civil liberties guy. And I'm a big fourth amendment fan. The Feds got a warrant to allow them access to these tests as they applied to the 10 players who were part of the BALCO operation. But the Feds decided to take all of the results, for all of the players. Steroids or not, I'm really hoping that the judge starts doing something to these Federal assholes besides just shout at them.

It bugs me that only one of the 104 names has been leaked -- and I'm betting the Feds had something to do with that list. And I'm betting that this leaking has something to do with the beating the Feds are getting from the judge in the Barry Bonds case.

I'm sure we've all heard that the Feds supposedly have records indicating that Bonds took steroids in 2000-2001, only the judge in that case has essentially told the prosecutors that she's not going to allow those tests to be used as evidence because they can't be properly authenticated.

So it just strikes me as rather strange that as the government is getting its ass kicked in court, another name suddenly becomes public.

And why just A-Rod? Why not leak all of the names? Let's get them all in the public. If you're going to break the law and release A-Rod's name, then break the law and do it with all of the players involved.

I'm not saying Rodriguez didn't do steroids. But there's just something a little rotten about his being the only name leaked to the press. And that bugs me. Especially when the Feds broke the law to get the results in the first place.

Sex Sells -- The Houston Texans Edition

I like to rag on the Houston Texans a lot -- primarily because they suck. But they've finally done something right and produced a winner. That something right being a lovely lass named Randi who has been named by Maxim.com as the NFL's Hottest Cheerleader.

Congratulations to Randi. And congratulations to the Houston Texans who are finally number one at something.

Your Request Is My Command

Rob, this is for you. Here is LeAnn Rimes performing on "Live From Abbey Road." She is peforming her first hit song, "Blue."

Enjoy.



And remember, if anybody has a request for something, then let me know.

Evil Exists, And It's Name Is Ticketmaster

I hate Ticketmaster. I hate Ticketmaster with a passion that is not even matched by my hatred of George W. Bush. Yeah, that's right, I really hate Ticketmaster.

I think Ticketmaster is sleazy. I think there is no reason I should have to end up paying $60 for a $35 ticket after all of the fees are included. You know the convenience fee. And the ticket surcharge fee. And the Ticketmaster is god's gift fee. And the fee for printing the ticket. And the fee for buying the ticket online/the fee for buying the ticket in person.

Does anybody remember when, back in the mid-90s during the height of grunge, that Pearl Jam decided to take on Ticketmaster. Eddie Vedder even went before Congress to testify about the evils of Ticketmaster. And remember how Pearl Jam tried to stage a tour without using Ticketmaster, but had trouble booking legit venues because Ticketmaster had contracts with all of the big venues.

Ticketmaster is a necessary evil -- though we've been kind of lucky in Houston the past couple of years in that Toyota Center is under the auspices of Live Nation, so there is a little competition for venue funds. But that doesn't mean that Ticketmaster won't still find a way to screw everyone over. How else to explain the merger with Live Nation that would put most of the country's major music venues under one monopolistic umbrella -- I can't wait to see what fees they will make us pay now.

But Ticketmaster might have gone too far. They pissed off Bruce Springsteen.

Apparently The Boss is going to be doing a show in New Jersey. And the tickets went on sale last week, and The Boss fans logged onto the computer to purchase their tickets, only to find they were being redirected to a Ticketmaster scam ticket-retail subsidiary site run by Ticketmaster where Springsteen fans were told the show was sold out and that they had to pay resale prices for the tickets -- Ticketmaster was selling tickets at over $3000 for some seats.

Springsteen has gone on the attack, blasting Ticketmaster and forcing Ticketmaster to refund some of the dollars paid by fans who had to use the scam site. And Springsteen is promising to fight the merger. But frankly, I don't have much hope. Ticketmaster is evil after all, and evil always triumphs. Especially when it comes to scamming people out of their money.

But before I go, I feel the need to repeat my basis thesis...

TICKETMASTER IS EVIL! IT IS A PAWN OF SATAN THAT EXISTS TO MAKE UP REASONS TO SCAM PEOPLE OUT OF MONEY! REALLY, TEN DOLLAR CONVENIENCE FEES WHEN I'M THE ONE DOING THE WORK?

I don't really believe in Hell and a god and all of that. But I swear, if they do exist, it will be populated by George W. Bush, Tom DeLay, Dick Cheney, and the Ticketmaster pricks who have thought up all of these stupid-ass fees.

Here's a little extra video jukebox which best represents what I think about Ticketmaster.

McHockey Uniforms From Hell

H/T to Mr. Fred. I give you probably the world's ugliest hockey uniforms, hell, the ugliest uniforms of any sport whatsoever. And yes, these guys are dressed in McDonald's uniforms.

Ending The Work Week With Heidi

There's a legit reason that I've been posting all of these SI Swimsuit photos -- besides I like attractive women in swimsuits and besides the fact that sex sells. I was doing research for a slideshow on the SI Swimsuit issue over at the mothership. I used only ten pictures there, so I didn't want all of the others going to waste. Some of the photos I've already posted over here, but most I haven't. So go have a look.

And I'll end this week with one of the photos that didn't make the mothership. Here's Heidi Klum. I think I'm getting a thing for Germans.

No One Person Is More Special Than The Press Pass

I just found out about this story yesterday, but it bugged me, so I've got to put in my two cents worth...

A 17-year-old volunteer was banned from the General Motor Centre in Oshawa, Ontario for speaking to hockey commentator Don Cherry. But there are a few more facts. The kid was a volunteer cameraman working for Rogers TV. And he had been warned on several occasions by the arena operators to not bother the players or the celebrities. The teen ignored the warnings, so he was banned.

But that's not all.

Apparently the kid, Billy Steele, suffers from attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity. And his father claimed that because of this, Steele has difficulty with following rules, and thus should not have been banned.

And I call bull. I've got a niece who is autistic. It's a mild case, but she still has it. And my brother and sister-in-law are doing everything to make sure that she's mainstreamed with those her age. They don't ask for special rules. They want her to follow the same rules that everyone else must follow.

And I've worked in arenas for many, many years. Way too many years maybe. And the passes I get always specify where I can, and cannot go in the arena. Now press passes give you pretty much all-access. But you just can't strolling into the locker room at any time, and you just can't go up to the suites and start bugging people. The passes always have these disclaimers, and it's made clear that my pass can be revoked at any time.

I feel sorry for this kid. But he ignored the rules. If this would have happened just once, I would be in his corner. But it happened multiple times. And now his family is claiming that his ADD should give him special privileges to ignore those rules he might break. And that's wrong. I don't know of any disability that gives one the right to ignore basic rules. And these are basic rules that the kid violated.

What bugs me more than anything is that Don Cherry, who's the Canadian hockey equivalent of John Madden intervened and tried to get the kid his spot back. Cherry didn't know what was going on, and he tried to make this kid exempt from the rules. Cherry failed.

And I know that I sound like a mean hearted bastard. But I don't care. Having attention deficit disorder doesn't make this kid any more special than a kid who's blind or deaf.

Now I return you to your regular programming of bikini photos and songs.

You Got To Know The Rules

Those of you who don't live in Houston might not know that the Texans got nailed by ESPN yesterday for violating the collective bargaining agreement and holding full-contact practices when they weren't supposed to. Even after the player reps told Gary Kubiak they were forbidden by the CBA. Even after three players were lost for the season because of the drills.

Now this happened last May, but we're only now finding this out. Primarily because the Chron's Texans beat writer says he doesn't know what's going on in the practices and because the injured players were only reserves he didn't really care why they were hurt. So I call him out on his laziness and his lack of knowledge in this post over at the mothership.

And frankly, if I were the Chron's publisher, I'd be really pissed that time after time the Chron's sportswriters are scooped by ESPN on what should be an easy to get local story.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head (with Puppets)

Well, thanks to YouTube, I can share more of what is becoming my late, insomnia-fueled obsession, the Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson. And here, once again, are the lip-syncing puppets.

Stupid Is As Stupid Says

I made the mistake of listening to Houston sports talk radio yesterday. And I was shocked to learn that there are so-called experts in Houston who think the Astros made a mistake in letting Ty Wigginton leave the team.

Wigginton's a career mediocre player who got really, really hot last August. The figures he put up last season are like no stats he's ever put up in his career. And off of these numbers he was going to make way too much money. I usually get on Drayton McLane for being cheap, but he was dead right with Wigginton. And the fact that Wigginton just signed a contract with the Baltimore Orioles for less than he made with the Astros last season shows just what his true worth really is.

The Astros are going to be bad this year. But let's not blame it on letting Ty Wigginton get away.

A Reason For Life

There's this great show on NBC on Wednesday night's called Life. It's a show about a cop who was wrongly convicted of murder, is freed after a decade, wins a large settlement from the city, and though he is rich, goes back to being cop. I could tell you about how great a show it is. Or how incredible actor Damian Lewis is as the Charlie Crewes, the cop.

But maybe this photo of the nice young woman, Sarah Shahi, who plays his partner Dani Reese will get you to watch the show. Oh by the way, she used to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.

I Can't Get To Sleep...

As those of you who have been reading this week know -- or have been reading my odes to Craig Ferguson -- I'm going through a bout of insomnia. And I thought I would share with you what I think is becoming my theme song.

So here is Men At Work with "Overkill."



By the way, I always thought this band should have lasted longer and been bigger than it was. But what do I know? I can't get to sleep, after all.

Moneyball: The Movie

I like Brad Pitt. I think he's a good actor. And I like his choice of projects. I like how Pitt, like George Clooney and Matt Damon -- two other favorites of mine -- takes chances and doesn't always do commercial films.

That said...

Brad Pitt is set to star in the Moneyball: The Art of Winning An Unfair Game. For those of you who aren't big sports fans, this is a book that is primarily about Billy Beane, the general manager of the small market Oakland A's as he seeks ways to use obscure stats to find players on the cheap that will help his team stay competitive with big market behemoths like the New York Yankees.

Oh,this is a true story.

I don't like Billy Beane. I think he's a jerk. But he's done a hell of a job with his baseball team. And the guy's got a lot of followers who have spread out around various teams in MLB. And it's funny how people who don't really understand what Beane is doing try to copy Beane.

But this isn't a movie. At least not the book that I read. Beane is a charismatic jackass, and I think Pitt can pull this off. I just don't see how this can be turned into a movie. There's very little actual sports action. It just doesn't seem cinematic to me.

Then again, Steve Zaillian, the guy who wrote Traffic, is taking a stab at the script. And Pitt is trying to get Steve Soderbergh to direct, and Soderbergh's one of those directors who can make anything a visual treat. So maybe this team can pull it off.

But I just don't see it.

P.S.: I do have a casting suggestion. While not a figure in the book, baseball Hall of Famer Joe Morgan is a big critic of Beane and the book, though he's never read the book. I think Morgan needs to be in this book, and I would get Cuba Gooding, Jr. Because anyone who's listened to Morgan for nearly the past two decades on ESPN pretty much thinks he's a buffoon, and Gooding seems to be just the type to play a buffoon.

Throw Out The Sheets

One of this baseball season's off-season free agent mysteries -- besides Manny Ramirez not yet having a contract -- has been the seeming lack of interest in starting pitcher Ben Sheets. While an injury risk the past several years, Sheets was still been a dependable horse for the Milwaukee Brewers rotation. So it was expected that he would be snapped up and signed to a contract pretty quickly.

Only that never happened.

Word came out last week that Sheets was about to sign an incentive-laden two-year contract with the Texas Rangers, pending the physical exam. And then he had the physical exam.

The Rangers are not signing Sheets to a contract. It seems that the flexor tendon he injured while pitching with the Brewers last season has not healed, and it appears he will be having surgery that will keep him out of baseball for the 2009 season.

So it appears the Ben Sheets mystery is solved. But there's still no answer to the Manny Ramirez mystery.

Well, since I did Michael Penn's "No Myth" yesterday, I thought I would go with his wife today. So here's Aimee Mann with "Save Me" from her soundtrack for P.T. Anderson's "Magnolia."



This entire soundtrack, to me, is one of the best of the past decade.

Sex Sells -- The Round Ball Edition

I'm not as big of an NBA fan that I used to be. But there's something about Marisa Miller and a body painted Sacramento Kings jersey is almost enough to make me want to watch a game.

But only if Marisa Miller is playing.

Manny Being Manny

I am a fan of Manny Ramirez. I have never denied that. I will never deny that. The guy's a hitter. He's an RBI machine. He hits for average. He hits for power. He's got great on-base stats. The guy just performs.

I don't mind his antics. I kind of enjoy the whole Manny-being-Manny thing. Hell, name me another outfielder who could make a catch, leap up over the wall to high-five a fan, then make the throw back to first base to get the runner.

There are lot of people who don't like Manny. They're probably Yankee fans. They're also probably those same people who think that Derek Jeter is the greatest player to ever play the game. In other words, they're people who really don't know jack about baseball.

And for those of you who don't know jack, let me introduce you to this post from Joe Posnanski, who's one of the finest sportswriters on the planet. And with this post, you'll learn that everything aside, Manny is a winner. Where ever he goes, the team wins. Except for a his first partial season with Cleveland, no team that he has ever played on has had a losing season.

It's just stupid to me that no one wants to pay this guy. Especially if you want your team to win.

So remember, Manny Ramirez. Probably the best winner in baseball.

Gary Kubiak In Deep Do-Do

In case you haven't seen the news on ESPN.com yet, then I blog it at the mothership. The Texans are under investigation by the NFL -- and facing a possible lawsuit -- for holding full-contact, full-speed drills in last May's mini-camp. The problem, the Collective Bargaining Agreement forbids such drills.

Kubiak was informed of this, and ignored it. Three linemen were injured and have filed grievances with the NFL. One of the players, who may have suffered a career-ending injury, is supposed to be filing a lawsuit.

Yodeling Puppets

I'm making it my mission to get you guys hooked on Craig Ferguson. So I'm bringing you another clip from the show, this being the pre-credit opening to Monday night's show. But first, if you didn't watch last night, his monologue was a great mix of mockery -- the Houston woman with the world's biggest boobs -- with funny populism -- his take on Obama's pay cut for executives where the execs now can't make more than $500,000 and that any average American can take a bank and spend all of the money so that there's none left, but it takes a real genius to take a bank and drive it millions and millions of dollars into the red.

But enough of that.

Here's the video of Monday's pre-credit open. It's lip-syncing puppets. Enjoy.

The Brand New MLB Network

So I'm flipping through the Chron's on-line edition yesterday, and I came across a wire story from the Associated Press in the sports section. It was this breathless story about the new baseball field studio at this new thing called the MLB Network.

Now never mind that the MLB Network started up on New Year's Day. Or that the network's signature show, "Hot Stove," has segments from this baseball field studio every night. Never mind any of that because apparently the writer at the Associated Press has never seen anything associated with the MLB Network until now, because the writer thought this thing was brand new and have never before been seen.

It's nice to see that the Associated Press is on the ball.

You Ask, I Deliver

As requested, here is today's video jukebox. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers with "Even The Losers." This type of video is why I love YouTube. This is from a 1980 performance for French television.

The Cellular Data Network From Hell

You know those great AT&T commercials about always having the bars on your phone and about being able to get e-mails etc. about where the nude beaches are? Yeah, all of that stuff is great. And all of those apps on the iPhone? Yeah they're fantastic fun to play with. When the AT&T Cellular Data network is working.

And once again, today, the AT&T network in Texas went down. Just like it did on Monday. Now it went down on Monday because the lines were cut by someone doing construction. Guess what? The same thing happened today. Not just the lines being cut. No, the exact same lines at the exact same location.

Now it's possible that Verizon Wireless mob is running around doing this, but it sounds like AT&T just did an awful job of marking their lines. So I think there should be a disclaimer in their ads -- does not apply in case of moron construction workers cutting the same lines in Texas day after day after day.

When A Sister Isn't Really A Sister

If any of you were watching sports on Saturday, you might have seen the introduction of the new class into the NFL Hall of Fame. And if you were lucky, you got to see the new inductees speak. The late Bob Hayes, the former wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers was one of the inductees, and if you were real lucky, then you got to hear the speech his sister gave, which included reading a letter that he wrote right before he died.

There's just one problem. The woman claiming to have been his sister, Lucille Hester, isn't actually his sister, at least that's what is being reported. Apparently, Hayes' ex-wife, son, daughter, brother, two sisters, and best friend, are all claiming that this woman isn't his sister. There are also some problems with the supposed letter that he wrote, like his signature not matching his signature on other documents, or his misspelling Roger Staubach's name.

So congratulations to the NFL. I would think they might have done a little vetting of this issue before letting her speak. But what do I know.

Sex Sells -- The Football Edition

I'm continuing on my SI Swimsuit obsession. And Bridget Hall and this body painted Dallas Cowboy jersey is almost enough to make me a Dallas Cowboys fan.

I said almost.

I Don't Think Reggie Dunlop Would Like This

Hollywood is back with the bad ideas. This time, the bad idea is remaking Slap Shot, one of the great sports movies and one of the great comedies of all time.

I can't really get into all of the reasons why this is such a bad idea, but I don't really think I have to. If you've seen the movie, you know it's a profane, often filthy movie of life amongst a failing minor league hockey team.

What makes the movie work is Paul Newman, who even in his fifties, when he made this movie, was still one of the sexiest men alive. He had charisma. He had charm. But he still had the edge, and you could believe him encouraging his team of no-talents to play the dirtiest hockey available. Of course, Newman also did his own skating in the movie. I just can't think of anyone who would really be able to take on his role.

And here are two other reasons why this is a bad idea. The Bad News Bears and The Longest Yards. Both were iconic 70s sports movies. And both were remade and ruined within the past five years. For instance, Burt Reynolds was believable as a former pro quarterback. But Adam Sandler? Really? Sandler? And don't get me started on how badly they ruined The Bad News Bears.

So please, Hollywood. Don't do it. Leave Slap Shot alone. Go screw with some other iconic movie.

Random Notes

I've got a new post over at the mothership, my Top 25 Random Baseball Facts involving me. Give it a read. I may post the full thing over here later, but until then, do me a favor and click the link.

Further, I do know about all of the news regarding Rocket and the Needle and the DNA, and Bonds and the urine and the drug tests. It's just...

Well, I spent most of this time last year reading all of that crap from the first round, and I'm burned out at the moment. If something concrete starts to happen, I'll get to it. But trust me, from what I've read, there's really nothing there in the there you've [fixed] read.

Sandcastles In The Goal

Ms. Conduct wasn't a big fan of my suggestion of "Let's Go To Mall" for the music to be played after a goal is scored against the Aeros. But that's okay. Robin Sparkles has other songs. So, Ms. Conduct, how about "Sandcastles In The Sand" for when a goal is scored on the Aeros. I think it's fitting since the song is about Canadians and Barry and Nolan are Canadian.