So that gives me an excuse --as if I need one -- to throw up a swimsuit photo of Ms. Henderson.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sex Sells -- The QB Edition
I should have been a jock, or a rock star, or anything other than what I am, which is a loser -- okay, just kind of channeling Terry Malloy there. But what I'm getting at is that, supposedly, another really hot model is dating a dorky-looking quarterback, in this case, according to Deadspin, Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is supposedly dating grapefruit heiress and SI swimsuit model Julie Henderson.
So that gives me an excuse --as if I need one -- to throw up a swimsuit photo of Ms. Henderson.
So that gives me an excuse --as if I need one -- to throw up a swimsuit photo of Ms. Henderson.
Stop Calling Me A Racist Idiot Because I Don't Like Soccer
I was driving around yesterday, and all of the local sports talk to which I was listening kept trying to force the conversation around to soccer, primarily Sunday's game between the U.S. and some other country. And each time they would force the conversation this way, they'd get people calling and saying that they didn't care about soccer and could they please discuss sports -- stuff like Yao Ming's possible career ending injury, the Astros going to a six man rotation, etc.
In my opinion, there are only two sports more boring than soccer -- rednecks in cars making left turns for three hours and golf -- and I'm really sick and tired of the media shoving the sport down my throat and telling me it's the next big thing. Because, you know what, I've been hearing this for over 30 years. For over 30 years I've been hearing about how soccer is the U.S.A.'s next huge spectator sport. And do you know what: it hasn't happened, and it's never going to happen.
But what really pissed me off was one of the talk hosts saying the problem was racism. That those of who don't like soccer don't like it because most players are players of color -- especially those playing in other countries. And I've got to ask, just where did this come from? If racism was the problem, would basketball be as popular as it is? Or football? If racism was the problem, then hockey would be the country's biggest sport, and most of the country would worship at the altar of the rednecks making left turns for three hours.
I'm also tired of being told that I don't understand soccer. I understand. I just think it's boring. But above else, please stop shoving the damn sport down my throat. The country didn't watch it in the 70s. We didn't watch in the 90s after the World Cup was in the U.S. We're not watching now. So give it a break already.
And when callers say that they don't want to talk about soccer, but that they want to talk about real sports, don't call them racists idiots who don't understand the game. Take them as intelligent people who are just bored by games that end in 0-0 ties.
In my opinion, there are only two sports more boring than soccer -- rednecks in cars making left turns for three hours and golf -- and I'm really sick and tired of the media shoving the sport down my throat and telling me it's the next big thing. Because, you know what, I've been hearing this for over 30 years. For over 30 years I've been hearing about how soccer is the U.S.A.'s next huge spectator sport. And do you know what: it hasn't happened, and it's never going to happen.
But what really pissed me off was one of the talk hosts saying the problem was racism. That those of who don't like soccer don't like it because most players are players of color -- especially those playing in other countries. And I've got to ask, just where did this come from? If racism was the problem, would basketball be as popular as it is? Or football? If racism was the problem, then hockey would be the country's biggest sport, and most of the country would worship at the altar of the rednecks making left turns for three hours.
I'm also tired of being told that I don't understand soccer. I understand. I just think it's boring. But above else, please stop shoving the damn sport down my throat. The country didn't watch it in the 70s. We didn't watch in the 90s after the World Cup was in the U.S. We're not watching now. So give it a break already.
And when callers say that they don't want to talk about soccer, but that they want to talk about real sports, don't call them racists idiots who don't understand the game. Take them as intelligent people who are just bored by games that end in 0-0 ties.
The Ballpark For Idiots, Designed By Idiots
Chronicle stat guru Zachary Levine had a post yesterday on Minute Maid Park, and the difficulties that umpires have at the facility. He then goes on to ask for reader opinions about the park gimmicks.I think I have made it clear, often, in the past, that I think MMP needs to be blown up. There are no redeeming qualities to that cheap, plastic pastiche of better stadiums. But amazingly, there are people who come to the defense of the choo-choo train, Tal's Hill, the Crawford Boxes, the flagpoles, etc. And frankly, I think these people are too stupid to live.
But the primary reason the defenders of these idiotic gives is that the ideas came from things which had existed at other ballparks. Tal's Hill came from the old outfield in Cincinnati. The flagpoles in play came from Detroit. Etc. But here's the thing about those gimmicks. When those teams moved to new parks, they didn't bring those gimmicks with them. You would think that if they were so damn great, the clubs would have taken those gimmicks with them to their new parks, but they didn't.
As for the comparisons to Fenway Park's Green Monster when it comes to the Crawford Boxes, the reason for Boston's short left field was a space issue -- the team had to fit the ballpark into the land that was available. This wasn't a problem in Houston. The Astros could have made the dimensions whatever they wanted.
Then again, MMP is just like Houston. It's a ballpark designed by idiots, for idiots, who live in a city that has been designed and run by idiots for far too long.
[Note, I have fixed some typos since originally posting this.]
Craig Ferguson Previews A New Movie
You guys know I love Craig Ferguson -- his interview of James Frey last week was fantastic. But I wanted to share this fantastic piece of comedy which is a preview for a new British costume epic. And it features Ferguson doing some of his best impressions.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Case For Stripping
I came across this story earlier today about a new government-mandated plan to ease student loan repayment burdens. Primarily, if you have a change in income status -- like the fucking bastards you work for laying you off so they keep their fancy Park Avenue apartments -- you may be able to qualify for a new income-adjusted payment plan which would mean lower monthly payments.Now I'm not sure if this will help me out or not. I've already consolidated together all of my law school loans, and I took every known deferment known to man the last time I was out of a work, which happened to be about a decade ago. And what I learned is that it doesn't help too much, since the bastards keep adding on the interest. But I suppose I'll look into it. No matter what happens, though, it looks as if I'm stuck paying off these bastards for at least another decade, as part of the program is that, after 25 years of payment, the loans are forgiven, whether they're paid off, or not.
And that's definitely not going to help me out any, because, well when I consolidated all of my loans, I went on an extended, 25-year payment plan, of which I'm now in year 15. So, yeah, come 10 years from now, I should have the loans paid off.
But that's not the main reason I write, my loan payment problems, I write for another reason. I write to all of you kids just getting ready to enter college, or to go to graduate school. I write with advice. DON'T GET ANY STUDENT LOANS!
IT'S NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!
I don't care how you do it. Just don't get the loans.
I was talking about this with an old professor of mine the other day, who is still a professor. And I was bitching about my loans. And I mentioned that I happened to know a woman who actually paid for school by stripping -- I mean, the cliche was actually true, and I know because I helped her with a lot of her school work. For a business major, she wrote a lot of damn papers. She finished school with no loan debt. She got a decent job -- not one paying lots of money, but a decent one in her line of study that came with benefits -- and she doesn't strip anymore, and apparently, she's got no use for me anymore, either. And my old professor said she had a couple of her students who did this, as well.
So where am I going with this, well, stripping's not illegal, so ladies, if you can make money at it, do it. Trust me, it's a lot better to get out of school with no massive debt than to be stuck paying the damn things off for most of your working life. And we talked, and we decided this. Whatever you have to do to avoid getting these damn loans, do it. Strip. Sell drugs. Prostitution. Bookie. Scam the rich trust fund brats out of their tuition money. It doesn't matter what. Just do it.
Trust me on this. You'll be better off in the long run.
You don't want to end up like me, a bitter, broken down, bastard in his mid-40s who is nowhere near close to paying off his student loans and whose life is virtually destroyed. And hey, if you're damn church doesn't like the thought of you stripping or selling drugs, then tell them to pay your damn tuition, otherwise, they can shut the fuck up. After all, your damn pastor ain't going to be the one stuck paying off your damn tuition for the next three decades. That'll be you.
Rewinding The 90s
How about a little 1990s Europop? Here's The Cardigans with "Erase/Rewind" which was part of the soundtrack to the film The Thirteenth Floor which was one of those alternate-reality genre films. I thought it was good, unfortunately, it was released the same month as The Matrix, which was in the same genre, and which everybody went to see. Both films were kind of stupid, but The Thirteenth Floor didn't pretend to be great, whereas The Matrix became one of the most overrated films of all time.
Anyway, here's the video.
Anyway, here's the video.
The Astros Are Not The Red Sox
I think you guys know how I feel about Jim Deshaies -- best TV/radio sports analyst in the business. But I was a little disappointed in him yesterday.
I don't know how it happened, but he and Bill Brown got to talking about the Astros trying a six-man pitching rotation like the Boston Red Sox are contemplating doing. And they discussed how this might be a good thing for the Astros because Mike Hampton and Russ Ortiz are injury-prone and haven't pitched many innings the past several years, so this might be a way to preserve them.
There's just one thing that they failed to mention, especially Deshaies. The supposed sixth man to be in the Red Sox rotation is John Smoltz -- a guy who's going to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame once he retires. And the rest of the BoSox rotation includes Josh Beckett, Brad Penny, Tim Wakefield, Jon Lester, and Daisuke Matsuzaka, who is currently on the DL. The six guys for the Astros would be Roy Oswalt, Wandy Rodriguez, Russ Ortiz, Mike Hampton, Brian Moehler, and Felipe Paulino.
All six of the Red Sox pitchers would be a 1 or 2 starter on most clubs in the majors. Of the Astros pitchers, Roy Oswalt would be a 1. Wandy Rodriguez might be a 3-4 starter. And the only rotation the rest of the Astros losers could make would be the Washington Nationals.
The point I'm trying to make is that it's one thing to go to a six man rotation when you have a staff of aces, but it's another thing to go to a six man rotation when you have a staff of losers. The Astros would just be adding another guaranteed loss by expanding the rotation. And I'm a little disappointed that Deshaies didn't point that out.
I don't know how it happened, but he and Bill Brown got to talking about the Astros trying a six-man pitching rotation like the Boston Red Sox are contemplating doing. And they discussed how this might be a good thing for the Astros because Mike Hampton and Russ Ortiz are injury-prone and haven't pitched many innings the past several years, so this might be a way to preserve them.
There's just one thing that they failed to mention, especially Deshaies. The supposed sixth man to be in the Red Sox rotation is John Smoltz -- a guy who's going to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame once he retires. And the rest of the BoSox rotation includes Josh Beckett, Brad Penny, Tim Wakefield, Jon Lester, and Daisuke Matsuzaka, who is currently on the DL. The six guys for the Astros would be Roy Oswalt, Wandy Rodriguez, Russ Ortiz, Mike Hampton, Brian Moehler, and Felipe Paulino.
All six of the Red Sox pitchers would be a 1 or 2 starter on most clubs in the majors. Of the Astros pitchers, Roy Oswalt would be a 1. Wandy Rodriguez might be a 3-4 starter. And the only rotation the rest of the Astros losers could make would be the Washington Nationals.
The point I'm trying to make is that it's one thing to go to a six man rotation when you have a staff of aces, but it's another thing to go to a six man rotation when you have a staff of losers. The Astros would just be adding another guaranteed loss by expanding the rotation. And I'm a little disappointed that Deshaies didn't point that out.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
John Royal: At The Movies (Again)
I thought I would give you another edition of John Royal: At The Movies, a quick primer on some of the movies that I've seen recently, and hopefully some good guidance.GO SEE THESE:
UP: This is Disney/Pixar's latest creation. And frankly, I don't know how these guys do it. I didn't think it was possible to top Wall-E, which I truly thought was last year's best movie. But they did it. The first half-hour is, like with Wall-E, very sparse on the dialogue, but it's some of the most moving, emotional film making that I've seen in years. Truly, if you don't shed some tears in this section, you're not human.
But don't worry, there are lots of laughs and adventures later on in the film. The kids will love Kevin and Dug. The voice actors are exceptional, as always, and include Ed Asner, Christoper Plummer, Delroy Lindo, and Pixar regular John Ratzenberger. I think that what continues to amaze me most about these Pixar films is that these characters -- computer animated all -- are often some of the most fully-realized human characters captured on film in any given year.
Drag Me To Hell: I mentioned this some the other day, and while I feel the movie would have been even better had Bruce Campbell appeared, I've still got to say that this is a damn fun movie. Sam Raimi seems as liberated as he has been in years -- since at least the first Spider-Man. He's back with the dark humor and cheap effects he pioneered back in the 80s with the Evil Dead films. I saw the twist coming, but my best friend, who's a real horror film fan, didn't. I don't know if that means I just know Raimi better than he does, or else it just means I've read too much literature. Still, it's good, clean fun with lots of goofy effects and bodily fluids. Don't worry, though, the film is rated PG-13.
STAY AWAY:
The Girlfriend Experience: I appreciate what Steven Soderbergh tries to do. He offsets his commercial stuff with more experimental work. It allows him to try new things, and I guess that it allows him to keep his street cred. But this movie just didn't do it for me. In quick, it's the story of a high-priced escort trying to deal with her life and her boyfriend who is becoming less willing to accept her job. I'm sure there's some promise in the story, but the problem is, I could never detect a story. He does some of that standard time-shifting crap he's a fan of -- see Out of Sight or The Ocean 11 movies or Solaris. But for the time-shifting to work, there's got to be something to serve as an anchor, and here, there's just no anchor.
For the lead role as the escort, he cast porn star Sasha Grey. She's fine, I guess. But the character just seemed kind of one note and monotone -- I could never care about what happened to her. I don't know if this is because of her lack of talent, or if it's what Soderbergh was trying to get from her, but it just didn't work. And any pervert fun from having a porn star cast as an escort in a legit film is lost by the fact that there's no nudity or sex. And the film committed the cardinal sin. It was boring. It's not even 80 minutes long, but I was constantly looking at my watch, amazed at just how slowly time was passing.
Well, that's it for today's edition of John Royal: At The Movies. And don't say I didn't warn you.
I'll Take Idiots for $2,000, Alex
Richard Justice has some of his standard stupidity in this blog posting from yesterday -- chief amongst them is getting the baseball standings wrong. But that's not what I want to opine on. No sir. No it's not. Instead, I want to address one of the comments.As for the why the Astros should be able to win the World Series this year, one moron states the following: "If the 1983 Philadelphia Phillies can win a World Series with a roster having an average age of 32 years old, then why can't the 2009 Houston Astros win a championship with a roster having an average age of 33 years old?"
Which leads me to provide the answer to today's question: how do you define idiot?
The answer to this question is rather simple. On some days, it was possible for that 1983 Phillies team to start four future members of the Baseball Hall of Fame (and one guy who would be in the hall were it not for a gambling addiction). Yep, starting most nights for that 1983 Phillies team was one Pete Rose at first base, one Joe Morgan at second base, and one Mike Schmidt at third base -- these just happen to be three of the greatest players in baseball history, especially Schmidt. Starting every five games for the Phillies was a multi-Cy Young Award winner by the name of Steve Carlton. And sitting on the bench, but ready to relieve Rose at first, and possibly start there with Rose able to play in the outfield, was one Tony Perez. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a roster of four Hall of Famers and gambling addict Rose.
Now let's look at the Astros roster. Of the old-timers on this roster, how many future Hall of Famers do you see? There's Pudge Rodriguez at catcher. And then there's, well, there's, well... Yeah, that's right, there aren't any. Lance Berkman's nowhere near Hall of Fame worthy. Neither is Carlos Lee or Miguel Tejada. Roy Oswalt's never even won a Cy Young. The only way Kaz Matsui's getting into the Hall is if he sets some kind of record for trips to the DL in a season.
So the answer to why the Phillies, with an average age of 32 could make it to the World Series in 1983, but the 2009 Astros, with an average age of 33 can't make it is that the Phillies were a good team loaded with Hall of Famers. The Astros are just an old team loaded down with old guys. (Oh, and the 1983 Phillies didn't win the World Series. They lost 4-1 to the Baltimore Orioles.)
But this has me thinking of the idiots I see on Jeopardy, so why not watch a little Turd Ferguson?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
My So Called Life (An Update)
Okay, I haven't depressed you guys lately, so why not this weekend, huh?
Business/job news: None. I've gotten no bites for Royal Document Review. The word is out there. My network says that they're informing people on their networks, and that hopefully word is spreading, but other than that, nothing. And apparently, setting up a website is akin to advertising, which means that I'm now having to get clearance from the State Bar of Texas over what I say on it. That's also why there's no advertising, I need to get approval. And each time I want approval for something, I have to send the State Bar $75 along with what I want to say.
I love being an attorney (sarcasm).
I'm getting together with my best friend to develop some new software for document reviews. All of the software programs I've ever used have been crap. They're not attorney friendly in that the documents are always hard to see, you're always having to adjust sizes and rotate pages, and the logic is designed for the IT process. I want the logic designed for the person who is actually doing the review. When you're reviewing a document, you're attention should be on the document, and the information contained in that document. It shouldn't be on clicking buttons and trying to save things and constantly adjusting window sizes. I can't explain it better, but I think attorneys and paralegals out there know of what I'm speaking. My best friend happens to be a software designer, and he's bored, so we're going to give it a try.
Meanwhile, I'm still going through the temp agencies, etc. and still trying to find temp jobs or some kind of permanent placement. And most of that has just been insulting. I was making approximately $47 an hour at the job I lost. When I first interviewed with a temp agency -- back in March -- I was told I would get $35 an hour. Two weeks ago, I was begging for an assignment on a temp doc review that would pay $30, but apparently, I wasn't qualified enough -- yeah, I don't get that either since all I've been doing for the past decade is document review and production. This past week, I was begging for a placement on a doc review job that was going to pay $25 an hour, but the agency lost out to a competitor -- don't know which one -- which is going to pay $20 an hour.
Frankly, any law firm or corporation that is that cheap when it comes to a document review is going to lose it's case because the projects going to be staffed by a bunch of people who don't give a damn and will just be doing a half-assed job while they're searching for something different. Meanwhile, in a couple of months down the road, the firm is going to discover that the work product they've been paying for is absolute crap and they're going to have to do it all over again, but with different people. Which means they'll be paying to have the work done twice, which means that it would ultimately have been cheaper and easier to just pay decent rates the first time out so as to get the job done properly. But the bastards just don't think that way.
What else is there?
A little loneliness and isolation, I guess. The only people I seem to see are my family and best friend. I used to see more people and get chances to speak to more people during the day. And that kept me alive. I know if the business venture takes off, I'll be working alone, at home. But that's different. Then I'll be busy. But when you're not busy, there's nothing worse than having no one to speak to.
Business/job news: None. I've gotten no bites for Royal Document Review. The word is out there. My network says that they're informing people on their networks, and that hopefully word is spreading, but other than that, nothing. And apparently, setting up a website is akin to advertising, which means that I'm now having to get clearance from the State Bar of Texas over what I say on it. That's also why there's no advertising, I need to get approval. And each time I want approval for something, I have to send the State Bar $75 along with what I want to say.
I love being an attorney (sarcasm).
I'm getting together with my best friend to develop some new software for document reviews. All of the software programs I've ever used have been crap. They're not attorney friendly in that the documents are always hard to see, you're always having to adjust sizes and rotate pages, and the logic is designed for the IT process. I want the logic designed for the person who is actually doing the review. When you're reviewing a document, you're attention should be on the document, and the information contained in that document. It shouldn't be on clicking buttons and trying to save things and constantly adjusting window sizes. I can't explain it better, but I think attorneys and paralegals out there know of what I'm speaking. My best friend happens to be a software designer, and he's bored, so we're going to give it a try.
Meanwhile, I'm still going through the temp agencies, etc. and still trying to find temp jobs or some kind of permanent placement. And most of that has just been insulting. I was making approximately $47 an hour at the job I lost. When I first interviewed with a temp agency -- back in March -- I was told I would get $35 an hour. Two weeks ago, I was begging for an assignment on a temp doc review that would pay $30, but apparently, I wasn't qualified enough -- yeah, I don't get that either since all I've been doing for the past decade is document review and production. This past week, I was begging for a placement on a doc review job that was going to pay $25 an hour, but the agency lost out to a competitor -- don't know which one -- which is going to pay $20 an hour.
Frankly, any law firm or corporation that is that cheap when it comes to a document review is going to lose it's case because the projects going to be staffed by a bunch of people who don't give a damn and will just be doing a half-assed job while they're searching for something different. Meanwhile, in a couple of months down the road, the firm is going to discover that the work product they've been paying for is absolute crap and they're going to have to do it all over again, but with different people. Which means they'll be paying to have the work done twice, which means that it would ultimately have been cheaper and easier to just pay decent rates the first time out so as to get the job done properly. But the bastards just don't think that way.
What else is there?
A little loneliness and isolation, I guess. The only people I seem to see are my family and best friend. I used to see more people and get chances to speak to more people during the day. And that kept me alive. I know if the business venture takes off, I'll be working alone, at home. But that's different. Then I'll be busy. But when you're not busy, there's nothing worse than having no one to speak to.
About That Chron.com Redesign -- More Still To Come?
If you've been paying any attention this past week, you know that I've been bitching about the constantly changing Chron homepage, which this week changed twice -- different colors, different layout, no additional writers. I'm one of those who think once you reach a design, you should stick with a bit unless it's a complete disaster, and though the Chron's wasn't great, it wasn't a complete disaster. I'm more concerned with substance than I am with style, and if the substance is there, I'll fight through design disasters.
But the Chron doesn't think that way.
Believe it, or not, but little birdies have told me that even more changes are still to come. Apparently, corporate HQ in New York City think that it's better to keep changing things over time until the desired change is achieved instead of making one huge change at just one time.
Frankly, I just want them to get to something and stick with it. And I'd be more pleased if they spent as much time on the substance of the stories and news and decent writing, and less time on the style. The writing and editing staff is virtually non-existent after recent purgings and it's becoming nearly impossible for them to staff the events they cover -- at least with sports. But it appears that IT has plenty of cash.
But as long as New York is happy, it doesn't matter what those of us who actually still try and read the thing think. Which is probably why less and less of us are still trying to read the thing. Which is a loss for all of us.
But the Chron doesn't think that way.
Believe it, or not, but little birdies have told me that even more changes are still to come. Apparently, corporate HQ in New York City think that it's better to keep changing things over time until the desired change is achieved instead of making one huge change at just one time.
Frankly, I just want them to get to something and stick with it. And I'd be more pleased if they spent as much time on the substance of the stories and news and decent writing, and less time on the style. The writing and editing staff is virtually non-existent after recent purgings and it's becoming nearly impossible for them to staff the events they cover -- at least with sports. But it appears that IT has plenty of cash.
But as long as New York is happy, it doesn't matter what those of us who actually still try and read the thing think. Which is probably why less and less of us are still trying to read the thing. Which is a loss for all of us.
Fifteen (or so) Memorable Books
Okay, I got tagged with this over at Facebook the other day, and I thought I would share it over here for those of you who are interested in some decent reading.
I Got Tagged Again...
Don’t take too long to think about it! Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, tag 15 friends, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.
And for any of you who have read any of my aborted (and/or finished) novels, things will suddenly make a lot more sense.
1. The Stand -- Stephen King. I've lost track of the number of times I've read this book.
2. American Tabloid/The Cold Six Thousand -- James Ellroy. Technically, these are two books, but they're part of a larger series and feature the same characters. They're dark, disturbing, compelling reads.
3. Around The World In 80 Days -- Jules Verne. This is why I've always wanted to travel.
4. A Tale of Two Cities -- Charles Dickens. I'm sure that one of my high school English teachers is still disappointed that I've haven't made this into the violent, bloody, dirty movie that she believes it is. Sorry, Ms. Sledge.
5. Fahrenheit 451 -- Ray Bradbury. One of the greatest, most under-appreciated writers ever. And this is his masterpiece.
6. The World According to Garp -- John Irving. I don't think this is Irving's best novel. But it's the first of his epics that I ever read, back when I was in high school, before the movie with Robin Williams, and it's stuck with me ever sense.
7. American Psycho -- Bret Easton Ellis. Get past the controversy and you find a fantastic social satire.
8. A Winter's Tale -- Mark Helprin. Prose as poetry that paints vivid and fantastic mental pictures.
9. Out of Sight -- Elmore Leonard. This was the first Leonard novel I ever read. And suddenly, the stylistic things I'd been trying with my works made sense -- though I'm nowhere near as good as him. This is also the novel that convinced me it was okay to make the so-called bad guy the hero of the book.
10. Slaughterhouse-Five -- Kurt Vonnegut. A study of war, fate, religion, and the human condition in a satirical sci-fi time travel novel.
11. The Grifters -- Jim Thompson. Probably Thompson's most realized work. The prose is spare. Not a word is wasted. The characters are hateful. But you can't put it down.
12. A Clockwork Orange -- Anthony Burgess. Ms. Sledge, my high school English teacher told me that I could write a thesis paper on a movie instead of book, and since I had this thing for Stanley Kubrick, I chose this movie since I hadn't seen it. Which led me to reading the book. Wow. This is another of those books I've read too many times to remember.
13. Robinson Crusoe -- Daniel Dafoe. Man stranded alone with seemingly no hope for rescue. Also does a pretty good job of tearing apart religion and faith.
14. Fair And Loathing In Las Vegas -- Hunter S. Thompson. After reading this, I never had to do drugs.
15. Frankenstein -- Mary Shelley. This is probably my all-time favorite book. And none of the movies have been able to capture what makes it so good and disturbing, though Kenneth Branaugh's version had it's moments when it was close.
I Got Tagged Again...
Don’t take too long to think about it! Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, tag 15 friends, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.
And for any of you who have read any of my aborted (and/or finished) novels, things will suddenly make a lot more sense.
1. The Stand -- Stephen King. I've lost track of the number of times I've read this book.
2. American Tabloid/The Cold Six Thousand -- James Ellroy. Technically, these are two books, but they're part of a larger series and feature the same characters. They're dark, disturbing, compelling reads.
3. Around The World In 80 Days -- Jules Verne. This is why I've always wanted to travel.
4. A Tale of Two Cities -- Charles Dickens. I'm sure that one of my high school English teachers is still disappointed that I've haven't made this into the violent, bloody, dirty movie that she believes it is. Sorry, Ms. Sledge.
5. Fahrenheit 451 -- Ray Bradbury. One of the greatest, most under-appreciated writers ever. And this is his masterpiece.
6. The World According to Garp -- John Irving. I don't think this is Irving's best novel. But it's the first of his epics that I ever read, back when I was in high school, before the movie with Robin Williams, and it's stuck with me ever sense.
7. American Psycho -- Bret Easton Ellis. Get past the controversy and you find a fantastic social satire.
8. A Winter's Tale -- Mark Helprin. Prose as poetry that paints vivid and fantastic mental pictures.
9. Out of Sight -- Elmore Leonard. This was the first Leonard novel I ever read. And suddenly, the stylistic things I'd been trying with my works made sense -- though I'm nowhere near as good as him. This is also the novel that convinced me it was okay to make the so-called bad guy the hero of the book.
10. Slaughterhouse-Five -- Kurt Vonnegut. A study of war, fate, religion, and the human condition in a satirical sci-fi time travel novel.
11. The Grifters -- Jim Thompson. Probably Thompson's most realized work. The prose is spare. Not a word is wasted. The characters are hateful. But you can't put it down.
12. A Clockwork Orange -- Anthony Burgess. Ms. Sledge, my high school English teacher told me that I could write a thesis paper on a movie instead of book, and since I had this thing for Stanley Kubrick, I chose this movie since I hadn't seen it. Which led me to reading the book. Wow. This is another of those books I've read too many times to remember.
13. Robinson Crusoe -- Daniel Dafoe. Man stranded alone with seemingly no hope for rescue. Also does a pretty good job of tearing apart religion and faith.
14. Fair And Loathing In Las Vegas -- Hunter S. Thompson. After reading this, I never had to do drugs.
15. Frankenstein -- Mary Shelley. This is probably my all-time favorite book. And none of the movies have been able to capture what makes it so good and disturbing, though Kenneth Branaugh's version had it's moments when it was close.
Just Eat It, Eat It, Eat It
I'm not supposed to be speak ill of the dead, so I won't really say what I think about Michael Jackson as a human being, except to say he was very disturbed. That said, I can't make myself play a Jackson video, but I will offer up, as a replacement, Weird Al Yankovic with his classic, "Eat It."
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sex Sells -- Charlie's Angels Edition
So I thought I would dedicate today to Charlie's Angels. So here's Kate Jackson.
And here's Texas native Jaclyn Smith.
And here's Texas native Jaclyn Smith.
And here's another Texas native, Farrah Fawcett.
And here is my all-time favorite Angel, Cheryl Ladd. I've got a Sixth Degree of Separation thing here, as a friend of mine was at a conference that was attended by Ms. Ladd's husband, and which Ms. Ladd herself showed up for a bit.
And this is Shelley Hack, who took over when Kate Jackson left.
And this is Tanya Roberts, who took over from Shelley Hack. Ms. Roberts would go on to become a Bond girl, do a bunch of Skinemax flicks, and star on That 70's Show.
A Quick Note To The Houston Chronicle, Part Two
Do you guys have ADD over there, or something? Give me a break. You just changed the homepage again, after changing it several days ago. If you spent as much time worrying about the actual content, as you did about the style, people might actually still be reading the paper.
Those White Guys All Look Alike
I don't talk much about the other stuff posted over at the mothership, especially if I didn't write it. But...
Miss Pop Rocks had another of her insipid posts yesterday, this one being about the lack of female late-night talk show hosts. First off, while wondering why someone like Kathy Griffin doesn't have such a show -- never mind that Griffin's not funny -- but she actually forgets about the existence of Chelsea Handler, who is a female stand-up comic that actually hosts a late-night talk show.
Then she makes a major mistake. She names off the guys that are currently hosting these late-night shows, including, or so she says, one Colin Ferguson. Now this is kind of surprising seeing as how I now watch a lot of TV -- a lot more than I used to -- and I'm not aware of a Colin Ferguson hosting a late-night talk show. Now, there is a Craig Ferguson that hosts a late-night talk show, and I watch him every night. So I'm guessing that's who she was talking about, but, the two are really kind of different.
This is Colin Ferguson.
Born in Montreal, he's a Canadian. He also happens to be the star of the Sci-Fi Channel show Eureka.
This is Craig Ferguson.
He's Scottish, and last year, he became an American citizen. He's a recovering alcoholic, and he's about 15 years older than Colin Ferguson. His hair's a different color, and he's got an accent. He's a former sitcom actor, and he's a stand-up comic. And, unlike Colin Ferguson, Craig Ferguson hosts a late-night talk show on CBS called The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson.
Yeah, they look a lot alike, so I can understand the mistake.
Miss Pop Rocks had another of her insipid posts yesterday, this one being about the lack of female late-night talk show hosts. First off, while wondering why someone like Kathy Griffin doesn't have such a show -- never mind that Griffin's not funny -- but she actually forgets about the existence of Chelsea Handler, who is a female stand-up comic that actually hosts a late-night talk show.
Then she makes a major mistake. She names off the guys that are currently hosting these late-night shows, including, or so she says, one Colin Ferguson. Now this is kind of surprising seeing as how I now watch a lot of TV -- a lot more than I used to -- and I'm not aware of a Colin Ferguson hosting a late-night talk show. Now, there is a Craig Ferguson that hosts a late-night talk show, and I watch him every night. So I'm guessing that's who she was talking about, but, the two are really kind of different.
This is Colin Ferguson.
Born in Montreal, he's a Canadian. He also happens to be the star of the Sci-Fi Channel show Eureka.This is Craig Ferguson.
He's Scottish, and last year, he became an American citizen. He's a recovering alcoholic, and he's about 15 years older than Colin Ferguson. His hair's a different color, and he's got an accent. He's a former sitcom actor, and he's a stand-up comic. And, unlike Colin Ferguson, Craig Ferguson hosts a late-night talk show on CBS called The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson.Yeah, they look a lot alike, so I can understand the mistake.
My Memories Have Just Been Sold
For some reason, Farrah Fawcett's death got this song stuck in my head, "Centerfold" by the J. Geils Band. Maybe it's the lines about memories and pages from my mind are ripped, but the song's just stuck in my mind. Also maybe because I was in junior high and high school at the time of the famous poster.
Anyway, here's the J. Geils Band and "Centerfold."
Anyway, here's the J. Geils Band and "Centerfold."
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Carlos Lee Breaks In A Glove? Really?
I was watching the Astros game today while at a sports bar and eating lunch. I saw from a graphic that they were talking to Carlos Lee about how he breaks in his glove. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear his answer which is a shame, because, frankly, I don't know if that fat bastard knows what a baseball glove is.
Seriously, can anyone think of a bigger waste of outfield space than Lee? How many singles has he played into doubles with his slow jog after balls hit down the line? I've seen sun dials move faster than this guy while he's supposedly playing in the outfield.
So I really would like to hear how he breaks in his gloves, because I'm just not convinced that he knows what a glove is.
Seriously, can anyone think of a bigger waste of outfield space than Lee? How many singles has he played into doubles with his slow jog after balls hit down the line? I've seen sun dials move faster than this guy while he's supposedly playing in the outfield.
So I really would like to hear how he breaks in his gloves, because I'm just not convinced that he knows what a glove is.
Farrah Fawcett
Okay, most things I've seen on the death of Farrah Fawcett have come with a recent picture of her as she battled cancer. I prefer to remember her this way. So rest in peace, Ms. Fawcett.
Michael Jackson, Dead?
CNN is reporting that Michael Jackson has been hospitalized, but other sources are reporting that Jackson has died. More later.
UPDATE (6:26): CNN makes it official, reporting that they've been told by the LA County Coroner's office that Jackson is dead.
UPDATE (6:26): CNN makes it official, reporting that they've been told by the LA County Coroner's office that Jackson is dead.
Drag Me To Hell: Some Quick Thoughts?
I saw Drag Me To Hell the other day, and I had a really good time at the movie -- well, except for the teenagers who were in attendance and they couldn't follow what was happening in the movie because they kept talking to each other so they had to keep asking what was happening.And while I'm happy that Sam Raimi returned to horror films, it was kind of strange to see a Raimi film, especially a Raimi horror film, not feature Bruce Campbell, even in a cameo. And there were no "Shemps" in the credits.
Like I said, it was a really fun movie. But it just didn't seem like Sam Raimi without Bruce Campbell.
Excuse Me While I Vent
I need to vent. So feel free to skip this post if you should so desire. Go ahead, I'll wait....
Here's the thing. I'm on Facebook. And I've found that to be a bit of a good thing. I've been able to get in touch with old friends I haven't seen, or heard from, in years -- there's my friend who I just found after 15 years, and she's a reality-TV producer -- she's got nothing to do with Jon and Kate though. There's one of my best friend's from college -- I was in her wedding -- but we lost track because her husband was in medical school and doing all of the internships and residencies and they kept moving and we just lost touch in one of the moves. Or there's my oldest ever friend, who I've known since kindergarten.
The thing about Facebook is you get to give these status updates -- it's a way to say whatever you want. I usually throw up some smart-ass statement, and somebody insults you back, etc. But the other day, I posted that I had a new slogan for my business: "Will sue for rent." That's an old law school joke. But some sort of friend -- someone I knew in high school, sent me a note wanting to know where I lost my way and what happened to me because I was so smart and on target in high school.
It's like I had somehow done something to harm her because I wasn't what she wanted me to be, or something. And frankly, it kind of hurt my feelings, and pissed me off. Sure, maybe I'm a bit lost now. I lost the job I've had for nearly a decade. I'm having trouble finding another. I'm spending my 401k. I'm trying to start a new business. I would think that most people would be a bit lost after what I've been through this year. But it's hard enough trying to live up to my expectations -- which, believe it or not, are rather high. I didn't know I was also trying to live up to the expectations of some person I haven't seen in over 20 years.
And frankly, I would never send a message like to one of my friends. I would never ask somebody who I know is struggling how they lost their way. Who does that? I have friends who are having problems -- some worse than me -- and I don't send them notes about how you screwed up your life, you know that, don't you? No, I ask if there's any way that I can help. Because, in my opinion, that's what friends are supposed to do. Then again, I am a bit of a loser, so I guess I'm different than everybody else.
Okay, the venting is over. Sorry about that.
Here's the thing. I'm on Facebook. And I've found that to be a bit of a good thing. I've been able to get in touch with old friends I haven't seen, or heard from, in years -- there's my friend who I just found after 15 years, and she's a reality-TV producer -- she's got nothing to do with Jon and Kate though. There's one of my best friend's from college -- I was in her wedding -- but we lost track because her husband was in medical school and doing all of the internships and residencies and they kept moving and we just lost touch in one of the moves. Or there's my oldest ever friend, who I've known since kindergarten.
The thing about Facebook is you get to give these status updates -- it's a way to say whatever you want. I usually throw up some smart-ass statement, and somebody insults you back, etc. But the other day, I posted that I had a new slogan for my business: "Will sue for rent." That's an old law school joke. But some sort of friend -- someone I knew in high school, sent me a note wanting to know where I lost my way and what happened to me because I was so smart and on target in high school.
It's like I had somehow done something to harm her because I wasn't what she wanted me to be, or something. And frankly, it kind of hurt my feelings, and pissed me off. Sure, maybe I'm a bit lost now. I lost the job I've had for nearly a decade. I'm having trouble finding another. I'm spending my 401k. I'm trying to start a new business. I would think that most people would be a bit lost after what I've been through this year. But it's hard enough trying to live up to my expectations -- which, believe it or not, are rather high. I didn't know I was also trying to live up to the expectations of some person I haven't seen in over 20 years.
And frankly, I would never send a message like to one of my friends. I would never ask somebody who I know is struggling how they lost their way. Who does that? I have friends who are having problems -- some worse than me -- and I don't send them notes about how you screwed up your life, you know that, don't you? No, I ask if there's any way that I can help. Because, in my opinion, that's what friends are supposed to do. Then again, I am a bit of a loser, so I guess I'm different than everybody else.
Okay, the venting is over. Sorry about that.
Trying To Solve A Puzzle
I'm puzzled by something. One of the reasons that GOPers are supposedly against the public option for medical insurance -- where the government is involved in funding a Medicare-type system for the rest of us not on Medicare -- is that it will harm private insurance companies and drive them out of business. But isn't this how capitalism is supposed to work? If the private insurance companies are doing such a damn good job, then they shouldn't have to worry about losing customers. If they're losing customers, then shouldn't they adjust what they're doing to satisfy the needs of their customers.
And another thing that puzzles me is this. I keep hearing that I don't want the government involved in deciding what kind of medical care that I can get -- don't want the bureaucrat making the decision of the doctor. Well I don't know about you, but this happens to me already. I, or my doctor, often have to contact my insurance company for approval for certain treatments -- my brother deals with this all of the time as his insurance company continues to insist that my niece's Autism is not a medical problem and is thus not covered by his insurance.
And once again, I just stick with my doctor told me: $10,000 a year in insurance costs for a relatively healthy person is wrong, especially since they're going to try and find a way to not pay for my treatment is something serious ends up being wrong with me.
And another thing that puzzles me is this. I keep hearing that I don't want the government involved in deciding what kind of medical care that I can get -- don't want the bureaucrat making the decision of the doctor. Well I don't know about you, but this happens to me already. I, or my doctor, often have to contact my insurance company for approval for certain treatments -- my brother deals with this all of the time as his insurance company continues to insist that my niece's Autism is not a medical problem and is thus not covered by his insurance.
And once again, I just stick with my doctor told me: $10,000 a year in insurance costs for a relatively healthy person is wrong, especially since they're going to try and find a way to not pay for my treatment is something serious ends up being wrong with me.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sex Sells -- The Sean Avery Edition
According to the New York Post, hockey bad guy Sean Avery has been seen dating SI Swimsuit model Hilary Rhoda. Which leads to this monster edition of sex sells because, well, it gives me a reason to embed this SI Swimsuit photo of Hilary Rhoda.
But it also just so happens that Ms. Rhoda is dating Mark Sanchez, the brand new number one draft choice QB of the New York Jets. Which means that Ms. Rhoda is Sanchez's sloppy seconds. And we all know how Avery feels about sloppy seconds. Which, in turn, gives me an excuse to throw up a photo of Elisha Cuthbert, the target of the sloppy seconds comments.
But strangely, if I remember correctly, Rachel Hunter was also a target of Avery's "sloppy seconds" comment, as she had dated him, too, but nobody seemed to get upset about the insult to her.
A Quick Note To The Houston Chronicle
Just a brief note to the Houston Chronicle....
Enough with the damn homepage redesigns already. Blue, green, orange. Lines, no lines. Columns, no columns. It doesn't matter. What's important is your content, and your content sucks. So no matter how many redesigns you do, it's not going to help make up for your awful lack of content.
That is all.
Enough with the damn homepage redesigns already. Blue, green, orange. Lines, no lines. Columns, no columns. It doesn't matter. What's important is your content, and your content sucks. So no matter how many redesigns you do, it's not going to help make up for your awful lack of content.
That is all.
Governor Goodhair Wants My Money
You guys should know, by now, how I feel about Republicans. Especially Texas governor Rick Perry. So would somebody out there mind telling me how I ended up on an e-mail list as one of his supporters? I've been getting besieged with e-mails asking for money.
So I've got an idea. Hey, Governor Goodhair, you want some of my money, then get me a damn job or do something to expand my unemployment benefits as well as the amount of money I make in unemployment. Otherwise, shut up, and stay the fuck out of my e-mail inbox.
Thank you.
So I've got an idea. Hey, Governor Goodhair, you want some of my money, then get me a damn job or do something to expand my unemployment benefits as well as the amount of money I make in unemployment. Otherwise, shut up, and stay the fuck out of my e-mail inbox.
Thank you.
An Ode To Jim Deshaies
Yesterday, I used the forum that is the mothership to go in-depth on my admiration of Astros TV announcer Jim Deshaies, which I briefly discussed here at CVC on Monday. So enjoy. And click over to the mothership and check out the first comment -- apparently, I'm only a fair-weather fan.So I'm watching the Astros/Twins game on Sunday afternoon, and it gets to be that inning for the trivia question. The question this time asks Jim Deshaies and Bill Brown to name the four Minnesota Twins that have been named as American League MVPs. So they start tossing out names of great Minnesota Twin players. Kirby Puckett. Rod Carew. Tony Oliva. Harmon Killebrew. Mary-Kate Olsen. There's a slight pause after Deshaies names Mary-Kate, and you can just mentally picture Brownie looking at JD as JD answers that, well, she is a twin, right?
That's why Jim Deshaies is my favorite broadcaster in all of sports.
Forget the fact that the guy knows what he's talking about and he can break down every aspect of every play that happens within seconds. Forget about the fact that, unlike bigger names like Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan, Deshaies doesn't treat us all as idiots, or dwell on how much better the game was fifty years ago. Forget about the great chemistry between Deshaies and Brown, his broadcast partner. He's my favorite broadcaster because he makes watching the Astros, an otherwise old and boring team, fun to watch.
Every sportscaster has a shtick of some kind. Milo talks about everything but the actual game that is being played. Brett Dolan and Dave Raymond shout in attempts to make games sound exciting. Bob Costas thinks he's funny. Joe Buck is a pompous twit. Mark Grace acts like he's on the Jim Rome show. Tim McCarver is the grand old guardian. And Joe Morgan tells stories involving himself which might not have actually happened.
But Jim Deshaies just has fun.
I often long for the Astros to get involved in a blow-out because that's when JD's at his best. That's when he'll go off on tangents that have seemingly nothing to do with baseball, yet keep you riveted to the broadcast, unable to change the channel because you've just got to find out how far out he's going to go.
There's no analyst out there who's better at breaking down the game -- I've had the MLB Extra Innings package, and I watch the in-game cut-ins on the MLB Network, so I've heard just about every TV broadcast team out there. He can tell you that the pitcher's arm slot is off, why it's off, and how to fix it, while telling the uninformed what a pitcher's arm slot is without either making them feel like an idiot or without dumbing down the game so much that the informed fans are turned off. He can tell you what the pitcher's thinking, what the catcher's seeing, and how the manager is juggling his lineup options. He truly is the best analyst out there with the chess game aspects of baseball.
But as good as Deshaies is at that aspect of the broadcast, there is no analyst that I've heard working who's as good as keeping one's attention riveted to the game when the game's out of reach. Vin Scully and Bob Uecker can do it as play-by-play guys -- and they often work alone -- but there's no analyst who comes close to matching JD's ability to riff on a player's name, or to go off on Seinfeld trivia, or just pull Mary-Kate Olsen's name from out of nowhere as part of an answer to a trivia question.
And it doesn't even sound likes he's trying. It's almost effortless. It's like he's at a bar with his buddies and he thinks of something and just throws it out into the flow of the conversation.
I don't know why he's never gotten a network spot on ESPN or FOX or the MLB Network. But Jim Deshaies makes bad baseball games fun to watch. And the Astros play a lot of boring and bad baseball. So I'm grateful that JD's still here in Houston. I don't even want to think about how bad Astros baseball would be to watch without him around.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sex Sells -- Another ScarJo Edition
So they were talking about Scarlett Johansson on Letterman again last night, and knowing that I have a reader who is a huge ScarJo fan, I figure, why not throw out another photo?
Funny Semantic Games
This column from the NPR about why it, and most of the media, refuses to use the word "torture" when talking about torture reminds me of a stand-up comic I saw on Friday night here in Houston. He was going on about how "enhanced interrogation techniques" really are torture, despite what people say. And, to point out how stupid the wording -- and the nutjobs who fall for it -- is, he went with this. If it's not really torture, but is really an enhanced interrogation technique, then it's not really rape, it's an enhanced mating technique.
Why Bother?
So that old problem I had earlier in the year is back. I just can't make myself go to bed at night, and I often find myself up at three in the morning now, watching bad informercials or the MLB Network. Which means I go to bed later than normal, but still, once in bed, I have trouble drifting off to sleep.
I guess my question, though, is why should I even bother hauling myself out of bed in the morning? What's the use? It's not like I have any work to do. And if I go out, I spend money, if even just a little bit, and I just really don't have a lot of cash to spare. So what's wrong with my staying in bed the entire day and just sleeping?
After all, it's not like I'm an actually contributing anything to society my presence anyway. So really, I'm serious, why should I even bother?
I guess my question, though, is why should I even bother hauling myself out of bed in the morning? What's the use? It's not like I have any work to do. And if I go out, I spend money, if even just a little bit, and I just really don't have a lot of cash to spare. So what's wrong with my staying in bed the entire day and just sleeping?
After all, it's not like I'm an actually contributing anything to society my presence anyway. So really, I'm serious, why should I even bother?
Painting It Black
Pitchers like to paint the black of the paint. And I've seemingly been alternating between shades of white, gray, and black in mood lately, so here's my version of painting the black. The Rolling Stones and "Paint It Black."
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Rocket Man Speaks
This is currently posted at the mothership, so if you want, give the link a click.
A big congratulations is in order to the Houstonist blog for the get of the month. The blog, after many failed attempts, was finally able to get Roger Clemens to go on the record and answer reader questions about his career, his future, and of course, Brian McNamee and the Mitchell Report. And you can read the entire thing here.
There’s not really much new information here. Clemens doesn’t change course and say that he’s been lying for all of these years, and that he did take HGH and steroids. He gives primarily vague answers about checking his previous testimony, and that he has been telling the truth ever since this whole thing started. Which leads to the question that is not asked, so it is not answered: to which version of the truth is Clemens referring?
First, McNamee never injected Clemens with anything. Then McNamee injected him with B-12 and lidocaine. First he was never at the Canseco party. Then it was he might have dropped by the party. Then it was the family spent the night at the Canseco house. Then it was he probably stopped by for lunch. First it was he never discussed HGH with Andy Pettitte; then it was that the two of them discussed had actually been discussing a TV show about HGH. First he and McNamee had never discussed HGH; then it was the two of them had had several detailed discussions of the topic because of Mrs. Clemens taking HGH. First it’s McNamee is the most disgusting, dishonest, vile human being on earth; then it’s McNamee was actually trusted by The Rocket and his family until the Mitchell Report went public. First is was Rocket didn’t know what was going to be in the Mitchell Report until the report was released; then it was admitted that he knew what was in the report days before it came out.
I could of course, go on.
This is all a matter of the record, and Clemens so helpfully reminds everybody of just where to go to read all of this as he provides a link to the Congressional Website where all of the testimony and evidence is contained. And for any of you who are interested in reliving that specific day that Rocket appeared before Congress and was nearly nailed for witness tampering, then just click here to go directly to that day’s testimony.
I think Houstonist did a good job in selecting questions, so it’s not their fault that the answers are essentially worthless. The blog author, Jason Bargas states several times that he attempted to talk to Clemens by phone, but that he could never get the interview, so he had to result to the e-mail. Thus, there are no follow-up questions regarding the many inconsistent statements Clemens has made. Not that I think Rocket would ever allow for an interview with actual follow-up.
But for those of you who are still curious, Rocket states that he is innocent. That he never took the HGH. He says the current MLB drug testing policy is very good -- but as Rocket reminds everybody, he has passed every drug test that he ever took (which, if I remember correctly, has also been the same answer as Alex Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, and Barry Bonds). Also, Rocket states that the only place he will get to tell his story is in court, but if that fails -- which it all but has -- then just maybe he’ll write another book.
So once again, congratulations to the guys at Houstonist. Very nice work.
A big congratulations is in order to the Houstonist blog for the get of the month. The blog, after many failed attempts, was finally able to get Roger Clemens to go on the record and answer reader questions about his career, his future, and of course, Brian McNamee and the Mitchell Report. And you can read the entire thing here.
There’s not really much new information here. Clemens doesn’t change course and say that he’s been lying for all of these years, and that he did take HGH and steroids. He gives primarily vague answers about checking his previous testimony, and that he has been telling the truth ever since this whole thing started. Which leads to the question that is not asked, so it is not answered: to which version of the truth is Clemens referring?
First, McNamee never injected Clemens with anything. Then McNamee injected him with B-12 and lidocaine. First he was never at the Canseco party. Then it was he might have dropped by the party. Then it was the family spent the night at the Canseco house. Then it was he probably stopped by for lunch. First it was he never discussed HGH with Andy Pettitte; then it was that the two of them discussed had actually been discussing a TV show about HGH. First he and McNamee had never discussed HGH; then it was the two of them had had several detailed discussions of the topic because of Mrs. Clemens taking HGH. First it’s McNamee is the most disgusting, dishonest, vile human being on earth; then it’s McNamee was actually trusted by The Rocket and his family until the Mitchell Report went public. First is was Rocket didn’t know what was going to be in the Mitchell Report until the report was released; then it was admitted that he knew what was in the report days before it came out.
I could of course, go on.
This is all a matter of the record, and Clemens so helpfully reminds everybody of just where to go to read all of this as he provides a link to the Congressional Website where all of the testimony and evidence is contained. And for any of you who are interested in reliving that specific day that Rocket appeared before Congress and was nearly nailed for witness tampering, then just click here to go directly to that day’s testimony.
I think Houstonist did a good job in selecting questions, so it’s not their fault that the answers are essentially worthless. The blog author, Jason Bargas states several times that he attempted to talk to Clemens by phone, but that he could never get the interview, so he had to result to the e-mail. Thus, there are no follow-up questions regarding the many inconsistent statements Clemens has made. Not that I think Rocket would ever allow for an interview with actual follow-up.
But for those of you who are still curious, Rocket states that he is innocent. That he never took the HGH. He says the current MLB drug testing policy is very good -- but as Rocket reminds everybody, he has passed every drug test that he ever took (which, if I remember correctly, has also been the same answer as Alex Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, and Barry Bonds). Also, Rocket states that the only place he will get to tell his story is in court, but if that fails -- which it all but has -- then just maybe he’ll write another book.
So once again, congratulations to the guys at Houstonist. Very nice work.
Some Random Thoughts On Minneapolis
So the Astros were playing the Twins in Minneapolis this weekend. I like Minneapolis. I think it's a beautiful city with a beautiful skyline that I don't get to visit near enough.
The Astros TV crew kept making a big deal about this being the team's last visit ever to the Metrodome, what with the Twins moving to Target Field next season. I know that lots of people don't like the Metrodome, and that they say that it's not got no personality and that it's plastic. But frankly, is it any worse than this thing we have in Houston with that stupid hill and the choo-choo train?
And I have a special fondness for the place as it was in the Metrodome in May 2006 in a game between the Twins and Mariners that I was in attendance for the only triple play I've ever seen live.
I don't really have much to say. They were just showing lots of clips of the city during the telecast, and it just reminded me of what a great place Minneapolis -- and St. Paul and all of Minnesota is -- and I hope that somehow, soon, I get some work and start making some money so that I can return and visit the state.
Reason Number 28 That Jim Deshaies Is My Favorite Sportscaster
So I'm watching the Astros and Twins yesterday. And the Afflac trivia question is rather simple: name the four Twins who have been named as MVPs. As they tip off names like Rod Carew and Harmen Killebrew, etc, Jim Deshaies tosses out "Mary-Kate Olsen."
There's a slight pause that allows for the mental image of Bill Brown slowly turning his head to look at JD as Deshaies responds: "she's a twin, right?"
Jim Deshaies. My favorite sportscaster. Listening to this guy do a game is always a joy. Always.
There's a slight pause that allows for the mental image of Bill Brown slowly turning his head to look at JD as Deshaies responds: "she's a twin, right?"
Jim Deshaies. My favorite sportscaster. Listening to this guy do a game is always a joy. Always.
Friday, June 19, 2009
I'm Taking The Weekend Off
I've had a lousy day. An awful day (problems with the mothership and a real asshole). And a bad week. And a bad month. And a bad year. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. Maybe I'm a little depressed. I'm running out of money. I'm being turned down for temp jobs though contract attorney agencies. Nobody's responding to my business venture. Nothing I'm doing seems to be working.
So I'm taking a break. At least for the rest of this week and the weekend, there'll be nothing here. I've got to try and clear my head a bit, and that means no thinking about posting stuff over here. I'll probably be back on Monday -- it's not like I have anything else to do.
But until then.
So I'm taking a break. At least for the rest of this week and the weekend, there'll be nothing here. I've got to try and clear my head a bit, and that means no thinking about posting stuff over here. I'll probably be back on Monday -- it's not like I have anything else to do.
But until then.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
An Old Friend's Bad Nightmare
Was watching the MLB Network earlier today, and for some reason, Bob Costas was reminding everybody in a taped piece that Tom Seaver was traded back in June of 1977 from the Mets to the Reds when he was still just 30 years old. I hope that my friend Mike up in NYC wasn't watching, because he's a huge Mets fans who still has nightmares because of that trade, and I also hope that, if he was watching, he didn't destroy his TV.
For the interested, after the trade, Seaver's career stats were only 122-99 with a 3.39 ERA.
For the interested, after the trade, Seaver's career stats were only 122-99 with a 3.39 ERA.
Sex Sells -- The ScarJo Edition
Ryan Reynolds was on Letterman last night, promoting his new movie with Sandra Bullock. And Reynolds, the bastard, is married to Scarlett Johansson. And that got me to thinking that one of my original readers is a huge ScarJo fan. Also, my first editor at the mothership used to love the opportunity to post this photo. So here goes.
Roger Clemens: The Books
As usual, this should be posted over at the mothership later today, but I thought I would go ahead and share it here, but don't be afraid to click on the link and let them know you read it.
Roger Clemens is no longer the only former professional baseball player under investigation for lying to Congress. With the Tuesday revelation that Sammy Sosa was one of the 104 MLB players to test positive for PED use in 2003 (along with Alex Rodriguez) comes the word that a congressional committee is looking into whether Sosa lied to Congress when he testified in 2005 that he had never used a PED. And this brings about a good time to check in on Clemens, about who there has been relatively little news recently. Actually, except for a vague claim that he’s willing to answer some questions for the blog Houstonist -- which from what I can tell has yet to happen -- there’s not been much news from the Rocket camp lately.
There have, however, been a couple of books published about Clemens in the past couple of months, and I thought I would discuss those. They are The Rocket That Fell To Earth: Roger Clemens And The Rage For Baseball Immortality by Jeff Pearlman, who also authored a bio of Barry Bonds several years ago, and American Icon: The Fall Of Roger Clemens And The Rise Of Steroids In America’s Pastime by the investigative team at the New York Daily News which has broken many of the hot stories on the Rocket since he was named in The Mitchell Report.
Pearlman’s book is more a biography than it is steroids expose, and he looks at the life of Rocket from his youth in Ohio through his team-jumping among Texas high schools and colleges and into his professional career. I was actually looking forward to this book the most because Pearlman’s Love Me, Hate Me about Barry Bonds was about the only thing I’ve ever read that exposed just about everything there was know about Bonds, yet was still able to portray him as a somewhat sympathetic human being, and I wanted to see what Pearlman could do with Clemens. But Pearlman’s unable to do anything sympathetic with Clemens.
The only real revelations from Pearlman’s book, besides Clemens being a lifelong ass, are that he actually was injured in Game Six of the 1986 World Series; Mindy McCready was 17, not 15, when the two met; and that the Chron’s sports department attempted to hire an investigative reporter to investigate Rocket in 2004, but that management denied the request. And reading the book, it’s amazing how easily most members of the media fell for the myth of Rocket -- Pearlman’s especially hard on some of the guys at the Chron. The book further reinforces the notion that Clemens was the one guy you didn’t want on the mound for an important game, and reminds everybody that maybe, just maybe Dan Duquette was right back in 1997 when he said Clemens was done.
American Icon is the steroids expose. It picks up with Clemens arriving in Toronto and getting his first shot from Brian McNamee. It doesn’t bother with a biography of Clemens though, since one of the main sources is Brian McNamee and his legal team, there is lots of background info on him. There’s lots of info regarding the infamous incidents with Mike Piazza, lots of stuff about Mindy McCready, and lots and lots of information regarding the infamous 1998 party at Jose Canseco’s where Rocket supposedly first got the steroids.
There is some great detail regarding the Feds (and George Mitchell) getting to McNamee. Though specifics aren’t divulged, nor witnesses or sources named, the authors make it clear that they’ve got another credible witness that has never been made public who places Clemens at the party, and they strongly imply that the Feds have fully tested and vetted the needles and bandages saved by McNamee, and that they are satisfied everything matches up and definitely ties them to Rocket.
Most interesting are the stories about the preparations and appearance before Congress. Rusty Hardin comes off as an even huger boob than he has previously appeared. There’s an exhaustive breakdown of nanny-gate, and how it would never have happened if Hardin hadn’t made Rocket’s so-called appearance at that Canseco party the linchpin of their defense. As in Pearlman’s book, the Chron comes off pretty bad. And the book is really good in exposing the steroids/HGH culture in Houston-area gyms.
Both books have problems. Neither one can spell Jimy Williams correctly, and there’s the conflict over the age of McCready when she met Rocket. Pearlman’s book is best in the younger years of Rocket’s life, before he reaches the majors, but somewhat superficial in the later years. The Daily News book suffers from being a bit too slanted towards McNamee, and it relies too much on anonymous sources. There’s nothing really earth-shattering in either book. Clemens is a womanizing jerk who used PEDs, constantly lied about his past, and still has no legitimate reason for throwing a part of a bat at Piazza.
And here’s some bonus trivia from the books: Andy Pettitte’s original attorney was Rusty Hardin. He then went to a guy based out of Pittsburgh known as Jay Reisinger. Reisinger is back in the news because he was the attorney sitting next to and representing one Sammy Sosa when Sosa appeared before Congress in 2005 and conveniently forgot how to speak English.
Roger Clemens is no longer the only former professional baseball player under investigation for lying to Congress. With the Tuesday revelation that Sammy Sosa was one of the 104 MLB players to test positive for PED use in 2003 (along with Alex Rodriguez) comes the word that a congressional committee is looking into whether Sosa lied to Congress when he testified in 2005 that he had never used a PED. And this brings about a good time to check in on Clemens, about who there has been relatively little news recently. Actually, except for a vague claim that he’s willing to answer some questions for the blog Houstonist -- which from what I can tell has yet to happen -- there’s not been much news from the Rocket camp lately.
There have, however, been a couple of books published about Clemens in the past couple of months, and I thought I would discuss those. They are The Rocket That Fell To Earth: Roger Clemens And The Rage For Baseball Immortality by Jeff Pearlman, who also authored a bio of Barry Bonds several years ago, and American Icon: The Fall Of Roger Clemens And The Rise Of Steroids In America’s Pastime by the investigative team at the New York Daily News which has broken many of the hot stories on the Rocket since he was named in The Mitchell Report.
Pearlman’s book is more a biography than it is steroids expose, and he looks at the life of Rocket from his youth in Ohio through his team-jumping among Texas high schools and colleges and into his professional career. I was actually looking forward to this book the most because Pearlman’s Love Me, Hate Me about Barry Bonds was about the only thing I’ve ever read that exposed just about everything there was know about Bonds, yet was still able to portray him as a somewhat sympathetic human being, and I wanted to see what Pearlman could do with Clemens. But Pearlman’s unable to do anything sympathetic with Clemens.
The only real revelations from Pearlman’s book, besides Clemens being a lifelong ass, are that he actually was injured in Game Six of the 1986 World Series; Mindy McCready was 17, not 15, when the two met; and that the Chron’s sports department attempted to hire an investigative reporter to investigate Rocket in 2004, but that management denied the request. And reading the book, it’s amazing how easily most members of the media fell for the myth of Rocket -- Pearlman’s especially hard on some of the guys at the Chron. The book further reinforces the notion that Clemens was the one guy you didn’t want on the mound for an important game, and reminds everybody that maybe, just maybe Dan Duquette was right back in 1997 when he said Clemens was done.
American Icon is the steroids expose. It picks up with Clemens arriving in Toronto and getting his first shot from Brian McNamee. It doesn’t bother with a biography of Clemens though, since one of the main sources is Brian McNamee and his legal team, there is lots of background info on him. There’s lots of info regarding the infamous incidents with Mike Piazza, lots of stuff about Mindy McCready, and lots and lots of information regarding the infamous 1998 party at Jose Canseco’s where Rocket supposedly first got the steroids.
There is some great detail regarding the Feds (and George Mitchell) getting to McNamee. Though specifics aren’t divulged, nor witnesses or sources named, the authors make it clear that they’ve got another credible witness that has never been made public who places Clemens at the party, and they strongly imply that the Feds have fully tested and vetted the needles and bandages saved by McNamee, and that they are satisfied everything matches up and definitely ties them to Rocket.
Most interesting are the stories about the preparations and appearance before Congress. Rusty Hardin comes off as an even huger boob than he has previously appeared. There’s an exhaustive breakdown of nanny-gate, and how it would never have happened if Hardin hadn’t made Rocket’s so-called appearance at that Canseco party the linchpin of their defense. As in Pearlman’s book, the Chron comes off pretty bad. And the book is really good in exposing the steroids/HGH culture in Houston-area gyms.
Both books have problems. Neither one can spell Jimy Williams correctly, and there’s the conflict over the age of McCready when she met Rocket. Pearlman’s book is best in the younger years of Rocket’s life, before he reaches the majors, but somewhat superficial in the later years. The Daily News book suffers from being a bit too slanted towards McNamee, and it relies too much on anonymous sources. There’s nothing really earth-shattering in either book. Clemens is a womanizing jerk who used PEDs, constantly lied about his past, and still has no legitimate reason for throwing a part of a bat at Piazza.
And here’s some bonus trivia from the books: Andy Pettitte’s original attorney was Rusty Hardin. He then went to a guy based out of Pittsburgh known as Jay Reisinger. Reisinger is back in the news because he was the attorney sitting next to and representing one Sammy Sosa when Sosa appeared before Congress in 2005 and conveniently forgot how to speak English.
Visual Proof of John Royal On David Letterman
For any of you out there who doubted my appearance on Letterman, here's video evidence. It's about 32 seconds into the clip. Just watch for the fat, bald guy wearing glasses sitting in the audience. And yes, I was the butt of the joke, but damn it, they paid me for buying that sweatshirt, so it was well worth it.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
From The CVC Vaults: Adventures With Lindsay Lohan
An old friend of mine -- I'm talking way back to elementary school days -- got the chance to attend a taping for tonight's Late Show with David Letterman. And since I, too, got to see Letterman a couple of years ago, I thought I would re-run this post from July 12, 2007 about my adventures in attending the show in a post that was originally entitled Adventures With Linsday Lohan.So, as promised in yesterday’s Coming Attractions post, I am going to be on The Late Show with David Letterman tomorrow night.
Yeah, I know, but I promise not to forget about all of you little people when I’m famous. No. Really. I mean it.
Here’s the deal. I went from a little vacation time in Toronto over the weekend to a trip to New York City for a little work related function. I’ve just checked into my hotel – the New York Hilton on 6th Avenue – and I’ve unpacked and I’m roaming the streets. Actually, I’ve kind of meandered over to Broadway and I see the crowd standing outside of Letterman’s studio. It’s about 3:00, so I know that it’s the crowd waiting to go in for the taping of the Monday night show. I take a left and start heading down Broadway to 42nd Street. I’ve walked about 2 blocks when I hear this guy asking if anyone’s interested in Late Show tickets.
I’m thinking, there’s probably some scam going on, but I’ll bite. The tickets are supposed to be free, so if he starts asking for the credit card, I’ll just split. Instead the guy says that I’ve got to answer a trivia question: “who is Rupert?” When I say the guy from the Hello Deli, he says that I’ve got a ticket for a show taping tonight.
Now, I’ve just come from the studio, they’re getting ready to tape the thing. So I ask about that. He tells me that Letterman likes his three day weekends, and that to have one this week, he’s taping shows on Monday. The show that I will be attending is to start at 7:00 and it will air on Friday.
I pick up my ticket, and picking up the ticket involves standing in a long line for about half-an-hour. While I’m waiting, there are Late Show ushers standing outside, keeping order, and telling everybody that though the temp outside is about 100, it’s a nice chilly 52 inside and that we should all bring sweaters or sweatshirts to keep warm.
I haven’t packed any of this, so I hit the CBS store, right next door, and I buy a Late Show sweatshirt.
I’m told to return at 6:00 and that the seating will be random. So, I return and at 6:00 me and my group are squeezed into the lobby where we’re given all kinds of instructions, like no wolf whistles, no woo-woo’s, that kind of thing, because the microphone’s pick up every noise. We’re seated at about 6:30, and a stand-up comes out to get the crowd warmed a bit, then the band members are introduced one-by-one followed by Paul and the announcer Alan. Then, five minutes before the show starts, Dave comes running out and starts chatting with the crowd.
I’m about six rows back, about 4 seats inside the row, sitting in the section on the band’s side of the stage. Letterman looks around and goes: “Hey, you, in the blue shirt.” Now, my sweatshirt is blue, but I don’t think it’s me, then he says it again, and points in my direction. I look down at my shirt, and he says, “yeah you,” and has me stand up. We chat a bit, and he asks me about the cost of the shirt. I tell him and he makes a big deal about how expensive it is. Then he has the warm-up comic come down into the audience and pay me for the shirt.
So, things are going great. I’ve just talked with Dave, and I’ve gotten a free Late Show sweatshirt. Then it’s time for the show to start.
Dave comes out and starts in on the monologue. He does some Friday the 13th jokes, then some Harry Potter jokes. Then he’s on about how hot it is in New York. About how it’s so hot that people will do crazy things, like spend $45 bucks for a sweatshirt. As I’m laughing, I notice the monitors overhead and I see that there’s a shot of me up there.
So, I’m going to be on national television on Friday night.
Watch.
Oh, and the guests, besides me, are Queen Latifah, Alan Zweibel, and Smashing Pumpkins.
Oh, as to the Lindsay Lohan reference in the title, one of the ushers with whom we spent time while standing in line, inside and outside, was a dead ringer for the blond-era Lohan. Except that she wasn’t Nicole Ritchie skinny, and she didn’t appear to be drunk or high. But she did have freckles.
Joe Buck Is Shocked, Shocked, By Artie Lange
I’ve got a question, how can anybody be surprised by Artie Lange hijacking a show? Seriously. It’s like booking Robin Williams to be the first of five guests for an hour long talk show, then being shocked that nobody else gets on the air because Williams hogs all of the airtime. Is there anybody out there really that stupid?
Apparently, there is. His name is Marc Payton and he lives in The Woodlands. He’s also the director of that god-awful Joe Buck sports/comedy show that premiered on HBO on Monday night. For some reason, they had Lange on a guest, along with Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis. And for some reason, Buck admitted, on a sports show, that his favorite website was TMZ.com.
I’ve seen Rudd on talk shows before, and normally, that little admission was something he wouldn’t let slip past without an insult or joke. But he and Buck went to high school together, so he let it slide. But next up was Lange, and the show was never the same. If you want to see the clip, you can go here. Let’s just say there were a lot of homosexual jokes at the expense of Buck and Tony Romo. And let’s also just say that afterwards, Buck gets to act all angry and outraged like he did when Randy Moss fake mooned the crowd at Lambeau Field years ago.
“I don't think anybody saw this coming (with Lange),” Payton told the Chron. “I think people were aware of the potential of something like that, but I don't think anybody believed it would happen. The general consensus was that (Lange) went way overboard, way over the line. He was inappropriate and downright rude to Joe and the audience and the other people in the panel.”
That leads me to ask the obvious question: you booked Artie Lange, so just what did you expect? Especially when the host of what is supposed to be a damn sports show admits to a bunch of comics -- including one who is Howard Stern’s sidekick -- that his favorite website is TMZ.com.
I’ve got no sympathy for Buck or Payton or any of the people at HBO claiming to be offended by Lange. Frankly, I’ve been offended by that douche bag Buck for years, and it’s about time someone wiped that sanctimonious grin off of his face. There are a lot of members of the lucky sperm club working in sports broadcasts booths, but Buck has to be the least talented, and most obnoxious of them all. So I issue a thanks to Artie Lange for bring the untalented Joe Buck down a peg or two.
And frankly, anybody who claims to be in broadcasting who didn’t see this coming from Lange, especially on HBO, needs to get out of broadcasting.
P.S.: And it continued for awhile on the internet.
Apparently, there is. His name is Marc Payton and he lives in The Woodlands. He’s also the director of that god-awful Joe Buck sports/comedy show that premiered on HBO on Monday night. For some reason, they had Lange on a guest, along with Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis. And for some reason, Buck admitted, on a sports show, that his favorite website was TMZ.com.
I’ve seen Rudd on talk shows before, and normally, that little admission was something he wouldn’t let slip past without an insult or joke. But he and Buck went to high school together, so he let it slide. But next up was Lange, and the show was never the same. If you want to see the clip, you can go here. Let’s just say there were a lot of homosexual jokes at the expense of Buck and Tony Romo. And let’s also just say that afterwards, Buck gets to act all angry and outraged like he did when Randy Moss fake mooned the crowd at Lambeau Field years ago.
“I don't think anybody saw this coming (with Lange),” Payton told the Chron. “I think people were aware of the potential of something like that, but I don't think anybody believed it would happen. The general consensus was that (Lange) went way overboard, way over the line. He was inappropriate and downright rude to Joe and the audience and the other people in the panel.”
That leads me to ask the obvious question: you booked Artie Lange, so just what did you expect? Especially when the host of what is supposed to be a damn sports show admits to a bunch of comics -- including one who is Howard Stern’s sidekick -- that his favorite website is TMZ.com.
I’ve got no sympathy for Buck or Payton or any of the people at HBO claiming to be offended by Lange. Frankly, I’ve been offended by that douche bag Buck for years, and it’s about time someone wiped that sanctimonious grin off of his face. There are a lot of members of the lucky sperm club working in sports broadcasts booths, but Buck has to be the least talented, and most obnoxious of them all. So I issue a thanks to Artie Lange for bring the untalented Joe Buck down a peg or two.
And frankly, anybody who claims to be in broadcasting who didn’t see this coming from Lange, especially on HBO, needs to get out of broadcasting.
P.S.: And it continued for awhile on the internet.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm A Loser, Baby
I'm on three months of unemployment. Since I started working when was I was 15, I've never been this long without a job. The highlight of my day is watching "Match Game" reruns on the Game Show Network. All of my friends on Facebook spend their time bitching about their jobs -- try not having a job you bastards -- I've been sick with the flu. And I've had no bites regarding my business venture. It's kind of like, why do I even bother?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager
I can't believe that I forgot about the existence of Chad Vader on the YouTubes. But last night, I suddenly remembered, and I spent most of the night catching up on all of the episodes and training videos.
For those of you who have never seen Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager, I give to you, Episode One in the story of Darth's younger, slightly less talented brother. And I encourage you to start watching all of the 5-6 minute episodes that follow. Very, very funny stuff.
For those of you who have never seen Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager, I give to you, Episode One in the story of Darth's younger, slightly less talented brother. And I encourage you to start watching all of the 5-6 minute episodes that follow. Very, very funny stuff.
Uh, About That 2004 Home Run Derby
It's funny. I'm watching the MLB Network, and they're showing the Home Run Derby from the 2004 All Star Game, the one in Houston. And I'm listening to the analysts talk about the sweet swings and the quiet, unexpected power from those swings. Of course, participants in that Derby included Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Ivan Rodriguez, Miguel Tejada, and Sammy Sosa. All players which have been linked to steroids or HGH in some form or another.
No wonder, I guess, that their swings looked so deceptive.
It also makes me wonder why MLB Network repeats this, seeing as how 5 of the 8 participants are roiders. Isn't there something better they can show? Even at three in the morning?
No wonder, I guess, that their swings looked so deceptive.
It also makes me wonder why MLB Network repeats this, seeing as how 5 of the 8 participants are roiders. Isn't there something better they can show? Even at three in the morning?
Friday, June 12, 2009
ESPN Discovers That Sex Sells
ESPN has announced that the October issue of ESPN the Magazine will be known as the "Body Issue" and will feature nude athletes, male and female, in an "all-nude, tastefully done extravaganza" that will use equipment and pads and balls and bats and goalposts and soccer nets and pucks and helmets to obscure various naughty bits. Darren Rovell -- the sports business guru at CNBC -- has a list of the top athletes he expects to appear in the issue.
No, Maria Sharapova is not on the list. But then again, neither are several of the female athletes who have taken it all in the past for Playboy. Sure, Ashley Harkleroad is probably not a top athlete, but she does appear to be pretty comfortable posing in the buff while posing at the tennis net. And I'm pretty shocked to not see Amanda Beard on the list. And while she's never posed nude, Danica Patrick does like to pose in bikinis, so I don't see it as a real stretch.
That said, I can't see where as I would have a problem with seeing Anna Rawson in the nude, nor Biba Golic.
No, Maria Sharapova is not on the list. But then again, neither are several of the female athletes who have taken it all in the past for Playboy. Sure, Ashley Harkleroad is probably not a top athlete, but she does appear to be pretty comfortable posing in the buff while posing at the tennis net. And I'm pretty shocked to not see Amanda Beard on the list. And while she's never posed nude, Danica Patrick does like to pose in bikinis, so I don't see it as a real stretch.
That said, I can't see where as I would have a problem with seeing Anna Rawson in the nude, nor Biba Golic. 
But I can't help but wonder at what took ESPN so damn long to come to this conclusion about nudity and sports. Sports Illustrated's biggest issue of the year, every year, is the swimsuit issue, and aside from the occasional athlete or athlete wife or cheerleader who appears every year, it has absolutely nothing to do with sports and everything to do with sex. The issue even has nudity -- the women often wear nothing but body paint and are often posing without a top or a bottom or wearing nothing but an iPod and sand. And my numbers really shot up when I started going with my Sex Sells feature.
Frankly, however, I don't know if naked female (and male) athletes can save ESPN the Magazine. It's an awful publication that makes USA Today's articles appear long thought pieces ruminating on mankind. Maxim's articles are lengthy and involved when compared to the ESPN magazine. It's just a bad product. But hey, even I might be willing to buy it just this once.
Maybe.
You Mean I Might Have To Watch The Astros Sober?
This is cross-posted at the mothership. I think there are even some comments over there if you're interested.
Hey Astros fans. Are you tired of the exorbitant prices you have to pay for booze at Astros games? Well, I've got good news. And I've got bad news.
The good news is that the prices might be getting a lot damn cheaper real soon. The bad news is that the reason is that alcohol might no longer be served in the stadium. Oh, it's not because Drayton McLane is going all Christian and declaring alcohol to be one of the world's great sins, so he's now refusing to sell it. The problem is that Minute Maid Park might be losing its liquor license.
The Chron is reporting that Aramark, the company that holds the right to sell alcoholic beverages is currently being investigated by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission as part of an ongoing administrative complaint arising out of its actions at Minute Maid Park. Specifically, Aramark has been accused of serving a clearly intoxicated person at an Astros game last August.
Following the game, one Roy John Wilson veered around a TxDOT truck that was blocking a lane of traffic and struck and killed a pedestrian, David Hall, Jr., a TxDOT employee. Wilson fled the scene, but was later stopped by the police where he failed a field sobriety test and tested over the legal limit.
KTRK got a response from Aramark saying "We take the responsible service of alcoholic beverages very seriously and have industry-leading standards in place at each venue where we provide food and beverage services. We do not comment on pending matters."
The TABC also didn't provide many comments on the matter. So it's not known which of Aramark's licenses at the stadium are up for revocation. Aramark has two licenses, one for beer and one for liquor, and they cover different areas of the ballpark. Only one license is at stake, so it's possible that if you sit in the right section, you will still be able to get nice and drunk while watching Carlos Lee loaf after balls hit to left field.
The Astros could not be reached for comment, but knowing Drayton McLane, I wouldn't be surprised to see him use this as an excuse to jack up prices even more because of a thought process that would indicate that if a person could afford to get drunk off of the current prices, then he's just not charging enough for the stadium booze.
The TABC has not set a date for the administrative hearing regarding the license, so it's possible you can continue to go on getting smashed at the games. It's also possible that, should Aramark lose one of the licenses, another vendor can take over from Aramark.
It's also worth noting that, if the Astros find themselves unable to sell alcohol in the stadium they won't be the first major league team to face this punishment this season. Earlier this season, the Toronto Blue Jays got in trouble with Canadian authorities because of the actions of drunk fans, and alcohol sales were prohibited for several games.
Hey Astros fans. Are you tired of the exorbitant prices you have to pay for booze at Astros games? Well, I've got good news. And I've got bad news.
The good news is that the prices might be getting a lot damn cheaper real soon. The bad news is that the reason is that alcohol might no longer be served in the stadium. Oh, it's not because Drayton McLane is going all Christian and declaring alcohol to be one of the world's great sins, so he's now refusing to sell it. The problem is that Minute Maid Park might be losing its liquor license.
The Chron is reporting that Aramark, the company that holds the right to sell alcoholic beverages is currently being investigated by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission as part of an ongoing administrative complaint arising out of its actions at Minute Maid Park. Specifically, Aramark has been accused of serving a clearly intoxicated person at an Astros game last August.
Following the game, one Roy John Wilson veered around a TxDOT truck that was blocking a lane of traffic and struck and killed a pedestrian, David Hall, Jr., a TxDOT employee. Wilson fled the scene, but was later stopped by the police where he failed a field sobriety test and tested over the legal limit.
KTRK got a response from Aramark saying "We take the responsible service of alcoholic beverages very seriously and have industry-leading standards in place at each venue where we provide food and beverage services. We do not comment on pending matters."
The TABC also didn't provide many comments on the matter. So it's not known which of Aramark's licenses at the stadium are up for revocation. Aramark has two licenses, one for beer and one for liquor, and they cover different areas of the ballpark. Only one license is at stake, so it's possible that if you sit in the right section, you will still be able to get nice and drunk while watching Carlos Lee loaf after balls hit to left field.
The Astros could not be reached for comment, but knowing Drayton McLane, I wouldn't be surprised to see him use this as an excuse to jack up prices even more because of a thought process that would indicate that if a person could afford to get drunk off of the current prices, then he's just not charging enough for the stadium booze.
The TABC has not set a date for the administrative hearing regarding the license, so it's possible you can continue to go on getting smashed at the games. It's also possible that, should Aramark lose one of the licenses, another vendor can take over from Aramark.
It's also worth noting that, if the Astros find themselves unable to sell alcohol in the stadium they won't be the first major league team to face this punishment this season. Earlier this season, the Toronto Blue Jays got in trouble with Canadian authorities because of the actions of drunk fans, and alcohol sales were prohibited for several games.
Sex Sells -- Football Wives Edition
Since I'm now part of the Football Writers Association of America, I feel compelled to post SI swimsuit photos with connections to football. So here is a safe for work photo of Mrs. Jeff Garcia, Carmella Garica.
You can find a not safe for work photo here.
You can find a not safe for work photo here.
Texans Fans: Meet The Sex Cannon
In shocking Houston Texans news yesterday, the team signed a new backup QB, former Chicago Bears QB and recent reject, Rex "The Sex Cannon" Grossman. Grossman was signed to a 1-year deal at the veteran minimum of $620,000.Now seeing as Matt Schaub is the team's number one QB. And seeing as how Schaub makes Kaz Matsui look like Cal Ripken, one can kind of understand why the team felt a need to sign a backup QB. Especially as how a Detroit Lions reject, Dan Orlovsky, and a guy who has yet to get off the training squad, Alex Brink, are the current Schaub rejects.
But Rex Grossman?
First, the guy's not quite known for his ability to withstand punishment, which makes him like Schaub. Then there's the fact that he sucks. The Bears played Kyle Orton instead of this guy.
But seeing as how the Texans signed a guy known as The Sex Cannon -- because of the way he slings the ball downfield with no concern as to who's waiting to catch/intercept it -- perhaps they should have taken up that adult video company sponsorship offer. The Texans -- who have made it known that sponsorship space is available on the team's practice jerseys -- turned down an offer by adult video company Zero Tolerance. The company was seeking to buy that space on the player's practice jerseys. And with the way the Texans play, that might have been one of the few things to get excited about with the team.
The Sex Cannon and porn. That would've been a Texans team worth cheering for. Instead, we just get to hope that maybe The Sex Cannon will throw a few thousand INTs while playing for the injured Schaub -- if he can beat out Orlovsky and Brink that is.
So I Go Insanse
It's Friday, everybody, so Go Insane. Though, frankly, I don't think any of you should Go Insane like Lindsey Buckingham in this video because that might not be a good thing. However, it does kind of reflect my mood at the moment.
Drayton Lets Kids In Free -- As Long As Adults Pay Ton Of Dollars
Houston Astros attendance has been kind of down this season. The Astros like to blame the economy. I like to blame it on the team sucking. Either way, the Astros have found away to get more people into the stadiums. They're going to be letting kids in free.
The team announced yesterday that there will be 2-free tickets for children 14 and under with the purchase of full-price adult ticket for the Mezzanine section ($20), View Deck 1 ($15) and View Deck 2 ($12). The deal starts in two weeks, June 23, when the Astros return from a road trip. And though the team says it will last all summer, it actually only goes through August 23, which is a long way from being the of summer.
The Astros did not, however, mention anything about reducing concession stand prices, or allowing families to bring food and beverages into Minute Maid Park, so you can still expect to be ripped off at any game you attend.
The team announced yesterday that there will be 2-free tickets for children 14 and under with the purchase of full-price adult ticket for the Mezzanine section ($20), View Deck 1 ($15) and View Deck 2 ($12). The deal starts in two weeks, June 23, when the Astros return from a road trip. And though the team says it will last all summer, it actually only goes through August 23, which is a long way from being the of summer.
The Astros did not, however, mention anything about reducing concession stand prices, or allowing families to bring food and beverages into Minute Maid Park, so you can still expect to be ripped off at any game you attend.
Can Someone Tell Me If I Really Exist?
I know I'm trying to get my own business started -- Royal Document Review -- but I'm still in need of some temp work. Something to get me a little cash and pay my bills instead of just draining away my savings. And since I've been laid off, I've interviewed with four recruiters/head hunters, and I've sent my resume to countless others.
So, is it really asking for too damn much for them to acknowledge my fucking existence? Seriously, is that asking for too much for at least one to acknowledge me? Literary agents are supposed to be possible to contact once they've taken you on as a client, but as someone who actually had an agent for a year before firing him, I can confidently state that it's easier to get one of those bastards to return a phone call or e-mail than it is to get a head hunter/recruiter to return a phone call or e-mail.
It's as if, after they meet with you, you no longer exist.
But damn it, to quote the Elephant Man, I'm a human being. I want one of those bastards to acknowledge me for once.
So, is it really asking for too damn much for them to acknowledge my fucking existence? Seriously, is that asking for too much for at least one to acknowledge me? Literary agents are supposed to be possible to contact once they've taken you on as a client, but as someone who actually had an agent for a year before firing him, I can confidently state that it's easier to get one of those bastards to return a phone call or e-mail than it is to get a head hunter/recruiter to return a phone call or e-mail.
It's as if, after they meet with you, you no longer exist.
But damn it, to quote the Elephant Man, I'm a human being. I want one of those bastards to acknowledge me for once.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sex Sells -- The Cheerleader Edition
I thought that since I'm now a member of the Football Writers Association of America, I would use a SI bikini photo of a NFL cheerleader for today's Sex Sells feature. So meet Janipher Choi.
F**k the AMA!
I see that the AMA has come out against the so-called public option plan in health care reform. I don't understand everything about the public option, but supposedly it creates a public insurance backed by the government that we may join, if so desired, if private insurance plans are too expensive or don't provide enough coverage.
The insurance companies, of course, don't like this option because they don't do well with competition. And supposedly the AMA doesn't like it because, supposedly, a public option plan would limit patient choices. I guess that is a bad thing, because as we all know, the private insurance never restrict patient choices. I mean, we never have to get insurance company approval for certain medical procedures or have to find new doctors if we switch insurance companies.
(It needs to be noted that the AMA opposed Medicare back in the 60s and claimed it would lead to socialism.)
Before I go much further, just let me say that if government-funded medical insurance is so damn bad, then why don't all of those asshole Republican Congressmen drop their government-funded medical coverage and get private insurance -- they should also force all of their staffers to go into private insurance as well because they should have the same standard of care as the constituents.
But here's where I call b.s. on the whole AMA thing. My personal doctor is not the most liberal of people. But I had a check-up last week, and when he found out how much COBRA costs were, he just couldn't believe that a healthy person should have to pay $10,000 a year for insurance. He called the private insurance system broken, and used the word "scam" a couple of times, and thought that a public option was the best thing for everybody.
Now maybe he just had gotten the memo from the AMA yet, but I think it's more likely that the AMA doesn't speak for a majority of the doctors. Because as much as I hear the nutjob GOPers bitching about how evil it is for a government bureaucrat to be making medical decisions, is it really all that different from an insurance company bureaucrat making these same decisions? I've seen the results of the insurance company bureaucrats as my brother and sister-in-law have had to constantly battle these assholes for about three years so that they can get treatment for my niece's autism. And I've been told I can't take certain medications because they're too expensive and was ordered to take a different one despite my doctor getting on the phone in my presence and telling the insurance company bureaucrat that medications were his decision, not theirs.
The truth of the matter is that the insurance industry is nothing but a huge scam. They love to collect the money, but will work to find any loophole to keep from paying off on rightful claims. I used to represent auto-insurance companies in automobile accident litigation. And the insurance company didn't care about the insured, and often went opposite of what was in the interest of their client.
So okay, enough of my rant. But frankly, the AMA and the insurance companies can go fuck themselves. And if the GOPer Congressmen think government medical insurance is so damn evil, then I would really like for them to refuse their government coverage and get on a private plan. Not that those hypocritical assholes would ever do something like that.
The insurance companies, of course, don't like this option because they don't do well with competition. And supposedly the AMA doesn't like it because, supposedly, a public option plan would limit patient choices. I guess that is a bad thing, because as we all know, the private insurance never restrict patient choices. I mean, we never have to get insurance company approval for certain medical procedures or have to find new doctors if we switch insurance companies.
(It needs to be noted that the AMA opposed Medicare back in the 60s and claimed it would lead to socialism.)
Before I go much further, just let me say that if government-funded medical insurance is so damn bad, then why don't all of those asshole Republican Congressmen drop their government-funded medical coverage and get private insurance -- they should also force all of their staffers to go into private insurance as well because they should have the same standard of care as the constituents.
But here's where I call b.s. on the whole AMA thing. My personal doctor is not the most liberal of people. But I had a check-up last week, and when he found out how much COBRA costs were, he just couldn't believe that a healthy person should have to pay $10,000 a year for insurance. He called the private insurance system broken, and used the word "scam" a couple of times, and thought that a public option was the best thing for everybody.
Now maybe he just had gotten the memo from the AMA yet, but I think it's more likely that the AMA doesn't speak for a majority of the doctors. Because as much as I hear the nutjob GOPers bitching about how evil it is for a government bureaucrat to be making medical decisions, is it really all that different from an insurance company bureaucrat making these same decisions? I've seen the results of the insurance company bureaucrats as my brother and sister-in-law have had to constantly battle these assholes for about three years so that they can get treatment for my niece's autism. And I've been told I can't take certain medications because they're too expensive and was ordered to take a different one despite my doctor getting on the phone in my presence and telling the insurance company bureaucrat that medications were his decision, not theirs.
The truth of the matter is that the insurance industry is nothing but a huge scam. They love to collect the money, but will work to find any loophole to keep from paying off on rightful claims. I used to represent auto-insurance companies in automobile accident litigation. And the insurance company didn't care about the insured, and often went opposite of what was in the interest of their client.
So okay, enough of my rant. But frankly, the AMA and the insurance companies can go fuck themselves. And if the GOPer Congressmen think government medical insurance is so damn evil, then I would really like for them to refuse their government coverage and get on a private plan. Not that those hypocritical assholes would ever do something like that.
A Major Announcement
On this, the start of my third month of unemployment -- damn, I didn't think it would be this hard to start generating income as an attorney again -- I've got an announcement to make.
You're talking to the newest member of the Football Writers Association of America.
Yep, that's right. I'm a member. My application was accepted yesterday, and I paid my dues. Unfortunately, I don't make any extra money off of this, just what I'm already getting through the mothership, which ain't much. But it does give me a little more credibility.
And yes, I do write about college football for the mothership.
You're talking to the newest member of the Football Writers Association of America.
Yep, that's right. I'm a member. My application was accepted yesterday, and I paid my dues. Unfortunately, I don't make any extra money off of this, just what I'm already getting through the mothership, which ain't much. But it does give me a little more credibility.
And yes, I do write about college football for the mothership.
The John Royal Charity Auction
The Astros and Fox Sports Houston held an auction during last night's game. They were auctioning off things like a game for 20 people in Drayton's suite. Or getting to meet Milo Hamilton and sit with him in the booth during a game.
So that gave me an idea for making a little cash on my own.
Welcome to the John Royal Charity Auction. All proceeds will be donated to a good cause. Keeping John Royal's bills paid while he waits for someone to become a paying customer of his new his business enterprise.
For a starting bid of $50, you get to program video jukebox for one day.
For a starting bid of $100, you get to choose the Sex Sells photo for a day.
For a starting bid of $500, you can do the jukebox for a week.
For a starting bid of $1000, I'll take the week off and post nothing here at the CVC except for necessary sports updates.
For a starting bid of $5000, I'll take the entire month off from the CVC. Except for what the winner of the video jukebox posting his/her videos or the Sex Sells photo winner, or any necessary sports update.
And for a bargain minimum bid of $50,000, I'll take the rest of the year off. Except for necessary sports updates.
Bidding starts as of the posting of this note, and ends in one week.
So that gave me an idea for making a little cash on my own.
Welcome to the John Royal Charity Auction. All proceeds will be donated to a good cause. Keeping John Royal's bills paid while he waits for someone to become a paying customer of his new his business enterprise.
For a starting bid of $50, you get to program video jukebox for one day.
For a starting bid of $100, you get to choose the Sex Sells photo for a day.
For a starting bid of $500, you can do the jukebox for a week.
For a starting bid of $1000, I'll take the week off and post nothing here at the CVC except for necessary sports updates.
For a starting bid of $5000, I'll take the entire month off from the CVC. Except for what the winner of the video jukebox posting his/her videos or the Sex Sells photo winner, or any necessary sports update.
And for a bargain minimum bid of $50,000, I'll take the rest of the year off. Except for necessary sports updates.
Bidding starts as of the posting of this note, and ends in one week.
Berlin Walls Come Down
The iPod shuffle hit upon this yesterday, and it took me back to my high school days. Man, Terri Nunn was something else. So here's Berlin with "Sex (I'm A...)
Bono v. Clear Channel
Okay, if you happen to live and Houston and listen to any of the city's 12,000 Clear Channel radio stations, you've probably heard a bizarre commercial that goes something like this:"NAB President and CEO David Rehr urged lawmakers to oppose legislation introduced today that would force America's hometown radio stations to pay a new 'performance fee' to the recording industry for music aired free on the radio. The legislation, introduced in the House, is supported by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). A measure opposing today's Congressional action is expected to be introduced shortly.
"'Local radio broadcasters consider this fee a 'performance tax' that will not only harm your local radio stations, but will threaten new artists trying to break into the business as well as your constituents who rely on local radio,' wrote Rehr. 'Although the proponents of H.R. 848 claim this bill is about compensating artists, in actuality at least half of this fee will go directly into the pockets of the big record labels, funneling billions of dollars to companies based overseas.'"
And if you've been wondering what this rightwing nutso thing is about, like I have, well, I finally have the answer. Essentially, recording artists are seeking to have radio stations pay royalties to the artists who appear on the songs played on the radio, not just to the songwriter. And apparently, the good folks at Clear Channel think that they shouldn't have to do what satellite, internet, and cable radio stations do., which is pay royalties to the singers and musicians.
Now this came to my attention because the group pushing for the royalties has asked the FCC to investigate whether the National Association of Broadcasters, of which Clear Channel is part, is having its member stations remove songs from station playlists that are performed by artists who have spoke up in favor of the royalties. Supposedly, one specific artist has had his new single yanked from the airwaves, and the musicians group also claims that other artists are being intimated and threatened.
And while no musicians are named in the complaint to the FCC, the speculation is that the U2 and Bono are being punished for statements made in support of the royalties by Bono in April of this year, a month after the band's new album and single hit the air with massive hype and airplay, but which finds the single suddenly disappeared from the radio.
The complaint also states that radio stations in Texas, Florida, and Delaware are deliberately giving unfair treatment to artists. And the complaint states that radio stations in Houston, specifically The Arrow 93.7 have refused to air advertisements from the musicians in support of the bill.
I'm not sure of all of the specifics here. But seeing as how Clear Channel is involved, and seeing as how Clear Channel has destroyed radio in Houston -- and throughout the country -- I think I'm siding with the musicians. Besides, listening to Clear Channel bitch about how this bill will destroy local radio stations is a joke. You can go from one city in the U.S. to another, and every Clear Channel station sounds the same. There will be the nutjob right wing talk station on what used to be known as the city's primary news station. There will be a second-rate sports talk station. There will be the classic rock station that plays the same 20 songs every day. There's the top 40 station and the alt rock station. And they all sound the same, and they all play the same groups.
So any bill that causes damage to Clear Channel radio is a bill that I'm all for.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Speaking of Summer Movie Flops
The mothership today had a post on the flop that is Will Ferrell's Land of the Lost, and to make him feel better, they provide five other summer movies that were as big of flops as Ferrell's dud. But frankly, I noticed one movie right off the of my head that they forgot.
I give you, last summer's Speed Racer. I don't know what they were thinking when they forgot to add this film to the list, but it was the bomb of the year. It was an awful film of bad acting, no story, and no direction.
I give you, last summer's Speed Racer. I don't know what they were thinking when they forgot to add this film to the list, but it was the bomb of the year. It was an awful film of bad acting, no story, and no direction.
Damn Canadians!
I think I've made my love of the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson well known around this site. But I'm going to keep posting clips until every person in the world -- or at least reads this blog -- is watching. This clip is from last night's show, and it honestly had me rolling on the floor laughing, especially when guest Joel McHale from E! Television does his impersonation of Ferguson.
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
Meanwhile...Over at the Houston Press
Over at the mothership, you can read me nail Drayton McLane for the excessive concession prices at MMP. Especially after you note that the Astros are the only MLB team that don't allow you to bring your own food and drinks into the stadium.
A Duck Is A Duck Is A Duck
I have been informed that on her newscast last night, Katie Couric wished Donald Duck a happy 75th birthday, then ended by saying "That's all, folks." And, well, Katie, just a reminder. "That's all, folks" was Porky Pig's sign-off for the Warner Bros cartoons. Donald Duck was a Disney character. The Warner Bros duck was named Daffy.
That is all.
That is all.
Heard It On The iPod
I have this tendency to get stuck on songs and just listen to them over and over again. As is this case with this oldie. It hit my iPod shuffle the other day, and I've just been kind of constantly listening to it over and over again. So I hope you enjoy this classic, which is The Marshall Tucker Band performing "Heard It In A Love Song."
John Royal: At The Movies
Since I've got this whole unemployment/starter business with no clients thing going on, I've been going to the movies. So I just thought I would try and guide you to some good movies instead of the standard crap that's out there.GO SEE THESE:
The Brothers Bloom: This is not the world's greatest ever film. It's not even the best film of it's genre -- the con-man genre that is. And it's got lots of plot holes. But damn it, it's fun. The cast is good. The dialogue is good. It's just a fun time at the movies. Highly recommended.
The Hangover: It's dark. It's disgusting at times. It's laugh out loud funny. There's nudity (male and female), profanity, violence, drug use, did I mention violence and profanity. Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms hold their own as semi-straight men to Zach What'shisname and his beard. And yes, Mike Tyson is funny.
EH, IF YOU'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO:
Angels & Demons: It's a bit long, but thankfully not as long as the book. The acting is so-so. And frankly, I never thought I would say this about anything written by Dan Brown, but the book is better written than this movie, and the movie's written by a couple of Oscar winners. I say see it just so you can piss off the Catholics.
Terminator: Salvation: You know, give Christian Bale a decent director and a better script, and this could possibly have been the best film of the series. Instead, he's got McG. Bale shouts a lot. And Moon Bloodgood is nice to look at. And there are some nice special effects. But frankly, the whole time travel aspect of this franchise is beginning to make my head hurt.
STAY AWAY:
Star Trek: I've already torn this one apart. I appear, however, to be the only person who didn't like it.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine: I've never bought into Hugh Jackman as a superhero. And I still don't. Saw this completely by accident as I went to one of those cinema's where you can have food brought to you, and alcohol, and I was trying to see Terminator, but I went into the wrong theater and didn't realize it until the movie actually started, by which time I had already placed my order. So I stuck around.
IF YOU CAN STILL FIND IT ANYWHERE:
Sunshine Cleaning: This is where from where I launched Royal Document Review -- but they got business for their start-up a hell of lot quicker than I did. But I think I'm developing a crush-thingy on Amy Adams.
I Love You, Man: Paul Rudd and Jason Segal just constantly develop the funny in whatever film they're in. They're fantastic in this film. Very funny. Well worth whatever you spend to see it.
Observe & Report: Whoever developed the marketing campaign for this movie needs to be fired. Yes, it's a comedy, but it's one of the darkest comedies I've seen in years -- it makes The Hangover look like one of those Disney comedies from the 70s.
Adventureland: Nice cast. Some decent laughs. Delivers on the nostalgia of the 80s. Ryan Reynolds is surprisingly good -- probably because I've never thought he's that good.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
It's Called Karma, Bitch
I stumbled across this story on the internets today, and it just reminded me of why I've come to hate Jay Leno so much -- besides his just not being funny anymore. The story is just a TV critic answering mail from his readers, and much of the mail deals with hatred of Conan O'Brien and how he stole Leno's show.First, Conan didn't steal Leno's show. Second, if he did, it's called karma, bitch.
Leno stole The Tonight Show from two people, so it's only fitting that someone takes the show from him. Not that's that what Conan did. But the facts have been known since the mid-90s when Bill Carter's The Late Shift was released. In this book, we all learned about how Leno and his team started a whisper campaign to force Johnny Carson out of the show, despite Carson not wanting to leave. Finally, Carson got pissed off and just decided he didn't need to live with the crap anymore, so he shocked everybody by retiring.
Carson's announcement caught everybody by surprise, which is what Carson wanted because he had plans for his show. And the primary plan was David Letterman taking his spot. At the time, Carson's production company produced both his and Letterman's show, and it had long been Carson's plan to have Letterman take over for him -- that is why Letterman had stuck around and ignore offers to switch networks and take on Carson -- well, that and the fact that Letterman and Carson were friends -- after he died Letterman went on the air and admitted that Carson had been writing him jokes for the monologue for years. And post retirement, the only talk show Carson ever appeared on was Letterman's.
Carson used the year between his announcement and his final show to attempt to get Letterman the show, and Letterman did what he was supposed to do, which was put on a funny show. But Leno broke into exec offices and taped meetings and did everything possible to ruin the reputations of Carson and Letterman.
Leno won, and his triumphant turned into the near destruction of the show. It became a bland show made for idiots -- the Dancing Itos, Jaywalking -- while Letterman moved over to CBS and essentially put on the same show.
I don't think Conan did anything to force Leno out, but if he did, then like I said, it's called karma. But Conan has so-far refused to dumb down his show, and the major complaint is that people don't get it. Well, for those of you who don't get it, don't worry. Just hang on a few months and Leno will be back on, Monday-Friday at 9:00 central time as he attempts to totally destroy NBC's primetime.
That said, I recommend Conan and Letterman. But if you want to watch true zaniness, but also want to watch a talk show host who really enjoys the talking to his guests bit, may I suggest Craig Ferguson, easily the funniest show on late night at the moment.
Owen Daniels Takes His Contract Negotiations to Facebook
This should be posted over that the mothership in a bit, but I thought I would share it here, as well.
You might have heard the news today that Houston Texans tight end Owen Daniels has decided to join Texans defensive back Dunta Robinson by not reporting for “voluntary” off-season training activities today. And both are holding out for a better contract offer from the Texans.
But Daniels took his hold-out that extra step today when he decided to use his Facebook page to vent his anger. Now I’m not one of Daniels’ Facebook friends, so I don’t have actual access to his Facebook page. Luckily for us, however, someone who is a friend of Daniels grabbed a screenshot and sent it to the good folks at Deadspin who decided that this news needed to be shared to the public. (And if you’ll notice, one of the comments supporting Daniels is from former Texan defensive end Anthony Weaver.)
For his status, Daniels states that “unfairness on the texans side = me not showing up to practice. sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.”
Daniels is a restricted free agent. The Texans have offered him a one-year $2.7 million contract. Daniels prefers a longer-term arrangement. Daniels, a former fourth round draft pick, has started every game the past two seasons. Last season, he set career highs with 70 receptions and 862 yards for 12.3 yards per catch. He has 10 career TD receptions, and he was a Pro Bowl selection last year.
I won’t get into the contract negotiations, but I would note that Daniels has been a favorite safety-valve receiver to David Carr, Matt Schaub, and Sage Rosenfels, and he always seems to be open. The Texans call Daniels one of their core players, and state that negotiations are ongoing and that the two sides are talking. But I’m betting that the Texans didn’t know that the two sides were talking via Facebook status lines.
But I wonder, how much longer until contract fights make Twitter. Won’t that be fun?
You might have heard the news today that Houston Texans tight end Owen Daniels has decided to join Texans defensive back Dunta Robinson by not reporting for “voluntary” off-season training activities today. And both are holding out for a better contract offer from the Texans.
But Daniels took his hold-out that extra step today when he decided to use his Facebook page to vent his anger. Now I’m not one of Daniels’ Facebook friends, so I don’t have actual access to his Facebook page. Luckily for us, however, someone who is a friend of Daniels grabbed a screenshot and sent it to the good folks at Deadspin who decided that this news needed to be shared to the public. (And if you’ll notice, one of the comments supporting Daniels is from former Texan defensive end Anthony Weaver.)
For his status, Daniels states that “unfairness on the texans side = me not showing up to practice. sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself.”
Daniels is a restricted free agent. The Texans have offered him a one-year $2.7 million contract. Daniels prefers a longer-term arrangement. Daniels, a former fourth round draft pick, has started every game the past two seasons. Last season, he set career highs with 70 receptions and 862 yards for 12.3 yards per catch. He has 10 career TD receptions, and he was a Pro Bowl selection last year.
I won’t get into the contract negotiations, but I would note that Daniels has been a favorite safety-valve receiver to David Carr, Matt Schaub, and Sage Rosenfels, and he always seems to be open. The Texans call Daniels one of their core players, and state that negotiations are ongoing and that the two sides are talking. But I’m betting that the Texans didn’t know that the two sides were talking via Facebook status lines.
But I wonder, how much longer until contract fights make Twitter. Won’t that be fun?
Every Tony Has Its Blunder
As some of you might know, Bret Michaels and Poison, for some reason, performed at Sunday's Tony Awards. And he had a bit of a run-in with some stage scenery that fell on his head because he missed his mark. So I guess you could say that "Every Rose Has Its Thorn."
The Supremes Shaft Texas
In a ruling that could potentially shut down the Texas Supreme Court (and Texas judicial system) for good, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled yesterday that it is unconstitutional for a judge to sit on a case involving the financial interests of a major donor to the judge's election campaign. The case was Caperton v. A.T. Massey, et al., and it was a 5-4 decision that found the right wing nutjob wing of the Court finding there to be no problems with a judge sitting on such a case.
I'll leave you to check the facts of the case, but John Grisham claims that his novel The Appeal was based on the facts of this case.
The problem for Texas is that our judges are elected. And the Texas Surpreme Court is known as the best court that money can buy. Businesses and companies have been contributing to the Court for a long time, and hopefully, this decision will bring about a change in the way things are done around here.
I'll leave you to check the facts of the case, but John Grisham claims that his novel The Appeal was based on the facts of this case.
The problem for Texas is that our judges are elected. And the Texas Surpreme Court is known as the best court that money can buy. Businesses and companies have been contributing to the Court for a long time, and hopefully, this decision will bring about a change in the way things are done around here.
Monday, June 8, 2009
And The Emmy Goes To...
I came across this list on the internets today -- it's all of the acting performances which are eligible for the Emmy Award. The voters can choose no more than six nominees per category. So I thought I would give my nominees for each of the main acting awards, and if you've got problems, then you can share yours in the comments -- as long as they're based on those candidates in the linked to list.
BEST ACTOR -- COMEDY:
1. Alec Baldwin -- 30 Rock
2. Steve Carell -- The Office
3. Jemaine Clement -- Flight of the Conchords
4. Zachary Levi -- Chuck
5. Bret McKenzie -- Flight of the Conchords
6. Lee Pace -- Pushing Daisies
BEST ACTOR -- DRAMA:
1. Kyle Chandler -- Friday Night Lights
2. Jeffrey Donovan -- Burn Notice
3. Joshua Jackson -- Fringe
4. Damian Lewis -- Life
5. Edward James Olmos -- Battlestar Galactica
6. Bill Paxton -- Big Love
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR -- COMEDY:
1. Rhys Darby -- Flight of the Conchords
2. Clark Gregg -- The New Adventures of Old Christine
3. Neil Patrick Harris -- How I Met Your Mother
4. John Krasinski -- The Office
5. Chi McBride -- Pushing Daisies
6. Tracy Morgan -- 30 Rock
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR -- DRAMA:
1. Kirk Acevedo -- Fringe
2. James Callis -- Battlestar Galactica
3. Bruce Campbell -- Burn Notice
4. Henry Ian Cusik -- Lost
5. Michael Emerson -- Lost
6. John Noble -- Fringe
BEST ACTRESS -- COMEDY:
1. Kaley Cuoco -- The Big Bang Theory
2. Tina Fey -- 30 Rock
3. Anna Friel -- Pushing Daisies
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus -- The New Adventures of Old Christine
5. Amy Poehler -- Parks and Recreation
6. Yvonne Strahovski -- Chuck
BEST ACTRESS -- DRAMA:
1. Glenn Close -- Damages
2. Emily Deschanel -- Bones
3. Mary McDonnell -- Battlestar Galactica
4. Anna Torv -- Fringe
5. Jeanne Tripplehorn -- Big Love
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS -- COMEDY:
1. Sarah Chalke -- Scrubs
2. Kristin Chenoweth -- Pushing Daisies
3. Jenna Fischer -- The Office
4. Alyson Hannigan -- How I Met Your Mother
5. Rashida Jones -- Parks and Recreation
6. Cobie Smulders -- How I Met Your Mother
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS -- DRAMA:
1. Gabrielle Anwar -- Burn Notice
2. Ginnefer Goodwin -- Big Love
3. Rachel Griffiths -- Brothers and Sisters
4. Tricia Helfer -- Battlestar Galactica
5. Elizabeth Mitchell -- Lost
6. Sarah Shahi -- Life
And Fred, this photo of Sarah Shahi is for you.
BEST ACTOR -- COMEDY:
1. Alec Baldwin -- 30 Rock
2. Steve Carell -- The Office
3. Jemaine Clement -- Flight of the Conchords
4. Zachary Levi -- Chuck
5. Bret McKenzie -- Flight of the Conchords
6. Lee Pace -- Pushing Daisies
BEST ACTOR -- DRAMA:
1. Kyle Chandler -- Friday Night Lights
2. Jeffrey Donovan -- Burn Notice
3. Joshua Jackson -- Fringe
4. Damian Lewis -- Life
5. Edward James Olmos -- Battlestar Galactica
6. Bill Paxton -- Big Love
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR -- COMEDY:
1. Rhys Darby -- Flight of the Conchords
2. Clark Gregg -- The New Adventures of Old Christine
3. Neil Patrick Harris -- How I Met Your Mother
4. John Krasinski -- The Office
5. Chi McBride -- Pushing Daisies
6. Tracy Morgan -- 30 Rock
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR -- DRAMA:
1. Kirk Acevedo -- Fringe
2. James Callis -- Battlestar Galactica
3. Bruce Campbell -- Burn Notice
4. Henry Ian Cusik -- Lost
5. Michael Emerson -- Lost
6. John Noble -- Fringe
BEST ACTRESS -- COMEDY:
1. Kaley Cuoco -- The Big Bang Theory
2. Tina Fey -- 30 Rock
3. Anna Friel -- Pushing Daisies
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus -- The New Adventures of Old Christine
5. Amy Poehler -- Parks and Recreation
6. Yvonne Strahovski -- Chuck
BEST ACTRESS -- DRAMA:
1. Glenn Close -- Damages
2. Emily Deschanel -- Bones
3. Mary McDonnell -- Battlestar Galactica
4. Anna Torv -- Fringe
5. Jeanne Tripplehorn -- Big Love
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS -- COMEDY:
1. Sarah Chalke -- Scrubs
2. Kristin Chenoweth -- Pushing Daisies
3. Jenna Fischer -- The Office
4. Alyson Hannigan -- How I Met Your Mother
5. Rashida Jones -- Parks and Recreation
6. Cobie Smulders -- How I Met Your Mother
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS -- DRAMA:
1. Gabrielle Anwar -- Burn Notice
2. Ginnefer Goodwin -- Big Love
3. Rachel Griffiths -- Brothers and Sisters
4. Tricia Helfer -- Battlestar Galactica
5. Elizabeth Mitchell -- Lost
6. Sarah Shahi -- Life
And Fred, this photo of Sarah Shahi is for you.
There's A Reason Why Some Rules Are Unwritten
The Detroit Tigers were playing the Boston Red Sox last week, and Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett had a no-hitter going before Detroit outfielder Curtis Granderson ruined it with a single late in the game. But in the sixth inning, Detroit catcher Gerald Laird tried to get on base with a bunt, and that pissed people off because it violated one of baseball's idiotic unwritten rules.
You don't bunt for a base hit when the other guy is pitching a no-hitter.
That's stupid. Detroit is trying to win a baseball game; they're not trying to let Beckett get a no-hitter. And they need people on base. So it's stupid to say you can't bunt.
Granderson has a blog post over at Big League Stew on the matter, and he let's the morons have it who have been critizing Laird. Granderson is one of those who wonders where this rule originated, and says that it's stupid for a player to give up part of his arsenal to help out the opposition. He makes a nice, reasoned argument. And it's one with which I totally agree.
But if you want to read some funny stuff, check out some of the comments from the people who are criticizing Granderson for daring to speak up against one of the unwritten rules. I think they're Red Sox fans.
You don't bunt for a base hit when the other guy is pitching a no-hitter.
That's stupid. Detroit is trying to win a baseball game; they're not trying to let Beckett get a no-hitter. And they need people on base. So it's stupid to say you can't bunt.
Granderson has a blog post over at Big League Stew on the matter, and he let's the morons have it who have been critizing Laird. Granderson is one of those who wonders where this rule originated, and says that it's stupid for a player to give up part of his arsenal to help out the opposition. He makes a nice, reasoned argument. And it's one with which I totally agree.
But if you want to read some funny stuff, check out some of the comments from the people who are criticizing Granderson for daring to speak up against one of the unwritten rules. I think they're Red Sox fans.
Let The Morning Be
I'm in a of a mood for The Beatles this morning, so I thought I would show this clip from the "Let It Be" documentary. It is of course, the song "Let It Be."
And I really wish that they would get around to getting a version of this thing out on DVD -- I'm talking about an official version and not the bootlegs that have been floating around for years.
And I really wish that they would get around to getting a version of this thing out on DVD -- I'm talking about an official version and not the bootlegs that have been floating around for years.
In Which I Hear An Inspirational Message
I'm usually not much for the inspirational messages. I tend to be more cynical in my life view, I guess. But anyway, I'm generally not much for the inspirational stuff, especially when I hear it on a TV series which has been cancelled, but of which the network is just airing the un-aired inventory.
Anyway, at one point in the episode I just saw, one of the characters has made a big mistake. And it's a mistake that could seriously hurt his wife's career. And he's going on about how his wife deserves someone better him, about how she deserves a champion. And one of the other characters fires back that he is, despite what he thinks, a champion because "a champion is that person who does those jobs that everybody thinks are beneath them."
And, sappy as it is, it just kind of resonated with me because in the attorney world, the job that everybody thinks is beneath them is document review. Everybody thinks that it's a job for those who aren't good enough to write briefs or to argue in front of judges. Everybody thinks it's a job for the morons or those idiots who can't hold jobs. Anybody can review documents is the general thinking.
And that's wrong. I was good at writing briefs. I was good at arguing before judges. I could get summary judgments granted, and that's one of the most difficult things to do in Texas. I could trip opposing counsel on obscure rules. I could trip up witnesses at a deposition or on the stand. But through circumstances beyond my control, I ended up in document review. And I don't consider that job to be beneath me. I enjoy it. Without me, those preening assholes like Rusty Hardin would lose every case because I'm the one who finds there damn evidence.
The problem is that, for the most part, attorneys who do document reviews think that document review is beneath them. That it's just a pit stop.
So yeah. I'm a champion. I do that job other attorneys don't want to do, and I'm damn good at it. Now, if I could just find some person or firm to become my first client at Royal Document Review.
Anyway, at one point in the episode I just saw, one of the characters has made a big mistake. And it's a mistake that could seriously hurt his wife's career. And he's going on about how his wife deserves someone better him, about how she deserves a champion. And one of the other characters fires back that he is, despite what he thinks, a champion because "a champion is that person who does those jobs that everybody thinks are beneath them."
And, sappy as it is, it just kind of resonated with me because in the attorney world, the job that everybody thinks is beneath them is document review. Everybody thinks that it's a job for those who aren't good enough to write briefs or to argue in front of judges. Everybody thinks it's a job for the morons or those idiots who can't hold jobs. Anybody can review documents is the general thinking.
And that's wrong. I was good at writing briefs. I was good at arguing before judges. I could get summary judgments granted, and that's one of the most difficult things to do in Texas. I could trip opposing counsel on obscure rules. I could trip up witnesses at a deposition or on the stand. But through circumstances beyond my control, I ended up in document review. And I don't consider that job to be beneath me. I enjoy it. Without me, those preening assholes like Rusty Hardin would lose every case because I'm the one who finds there damn evidence.
The problem is that, for the most part, attorneys who do document reviews think that document review is beneath them. That it's just a pit stop.
So yeah. I'm a champion. I do that job other attorneys don't want to do, and I'm damn good at it. Now, if I could just find some person or firm to become my first client at Royal Document Review.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Post Number 1300
This is post number 1300. Yeah, amazing isn't it. Amazing that I've found that much nonsense to write about. So let's see if I can keep this going for another 1300. And what better way to celebrate than with a classic SI swimsuit photo. So here's a classic of Christie Brinkley from way back in the day.
Maybe Wandy Needs Some Glasses
Following Thursday's blowout loss to the Colorado Rockies, Houston Astros catcher Ivan Rodriguez told team management that starting pitcher Wandy Rodriguez was tipping his pitches. Wandy Rodriguez watched video of the game, and said he didn't see anything to indicate that he was tipping pitches.
But let's weigh the evidence, shall we. Pudge Rodriguez is one of baseball's all-time great catchers. He's caught Nolan Ryan, Kenny Rogers, Kevin Brown, Justin Verlander, Josh Beckett, A.J. Burnett, and Roy Oswalt. He's got a well-deserved reputation for his defensive ability. He's also known for his ability to hit the ball.
Then you have Wandy Rodriguez. A flighty-left-hander who has yet to have one entire season in which he was good. So if I were Wandy Rodriguez, I think I would put a little more credence into what Pudge Rodriguez says. Especially since Pudge has established a hell of a lot more credibility in this game than Wandy.
But let's weigh the evidence, shall we. Pudge Rodriguez is one of baseball's all-time great catchers. He's caught Nolan Ryan, Kenny Rogers, Kevin Brown, Justin Verlander, Josh Beckett, A.J. Burnett, and Roy Oswalt. He's got a well-deserved reputation for his defensive ability. He's also known for his ability to hit the ball.
Then you have Wandy Rodriguez. A flighty-left-hander who has yet to have one entire season in which he was good. So if I were Wandy Rodriguez, I think I would put a little more credence into what Pudge Rodriguez says. Especially since Pudge has established a hell of a lot more credibility in this game than Wandy.
Reason Number 32,973 That The Houston Chronicle Sucks
Can someone please tell me why the Chron thought that the opinions of Harris County DA Pat Lykos on Houston sports were newsworthy? Why are they wasting newsprint/computer pixels on her memories of the 1960 Pittsburgh Pirates, or how she can only watch the last five minutes of Rockets games?
So she wants those who did steroids to go public and apologize. So what? The Chron's not asking my opinion, are they? And doesn't she have more important things to do in Harris County than waste time speaking to the Chron about sports? There's still a lot of crime lab problems to sort out. And I'm sure there are actually some cases in the county that need to be prosecuted.
I'm at that point now where I think that they should just put the Chron out of our misery and shut the thing entirely.
So she wants those who did steroids to go public and apologize. So what? The Chron's not asking my opinion, are they? And doesn't she have more important things to do in Harris County than waste time speaking to the Chron about sports? There's still a lot of crime lab problems to sort out. And I'm sure there are actually some cases in the county that need to be prosecuted.
I'm at that point now where I think that they should just put the Chron out of our misery and shut the thing entirely.
A Little Blue Hate
This is probably not the best song to have pop up on your iPod shuffle when you've been drinking and contemplating and ruminating all night. But I'll share it anyway. Here's Blue October (my sister-in-law's favorite band) and "Hate Me."
Blue October - Hate Me
Blue October - Hate Me
Some (Possibly Drunken) Ruminations on Friendship
I had drinks with an old friend the other night. An old friend from the evil place that decided a couple of months ago that my services as a paid employee were no longer needed. It was kind of tough for me, as this friend was someone I was used to seeing every day.
She used to keep a bowl of candy in her office. A bowl which, because of my sweet tooth, I raided everyday. And since she and her husband were hockey fans, we kind of bonded over hockey and have been really good friends since she started at the place, which was at about the same time as I did. So like I said, it's been strange not seeing her.
I've been in constant touch with her though. She's been one of my advisers for my little venture. We've talked through problems and solutions, and as I've struggled to refine the concept or work on the website or figure out rates, she's been there as a sounding board -- as have several others. She's trying to figure out a marketing plan for me -- a cheap marketing plan -- and since she's connected to several of Houston's bar organizations, she's spreading the news around to her contacts.
But it was while I was out with her and her husband the other night that I realized how much I've leaned on her the past several years. When we found out about my niece's autism, I went to two people at the firm, my friend and my secretary. When my dad had his issues, I went to her again. When I had health problems, when my Mom lost her house, and now.
And I realized what a rotten friend I've been. I'm the one who's always taking, always asking. Even now that I'm gone I'm firing off e-mails to her constantly, and she always answers, even though she's going through difficulties of her own. And she doesn't complain. She actually apologizes if she's late returning a call or an e-mail.
But I guess that's how you learn who your real friends are, don't you? They don't demand anything from you. They just do. I like to think I'm like that with my friends. But who knows? Maybe I've failed a lot of people and I didn't know it.
Oh well...excuse the introspection. I've just been sitting thinking tonight. Sitting and going through some red wine and thinking. Thinking about how to get the word out about my business. And hoping that my friends will be able to come through for me, and thinking how pathetic it is that, at my age, I'm having to depend on friends and family to succeed or fail. Well, the actual work will rise and fall on my skills, and I'm damn good at what I do -- when I get to do it -- but I think you understand what I mean.
So thanks for putting up with me during these past several months. And thanks for putting up with me in the months to come as I struggle with things. And I'm not going to name the friend who brought this all up in my head -- I don't want to embarrass her though no one from the old evil place reads this thing -- but if this works, if Royal Document Review succeeds, I'm going to find some way to make sure she -- and the rest of you who have helped -- gets paid back.
Thanks for reading.
She used to keep a bowl of candy in her office. A bowl which, because of my sweet tooth, I raided everyday. And since she and her husband were hockey fans, we kind of bonded over hockey and have been really good friends since she started at the place, which was at about the same time as I did. So like I said, it's been strange not seeing her.
I've been in constant touch with her though. She's been one of my advisers for my little venture. We've talked through problems and solutions, and as I've struggled to refine the concept or work on the website or figure out rates, she's been there as a sounding board -- as have several others. She's trying to figure out a marketing plan for me -- a cheap marketing plan -- and since she's connected to several of Houston's bar organizations, she's spreading the news around to her contacts.
But it was while I was out with her and her husband the other night that I realized how much I've leaned on her the past several years. When we found out about my niece's autism, I went to two people at the firm, my friend and my secretary. When my dad had his issues, I went to her again. When I had health problems, when my Mom lost her house, and now.
And I realized what a rotten friend I've been. I'm the one who's always taking, always asking. Even now that I'm gone I'm firing off e-mails to her constantly, and she always answers, even though she's going through difficulties of her own. And she doesn't complain. She actually apologizes if she's late returning a call or an e-mail.
But I guess that's how you learn who your real friends are, don't you? They don't demand anything from you. They just do. I like to think I'm like that with my friends. But who knows? Maybe I've failed a lot of people and I didn't know it.
Oh well...excuse the introspection. I've just been sitting thinking tonight. Sitting and going through some red wine and thinking. Thinking about how to get the word out about my business. And hoping that my friends will be able to come through for me, and thinking how pathetic it is that, at my age, I'm having to depend on friends and family to succeed or fail. Well, the actual work will rise and fall on my skills, and I'm damn good at what I do -- when I get to do it -- but I think you understand what I mean.
So thanks for putting up with me during these past several months. And thanks for putting up with me in the months to come as I struggle with things. And I'm not going to name the friend who brought this all up in my head -- I don't want to embarrass her though no one from the old evil place reads this thing -- but if this works, if Royal Document Review succeeds, I'm going to find some way to make sure she -- and the rest of you who have helped -- gets paid back.
Thanks for reading.
Keep This Clown Away From Me
So I've been reading these new books on Roger Clemens and his little scandal, and I'm planning to write something about the books for the mothership. But the reading is just confirming something that I already knew, and it leads me to asking you guys a favor.If I ever get into any kind of criminal legal trouble, please do not get Rusty Hardin as my attorney. I don't want that hayseed anywhere near me. I've got three names I want to throw out for my defense. They'll be expensive, though if you really appeal to their decency, they might reduce their fees. So do your best to get one of these three guys: Mike DeGeurin, Dick DeGuerin -- they're brothers, but Dick just spells his name differently -- or David Berg.
Like I said, I've been reading these books, and one of them especially, American Icon, keeps talking about Hardin's glowing reputation as the bulldog who never loses. And the guy might be great if you're a drunk jock, or some rich bastard who gets pulled over for speeding. But if it's something really serious, with the Feds breathing down my neck and the possibility of a long jail term or death facing me, get me Mike, Dick, or David. I want someone who can actually win a trial without pissing off a judge or having to play tricks on the jury. If I need to appear before Congress, I want someone who won't tamper with witnesses.
Seriously, this Clemens thing is a long way from over. But I have never understood what the Hendricks brothers were thinking when they went to Hardin to bail out Rocket and Andy Pettitte -- and Hardin so badly screwed up from the very first that Pettitte had to get a new attorney (luckily for him) because of Hardin's conflicts. And for an attorney who is supposed to be so PR savvy, Hardin has made one wrong move after another.
But you never hear of Mike DeGeurin or Dick DeGuerin or David Berg making wrong PR moves. That's because they're not concerned about publicity. They're concerned about their cases. And the stuff these guys have done make Hardin look about as experienced at criminal law as I am.
Hardin might have done a great job getting Scottie Pippen and Steve Francis off on drunk driving charges. And he might have gotten Warren Moon off on the spousal abuse charges, but if it's might life or death involved, I don't want this bozo near me.
So please do me a favor. Remember this one request. If I'm ever in any kind of big trouble. Get me a legit attorney like one of the three that I requested, and keep the clown as far away from me as possible. Thank you.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Sex Sells -- The Catcher Edition
I haven't done this in awhile, but what the heck. In our latest edition of sex sells, hot baseball wives edition, I give you, in nothing but body paint, Laura Posada, the wife of New York Yankees catcher Jorge Posada.
Richard Justice Tries to Justify Making Sean Berry the Astros Next Manager, And Fails
I wondered yesterday what it was that made Richard Justice think that Drayton McLane should interview Dave Clark and Sean Berry to be the next manager of the Houston Astros -- Justice thinks Cecil Cooper will be fired this off season. Today, Justice gives an answer regarding Sean Berry. And today, as yesterday, the suggestion still makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.But before I get to the Sean Berry candidacy, I've got to address Justice's opening comments.
"Been there, done that," Justice writes today. "Instead of recycling someone, why don't we do a thorough search and come up with the next great thing?
"I'm for getting a younger guy that has never managed and is fanatical about the job," he continues. "I want him to be passionate, curious, someone with great people skills, someone that sees managing the Astros as the opportunity of a lifetime."
Let's look at the actual numbers, shall we? The Astros have had six managers since Drayton McLane purchased the club. Four of the six had never been managers on the major league level. Two were recycled managers who had flopped with their previous teams. Drayton inherited Art Howe from John McMullen. But when Drayton fired Howe, he hired Terry Collins, a coach for Jim Leyland. Collins was supposed to be the next great thing. He was passionate. He was curious. He saw the Astros as the opportunity of a lifetime. He wasn't that great with Craig Biggio, and Biggio got him fired after three years.
So Drayton hired Larry Dierker from the broadcast booth. Dierker was passionate about the game. He was curious, and tried a somewhat intellectual approach while trying to implement some of the ideas he had in the broadcast booth. He was managing the Astros as the opportunity of a lifetime. He had great people skills with everybody but Craig Biggio and Mike Hampton. So he was fired.
Jimy Williams was as big a disaster in Houston as he was in Toronto and Boston. And Garner was a great people guy with passion. They were fired. And don't get me started on Cooper.
My point is that Drayton McLain, for all of his faults, has generally always done what Justice has requested. He hasn't recycled. He's gone for youth and passion and guys who see this as a job of the lifetime. And they've all failed.
And now Richard Justice is telling me that Sean Berry is the guy that Drayton should hire -- that non-recycled, passionate for the job guy with great people skills who sees this as a job of a lifetime. But I just don't see anywhere where this Justice supports his thesis.
Justice writes that Berry is smart and passionate. But he offers no support as to Berry's brains, or to his passion for the game. In fact, I would argue that the team's general ineptitude with the bat works against Berry's supposed "smartness." And Justice says that Berry is the first to arrive and the last to leave every night. First, he offers no evidence of that. Second, he doesn't tell me how that's relevant. Sure, Tony La Russa might be that way, but just because La Russa does something doesn't mean that's the right approach for everybody. And once again, I would argue that in Berry's case, this weakens the argument as the Astros hitters are rather mediocre.
Justice also says that Berry is a good communicator. Once again, he offers no evidence of this, and my evidence against is simple: most of the guys on the team swing at every pitch that comes their way; they don't walk a lot; they often appear to approach the plate with no idea of what the pitcher is going to do. Shouldn't Berry be communicating something to the players about laying off so-and-so's breaking pitch in the dirt, or trying to work a walk off a guy who is tiring?
And Berry is supposedly even-tempered and has the ego of a guy who wants to be in charge. Well, I think the even-tempered thing is a bunch of B.S. Bobby Cox ain't exactly Mr. Even-Tempered, and neither is Lou Piniella. Billy Martin, for all of his faults, got his teams into the playoffs before wearing out his welcome. Earl Weaver was one of the game's great managers, and he wasn't known as the most even-tempered of guys.
When the Astros go about getting a new manager, they need to make a break from the Drayton McLane hiring pattern. They don't need a new guy who has never managed -- especially someone who is already associated with the team, and they don't need a recycled failure. Drayton tends to hire these people because they're beholden to him and Tal Smith and they'll act as puppets.
Drayton needs to hire from outside, and he needs to go after a manager who has success at multiple stops. He needs to be on the look out for Jim Leyland or Lou Piniella. Guys who have won everywhere. The names I would suggest would be the likes of Buck Showalter and Davey Johnson, or, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, Bobby Valentine. Showalter, more than anybody, was responsible for building the last Yankee dynasty, and he was the one who put together that Diamondback squad that won the World Series in 2001. He even made the Rangers competitive despite his lousy pitching. Johnson had success with the Mets, the Reds, and the Orioles. His teams win. And Valentine got the Mets into the World Series and made the Rangers competitive in the 90s.
But Drayton will never hire any of those guys. They want to be in charge. They want to have an actual say. They're not going to let a Craig Biggio run their club like Garner and Cooper did. And Ed Wade has showed, with his hiring of Charlie Manuel instead of Jim Leyland to run the Phillies that he likes guys who won't challenge his command. And Justice might want a La Russa/Cox type in Houston, but there's no way the Astros would hire that type either. The Astros aren't interested in guys who will come off as geniuses. The Astros brain trust wants someone who will let them be the geniuses instead. Otherwise, like Gerry Hunsicker and Larry Dierker, they will be undermined and fired and libeled.
So maybe Justice gets his wish and the team hires Sean Berry. If that happens, that will be a sure sign that Justice had no idea what he was talking about because Astros management ain't interested in that type of manager anymore.
Here Comes The Judge
I know must of you don't care about this issue, or don't want to read about it over here, but I don't care because it's my blog, and I'm a lawyer who actually has a little expertise in this area, and I'm in the mood for venting. So...
One of the stupidest news stories I've ever read came out by way of The Associated Press today. And whoever wrote has got to be the stupidest person around. And I seriously mean that. The story is about how the courtroom manner of Sonia Sotomayer is going to be an issue at her confirmation hearings on whether she gets put on the Supreme Court.
What the story doesn't say is why this is supposed to be issue? Seriously, it says it's going to be an issue, but not why. And the answer to that is real simple: it's not a serious issue as to whether one gets on the Supreme Court. If it were, Antonin Scalia, who is known as one of the world's biggest pricks would have never made it on the Court.
It's been about decade before I've been before a judge in a courtroom. The way my practice evolved just precluded the need of my going into a court. But I dealt with a lot of judges when I did get into the courtroom, and they had all different kinds of courtroom manner. Stern. Asshole. Condescending. Kind. Helpful. The manner had nothing to do with how good a judge they were. Some of the condescending assholes were the best judges, they just, like me, had a low threshold for idiots. But other condescending assholes were also among the worst assholes.
It has nothing to do with how a good a judge a person is. Trust me on this.
The story is rife with examples of Sotomayor's personality being intimidating to lawyers who came before her. And about how she would interrupt lawyers with questions, and about how she would keep pestering them for answers when they were evasive or ignored her. Supposedly she's aggressive on the bench.
So what?
One of the best judges I ever dealt with one of the sternest, most aggressive, and most intimidating assholes one could ever meet when he was wearing his robes and was on the bench. When you had a hearing before him, you had to be prepared. You couldn't wing it. You had to know the law. You had to know the exceptions. You were expected to answer his questions honestly and directly. If you were evasive, or if he thought you didn't know what you were doing, he would pester and pound away, and god forbid if there were an audience because then he would mock and heckle you.
And do you know what? I loved going into the courtroom. Most attorneys didn't. But there were those of us who did because we learned that if you told him the truth, if you said that you didn't know the answer to his question, or if you recited the case law properly, then you had nothing to be afraid of. I didn't win every motion that I had before this judge. But what I won was more important. I won respect. Because once the judge learned he could respect you, and that you weren't shitting him, and that he could trust you, then he would listen and not pester. He was a judge who prepared, and he expected everyone to be like him. Prepared and ready to go. The majority of attorneys weren't always prepared -- you can actually improvise in front of lots of judges and make it up as you go along -- and they hated his guts and dreaded going in front of him. But I loved it. I had fun.
Because I was prepared.
I've never been in front of Judge Sonia Sotomayor before. But to me, she sounds just like this judge I used to appear before all of the time. And I didn't agree with that judge politically, and I didn't always win my motions, but I always knew he would rule according to the law, and though I disagree with his politics, he was the kind of judge I would want on the Supreme Court because he used his court manner to get to the truth of the cases and the law. And, from what I've read, that sounds just like Sotomayor.
And like I said, if it's okay for Scalia to be a condescending asshole prick at the Supreme Court, then it should be for Sotomayor, as well.
So ends my rant.
One of the stupidest news stories I've ever read came out by way of The Associated Press today. And whoever wrote has got to be the stupidest person around. And I seriously mean that. The story is about how the courtroom manner of Sonia Sotomayer is going to be an issue at her confirmation hearings on whether she gets put on the Supreme Court.
What the story doesn't say is why this is supposed to be issue? Seriously, it says it's going to be an issue, but not why. And the answer to that is real simple: it's not a serious issue as to whether one gets on the Supreme Court. If it were, Antonin Scalia, who is known as one of the world's biggest pricks would have never made it on the Court.
It's been about decade before I've been before a judge in a courtroom. The way my practice evolved just precluded the need of my going into a court. But I dealt with a lot of judges when I did get into the courtroom, and they had all different kinds of courtroom manner. Stern. Asshole. Condescending. Kind. Helpful. The manner had nothing to do with how good a judge they were. Some of the condescending assholes were the best judges, they just, like me, had a low threshold for idiots. But other condescending assholes were also among the worst assholes.
It has nothing to do with how a good a judge a person is. Trust me on this.
The story is rife with examples of Sotomayor's personality being intimidating to lawyers who came before her. And about how she would interrupt lawyers with questions, and about how she would keep pestering them for answers when they were evasive or ignored her. Supposedly she's aggressive on the bench.
So what?
One of the best judges I ever dealt with one of the sternest, most aggressive, and most intimidating assholes one could ever meet when he was wearing his robes and was on the bench. When you had a hearing before him, you had to be prepared. You couldn't wing it. You had to know the law. You had to know the exceptions. You were expected to answer his questions honestly and directly. If you were evasive, or if he thought you didn't know what you were doing, he would pester and pound away, and god forbid if there were an audience because then he would mock and heckle you.
And do you know what? I loved going into the courtroom. Most attorneys didn't. But there were those of us who did because we learned that if you told him the truth, if you said that you didn't know the answer to his question, or if you recited the case law properly, then you had nothing to be afraid of. I didn't win every motion that I had before this judge. But what I won was more important. I won respect. Because once the judge learned he could respect you, and that you weren't shitting him, and that he could trust you, then he would listen and not pester. He was a judge who prepared, and he expected everyone to be like him. Prepared and ready to go. The majority of attorneys weren't always prepared -- you can actually improvise in front of lots of judges and make it up as you go along -- and they hated his guts and dreaded going in front of him. But I loved it. I had fun.
Because I was prepared.
I've never been in front of Judge Sonia Sotomayor before. But to me, she sounds just like this judge I used to appear before all of the time. And I didn't agree with that judge politically, and I didn't always win my motions, but I always knew he would rule according to the law, and though I disagree with his politics, he was the kind of judge I would want on the Supreme Court because he used his court manner to get to the truth of the cases and the law. And, from what I've read, that sounds just like Sotomayor.
And like I said, if it's okay for Scalia to be a condescending asshole prick at the Supreme Court, then it should be for Sotomayor, as well.
So ends my rant.
Elvis Kills
Mr. Fred, I know you didn't get to see Elvis Costello's "Spectacle" program on Sundance. So here's a little something from one of the episodes. It's Costello performing Lou Reed's "Femme Fatale." Enjoy.
The Keystone Astros
The Keystone Kops that are the Houston Astros continued yesterday when relief pitcher Alberto Arias was taken off of the field on a cart and taken to the hospital because of concussion-like symptoms. Arias was injured during pregame warm ups when he was hit in the head.
Hit in the head.
While playing catch.
He's okay, and should be able to pitch later tonight.
But seriously, hit in the head. While playing catch. How did he ever make a major league roster?
Oh yeah. That's right. It's the Houston Astros. And they suck.
Hit in the head.
While playing catch.
He's okay, and should be able to pitch later tonight.
But seriously, hit in the head. While playing catch. How did he ever make a major league roster?
Oh yeah. That's right. It's the Houston Astros. And they suck.
Zooey Deschanel On My Website!
It's probably gone now, but earlier, Zooey Deschanel was on my blog, and I had nothing to do with it. There was a "Cotton" style ad featuring Zooey. And you guys know that I like Zooey Deschanel. So maybe this whole advertising thing on the site will work out after all.
Now, does anybody know if Ashley Judd does any advertising?
Maybe I'm going to make it after all.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Dave Clark? Sean Berry? Are They Really The Best The Astros Can Do?
Richard Justice had a chat with Drayton McLane the other day. One of those state of the team things. And Justice goes on and on about how McLane finally seems to be getting it. About how you have to rebuild through the farm system. About how you to have to get young talent, etc.
Sure Drayton pretty much says that Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt aren't being traded, and seeing as how they're players who could bring the Astros the most talent, maybe McLane doesn't really get it. Especially since McLane keeps talking about how the team always has a great second half and are never out of it, so that he doesn't see the need to start trading players.
But that's a minor thing for me. The thing that gets me is, at the bottom of this blog post, Justice states that he believes the Astros will have a different manager next season, and he says he would like the team to talk to Dave Clark or Sean Berry about the job.
And I ask: what the fuck?
What have Clark and Berry ever done to show that they're capable of being major league managers? Berry is the team's hitting coach, and as a hitting coach, he's about as good as he was a major league third baseman, mediocre. This team doesn't know how to draw a walk. It too often swings at the first pitch, and most of the guys never seem to have any plan for what they're going to do during the at-bat. And the guy responsible for all of that is the hitting coach, Sean Berry. And Justice wants to make him the manager?
Dave Clark is the third base coach. He's done some managing in the minors, but to not much success. I've got no problem with making some guy who has never been a major league manager a major league manager, but shouldn't that person have done something so as to actually earn that job? Larry Dierker was one of the smartest analysts I've ever heard, and when he became manager, he implemented the things he'd talked about in the booth. But Cecil Cooper was pretty crappy as a bench coach to Phil Garner, and he's been pretty crappy as a manager.
So why is Justice so gung ho on Berry and Clark? I just don't get it. I know why Drayton would like it. They would come cheap, and Drayton's generally a cheap bastard when it comes to his managers, but I don't get Justice. Where's he coming from?
I don't know. But I know the Astros can do much better. Much, much better.
Sure Drayton pretty much says that Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt aren't being traded, and seeing as how they're players who could bring the Astros the most talent, maybe McLane doesn't really get it. Especially since McLane keeps talking about how the team always has a great second half and are never out of it, so that he doesn't see the need to start trading players.
But that's a minor thing for me. The thing that gets me is, at the bottom of this blog post, Justice states that he believes the Astros will have a different manager next season, and he says he would like the team to talk to Dave Clark or Sean Berry about the job.
And I ask: what the fuck?
What have Clark and Berry ever done to show that they're capable of being major league managers? Berry is the team's hitting coach, and as a hitting coach, he's about as good as he was a major league third baseman, mediocre. This team doesn't know how to draw a walk. It too often swings at the first pitch, and most of the guys never seem to have any plan for what they're going to do during the at-bat. And the guy responsible for all of that is the hitting coach, Sean Berry. And Justice wants to make him the manager?
Dave Clark is the third base coach. He's done some managing in the minors, but to not much success. I've got no problem with making some guy who has never been a major league manager a major league manager, but shouldn't that person have done something so as to actually earn that job? Larry Dierker was one of the smartest analysts I've ever heard, and when he became manager, he implemented the things he'd talked about in the booth. But Cecil Cooper was pretty crappy as a bench coach to Phil Garner, and he's been pretty crappy as a manager.
So why is Justice so gung ho on Berry and Clark? I just don't get it. I know why Drayton would like it. They would come cheap, and Drayton's generally a cheap bastard when it comes to his managers, but I don't get Justice. Where's he coming from?
I don't know. But I know the Astros can do much better. Much, much better.
Sex Sells Again -- Marisa And Her iPod
Okay, I don't know the reason for this, but suddenly, this post has been the big riser up the popularity charts on my website. Well, I know it's Marisa Miller, but I don't know what caused the sudden spike in hits. So I'll make it easier for all of you. Here's the photo again. Marisa Miller and the iPod bikini. Enjoy, and have a good weekend.
Tell Me Again: Who's The Narcissist?
I was driving around earlier today, trying to make it home, when I got stuck in a traffic jam in a spot where there shouldn't be a traffic jam at 12:30. So I hit the switch on my car radio and went from the FM Jack station to AM, thinking my AM preset was still set for 610 and Jim Rome. It was only when I heard the voice of Rush Limbaugh that I realized the last time I used in AM in my car was when I was listening to the Astros the other night, and during non-baseball hours, the Astros station is nutjob central.But before I could change the station to Jim Rome, I heard the fat fuck that is Rush Limbaugh going off on how President Obama is narcissistic and has to make everything about him. El Rushbo then said this was the same tendency that President Clinton had. Now I didn't catch the opening, so I don't know what set the guy off on this bout of lunacy, but he was talking about some guys who used to be in the military right before he started talking about Obama's narcissism.
And that got me to thinking. If Obama and Clinton were narcissists who had to have all of the attention, then what in the hell was President Bush? We all, I'm sure, remember his little photo op on that aircraft carrier which he caused to stay out at sea an extra day so that he could fly a jet onto the ship and step out in his flight suit. And as far as I'm concerned, you can't be a bigger narcissist than that.
So that was my glimpse into the world of rightwing nutjobs today. And my brain still hurts.
Casting That First Stone
I'm not perfect when it comes to proofing my copy, as you no doubt have discovered. Then again, it's just me doing this. I don't have a team of people over here proofing the spelling or making sure I've got the correct words and that all of my tenses are correct.
It's just me. Which is why I get so frustrated when I read books with easy to fix errors. For instance, at the moment, I'm reading the two books that are out on Roger Clemens, American Icon by the investigative team at the New York Daily News, and The Rocket That Fell To Earth by former Sports Illustrated, and ESPN The Magazine journalist Jeff Pearlman. And both of these books have errors which I easily spotted, and errors which any proof reader and/or fact checker should have been able to catch.
For instance, it's JIMY Williams, not JIMMY Williams. I know it looks funny. But that's how the guy spells his name. Yet both books go with JIMMY. And to me, this kind of hurts the credibility of the authors as that's an easily verifiable fact. Just use Google. And in American Icon, the authors write about Clemens's emotional 2003 World Series farewell in Tampa. The only problem is that the Clemens's emotional 2003 World Series farewell was in Miami, not Tampa. And the authors know this because, just pages earlier, they had talked about his emotional 2003 World Series farewell in Miami.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm always getting spellings wrong. Or using bit instead of big -- thanks, Fred. But then again, like I'm said. It's just me over here. I don't have any paid editors or fact checkers on my non-existent staff. But the publishing houses for these books do, so someone should check this stuff.
It's just me. Which is why I get so frustrated when I read books with easy to fix errors. For instance, at the moment, I'm reading the two books that are out on Roger Clemens, American Icon by the investigative team at the New York Daily News, and The Rocket That Fell To Earth by former Sports Illustrated, and ESPN The Magazine journalist Jeff Pearlman. And both of these books have errors which I easily spotted, and errors which any proof reader and/or fact checker should have been able to catch.
For instance, it's JIMY Williams, not JIMMY Williams. I know it looks funny. But that's how the guy spells his name. Yet both books go with JIMMY. And to me, this kind of hurts the credibility of the authors as that's an easily verifiable fact. Just use Google. And in American Icon, the authors write about Clemens's emotional 2003 World Series farewell in Tampa. The only problem is that the Clemens's emotional 2003 World Series farewell was in Miami, not Tampa. And the authors know this because, just pages earlier, they had talked about his emotional 2003 World Series farewell in Miami.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm always getting spellings wrong. Or using bit instead of big -- thanks, Fred. But then again, like I'm said. It's just me over here. I don't have any paid editors or fact checkers on my non-existent staff. But the publishing houses for these books do, so someone should check this stuff.
On Blogging and Deadspin
I spoke on this a bit the other night, but I wanted to return to it since I find it interesting. And I'm talking about Deadspin's from nowhere announcement that it was invoking a double-secret probation policy and banning numerous commentors who hadn't known they were violating a policy that still hasn't been released.
As the days have passed, it has become known that the current editor -- who can't hold a candle to founder Will Leitch -- has decided he wants to clean things up so he can please advertisers, and he wants to keep readers that he's afraid are being driven off by the commenters. That's fine. He's in charge of the damn thing now, so he can do what he wants. My one problem is that there are still no guidelines on what is, or is not acceptable, and I just don't feel people should be punished for violating a policy that at the time they violated it didn't exist.
(Personal note. While the CVC has never been linked to Deadspin, I was often able to get stuff from the mothership linked to it while Leitch was running things -- he said he enjoyed my stuff once, and for a sports blogger, that's about the biggest compliment you can get. But I've also had some items linked to by the current regime, just not as much, and they just don't seem as interested in my stuff.)
I think I've made it known before that I don't enjoy Deadspin as much now as I used to. And it's not because of the commenters. With founding editor Leitch gone, I just think the blog has lost its voice. It's just not unique. But one of the reasons I haven't stopped reading it is the comments. The people who comment there are funny. And their problem was that Leitch enabled the comments, and set up the feeling of anarchy that runs that blog's comments. But now the new guy wants to cut down on the anarchy, only he employed anarchy to achieve his means, and I just don't like that. (I also feel that they have to be careful because Deadspin still runs stuff from the Kissing Suzy Kolber people, and if they're allowed to post profane/sexist/racist takes on sports, then it should be allowed for the people who comment as well.)
But I do in someways understand the Deadspin concerns. There is, after all, a blog I've virtually stopped reading because of the commenters, and because of what the commenters have done to the blogs comments. I'm talking about the TV Newser blog, a blog I began reading when it was run by a college student who had an interest in cable TV news and before it was purchased by Mediabristo. The kid who founded the blog moved on to the New York Times when he graduated. And Mediabristo enabled the comments function, and it's become almost nothing but a site about the greatness of Fox News and the comments are nothing but rightwing nutjobs talking about the evil that is the great liberal media. I still go over there from time, but I generally learn nothing about the cable news biz. I just get bile.
I wish I had these problems to worry about over here. But I hardly get any comments. I would really like more comments. It's party my problem as I can never decide on what the focus of the blog is. I know I went heavy hockey before the creation of The Third Intermission. And I'd like to do more baseball. But I just like being able to talk about what I want to talk about. I don't want to have to do the same thing every day.
I do have a decent audience, for a blog. I average between 200-1500 hits a day -- that's nowhere near Deadspin. But it's enough, I think, for trying to make some money off of ads. So that's that. Nothing against Deadspin, I just wish they had a done better job with explanations. And I wish I had its problems.
As the days have passed, it has become known that the current editor -- who can't hold a candle to founder Will Leitch -- has decided he wants to clean things up so he can please advertisers, and he wants to keep readers that he's afraid are being driven off by the commenters. That's fine. He's in charge of the damn thing now, so he can do what he wants. My one problem is that there are still no guidelines on what is, or is not acceptable, and I just don't feel people should be punished for violating a policy that at the time they violated it didn't exist.
(Personal note. While the CVC has never been linked to Deadspin, I was often able to get stuff from the mothership linked to it while Leitch was running things -- he said he enjoyed my stuff once, and for a sports blogger, that's about the biggest compliment you can get. But I've also had some items linked to by the current regime, just not as much, and they just don't seem as interested in my stuff.)
I think I've made it known before that I don't enjoy Deadspin as much now as I used to. And it's not because of the commenters. With founding editor Leitch gone, I just think the blog has lost its voice. It's just not unique. But one of the reasons I haven't stopped reading it is the comments. The people who comment there are funny. And their problem was that Leitch enabled the comments, and set up the feeling of anarchy that runs that blog's comments. But now the new guy wants to cut down on the anarchy, only he employed anarchy to achieve his means, and I just don't like that. (I also feel that they have to be careful because Deadspin still runs stuff from the Kissing Suzy Kolber people, and if they're allowed to post profane/sexist/racist takes on sports, then it should be allowed for the people who comment as well.)
But I do in someways understand the Deadspin concerns. There is, after all, a blog I've virtually stopped reading because of the commenters, and because of what the commenters have done to the blogs comments. I'm talking about the TV Newser blog, a blog I began reading when it was run by a college student who had an interest in cable TV news and before it was purchased by Mediabristo. The kid who founded the blog moved on to the New York Times when he graduated. And Mediabristo enabled the comments function, and it's become almost nothing but a site about the greatness of Fox News and the comments are nothing but rightwing nutjobs talking about the evil that is the great liberal media. I still go over there from time, but I generally learn nothing about the cable news biz. I just get bile.
I wish I had these problems to worry about over here. But I hardly get any comments. I would really like more comments. It's party my problem as I can never decide on what the focus of the blog is. I know I went heavy hockey before the creation of The Third Intermission. And I'd like to do more baseball. But I just like being able to talk about what I want to talk about. I don't want to have to do the same thing every day.
I do have a decent audience, for a blog. I average between 200-1500 hits a day -- that's nowhere near Deadspin. But it's enough, I think, for trying to make some money off of ads. So that's that. Nothing against Deadspin, I just wish they had a done better job with explanations. And I wish I had its problems.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The Big Unit Gets Number 300
Randy Johnson got his 300th career victory today, and while it wasn't his most impressive of performances, I say congratulations. Some of my fondest memories of working with the Astros come from 1998 when the Astros traded for the Big Unit at the trading deadline.In two months, he went 10-1 for the team, and I'm pretty sure his ERA was under 2.00. I don't remember him ever having an off-night. I got to Nolan Ryan in his last year with the Astros, and he wasn't that dominating, and I never saw another pitcher in an Astros uniform dominate for an extended period like that.
The Dome was packed every night when he pitched. And the place was electric. I was at some of the games that Roger Clemens pitched at MMP when he graced Houston with his presence, but MMP never felt as electric as it did on the nights when Johnson pitched in the Dome.
The Astros went out in the first round of the playoffs, and Johnson departed for Phoenix after that. The Astros returned to the playoffs in 1999, and they made the World Series in 2005, but I've never quite felt the same about the Astros as I did that year. That team just seemed special -- more so than any of the teams that have played at MMP -- and I still feel that if any team was ever going to win the World Series for Houston, it was that 1998 season led by Randy Johnson.
Sex Sells -- Because I Want It To
Another day, another day of no clients or work. So I need a little something to cheer me up. So how about Stacey Williams?
Richard Justice Doesn't Know Pitch Counts
Meanwhile, over at the mothership...
I have a little bit on how, once again, Richard Justice doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
I have a little bit on how, once again, Richard Justice doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
Reason Number 56,913 That The Houston Astros Suck
It's no secret that I think the Astros need to blow up the team and start from scratch. It's an old team full of old guys who can't really contribute anymore. So, in some ways, I'm actually pleased that Ed Wade said the team wasn't interested in signing Tom Glavine.But then again, have you seen the Astros pitching staff? Felipe Paulino hasn't exactly dazzled. And Brian Moehler has been awful while Mike Hampton is always one slip up from an extended stay on the disabled list. So when Ed Wade says the Astros don't need Tom Glavine because "We think at this point if the five guys we have continue to throw well, and plus we've got (Brandon) Backe and (Russ) Ortiz in the bullpen and we've got (Bud) Norris and (Yorman) Bazardo throwing very well at Triple-A. I doubt we would have any interest in that regard," then I think Ed Wade really needs to go back to the start.
Like back to a start in the unemployment line.
Tom Glavine is one of the greatest pitchers of the past two decades. He's won over 300 games. Even at this stage of his career he's a better pitcher than Brian Moehler can ever hope to be. And seriously, trying to compare Brian Backer and Russ Ortiz to Tom Glavine is a bad fucking joke.
I doubt seriously Tom Glavine would want to come to the Houston Astros. This team sucks, and I'm sure he wants to play for a team that's in contention for something -- that is if he decides to come back. The Phillies and Mets are two teams in need of pitching due to injuries to starters. I'm sure every team in contention in the AL East and AL Central would be interested in Tom Glavine.
I want the Astros to start over. I want them to get younger. I want to trade Miguel Tejada before the B-12 shots start wearing off. I'm a big Roy Oswalt fan, but he's probably the best bet this team has of getting lots of talent that might actually help the team. But damn it, when there's a 300+ game winner out there, a 300+ game winner who is better than 3/5ths of your rotation, you don't just say no.
But this is the Astros. And that's just another of the many thousands of reasons that the Astros suck.
I'm Going Back to the Start
I've got the new business going -- still no customers/clients or even any prospects, but I've started it at least. I never thought I would be at this point in my life at age 43, having to start all over. Especially seeing as how I've always made an effort to try and get work at established places so that I wouldn't have to start something on my own.
Maybe I should have tried back then, but it's too late for that.
Anyway, there's this Coldplay song, "The Scientist," where the video is played in reverse, going from the end to the start, "I'm going back to the start" is one of the key lyrics. This song got stuck in my head because the Canadian Broadcasting Company used this song for the intro to its Stanley Cup Final coverage, and it uses the same trick, going from the now to last year, with everything in reverse -- some very cool images.
So I thought I would get today started by going to the original video. So here's Coldplay with "The Scientist."
Maybe I should have tried back then, but it's too late for that.
Anyway, there's this Coldplay song, "The Scientist," where the video is played in reverse, going from the end to the start, "I'm going back to the start" is one of the key lyrics. This song got stuck in my head because the Canadian Broadcasting Company used this song for the intro to its Stanley Cup Final coverage, and it uses the same trick, going from the now to last year, with everything in reverse -- some very cool images.
So I thought I would get today started by going to the original video. So here's Coldplay with "The Scientist."
In Which I Offer Some Help for Joe Scarborough
I don't watch the morning news shows, so I missed this yesterday. But maybe I'll get this up in time for Joe Scarborough to make things right.
Anyway, yesterday, one of Joe's guests challenged him to name a successful company that had a union, and neither Joe nor his bimbo sidekick could think of one. So I thought I would give him some he could use. Like Major League Baseball. And the NFL. And the NBA. And while I'm not a fan of Southwest Airlines, it should be noted that Southwest is rather successful, one of the few successful airlines out there, and it's also the most heavily unionized of the U.S. airlines. As is UPS.
And to make it really easy for Joe, may I suggest he look around his own studio. Because, you see, he works for MSNBC which is owned by NBC-Universal which in turned is owned by GE. And GE employees workers from 13 different unions. I also believe that Joe himself probably belongs to a union as it's my understanding that broadcast talent on MSNBC are members of AFTRA.
So there you go, Joe. I hoped that help.
Anyway, yesterday, one of Joe's guests challenged him to name a successful company that had a union, and neither Joe nor his bimbo sidekick could think of one. So I thought I would give him some he could use. Like Major League Baseball. And the NFL. And the NBA. And while I'm not a fan of Southwest Airlines, it should be noted that Southwest is rather successful, one of the few successful airlines out there, and it's also the most heavily unionized of the U.S. airlines. As is UPS.
And to make it really easy for Joe, may I suggest he look around his own studio. Because, you see, he works for MSNBC which is owned by NBC-Universal which in turned is owned by GE. And GE employees workers from 13 different unions. I also believe that Joe himself probably belongs to a union as it's my understanding that broadcast talent on MSNBC are members of AFTRA.
So there you go, Joe. I hoped that help.
Royal Document Review -- Day Three
Still no clients or work. I accomplished nothing all day. I finished reading a book on Roger Clemens, and I engaged in a Facebook "debate" with one of my friends on the Second Amendment. But I accomplished nothing of importance.
It's just the waiting game now. Waiting for someone to call and offer me some work.
It's just the waiting game now. Waiting for someone to call and offer me some work.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tom Glavine: Is This The End?
Here's some rather shocking news...the Atlanta Braves released Tom Glavine today.Glavine hasn't pitched in the majors this year as he had been recovering from injuries. He had just had what was supposed to be his final rehab start in the minors however, and he had supposedly looked pretty good in the start.
Glavine had made it clear that this was to be his last season, and that he wanted to retire while he was out on top. I doubt that this is what he had in mind. This might actually be it for Glavine, and it would mean that he and Greg Maddux, his rotation mate from their Braves heydays in the 90s, would be eligible for the Baseball Hall of Fame at the exact same time as they would both be on the ballot for the very first time together. Both finished with over three hundred wins, and each won multiple Cy Young Awards. Neither had overwhelming fastballs, but both knew how to work the strike zone, and they were two of the more masterful pitchers I ever saw pitch.
It's also possible, however, that Glavine will want to prove the Braves wrong and that he will attempt to make a comeback with another team this season. There are multiple contending teams in need of pitching, including the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Mets, both which are in Atlanta's division.
But that's probably something that won't be settled for several more days.
Swine Flu and the New York Mets
Interesting news/gossip emerging over the past couple of days from the New York Mets camp. Apparently, a TV technician with SNY -- the Mets cable TV home -- came down with the swine flu on a flight with the team to Pittsburgh this weekend. He has been sent home -- by car.
But now several of the Mets players are missing in action due to flu-like symptoms, primarily center fielder Carlos Beltran and starting pitcher John Maine. Mets officials claim that team doctors have been cleared the two of the swine flu and instead say that they are suffering from an unspecified stomach ailment.
And I tend to agree with the doctors. I don't think these guys have the swine flu. I think they just got sick from watching the team try and play baseball.
(An interesting side note: several weeks ago, the team's stadium was named as a possible source of the swine flu. I tend to think that was just someone who was disgusted by the prices being charged by the Mets.)
But now several of the Mets players are missing in action due to flu-like symptoms, primarily center fielder Carlos Beltran and starting pitcher John Maine. Mets officials claim that team doctors have been cleared the two of the swine flu and instead say that they are suffering from an unspecified stomach ailment.
And I tend to agree with the doctors. I don't think these guys have the swine flu. I think they just got sick from watching the team try and play baseball.
(An interesting side note: several weeks ago, the team's stadium was named as a possible source of the swine flu. I tend to think that was just someone who was disgusted by the prices being charged by the Mets.)
Classic Billy Idol?
So I'm listening to the Classic Rock station earlier today, and what I want to know is: when did Billy Idol became classic rock?
Bills, Bills, Nothing But My Father's Bills
One of the thing's that been getting to me lately, besides that whole no work, no pay, no money thing, is that I've got to keep paying my father's bills. My father, as many of you know, tried to kill himself two years ago. Then tried starving himself while in the hospital, etc. Those five months were real hell and probably led, I now believe, to my losing my job because they saw that I thought work was secondary to family and I don't think they liked that.
The family didn't have enough money to put my father in a nursing home, and he was living on social security which didn't come close to covering nursing home costs. So we had to get him on medicaid. And there's no bigger scam -- well, maybe health insurance and COBRA -- than medicaid because the state uses this to cheat you out of your property. And last night, I paid for his damn property insurance.
Here's the deal. Years ago, rich fucks decided they didn't want to pay for their medical care, so they would give the money to their rich fuck brats and claim poverty, thus having the feds and the states pay for their medical care and nursing homes. So they passed a bunch of laws which resulted in this: if you go on medicaid, the government gets all of your property after you die to recoup costs unless you gave away that property to your brats over five years before going on medicaid. Thus the government would find get the property of all of those rich fucks no matter what they tried. Except the rich fucks got rich because they know how to fuck with people, thus they found new way to scam the government.
But then there's us normal folks. We're not rich fucks. And we can't afford the nursing home costs, so we have to go on medicaid which means that the government now has the rights to all of my father's property once he dies. But here's the scam. I've still got to pay all of the damn taxes on the property. I've got to pay upkeep costs for a place he'll never see again. And I can't sell this property to recoup the costs because the government owns it. Only they don't want to pay for owning it so they make me pay for owning it even though my family no longer owns it.
So thank you Rick Perry for making sure this bill got passed in Texas. It must be nice to have never worked a day in your entire life, yet still have people paying you bribes to do what they want you to do. I wish I had the money to bribe you, but you only take bribes from rich people, and I'm not rich. So until that time, I guess I'll just have to keep my bills, and my father's bills.
The family didn't have enough money to put my father in a nursing home, and he was living on social security which didn't come close to covering nursing home costs. So we had to get him on medicaid. And there's no bigger scam -- well, maybe health insurance and COBRA -- than medicaid because the state uses this to cheat you out of your property. And last night, I paid for his damn property insurance.
Here's the deal. Years ago, rich fucks decided they didn't want to pay for their medical care, so they would give the money to their rich fuck brats and claim poverty, thus having the feds and the states pay for their medical care and nursing homes. So they passed a bunch of laws which resulted in this: if you go on medicaid, the government gets all of your property after you die to recoup costs unless you gave away that property to your brats over five years before going on medicaid. Thus the government would find get the property of all of those rich fucks no matter what they tried. Except the rich fucks got rich because they know how to fuck with people, thus they found new way to scam the government.
But then there's us normal folks. We're not rich fucks. And we can't afford the nursing home costs, so we have to go on medicaid which means that the government now has the rights to all of my father's property once he dies. But here's the scam. I've still got to pay all of the damn taxes on the property. I've got to pay upkeep costs for a place he'll never see again. And I can't sell this property to recoup the costs because the government owns it. Only they don't want to pay for owning it so they make me pay for owning it even though my family no longer owns it.
So thank you Rick Perry for making sure this bill got passed in Texas. It must be nice to have never worked a day in your entire life, yet still have people paying you bribes to do what they want you to do. I wish I had the money to bribe you, but you only take bribes from rich people, and I'm not rich. So until that time, I guess I'll just have to keep my bills, and my father's bills.
More Funny From Craig Ferguson
You know that I'm a fan of Craig Ferguson. And Ferguson's show is owned and produced by David Letterman, who is now competing with Conan O'Brien, against who Ferguson used to compete. So Ferguson has a few words on the two, plus he challenges Jimmy Fallon, his new competitor, to a new competition. Enjoy.
The Death Of A Blog (Not Mine)
I don't read Deadspin as much as I used to. As I said last year, I've gotten sick of Gawker redesigning the thing every couple of months, and I've just found that it's not as much fun to read as it used to be. Most of that just deals with the departure of the original founding editor Will Leitch who left last year to pursue other pursuits.
But apparently the new overlords at Deadspin have suddenly decided to start enforcing a standard of conduct for the commenters, and it's banning certain people who don't live up to those standards. There's just one problem: they won't tell anybody what this so-called standard of conduct is.
I envy Deadspin -- I wish I could about 1/20th of the daily hits that Deadspin gets because I'm sure I would really be raking in the cash on the advertising. But I really dislike when organizations that have had no policies suddenly develop policies and use said policies to punish people for violating policies that nobody knew existed.
The Deadspin commenting bunch can be a pretty profane bunch -- Kissing Suzy Kolber got started in the comment section of Deadspin. But they're generally funny, actually intelligent, and often better than the actual blog post. Leitch seemed to revel in this when he ran the site, but now that he's gone, there are a whole bunch of editors and it appears that the overlords at Gawker Media, who own and run Deadspin, are trying to take some control over something that's never had any control -- brief aside, I was one of the first commenters when Leitch turned on the commenting buttons, but I then got stuck working off-site for about six months and didn't really have a lot of time for commenting so the privileges expired.
Deadspin is Gawkers's site, and Gawker can do whatever the hell it wants. In fairness, it should really tell people what all of the guidelines are, and it should bring back the people who were banned and give them a chance to actually follow the guidelines. But that's just my opinion, and as I've learned over the years, especially this past year, my opinion counts for absolutely nothing.
But apparently the new overlords at Deadspin have suddenly decided to start enforcing a standard of conduct for the commenters, and it's banning certain people who don't live up to those standards. There's just one problem: they won't tell anybody what this so-called standard of conduct is.
I envy Deadspin -- I wish I could about 1/20th of the daily hits that Deadspin gets because I'm sure I would really be raking in the cash on the advertising. But I really dislike when organizations that have had no policies suddenly develop policies and use said policies to punish people for violating policies that nobody knew existed.
The Deadspin commenting bunch can be a pretty profane bunch -- Kissing Suzy Kolber got started in the comment section of Deadspin. But they're generally funny, actually intelligent, and often better than the actual blog post. Leitch seemed to revel in this when he ran the site, but now that he's gone, there are a whole bunch of editors and it appears that the overlords at Gawker Media, who own and run Deadspin, are trying to take some control over something that's never had any control -- brief aside, I was one of the first commenters when Leitch turned on the commenting buttons, but I then got stuck working off-site for about six months and didn't really have a lot of time for commenting so the privileges expired.
Deadspin is Gawkers's site, and Gawker can do whatever the hell it wants. In fairness, it should really tell people what all of the guidelines are, and it should bring back the people who were banned and give them a chance to actually follow the guidelines. But that's just my opinion, and as I've learned over the years, especially this past year, my opinion counts for absolutely nothing.
Royal Document Review -- Day Two
Well, Day Two of Royal Document Review is at an end. And still no customers or clients. No phone calls. No e-mails. I know, it's going to take awhile, but...is a little potential love too much to ask?
I did pick up my business cards today. Anybody want one? I've got a 1000 of them, and I'm not sure what all I'm going to do with them. I guess I should start going out to eat and dropping them off in hopes of a free meal from time to time. I'm still strangely excited though, and I can't wait to actually get a client. It's not so much the potential of getting paid -- though that's a big plus -- but it's the potential of actually getting some work and accomplishing something useful.
I didn't get my business checking account today, but I did some research and I think I've narrowed my choices down to two, however.
Things accomplished today: 1:) Picked up my business cards -- anyone want one; 2:) Did some research regarding banking options; 3:) did my bit with unemployment and requested payment for the past two weeks; 4) confirmed that I actually had health insurance for the month of June; 5:) saw "Angels and Demons" -- much better than "The Da Vinci Code," though that doesn't say much.
Things to handle tomorrow: 1:) Get clients/work, hopefully; 2:) Get a business banking account; 3:) Get out of the damn apartment; 4:) Schedule doctor's appointment since I've got to get some prescriptions renewed and I've actually got insurance for this month.
I can't wait for the day when I can put "do work" on the "to do" list.
I did pick up my business cards today. Anybody want one? I've got a 1000 of them, and I'm not sure what all I'm going to do with them. I guess I should start going out to eat and dropping them off in hopes of a free meal from time to time. I'm still strangely excited though, and I can't wait to actually get a client. It's not so much the potential of getting paid -- though that's a big plus -- but it's the potential of actually getting some work and accomplishing something useful.
I didn't get my business checking account today, but I did some research and I think I've narrowed my choices down to two, however.
Things accomplished today: 1:) Picked up my business cards -- anyone want one; 2:) Did some research regarding banking options; 3:) did my bit with unemployment and requested payment for the past two weeks; 4) confirmed that I actually had health insurance for the month of June; 5:) saw "Angels and Demons" -- much better than "The Da Vinci Code," though that doesn't say much.
Things to handle tomorrow: 1:) Get clients/work, hopefully; 2:) Get a business banking account; 3:) Get out of the damn apartment; 4:) Schedule doctor's appointment since I've got to get some prescriptions renewed and I've actually got insurance for this month.
I can't wait for the day when I can put "do work" on the "to do" list.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Just Because Sex Sells
There's no reason for a bikini photo today except for, well, sex sells. So here's an old photo of Kathy Ireland.
25 Random Reasons Why I Love The MLB Network
1. There's no Chris Berman.2. Baseball. Major league baseball. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Who could ask for anything more.
3. No John Kruk, or Steve Phillips.
4. The "Quick Pitch" one-hour highlight show. All highlights. No phony arguments.
5. Hazel Mae.
6. The "Prime 9" show which highlights great questions about baseball history and great players.
7. They show classic baseball games like the 1980 Houston Astros/Philadelphia Phillies NLCS.
8. It's owned by Major League Baseball, but it doesn't serve as a propaganda source. The anchors and reporters actually report everything about baseball, the good and the bad.
9. They recognize that there are more teams in MLB than just the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox.
10. Live extended cut-ins to games in progress throughout the country.
11. It's not Fox Sports.
12. Speaking of which, there is no Joe Buck. And no Tim McCarver.
13. The people who work for the MLB Network actually like baseball, unlike Joe Buck.
14. And unlike ESPN, Fox Sports, Joe Morgan, and Tim McCarver, the MLB Network doesn't treat us all like we're idiots.
15. The Studio 42 set where the ex-baseball players go through the extended effort of showing off the nuances of the game on a baseball field set. How do you play the ball off of the wall. How do you know when you've taken too big a lead off of first. How do you pick a guy off of second base. They do great work here.
16. Speaking of Studio 42, Billy Ripken yesterday gave the best example I've ever seen of what it's like to play third base, and how a player goes about making the switch from shortstop to third base -- and great camera work as well. They do stuff like this every night.
17. They show those old World Series compilation films. Those things are fun to watch.
18. Great, fantastic breaking news coverage. Remember, it was the MLB Network which drove the Alex Rodriguez coverage.
19. The analysts aren't afraid to criticize. It's not like they're just in a holding pattern waiting for their next coaching gig. If a player screws up, these guys let you know about it.
20. For the SportsCenter highlight shows, instead of the anchors reading joke one-liners with the highlights, they use game audio from the actual radio and TV broadcasters at the game. And they do a great job of setting the scene.
21. They don't stage phony arguments just so that they can have arguments. ESPN this network ain't.
22. They revel in the game's history.
23. Mitch Williams is a blast as an analysis.
24. There are no sacred cows.
25. Did I mention that it's all baseball, all of the time? Well, it's all baseball, all of the time.
So, About Those Ads
So, are you enjoying the advertising here as much as I am? Yes, I'm trying to make a little extra money -- so you bastards better click on the damn ads ;-) -- but I'm getting a kick out of seeing just what kind of ads Google is going to assign to the site.I know that there have been ads for Milwaukee Card Keys and Philadelphia baseball game tickets. There have been ads for SI covers and temp jobs and actor jobs and IT info. And as I write, I have lots of ads on the site for Houston Astros tickets. I don't have any control over the advertising selected by Google, so it's always a delight to me to discover the latest.
I wonder what will happen if I start posting a bunch of sex stuff, would that bring sex ads of some kind? And I'm still wondering what it is I posted that got me an ad for Philadelphia Phillie tickets? I've never even been to Philly. Oh well, as long as someone clicks on it, I'm happy.
Some Funny From Craig Ferguson Just Because
So I just realized that I haven't posted anything from the Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson lately -- I was on a roll way back in my insonmia days when I still had employment -- but I'm still watching. And he's still funny. So here's a little something from a couple of months ago.
By the way, I watching Conan last night, and in five minutes I got more laughs from his show than I did out of Leno in about the past 10 years. And it didn't hurt that he had Pearl Jam perform.
By the way, I watching Conan last night, and in five minutes I got more laughs from his show than I did out of Leno in about the past 10 years. And it didn't hurt that he had Pearl Jam perform.
Royal Document Review -- Day One
Day One of Royal Document Review is officially at an end. And...
Nothing. I got one e-mail from the website, and that from a friend wishing me good luck (and thanks for that, Vicki). I got lots of e-mails from friends and family wishing me good luck and telling me I was going to be a success.
But no business. As of yet.
I don't know what, exactly I was expecting today. I didn't think I would get any work. I've been leaking this out for the past couple of weeks, but today was the day for my friends to start blasting their friends. I hope this works. My friends who are helping me have a lot better network than I do because I've been essentially office bound for the past eight years with limited contact to the outside world. And they will provide me with great references.
I know it will probably take awhile to get any jobs from this. Not too long, but I understand this takes time. I just hope that I don't get too down or beat myself up too much. My nieces and nephew will be in town next week, so if I've got nothing then, I might spend the week playing with them while I let my network work their networks. But at some point, I've got to find away to start mixing with other attorneys and doing some selling myself -- I hate selling myself, but I know I've got to find a way to do this. There's this big 3-day CLE confab in Galveston next month, so I might try and get to that.
Things accomplished today: 1. Filed my DBA with Harris County -- which is the county I'm doing business in. 2. Worked my contact list and network. One friend gave me an idea about pitching this to government agencies because he does a lot of work with local government agencies and said he would see what I needed while I he would push my name.
Things to do tomorrow: 1. Get a business banking account, I guess. 2. Try and figure out some more cheap marketing ideas. 3. Keep working my contacts/network until they're sick of me -- or do I want to quit before then because I don't want them sick of me. 4. Go pick up my business cards -- I got the call that they had arrived earlier tonight.
I've got a question for the readers: I'm looking into getting a business checking/bank account. You've read my complaints about the Bank of America, and I'm not too fond of Chase Bank which is where the feds migrated over some of my other bank accounts. So do any of you have any Houston-area banking suggestions? I'm not going to have a lot of business right now, so I'm just looking for someplace that will let me open a small business account with a minimum amount of money then not hit with fee after fee after fee after fee. And it would be nice if it wasn't some bank that's about to be acquired by BOA or Chase.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for all of the well-wishes. They meant a lot.
Nothing. I got one e-mail from the website, and that from a friend wishing me good luck (and thanks for that, Vicki). I got lots of e-mails from friends and family wishing me good luck and telling me I was going to be a success.
But no business. As of yet.
I don't know what, exactly I was expecting today. I didn't think I would get any work. I've been leaking this out for the past couple of weeks, but today was the day for my friends to start blasting their friends. I hope this works. My friends who are helping me have a lot better network than I do because I've been essentially office bound for the past eight years with limited contact to the outside world. And they will provide me with great references.
I know it will probably take awhile to get any jobs from this. Not too long, but I understand this takes time. I just hope that I don't get too down or beat myself up too much. My nieces and nephew will be in town next week, so if I've got nothing then, I might spend the week playing with them while I let my network work their networks. But at some point, I've got to find away to start mixing with other attorneys and doing some selling myself -- I hate selling myself, but I know I've got to find a way to do this. There's this big 3-day CLE confab in Galveston next month, so I might try and get to that.
Things accomplished today: 1. Filed my DBA with Harris County -- which is the county I'm doing business in. 2. Worked my contact list and network. One friend gave me an idea about pitching this to government agencies because he does a lot of work with local government agencies and said he would see what I needed while I he would push my name.
Things to do tomorrow: 1. Get a business banking account, I guess. 2. Try and figure out some more cheap marketing ideas. 3. Keep working my contacts/network until they're sick of me -- or do I want to quit before then because I don't want them sick of me. 4. Go pick up my business cards -- I got the call that they had arrived earlier tonight.
I've got a question for the readers: I'm looking into getting a business checking/bank account. You've read my complaints about the Bank of America, and I'm not too fond of Chase Bank which is where the feds migrated over some of my other bank accounts. So do any of you have any Houston-area banking suggestions? I'm not going to have a lot of business right now, so I'm just looking for someplace that will let me open a small business account with a minimum amount of money then not hit with fee after fee after fee after fee. And it would be nice if it wasn't some bank that's about to be acquired by BOA or Chase.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for all of the well-wishes. They meant a lot.
Monday, June 1, 2009
As The Cecil Cooper Soap Opera Turns
Just when I think I'm through writing about this whole Cecil Cooper situation, I come across something I've not see before. For instance, there's this item from ESPN's Peter Gammons who writes that the only reason Cooper still has a job is that Drayton McLane is friends with Bud Selig: "The industry feeling," Gammons says, "is that Cecil Cooper might have gotten the axe as Astros manager were Drayton McLane not so loyal to Bud Selig, who pushed for Cooper to get the job in the first place."
I like Gammons, and agree with him a lot, and this backs up the old charge that Selig forced this hiring on McLane. Which is why I believe that ultimately Cooper will be fired. Tal Smith did not hire Cooper, and neither Smith nor GM Ed Wade had a role in Cooper's getting the job. He's not their guy. And when it comes down to it, I think they will convince Drayton that they need to put their guy into the managing spot, and they will win.
I don't think Cooper is a good manager, but I'm not sure that even a good manager could win the crappy roster that's been assembled by Wade and Smith. So Drayton needs to not just stop with firing Cooper, he needs to terminated Wade and Smith as well. And it might also be nice were he to stop listening to Bud Selig, because, Drayton, Bud doesn't give a damn about your team.
I like Gammons, and agree with him a lot, and this backs up the old charge that Selig forced this hiring on McLane. Which is why I believe that ultimately Cooper will be fired. Tal Smith did not hire Cooper, and neither Smith nor GM Ed Wade had a role in Cooper's getting the job. He's not their guy. And when it comes down to it, I think they will convince Drayton that they need to put their guy into the managing spot, and they will win.
I don't think Cooper is a good manager, but I'm not sure that even a good manager could win the crappy roster that's been assembled by Wade and Smith. So Drayton needs to not just stop with firing Cooper, he needs to terminated Wade and Smith as well. And it might also be nice were he to stop listening to Bud Selig, because, Drayton, Bud doesn't give a damn about your team.
Peter Gammons Schools George Will
George Will is supposed to be one those intellectual conservative commentators (is that an oxymoron, or what) who is well-respected by those who don't know about his penchant for getting the facts wrong and for breaking ethical rules.
But one of those areas where Will's supposed to be an acknowledged expert outside of politics is baseball. Will was among the first to start the myth of Tony La Russa being the smartest man alive. And his bow-tie, uptight demeanor hasn't done much to improve the reputation of Cubs fans in general.
Last week, Will decided to comment on President Obama's nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. And Will took exception to Sotomayor being called the savior of baseball, and went on to say that she was nothing but a union flunkie who doomed baseball to continued competitive unbalance.
Now those of us who remember the great 1994 Lockout know that it was the owners who locked out the players, that it was the owners who stopped negotiations, and that it was the owners who were planning to employee scabs -- all of these in violation of various labor laws. But it's George Will, and he's supposed to be a baseball expert and everything, so no one's going to try and dispute the Great Will.
Except, of course, but for the great Peter Gammons, one of the best known and most-respected of the national baseball scribes who's worked for the Boston Globe, Sports Illustrated and ESPN and who covers just baseball, not politics, baseball. And Gammons indirectly calls out Will for the liar that he is when he writes:
"Porcello won his sixth game the day after President Barack Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. Obama suggested Sotomayor "saved baseball" by ending the 1994-95 strike and the use of replacement players to try to break the union.
"She didn't necessarily save baseball; she saved the owners from themselves. The people who tried to rig the system with collusion, pay-for-performance and the artificial attempt to implement their own labor system were, as usual, ill-advised and leaderless. When Sotomayor forced the game to resume and charged that they bargain in real faith, baseball under Selig went from a $1.3 billion to $7.5 billion business."
But one of those areas where Will's supposed to be an acknowledged expert outside of politics is baseball. Will was among the first to start the myth of Tony La Russa being the smartest man alive. And his bow-tie, uptight demeanor hasn't done much to improve the reputation of Cubs fans in general.
Last week, Will decided to comment on President Obama's nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. And Will took exception to Sotomayor being called the savior of baseball, and went on to say that she was nothing but a union flunkie who doomed baseball to continued competitive unbalance.
Now those of us who remember the great 1994 Lockout know that it was the owners who locked out the players, that it was the owners who stopped negotiations, and that it was the owners who were planning to employee scabs -- all of these in violation of various labor laws. But it's George Will, and he's supposed to be a baseball expert and everything, so no one's going to try and dispute the Great Will.
Except, of course, but for the great Peter Gammons, one of the best known and most-respected of the national baseball scribes who's worked for the Boston Globe, Sports Illustrated and ESPN and who covers just baseball, not politics, baseball. And Gammons indirectly calls out Will for the liar that he is when he writes:
"Porcello won his sixth game the day after President Barack Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. Obama suggested Sotomayor "saved baseball" by ending the 1994-95 strike and the use of replacement players to try to break the union.
"She didn't necessarily save baseball; she saved the owners from themselves. The people who tried to rig the system with collusion, pay-for-performance and the artificial attempt to implement their own labor system were, as usual, ill-advised and leaderless. When Sotomayor forced the game to resume and charged that they bargain in real faith, baseball under Selig went from a $1.3 billion to $7.5 billion business."
Yep, that sure looks like someone who ruined the game. One of these days, George Will is actually going to get something right. But I think Hell (if it actually exists) will freeze over before that happens.
No, You Haven't Won The Dutch Lottery
Wow! I haven't seen this scam in awhile. So for those of you are just getting this for the first time, not that I should have to warn you, but it's a fake. You haven't won a lottery from the Netherlands.
Here it is in all of it's glory (all typos are part of the original).
Sponsor Bingo
Van Eeghenstraat 70
1071 GK Amsterdam
Dear Winner,
The Netherlands Sponsor Bingo wishes to inform you that the results of the Sponsor Bingo Promo is out and
you are been chosen as the second winner for the programme by the Sponsor Bingo held on the 30th of May 2009.
Your Email has been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out of Nine Hundred Thousand euros (9 hundres thounsand).
The Sponsor Bingo. draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 13 lucky emails of individual and corporate
bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search. No tickets were sold.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You email address was attached to.
Ref Number: SBL 46310289/ES 756.
Batch Number: SBL 7635197431-ZQG/2009.
Ticket Number: SBL 182146372 07427.
Security File Number: 0177732.
-----------------------------------------------------------
To file for your claims and due remittance of funds contact Mr Jim Morison on the information below..
Mr Jim Morison.
Sponsor Bingo
Remittance Department Personnel.
Email:sponsor_bingo@games.com
You are required to claim your winnings before June 11th, 2009 otherwise it rolls over to the next draw.
Prize claiming procedures.
Full Name, Sex . Age, phone number, Address, Profession,
Please quote your Reference number in all correspondence with the claims officer.
Failure to provide the information above will result to immediate disqualification !!
Furthermore, should there be any change of address do Inform the CLAIM AGENT as soon as possible.
Congratulations once more from our members of staff.
Once again on behalf of all our staff CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified...
For a smooth and safe collection, you are required to keep your Reference Number confidential.
Congratulations.
Mrs Sabrina Kleij
Winnings Coordinator.
*******************************************************************************
This email may contain information which is confidential and/or
privileged. The information is intendedsolely for the use of the
individual or entity named above. If you are not the intended recipiet
be awarethat any disclosure, copying, distribution or use of the
contents is
prohibited. If you have received this electronic transmission in error,
please notify the sender bytelephone or return email and delete the
material from your computer
*******************************************************************************
I'm approaching broke. I'm unemployed and I've yet to get any clients from the new business venture, but not even I'm desperate enough to fall for this thing.
Here it is in all of it's glory (all typos are part of the original).
Sponsor Bingo
Van Eeghenstraat 70
1071 GK Amsterdam
Dear Winner,
The Netherlands Sponsor Bingo wishes to inform you that the results of the Sponsor Bingo Promo is out and
you are been chosen as the second winner for the programme by the Sponsor Bingo held on the 30th of May 2009.
Your Email has been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out of Nine Hundred Thousand euros (9 hundres thounsand).
The Sponsor Bingo. draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 13 lucky emails of individual and corporate
bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search. No tickets were sold.
-----------------------------------------------------------
You email address was attached to.
Ref Number: SBL 46310289/ES 756.
Batch Number: SBL 7635197431-ZQG/2009.
Ticket Number: SBL 182146372 07427.
Security File Number: 0177732.
-----------------------------------------------------------
To file for your claims and due remittance of funds contact Mr Jim Morison on the information below..
Mr Jim Morison.
Sponsor Bingo
Remittance Department Personnel.
Email:sponsor_bingo@games.com
You are required to claim your winnings before June 11th, 2009 otherwise it rolls over to the next draw.
Prize claiming procedures.
Full Name, Sex . Age, phone number, Address, Profession,
Please quote your Reference number in all correspondence with the claims officer.
Failure to provide the information above will result to immediate disqualification !!
Furthermore, should there be any change of address do Inform the CLAIM AGENT as soon as possible.
Congratulations once more from our members of staff.
Once again on behalf of all our staff CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified...
For a smooth and safe collection, you are required to keep your Reference Number confidential.
Congratulations.
Mrs Sabrina Kleij
Winnings Coordinator.
*******************************************************************************
This email may contain information which is confidential and/or
privileged. The information is intendedsolely for the use of the
individual or entity named above. If you are not the intended recipiet
be awarethat any disclosure, copying, distribution or use of the
contents is
prohibited. If you have received this electronic transmission in error,
please notify the sender bytelephone or return email and delete the
material from your computer
*******************************************************************************
I'm approaching broke. I'm unemployed and I've yet to get any clients from the new business venture, but not even I'm desperate enough to fall for this thing.
Announcing the Opening of Royal Document Review
For awhile now, I've been talking about a business venture I'm planning, as well as some of the pitfalls with which I've been dealing. But now it's time to make the official announcement.
I'm starting my own legal-based company, called Royal Document Review. The premise is simple. Most civil lawsuits have what's called the discovery phase where each side gets to look at evidence and documents possessed by the other side that are relevant to the lawsuit. This process can be long, and it can be expensive. Especially for smaller law firms or companies.
Big firms use their associates for this purpose, or they bring in attorneys from temporary attorney agencies who have only one purpose, to review those documents on the basis of a criteria set by the attorneys at the firm. The temp attorneys will make about $35-40 an hour, but the agency will charge from $70-90 an hour. Small firms or companies can't always justify this cost, but they don't always have the in-house staff to handle the document review side, or else they can't justify taking the time from their other clients to concentrate solely on this one case.
My business is for the purpose of helping these small firms and companies. I come in and do the document review -- that's what I've been doing for the last decade. I know how to read documents and find the useful information. I've done this by hand, and I've done it using the various electronic sources that are available for this process. I've gone on to location to un-air conditioned warehouses in the desert in the summer. I've done the unheated warehouse in winter bit. I've sat in an isolated office going through moldy boxes.
I like this job. Not everybody can do it. Not everybody has the temperament. Sure, the temp agencies will send along attorneys for this, but lots of time, these people see this job as a temp thing, and they don't care. It's just a paycheck. They get bored. They do just enough work to keep employed. They see this type of work as beneath them. I don't. I like this work.
I like the searching for clues. I've known of no better way to learn absolutely everything that needs to be known about a case. In many ways, document review is the equivalent of not seeing the forest because of you're concentrating on an individual leaf. But I see it differently. I see the forest. I see the trees. I see the leaf. I see the roots.
And more important than my liking this job is this: I'm good at it. And more important than that, most important of all, is that I'm charging less for billable hour than the temp agencies. Substantially less. I've got no overhead. I'm not paying staff. I'm not paying for an office. It's just me and my laptop.
So there you have it. That's my new venture. All of the details can be found by clicking on the link. I know most of you reading don't care. And I apologize for that. But who knows, maybe some of you are interested, or know someone who might be. So I'm taking my free web access and making my pitch.
I just ask for wishes of good luck because I need them. My attorney friends think my idea is genius. As do other friends. But this is a tough economy. And there are lot of us suddenly unemployed attorneys out there, and we're all starting up firms or business ventures. So it's going to be tough. I realize that. But there's just something out there telling me to do this. So I am.
Thanks for reading.
I'm starting my own legal-based company, called Royal Document Review. The premise is simple. Most civil lawsuits have what's called the discovery phase where each side gets to look at evidence and documents possessed by the other side that are relevant to the lawsuit. This process can be long, and it can be expensive. Especially for smaller law firms or companies.
Big firms use their associates for this purpose, or they bring in attorneys from temporary attorney agencies who have only one purpose, to review those documents on the basis of a criteria set by the attorneys at the firm. The temp attorneys will make about $35-40 an hour, but the agency will charge from $70-90 an hour. Small firms or companies can't always justify this cost, but they don't always have the in-house staff to handle the document review side, or else they can't justify taking the time from their other clients to concentrate solely on this one case.
My business is for the purpose of helping these small firms and companies. I come in and do the document review -- that's what I've been doing for the last decade. I know how to read documents and find the useful information. I've done this by hand, and I've done it using the various electronic sources that are available for this process. I've gone on to location to un-air conditioned warehouses in the desert in the summer. I've done the unheated warehouse in winter bit. I've sat in an isolated office going through moldy boxes.
I like this job. Not everybody can do it. Not everybody has the temperament. Sure, the temp agencies will send along attorneys for this, but lots of time, these people see this job as a temp thing, and they don't care. It's just a paycheck. They get bored. They do just enough work to keep employed. They see this type of work as beneath them. I don't. I like this work.
I like the searching for clues. I've known of no better way to learn absolutely everything that needs to be known about a case. In many ways, document review is the equivalent of not seeing the forest because of you're concentrating on an individual leaf. But I see it differently. I see the forest. I see the trees. I see the leaf. I see the roots.
And more important than my liking this job is this: I'm good at it. And more important than that, most important of all, is that I'm charging less for billable hour than the temp agencies. Substantially less. I've got no overhead. I'm not paying staff. I'm not paying for an office. It's just me and my laptop.
So there you have it. That's my new venture. All of the details can be found by clicking on the link. I know most of you reading don't care. And I apologize for that. But who knows, maybe some of you are interested, or know someone who might be. So I'm taking my free web access and making my pitch.
I just ask for wishes of good luck because I need them. My attorney friends think my idea is genius. As do other friends. But this is a tough economy. And there are lot of us suddenly unemployed attorneys out there, and we're all starting up firms or business ventures. So it's going to be tough. I realize that. But there's just something out there telling me to do this. So I am.
Thanks for reading.
Opportunity Comes Once In A Lifetime
Okay, I'm starting a new business thing today. And I'm a bit nervous. And I think Eminem best captures the way I feel right now, so here's "Lose Yourself."
We're All Going To Die!
Well, it's officially hurricane season. Good luck everybody. Hopefully we'll make it through this season safely -- I don't think I could take another year of seeing my mother's home destroyed and washed away. I also hope I can make it through another year of the weather forecasters telling me that I'm just days away from dying.
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