Adam Dunn Is The Man

I've been watching the MLB Network today as they've been handling all of the trades today. An hour or so ago, they ran a taped piece on Adam Dunn of the Washington Nationals, and they used that to compare him to Dave Kingman. And I'm not sure what they were trying to do with the piece, because they tried to make this a valid comparison, and it sounded like they were trying to put down Dunn's career.

And this is wrong.

Sure, there are some obvious similarities. They're both tall. They both hit lots of homers. They both strike out a lot. They're both lousy fielders. But that's where the comparisons end.

Adam Dunn is a far superior player to Kingman. And a somewhat deeper look at the stats reveal that. Kingman played 16 years for nine teams -- the Mets twice. He hit .236 for his career with 442 homers, 240 doubles, 608 walks, and 1210 RBI. His career on-base % was only .302; his slugging % was only .478, and his career on-base plus slugging % was only .780.

Then there's Dunn. Dunn's in his ninth season, and on his third team. His career batting average is .249, and he already has 304 homers, 221 doubles, 875 walks, and 749 RBI. His on-base % IS .383; his slugging % is .541; and his on-base plus slugging % is .904.

In short, Dunn is a guy who gets on base, and when he gets on base, he makes it count. And I'm just a bit disappointed with the MLB Network for being so superficial. I've come to expect better.

Epic FAIL

Okay, so I might have found this at Media Matters, which you conservatives might not like, but still, it's damn funny. So let's see if you can spot the error in this Fox News Channel graphic.

Astros v. Cards -- A Weekend Preview (Links Fixed)

Here is today's post for the mothership. It's a little preview for the Astros/Cardinals series this weekend.

With the MLB non-waiver trade deadline fast approaching, the Houston Astros are a listing ship quickly going under. The Astros just lost three of four games to the Chicago Cubs and have gone from surging toward first place to trying to hold off the Milwaukee Brewers for third place.

The latest disaster in Chicago saw the Astros starters pitch just 15 of 38 innings in four games -- Wandy Rodriguez pitched seven of those innings on Monday night. Roy Oswalt had to leave his Tuesday start after 1.2 innings because of a back problem. Mike Hampton made it through four innings against the Cubs on Wednesday, but he gave up eight hits and nine runs during that time. And Russ Ortiz pitched himself off of the club yesterday, lasting just 2.1 innings while giving up nine hits and nine runs.

Oswalt was sent to Houston to have his back examined, and he is rejoining the team in St. Louis today where he will be evaluated as to his availability for his scheduled start on Sunday afternoon. If Oswalt can’t pitch, then minor league phenom Bud Norris will be making his first ever major league start. Norris pitched three innings of relief on Wednesday and did a respectable job. But I have the feelings the Astros would prefer that Oswalt be available to make the start against the division leading Cardinals. And with Oswalt starting, that would leave Norris available to take the rotation spot of Ortiz, who was waived after yesterday’s disaster.

But moving Norris into the rotation won’t solve the Astros problems. As of now, the team’s only consistent performer is Rodriguez, and Rodriguez has never been up against this kind of pressure in his career. Hampton, meanwhile, is only able to pitch against the Pittsburgh Pirates -- four of his six wins this season are against the Pirates -- but unfortunately, for Hampton and the team, the Astros don’t face Pittsburgh again mid-September. Then there’s Oswalt who is battling an injury, and Brian Moehler. Norris hopefully takes the fifth spot, but of that group, the only pitcher who consistently pitches deep into a game is Rodriguez. Which means the bullpen is being used an awful lot.

And of course, there are problems with the bullpen. LaTroy Hawkins is on the disabled list with shingles, plus he’s facing a possible suspension when he returns. Chris Sampson is fresh off of the DL, and he had to put in a lot of innings against the Cubs, so his availability for the Cards might be doubtful. Tom Byrdak and Jeff Fulchino also threw a lot of innings against the Cubs. Wesley Wright is recovering from dehydration. About the only guys who are truly ready to go are Doug Brocail, who’s just off the DL, Alberto Arias, and Jose Valverde who didn’t pitch much against the Cubs because the Astros were being blown out.

Even if all of the pitchers were healthy, the team wouldn’t be facing an easy series against the Cardinals this weekend. First, the Astros are going to have two of the best pitchers in the majors this weekend as the Cardinals pitch Chris Carpenter on Saturday and follow up with Adam Wainwright on Sunday. Then there’s the fact that the Astros offense is once again disappearing. That’s not helped by the absence of Lance Berkman who is on the disabled list, but it’s also not helped that Cecil Cooper keeps putting Kaz Matsui in the starting lineup.

And this Cardinals team is also a bit different looking than the one the Astros swept last week. Added to the Cards’ starting lineup are outfielder and power bat Matt Holliday, who bats behind Albert Pujols in the lineup -- in his seven games since joining the Cards, Holliday has 13 hits in 25 at-bats including five doubles, a homer and six RBI. The Cards have also added former Astro Julio Lugo at shortstop, and Mark DeRosa has become a fully contributing member of the team after coming off of the DL.

But who knows, before the deadline hits this afternoon, Drayton McLane could order that the team be blown up, which could mean no more Miguel Tejada, Jose Valverde, and Ivan Rodriguez. Or Drayton could order the destruction of the team’s future by having the likes of Hunter Pence, Michael Bourn, and Bud Norris traded as part of a desperate attempt to make the playoffs. Or then again, there might not be anything happen.

Two Months Down, Four To Go

Today is the last day of July. That means we've made it through two months of hurricane season. And so far, nothing. Of course, the Gulf of Mexico generally seems to come to life with these things in August, and Texas generally becomes a target in late-August/September. And we've learned to never stop breathing easy until the end of October. So who knows what is going to happen.

But it's been a nice, quite two months now. Let's hope it stays that way.

That's Not Stella, This is Stella

So I had to go to the local law school law library today to do some research -- believe it or not, us lawyers don't have our own law libraries. And the library has this computerized library indexing system that makes you log onto the internet and type in search terms to find what you're looking for -- I miss the old index card system.

Anyway, the name of the search software is STELLA. I don't know what it means, but I can't take anything called STELLA seriously because when I think STELLA, I think these guys.

Ladies and gentlemen...Stella.

The Constitution And LaTroy Hawkins

This is what you will be seeing over at the mothership today.

Athletes aren’t exactly known as the brightest of people, especially baseball players. A recent Wall Street Journal report shows that of the current players on MLB rosters, there are only 26 college graduates (and that total includes managers like law school graduate Tony La Russa). So when one hears them make stupid comments in interviews, one should probably forgive them, because often times, they really don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

Take for instance Houston Astros reliever LaTroy Hawkins -- currently on the DL with a case of the shingles. Hawkins was ejected from Monday night’s game with the Chicago Cubs for arguing with home plate umpire Mike Everitt regarding balls and strikes. In the locker room after the game, Hawkins went off on a diatribe about how Everitt was biased in favor of the Cubs, going so far as to say that Everitt “had determined who he wanted to win the game anyway.”

So perhaps it’s not shocking that MLB has chosen to investigate the comments made by Hawkins following that ejection. Former Houston Astro first baseman and General Manager Bob Watson, now the MLB’s Discipline Czar told Fox 26 Sports that “It's not good when a player questions the integrity of an umpire…He can do it in private, but not in public.”

According to Chron.com’s Jose de Jesus Ortiz, Hawkins stands by his comments and feels that he shouldn’t be punished because there is such a thing as free speech in America. “It’s America, dude,” was his response to the MLB investigation.

Now since Hawkins appears to not be one of the 26 college graduates, and since I don’t think he went to law school like Mr. La Russa, I think I’ll give him a bit of an education. The First Amendment gives you the right to say just about anything you want, and to make a complete ass of yourself while doing it. However, there’s nothing in the Constitution to prohibit an employer or a private entity from punishing you for that statement -- unless, of course, the employer is the government. The thing is, Freedom of Speech only protects you from punishment from government retribution over statements that you might make. Thus all of that stupid-ass “birther” crap that’s going on right now. While CNN would be perfectly within its rights to fire Lou Dobbs for being a complete idiot, the Constitution prevents the Feds from throwing Dobbs’ ass in the jail or otherwise seeking some kind of retribution against him.

This same principal applies to LaTroy Hawkins. He can say whatever he wants to about the umpiring, or about hating the Cubs -- which I think every good American does -- or about Bud Selig really needing to spend some money on a good tailor. And the First Amendment lets him say whatever he wants, and it protects the government from doing anything to him. However, as John Rocker can readily attest, MLB can do whatever it wants with its players, and it’s perfectly Constitutional -- whether it’s within union guidelines is a completely different story, however.

There’s no First Amendment problem here because Hawkins isn’t being prevented from speaking. He can say whatever he wants, whenever he wants. And even if he’s fined or suspended by MLB, his Constitutional right to say whatever he wants isn’t being restricted by the government. He can still say it. As much as he wants. He just shouldn’t expect MLB to like it.

Some Good News For Once?

At the risk of jinxing things...

Since I have not had much luck in the employment field recently, I've been casting about for some different ideas. And one of them involves computer software. As a document review attorney, I have never liked any type of software that has been shoved down my throat for this stuff -- and trust me, it's been shoved down my throat because IT guys in New York made these decisions and not the attorneys doing the actual work.

I won't get into lots of detail on the crap, let's just say the stuff was difficult to use, too many screens, too much non-essential information, too much keeping the attorney from his/her primary job of reviewing the actual document. Well, my best friend's a software designer, and I pitched this idea of better a better document review software platform thing -- I'm trying to speak the language. The pitch was this: what's being used is the equivalent of Microsoft technology from about 15 years ago with all of the boot up screens and log-ins. What I want is an Apple Mac system. Or, in an analogy he liked better: reviewing a document should be as easy as doing a search on Google, and we all remember what it was like trying to find items on the internet before Google.

So my friend thinks this is rather easy to handle, and he's working on it. But what we need is someone to test it -- a group of attorneys to do a document review/coding process using the software when it's in a testing stage. I would do it, but I don't have anything to test it on -- besides the more testers at a time, the truer the test result.

But here comes the jinxing part...

I might have found someone willing to test it while possibly packaging it with their other services. Nothing will be finalized until the software's actually ready, of course. And even then, they might back out. Or the software might not work. And if it does work, it might be a long damn time before I get anything out of it, but damn, it felt good to hear somebody being enthusiastic about an idea of mine for once.

And of course, I probably just jinxed everything.

A Little Flight Of The Conchords

Yes, I realize that I still owe you guys my review of (500) Days of Summer, but I just haven't had time. Hopefully some of Flight of the Conchords will make things better. So here's "You Don't Have To Be A Male Prostitute."

The Astros Start Crying Again

So I'm watching the MLB Network, and I discover that some of the Houston Astros are pissed off at Alfonso Soriano for showboating around the bases after his game-winning grand slam last night for the 5-1 Cubs win in extra innings. From what MLB Network showed, Soriano pointed towards the Astros dugout as he ran to first, then moved his open hand in front of his face as he approached home plate.

First off, the Houston Astros need to grow up. I swear, it seems as if this team is always being offended. Second, any team that has Miguel Tejada on it has no room complaining about showboats.

Maybe I'm the only person who notices these things, but to me, it looked as if Soriano was just doing that stupid ass thing that Tejada likes to do after a good play. Tejada likes to open his hand wide, bend his fingers at the knuckles, and rotate his hand about. It's called doing a spotlight. And it looks as stupid as it sounds, but Tejada and the rest of the damn team do it all of the time. Tejada even did it earlier in the year when another player lay on the turf injured after running into a wall trying to field a ball hit by Tejada. And if you saw Soriano, then what Soriano was doing looked just like what Tejada does all of the time.

The Astros just didn't like it because they lost this time. But as I said, maybe it's time for the Astros to grow up and starting their acting.

And In Who Cares News...

It's been announced that Houston is getting the MLS All-Star Game in 2010. So..

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Huh? Oh , sorry. I must have dozed off. That happens whenever I try to discuss soccer...

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If I Were The MLB Commisioner

This is my mothership post for today. Enjoy. All photos are mine.

Chron.com’s Anna-Megan Raley had a posting last week dealing with what five changes you would make to baseball were you to become the commissioner. Then she lists the changes that would be made by Roy Oswalt, and Oswalt provided a somewhat decent list: decrease interdivisional matchups, shorten spring training, dump the DH, stop awarding home field advantage in the World Series on the basis of who wins the All-Star Game, and improve the World Baseball Classic.

But me being me. And me loving baseball and hoping someday to grow up and become the commissioner, I thought I would give this list a crack. So here are the five changes I would make if I were to become the MLB Commissioner.

1. The most valuable asset for each team is its players. So no more idiotic things like hills, flagpoles in play, unpadded walls, and stands/walls that jut out at weird angles for no purpose other than it looks cool on television. Because of age, Wrigley Field and Fenway Park are grandfathered in, but every other stadium, including Minute Maid Park, must come into compliance. MLB will even supply a bulldozer to Drayton McLane if Oswalt refuses to loan his out. Some of the more uneducated fans, like McLane, may not like this, but are these stupid things really worth an injury to a player that doesn’t have to happen?

2. MLB and Fox have been concerned for several years over the ratings of the All Star Game and the ratings of the World Series. Thus interleague play will be eliminated so that the All Star Game will actually be meaningful again. That should also hopefully bring back a little meaning to the World Series. This, in turn, should help improve television ratings.

3. Home field advantage for the World Series will no longer be determined by who wins the All Star Game. Instead I’ve got an idea that is going to blow the minds of everybody associated with baseball management: home field advantage goes to the team to finish with the best regular season record. I know, that’s kind of strange sounding, but I think it might just work.

4. The rules regarding the allowable time between pitches will be enforced. There are several reasons behind this move. It will speed up the game. It will mean less time for Fox’s patented Andy Pettitte nostril shot. It give Fox less time to pimp it’s awful programming with those candid shots of the star of Fox’s soon to be newest flop who just happens to be sitting in the front row right behind the dugout. This will also provide less time for Milo Hamilton to go off on some tangent about his lunch.

5. And I’m enforcing this by caveat. No ballpark combo should cost more than what is being charged for a combo at James Coney Island. If a fan can get two chili and cheese Coneys with fries and a soft drink for no more than about eight bucks, including tax, then that fan should not have to pay nearly twenty bucks for the same thing at the ballpark. And if a fan can get a 20-ounce Coke for $1.50 at the convenience store a couple of blocks from the stadium, then that fan should not have to pay nearly five bucks for the same thing at the stadium. The same goes for the costs of bottled water, beer, and every other item that is sold at an outrageously jacked up price at the ballpark.

Just Hanginaround On The Corner

Not to get all warm and fuzzy on everybody, but...

Over the past of couple of days, from nowhere, I've been getting messages from my friends telling me to hang in there and that something's going to happen. I don't know where this is coming from, but thanks.

I would prefer someone give me a job, or health insurance, or hook me ujp with Zooey Deschanel, but until that happens, thank you all very much for the good thoughts and well wishes. And for today, until something good finally happens, here's a favorite of mine, Counting Crows with "Hanginaround."

(P.S.: it figures, as soon as I go to the wide screen approach for the blog, I get videos that don't need the wide screen.)

Shocking News From Carlos Lee

I wonder if Carlos Lee has tried this place? They've got great burgers -- photo is mine.

So Carlos Lee was just on Fox Sports Houston talking about why Chicago is his favorite city to visit. You're going to be shocked by the reason...

Chicago has a lot of great restaurants.

Yeah. Carlos Lee being a fan of a city with a great places to eat is real shocking to me as well. Personally, I prefer San Francisco for the food, but that's just me, I guess.

MLB Network Goes ESPN...

And not in a good way.

I've got the MLB Network on as I work on the novel, write my post for the mothership, and play comment traffic cop over at The Third Intermission. And tonight, they've taken a turn for the worse, that being a turn toward ESPN over-saturation of an issue.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to MLB's version of Brett Favre. His name is Roy Halladay, and he's a fantastic pitcher who plays for the Toronto Blue Jays. And the Blue Jays suck and have stated that they are going to trade him. And the trade deadline is on Friday. And there are a bunch contending teams that want him badly. So as ESPN does with the Brett Favre retirement story every summer -- i.e., a reporter in Mississippi, a reporter in the towns where Favre is considering playing, a reporter inside Favre's toilet -- MLB Network is doing with Halladay.

Hazel Mae is traveling with the Blue Jays this week, providing breathtaking, earth-shattering reports like Halladay working out at Seattle's Safeco Field today in the smothering 85-degree weather. And interviewing Halladay's manager Cito Gaston who essentially said he had no idea of what's going on.

I know the MLB Network wants to be on top of this story, but maybe they should remember what happened to ESPN last year. It was Fox Sports, with a reporter nowhere near Favre's location and working the phones that scooped ESPN and their army on that story.

A Week Everlong In Coming

Posting might be a bit light this week, as I've actually got a semi-busy one on the way -- no, none of it is related to my getting a new job. I'm doing some interviews for the mothership, and for The Third Intermission, and I've got a bunch of networking lunches set up. So I'm not sure what kind of time I will have for this blog -- there's still some tweeking I also want to do to the homepage.

That said, it's been a long time since I've a semi-busy week like this one lined up. So I thought the perfect song for starting out the week would be Foo Fighters with "Everlong."

Foo Fighters - Everlong
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Always Look On The Bright Side Of Tejada

I've been listening to Jim Deshaies and Bill Brown talk about Miguel Tejada this weekend, and I've come to a conclusion: if Jesus Christ were alive and on the planet today, then He would probably kill Himself because there's just no way He could ever hope to be as great a human being as Miguel Tejada.

I like Brownie. I like JD. And I know they're paid by the Astros. And I know that Fox Sports Houston had a documentary on Tejada airing this weekend, but geez, the guys were really over the top.

After all, the greatest human being to ever live that is Tejada has been a liar for most of his life, especially when it comes to his life in baseball where he's made his millions upon millions of dollars. Tejada, remember, lied about his age -- he's two years older than he told everybody. Remember, he was convicted of lying to Congress about his knowledge of HGH/steroids in baseball and his usage of HGH. Then there's my favorite lie. Tejada admitted to buying $6,000 worth of HGH, but claims to have never actually used what he purchased.

Let's just say that, no matter what they say, Miguel Tejeda is less this guy



and more this guy.

The Utlimate Proof That Socialism Actually Works (Kind Of)

I was over at a sports blog the other day, and for some reason, the writer went on about the need for government sponsored health care for everybody -- I don't disagree, but being a sports blog, he blew the perfect opportunity to address one of the stupid complaints that I always hear.

For instance, one of the comments is one that I always hear. Government type healthcare with a public option would be akin to socialism, and we all know how evil socialism is, and just how every attempt to use socialism in the real world has failed. But seeing as how I read that on a sports blog, it always amazes me that many people miss the most obvious example of the success of socialism.

Yes, that's right...

The NFL.

Think about it for a minute. All television revenue is split evenly among all of the teams. All of the merchandising revenue is split evenly among the team with a cut of that going to the players. Why is the revenue split evenly? Well, so that teams in small markets like Green Bay and Jacksonville can compete on a level playing field with teams in markets like New York City and Chicago.

And don't forget the draft, which allows the worst team in the league to get the first choice of players coming out of college into the league -- shouldn't the player have the choice to sign with whatever team he wants. And then there's the schedule where the bad teams play the bad teams in hopes that they can improve their record, and some say the NFL's goal is to have 32 teams with 8-8 records.

Roster sizes are limited so that the really good teams that can pay salaries can't stash players on their rosters. There's a salary cap so that the rich teams can't pay out the cash to sign all of the good players, dooming the poor teams to the lousy players. And how do the supposed masters of capitalism that are the NFL owners get new stadiums? They don't build them. They demand the government build them stadiums out of taxpayer dollars. If the government won't do it, then they'll move to a place that will.

So, living off of the government dime. Equally splitting revenues despite who actually earns the money. Forcing good players to play for bad teams. Keeping teams from paying too much for players. That doesn't sound like capitalism. That sounds like socialism. So if it's good enough for the NFL, then why not me and health insurance?

Not that two are equivalents, but if you think about it, you'll see that, in many ways, the NFL is a socialistic enterprise, not capitalistic. And if you ever again hear the argument about how socialism has failed everywhere it's been tried, why not point out the NFL.

Swine Flu On The Range

I'm a bit slow with this, so I apologize, but I just discovered that the Texas Rangers have been sufering from the swine flu. Starting pitcher Vicente Padilla has been the Ranger with a confirmed case of the flu, but several other players, including starting pitcher Kevin Millwood have also missed time with swine flu-like symptoms.

Padilla rejoined his teammates yesterday, and is expected to make his next start on Tuesday against the Tigers. But I bet if he sneezes while on the mound the Tigers might be a bit more willing to take three called strikes and get back to the dugout.

Getting Off The Road To Nowhere

No, your eyes do not deceive you. Things do look a bit differently around here. Basically, I've gotten a little tired of the look, so I'm changing things up a bit -- I'm trying to get off what is becoming to feel like a road to nowhere to me. And there will probably be some more format changes coming plus I'm going to change up some of the blog links, I think.

(Also, I'm really tired of the videos I embed not showing up completely up on the page because of the margins, and this was the best/easiest way I could find to handle that.)

Talking Heads Road to Nowhere
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The Fan Of The Game?

So I'm watching the Astros game while I'm writing this epic for The Third Intermission. And right before the Mets start blowing out the Astros, Fox Sports Houston does its fan of the game thing. And they choose this guy who is sitting out in the first row of the Crawford Boxes.

First off, I think this is stupid anyway, because I rarely see them tab anybody sitting up in the last row by the roof, and if you're sitting there, then you're truly a fan. As it is, the guy they choose is a Detroit Tigers fan, from Detroit, who is just visiting in Houston. And they give the guy the award because he is heckling the Mets left fielder.

Is this really the best that they can do? They can't find any real fans inside of MMP, so they have to get some guy from out of town who just appears to hate the Mets?

Summer Days Are Great

So I went to the movies yesterday. Saw this great little romantic comedy/drama called (500) Days of Summer starring Zooey Deschanel. I'll post a review of this sometime later. But let me just say...wow. If you get a chance, go see this movie. You won't regret this.

I think it's in limited release at the moment, and in Houston, I believe it's only at the River Oaks.

Here's the trailer. This is a great trailer, and it doesn't do the movie justice, nor does it do justice to the beauty that is Zooey Deschanel.

My Question of the Day

For some reason, one of the most important stories of the day on ESPN has been Steve Spurrier initially not voting for Tim Tebow as All-SEC QB to start the season. They've even been doing one of those stupid Sports Nation polls on this. They just forgot an answer to mark on the poll: "who gives a f***?"

Really, ESPN, is this the best you can do? I've had the TV off for a few hours because this is what I was being bombarded with this morning. Hopefully it's changed a bit. Maybe Brett Favre's finally made some kind of decision, or David Beckham did something.

Can The Astros Actually Pull It Off?

This is what you'll be reading over at the mothership today. It's an analysis on the Astros chances the rest of the season. I'm not overly optimistic, but as I say, I've been wrong about this team an awful lot this season.

Is it actually possible? Is it actually possible that the Houston Astros could climb into first place of the NL Central this weekend? Can it really be that we’ll wake up on Monday morning and discover that the Astros will be in a position to actually start pulling away with the division lead?

They just swept the St. Louis Cardinals, after all, and there’s no way this team should have been able to sweep the Cardinals, especially with Chris Coste starting at first base the last two game. And this weekend the Astros have the struggling New York Mets coming into town, so it’s just possible the Astros could pull off the sweep once again.

The Mets, after all, are a team devastated by injuries, even more so than the Astros. Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, and Jose Reyes are all on the disabled list -- which means the morons don’t get to boo Beltran this time out. The Mets rotation has been torn up by injuries. The front office is in disarray, and the Philadelphia Phillies, Florida Marlins, and Atlanta Brave are all pulling away from the Mets. So the Mets are ripe for the sweep.

There’s just one problem: neither Roy Oswalt nor Wandy Rodriguez is pitching this weekend. Then there’s the fact that the team’s most consistent reliever, Chris Sampson is still on the disabled list. And yesterday, Lance Berkman was placed on the 15-day disabled list, which means the Astros are stuck playing third string catcher Chris Coste at first base because Berkman’s backup, Darin Erstad, is also on the DL. Cecil Cooper could, of course, move Geoff Blum to first for a bit and let Jeff Keppinger or Edwin Maysonet get in some action at third. Of course, the team’s got to be careful about the use of Keppinger and Maysonet because second baseman Kaz Matsui is playing injured -- yeah, I know, Matsui injured is such a major shock.

The action starts tonight with Mike Hampton who is 4-0 against the Pittsburgh Pirates and 1-7 against the rest of the National League matching up against former Astros pitching prospect and one of the best pitchers in baseball, Johan Santana, who is 11-7 with a 2.92 ERA on the season. That match up right there probably prevents any chance of the Astros getting sweep. Saturday sees Russ Ortiz going up against a pitcher still to be determined, and Brian Moehler starts against Livan Hernandez on Sunday afternoon.

And after the Astros finish up with the Mets, they head out to Chicago to take on the Cubs for three games starting on Monday. The Cubs and Astros are currently tied for second place, so this series could help the Astros put some ground on the Cubbies. Luckily, Wandy Rodriguez and Roy Oswalt will be lined up to pitch the first two games of that series -- I never thought I would think that the Astros would be lucky to have Rodriguez set to start a game. Once they’re done with the Cubs, it’s off to St. Louis for a weekend series with the Cardinals, then it’s back to Houston for three games with the San Francisco Giants -- the possessor of the best starting rotation in baseball -- and three games with the Milwaukee Brewers who are currently just one game behind the Astros and Cubs.

It’s going to be tough for the Astros. The Astros used a weak schedule to gain ground on the rest of the division to end the first half of the season, but the Astros don’t face a truly awful team again until August 21 when the Arizona Diamondbacks come to Houston for a three game series. After the Mets this weekend, every team Houston faces is in the midst of a playoff race, and each team poses challenges for the Astros. The Cubs pitching staff is better, and Lou Piniella is a better manager than Cecil Cooper. The Cardinals match up talent wise, and Tony La Russa is the better manager. The Giants have far, far better pitching. The Brewers have the far, far better offense. The Marlins have youth and talent on their side.

And should the Astros survive the rest of this month and August, September is no better. They’ll play the Cubs twice, the Phillies seven times, the Braves three times, the Brewers three times, and the Cardinals three times.

In short, I just don’t see how this Astros team gets into the playoffs. I think they’re an aging, injury-prone team that doesn’t have a deep enough bench or pitching staff. So if you’re going to see the Astros in first place this season, then this is the time to see it.

Then again, I’ve been wrong about this team most of the season, so I’m sure I’ll just keep on being wrong.

LATE UPDATE:

The St. Louis Cardinals traded for outfielder Matt Holliday today. While not a blockbuster like the acquisition of pitcher Roy Halladay would be, Holliday is a big move for the Cards. He hasn't put up the best of stats this year, but the guy's a good, consistent bat and he will provide some nice coverage for Albert Pujols in the lineup, which is what the Cards can really use. In exchange for Holliday, the Oakland A's received three St. Louis prospects.

John Royal: At The Movies (Again)

I've been to a few movies over the past couple of weeks, so I thought I would make a few quick recommendations. Hopefully I can save you some of the pain that I've endured.

GET THEE TO THE THEATRE:

Away We Go: Director Sam Mendes delivers what is easily his best movie since Oscar winner American Beauty. This is kind of an "independent" romantic comedy that stars John Krasinski of The Office and Maya Rudolph of Saturday Night Live. Not everything works -- Allison Janney looks like she thought she was acting in another movie so broad was her characterization -- but the two stars have great chemistry, I don't hate them like I usually end up hating so many characters in their type of situations in this type of movie, and the script by Dave Eggers and Vendala Vida delivers solid, unexpected laughs in just the right situations while providing just enough drama to propel the story.

Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince: These kids are growing up to be some really good actors, and they have grown as their characters have grown. The chills are there, and this is probably the scariest and most somber of the film bunch, which makes sense as the books darken in tone as the characters age. And really, Alan Rickman as Snape is just some of the most genius casting ever.

IF YOU'VE GOT A FEW HOURS:

Cheri: This film reunites three of the big names involved in Dangerous Liaisons, director Stephen Frears, writer Christopher Hampton, and star Michelle Pfeiffer. This film is nowhere near as good as Dangerous Liaisons, but it's a fun little trifle that stars Pfeiffer as an aging courtesan in France in the years before World War One. Pfeiffer looks better than she has in years, and she also delivers one of her better performances in years. It's not a deep movie. It's a comedy with some dramatic overtones. Still, it's a fun way to pass a few hours if you've nothing better to do.

The Promotion: I have this thing for Sandra Bullock. I can't explain it, but I do like her movies, especially her so-called romantic comedies. The premise is simple: Bullock's a bitch who needs to marry one of her employees or she'll be deported back to Canada. The employee is Ryan Reynolds. The real life irony is that Reynolds is actually the native Canadian and Bullock's really an American. The actors have good chemistry. There's some great scenery -- and I'm just not talking about Sandra Bullock. And Betty White is a pretty damn funny.

Moon: This is an interesting, but finally meaningless little sci-fi film starring the underrated Sam Rockwell and the voice of Kevin Spacey. Rockwell's a miner living on the moon, by himself, serving a three-year stint. Only things begin to go wrong and mysteries start popping up and their are discussions about cloning and personalities, etc. It's got a nice, claustrophobic kind of feel. It's directed by David Bowie's son. Rockwell, as always, is good. Interesting.

STAY FAR, FAR AWAY:

Whatever Works: Someone help me out here. But when is the last time that Woody Allen made a good film. Not just a good comedy, but a good film? The mid-90s, maybe? Anyway, this is one of the worst of the bunch. Larry David is the stand-in for Allen this time out. But instead of a neurotic nebbish, David is a bitter asshole. Evan Rachel Wood pulls off a decent Holly Hunter imitation. And that's about it. This film is just awful.

Public Enemies: Michael Mann takes on John Dillinger. And bores me to tears. Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are wasted. The gun fights aren't that exciting. This is the first time I've ever been bored by one of Mann's movies.

Bruno: First, let me say that I loved Borat. I think it is one of the funniest films of the decade. But this film is just damn awful. In Borat, you didn't get the sense that Sacha Baron Cohen was torturing the people in the film because Borat came across as a well-meaning doofus who just doesn't' know better. But in Bruno, he's a prick -- and not just because his penis makes numerous appearances in the movie. He just comes off as a mean bastard who is trying to destroy every person with whom he comes into contact.

Now some people deserve it, and these parts of the film work -- primarily the parts in Milan and Hollywood. And seriously, Paula Abdul needs to get some new PR people if they actually let her film a scene with Cohen in character. And the PR people and the agent deserve it if they're really this stupid. The parts in the Middle East, where's he trying to broker world peace, are also good. But the rest of the film is him being a mean bastard to a bunch of stupid people who don't know better -- that's another difference from Borat where the people there weren't that stupid and they and Borat just seemed to have cultural differences. It just doesn't work. It's not funny.

Berkman To The DL and Some Other MLB News

The Astros may be making a move for first place, but for the next two weeks they're going to have to do so without Lance Berkman who was placed on the disabled list this morning due to the calf injury that's been bugging him. Edwin Maysonet has been called up to take a place on the bench.

*******************************

And in unrelated baseball news, Mark Buehrle of the Chicago White Sox pitched a perfect game against the Tampa Bay Rays today. It was the second no-hitter of his career, and the first perfect game of his career. He threw 116 pitches, 76 which were for strikes. He struck out six Rays, gave up 11 ground outs, and 10 fly outs. I was hoping that the MLB Network would cut out of it's afternoon programming to show the end of the game, but I lost power at about the time I discovered this was happening, so I don't know what the MLB Network did.

This was only the 18th perfect game in MLB history, and the first since Randy Johnson threw one for the Arizona Diamonbacks in 2004.

Meanwhile...Over at the Houston Press

For any of you who are interested, my mothership post today is about the Texas Bowl and it moving to ESPN for this year's game.

John Royal: Politician?

Okay, the other day I posted for my Facebook status that I was about out of ideas and that I was open to suggestions. And to that, someone sent me a message that I should run for political office and put my law degree to good use because, as she said, since she's known me, I've always had a sense of fairness and justice.

Now I'll confess, I scoffed at this. I think I tend to be a bit too blunt at times to be a politician. I also literally hate playing politics. I've been awful at all of my jobs. I tend to think that a person should be rewarded on the basis of how one does a job, not how well one kisses the ass of a superior. But then I got to thinking, maybe that's what we need out there. Some politician who will tell us the ugly truths. Who won't kiss asses. Who'll be more concerned about what actual his constituents want and less about what the moneyed-interests want.

So I'm willing to do this. But I think this needs to be a grass-roots kind of thing. If somebody wants to start a Facebook page or something that tries to draft me for some political office, then I'm fine with that. I say have fun with it. It needs to be for something realistic, though, I think. Maybe city council or some school board. Hell, I'd settle for a judgeship. I'll let you guys worry about all of the campaign laws because, well, you're drafting me for office.

I just serve at your pleasure.

Besides, I figure that after two years, I'm set for life making millions of dollars as a lobbyist or a radio talk show host.

Are The Astros A Dream Or A Nightmare

Wow. The Astros just swept the St. Louis Cardinals and are now only one game out of first place. And they're currently tied with the Chicago Cubs for second place, and are a game up on the Brewers who are in third.

I never saw this coming. And I still can't believe this is happening. This team just isn't that good. Seriously, I mean that. No team that is starting the likes of Chris Coste, Kaz Matsui, Miguel Tejada, Geoff Blum, and Carlos Lee should not be playing for a pennant. Especially one that is relying for consistent, quality starts for the likes of Brian Moehler, Russ Ortiz, and Mike Hampton.

Yet the Astros are doing this. I don't know how. And I don't understand. And I fully expect this team to fall apart. Still, I never expected them to get this far. My one fear is that Drayton McLane is going to see this and he's going to go on thinking that he's doing a great job and there's no need to try and get new talent.

But for now, I guess, I've just got to enjoy what is happening. But I just wondering if I'm really having a dream and I'm going to wake up some reality with the team in last place and having the worst record in baseball.

Celebrating the Young And Stupid

You guys all know that I'm a huge fan of Craig Ferguson. Here's some of his brilliance from last night, wondering just why it is we celebrate "young and stupid" so much. It's an implied shot at Jimmy Fallon's show, which wins the young demographic in Ferguson's time slot, but in away, it's a lot deeper than that.

Well, just watch.

Did You Hear The One About...

Okay, I'm having one of those weeks. So I was hoping you guys could help me out. How about somebody telling me a good joke. And it can be a lawyer joke. I don't care. Just make it funny. (That should eliminate most of yours Fred -- sorry, couldn't resist.)

There's no prize, except for making everybody laugh. But shouldn't that be enough?

Please Read The Letter

I've never been much of a Robert Plant or Led Zep fan -- I like some of their stuff, but I've just never gotten into the band like some of my contemporaries. So I didn't really pay much attention when Robert Plant and Alison Krauss teamed up awhile back for an album. And no radio station that I listen to in Houston would play any of it, so I just missed it.

Then the other day I'm in Starbucks, and I hear this beautifully haunting song full of aching voices and pain, and I was hooked. Of course, it was "Please Read The Letter" by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. And it just kind of goes with the somber mood I've been in lately, and well, damn it, I just like this song -- I downloaded it off of iTunes the same night I downloaded the Wilco song "You Never Know."

Anyway, enough of my nonsense. Here's Robert Plant and Alison Krauss with "Please Read The Letter."

What ESPN Thinks Is Important News

Well, the World Wide Leader in sports still has nothing on it's webpage about the Ben Roethlisberger incident. But they do have posted an important story about David Beckham confronting a fan at a soccer game in Los Angeles on Sunday.

It's nice to know that ESPN has its priorities straight.

ESPN Still Ignoring Today's Big Story.

According to Deadspin, ESPN is still ignoring what should be today's biggest story for a sports new network -- the Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault allegations. They appear to be about the only outlet that is ignoring this story -- it's not a private matter as a lawsuit has been filed and names have been named.

The story's been out all day, and parties have been quoted by various news outlets. But ESPN has yet to mention it, either on air, or on the web. So what's going on?

The blog Awful Announcing opines that this might be a matter of ESPN protecting someone with whom they have a great buddy-buddy relationship. And Awful Announcing quotes the blog Pro Football Talk which states that ESPN brass issued a memo to all personnel to not discuss this on the television, the radio, or on the web, but failed to issue an explanation for why this is so.

Whatever the reason, the so-called World Wide Leader of Sports reporting is really looking bad on this issue.

Reinstate Michael Vick Already

Michael Vick has finally been released from custody, and he's now eligible to return to a career as a professional quarterback. Only there are some who think that the NFL should ban him forever.

I say, get a grip.

Men who have actually killed other people are still being allowed to play professional football, even with convictions. Ray Lewis obstructed a murder investigation. He's still playing in the NFL. There are drug addicts, and spousal abusers, and sexual harassers still playing football. How many crimes has Pacman Jones committed?

But there are people who want to ban Michael Vick from the game forever.

Michael Vick was involved with the killing of dogs. He tortured dogs, and he made money off of the torture of dogs. But he never killed a human being. Or harmed a human being. He's done some serious jail time, more than some actual killers have done. So why should the NFL punish him more than the others?

Suspend him for a season, if he needs to be suspended. But I say he's done his time. And if he's done the time for his crime, then he deserves to play just as much as those who have committed far worse crimes, but who are being allowed to play football. After all, in the world in which I live, the life of a human being should be worth more than that of a dog's; it should not, as these people want, be the other way around.

Why Is ESPN Ignoring Today's Biggest Story?

If you get your sports news solely from the World Wide Leader, you're probably missing one of the big breaking stories of the day. And that story would be that Ben Roethlisberger, the starting QB of the current Super Bowl champs Pittsburgh Steelers, is a defendant in a sexual assault lawsuit.

I found the story at SI.com. It's also on Yahoo.com. It's on the wires. I've heard it on the radio. Deadspin, of course, is all over it. Hell, even Chron.com has it. But ESPN? Nope, not a word. Not on SportsCenter. Not on ESPN.com. I wonder why this is?

And so does Deadspin. Not that they're able to provide any answers, but it's a good question. ESPN is not the NFL Network, nor is it NFL.com. One would think that if a big sports star was to be named as a defendant to sexual assault that the leading sports network would be finding some way to cover it. I know that MLB.com and the MLB Network don't shy away from addressing controversies in baseball. So one really has to wonder why ESPN is ignoring this story.

I know it's not as important a story as who is greater, MJ or Tiger, or the latest on Michael Vick, or whether Brett Favre has made a decision yet. But you would think they would have it somewhere.

We Should Pay Teachers, Not Drayton McLane

I was doing a little research the other day -- primarily involving a Facebook chat -- with a friend of mine who is a teacher. I was following through on my substitute teaching thing. And I found out how much subs make. I won't repeat the number, but I was just shocked at how little it is.

But that got me to thinking. Why are teachers, as a whole, so underpaid? Teachers are responsible for educating the youth of the country, yet it's my understanding that, as a profession, it's hard to live on the salary. I know that they're paid out of our tax money, so I guess that's partly our fault as citizens. People constantly bitch about paying too much for taxes, yet often don't really think of what that money's being used for. It's tax money, after all, that pays teachers, cops, and fire fighters, builds schools, libraries, and roads.

What always amazes me is that despite how much my fellow citizens in Houston and Texas bitch about taxes, whenever it comes to votes to use public tax money to build baseball and football and basketball arenas, the votes always pass. I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but it just seems to me that we should always be happy to pay taxes for teachers and should do everything possible to prevent paying for a Drayton McLane pleasure palace, but it's always the reverse.

And I think that I will stop there before I make an even bigger fool of myself.

Please Don't Interfere With Balls In Play

The stupidity of some of the people who attend Astros games at Minute Maid Park never fails to amaze me. Last night, some moron sitting on the front row of the Crawford Boxes reached down from his seat, over the fence, below the yellow line, to catch a shot off of the bat of St. Louis' Skip Schumaker. Fan interference was called, and Schumaker was given a double.

Here's what I find to be really stupid about this thing -- besides interfering with the ball, that is. Schumaker is a Cardinals. And those idiots in the Crawford Boxes ALWAYS throw back to the field the balls hit by opposing batters. So this jackass was going out of his way to field a ball that he was just going to be throwing back.

Of course, there is an alternative explanation that needs to be considered. And in this scenario, the fan is a genius because, you see, the Crawford Boxes are in left field. And that's where Carlos Lee plays. So maybe the fan figured that, with Lee walking after the ball, Schumaker would just scoot around the bases and get an inside-the-park home run. So the fan, in this scenario, saved the Astros a run. In that case, the fan deserves to be rewarded. But I just don't buy this scenario because I've seen enough games at MMP, and the fan would most probably have reacted the same way if that ball had been hit by an Astro.

There's a reason that, before every game, Bob Ford makes an announcement to not interfere with balls in play. And at some point, maybe Astros fans will actually start paying attention to that announcement.

Mr. Non-Expert Answers Your Expert Questions

So I'm up doing nothing because I'm not feeling good and can't sleep -- that should be good for you because I'm getting some advance blogging done for the day. Anyway, I've got that "Coast To Coast" UFO conspiracy show on my radio, and they're talking about the space program.

The guest is some guy who's supposed to be a friend of the astronauts, and he's supposed to have interviewed all of them and done all kinds of research into the space program. So somebody calls and asks him why Chuck Yeager, the guy who broke the sound barrier and was memorialized in The Right Stuff, was never an astronaut. And the guy couldn't answer the question.

How am I supposed to take some seriously some guy who doesn't know the answer to this question? Especially when I know it and I'm no expert on the space program. And the answer is that Chuck Yeager was never an astronaut because he didn't have a college education, and a prime requirement for being an astronaut was being a college graduate. See, The Right Stuff, by Tom Wolfe, page 63, Bantam Edition, 7th printing, September 1983: "Yeager was young enough -- still only thirty-five -- but had never attended college."

So for any of you who were listening to this program, and you were wondering why Chuck Yeager was never an astronaut, there's your answer. It's just a shame that the so-called expert didn't know the answer.

Bad Omens

Let's hope this isn't an omen for the Texans season....

Texans QB Matt Schaub, playing in a celebrity golf tournament, nailed a spectator in the head with a golf ball. The woman was taken to the hospital, but she appears to be okay. But let's just hope Schaub's a little more accurate once the season actually gets underway.

The Houston Astros Actually Get Younger

The Astros youth movement continued today as Darin Erstad was placed on the disabled list and replaced on the roster by Matt Kata. Of course, since Erstad is 35, it's kind of easier for the team to get younger by bringing up a replacement from the minors. Then again, the guy taking his spot on the roster, Kata, is 31-year-old.

For the season with the Astros, Kata is hitting a sterling .182 in 22 games. For his MLB career, he's a .239 hitter. And this season at Round Rock, Kata's batting .281 with two homers and 14 RBI. He's also a second baseman with limited experience in the outfield, so this means that Jason Michaels will be seeing more playing time.

You might wonder why the Astros don't give one of their young talents a shot in the majors. Infielder Edwin Maysonet looked good when he was with the ballclub earlier this year. For instance, there's this young kid named Brian Bogusevic down at Round Rock. He's 25, and he was named by Baseball America as the best outfield prospect in the Houston farm system. He's currently hitting .276 for Round Rock with .381 slugging percentage and .348 on-base percentage. He has five homers, 17 doubles, and 41 RBI.

You might wonder about this, and I can't provide any answers. My guess is that general manager Ed Wade is waiting for Bogusevic to make into his 30s before he comes up. I also think it hurts Bogusevic that he's never been involved with the Phillies, which is probably why Mata and Michaels keep having a spot on this roster, just like the team's most recent acquisition, the 36-year-old third string catcher Chris Coste. Of course, you've kind of got to wonder why it is that Wade can't get any of the Phillies' good players.

But that's it for now, straight from the Astros youth movement.

I'll Give You An Annoying Airline Passenger

I came across this list the other day. It's a flight attendant's top 10 list of what makes for the most annoying passengers. I was prepared, prior to reading this list, to be sympathetic to the flight attendant, then I read her list. And I've got a few problems.

For instance, number nine on the list is the misuse of the overhead compartments. And I quite agree. If your luggage is bigger than you are, then that luggage should be checked. However, our flight attendant thinks it's rude for a person to put their jacket in that bin. That should be stuck under the seat. I've got two things on that. I'm not putting my jacket on the floor so that some person can put their feet on my jacket. Which leads to problem number two: I'm 6'4" and if I'm flying on a 737 or one of those regional jets, then my knees are already at my chin, and I'm trying to use that space under the seat for my feet, not for somebody's parka.

Then there's number eight, which is creating obstacles in the aisle when they're moving about with the food cart -- in other words, don't put your feet, knees, or elbows in the aisle. I'm sorry. As I said, I'm 6'4". My knee either ends up in the aisle, or the jerk in front of me is banging his chair on my knees. And there's really no place else to put my elbow. I don't like having my body banged and bumped and bruised by a heavy metal cart, but there's really nowhere else for me to put my body parts.

And number five, leaving my headphones on while ordering. What's the problem here? If I can hear you, and I don't shout when talking to you, then you shouldn't have a problem. And if you don't like me not paying attention to your exit row briefing -- and trust me on this, I probably know it better than you do, then perhaps you should do like Air New Zealand and do the briefing in the nude.

A Little Wake You Up

Here's a little Monday morning pick-me up, for those of you who have jobs, that is. Here's The Go-Go's with "Head Over Heels."

The Astros Non-Youth Movement Continues

I see the Houston Astros youth movement is continuing. Aaron Boone, who was signed this off-season to split time at third base with Geoff Blum, but had to have heart surgery during spring training, is rejoining the team this week, and General Manager Ed Wade said he should be able to play and contribute to the team later this season.

Yeah, why give the youngsters a shot when there are still more injury-prone oldesters out there for the team to use.

Some Things Are Going To Change

I've been informed that this blog isn't as much fun to read, sometimes, as it used to be. And you're probably right. I've spent way too much time bitching and whining about my life, and while my life isn't exactly fun now, there's no reason you should have to suffer through while reading my baseball posts, various pop culture things that interest me, and videos.

So I'm going to try and stop doing the personal/whiny stuff. I can't guarantee that I'll pull it off, but I'm going to try. Of course, some of you don't like the baseball stuff, but I'm not dumping that as baseball is my passion. I'm going to continue phasing out the Sex Sells feature primarily because, well, it's not selling as well anymore. I got a big increase in hits when it started, but now, not so much. It will still probably pop up from time to time, but it will no longer be every day.

As always, thanks for reading, and thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully you'll like things better now.

The Houston Astros: I Just Don't Know Anymore

I'm catching up on my Astros news -- I was out last night and missed the game, and I've been busy today -- so I just now discovered that the thing I feared when I named Chris Sampson the team's most valuable pitcher when I did my midseason awards for the mothership has come to pass. Sampson has been placed on the DL, backdated to July 10, with muscle spasms in his right shoulder.

Despite the team having a winning record, Cecil Cooper has still not shown any sign that he knows how to handle his pitchers, and just as he overused Doug Brocail last season and sent him to the DL, it appears that Cooper has done the same thing with Sampson. Wandy Rodriguez and Roy Oswalt have been solid the past several nights, but there have been no indications this season that Mike Hampton, Russ Ortiz, and Brian Moehler can be counted on to deliver even the quality start -- one of the stupidest and most misleading of stats -- every night, which means much overuse of the bullpen.

Meanwhile, there's tonight's awful looking starting lineup, which leads me to think that Cooper doesn't quite have all of his mental faculties. Michael Bourn's on the bench. Jason Michaels is in the lineup. Kaz Matsui's hitting leadoff. Third catcher Chris Coste is starting at first base. And the guy with the highest batting average is Mike Hampton.

I know the club's 46-44. But I just think the way they've been playing can't last. I hope I'm wrong. But the Sampson injury and this lineup for tonight just have me thinking I'm right.

John Royal: Substitute Teacher?

Way back when, when I went through my first great period of unemployment, some friends convinced me to try substitute teaching. And since these friends were teachers, they promised to let me have their classes when they were out, and they promised I wouldn't have to do any work.

I never had to take them up on that because I landed a temp job soon after that lasted for a couple of years. But I'm thinking about the sub teacher thing again. Problem is, my friends don't teach anymore. So I don't know if I can get away with showing up and not actually having to work thing. But seeing as I'm bored, it's something I might start looking at.

Just thought I would share.

Are These Really The Houston Astros?

Wow. Two dominating performances in two nights by Wandy Rodriguez and Roy Oswalt as the Astros have defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers -- the so-called best team in the National League -- twice in a row. I might have to start rethinking things with the Astros if this keeps up because I've seen them beating up bad teams but being blown out by good teams.

But things might be changing. Of course, Mike Hampton pitches tonight -- he's solid only against the Pirates -- and Russ Ortiz throws tomorrow afternoon, so things just might be changing a bit. But damn, is it possible that I've really been this wrong about this team? I just don't think they're good. And the numbers support my belief, yet somehow they're winning games.

Oh well. Let's see what happens the rest of this weekend.

Every Generation Thinks It's The End of The World

I've got a confession. I've got friends who swear by Wilco and call them the greatest band ever. I've never gotten the adulation. And frankly, I didn't think of any of their songs that I would hear.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, the local Jack station started playing this song "You Never Know." And I just thought it was the best new song I'd heard in awhile. But being Jack, there are no DJs telling you who did the song. So I heard it one day, flipped out the Shazzam ap on my iPhone, and discovered that this was Wilco. Needless to say, I bought the song on iTunes and I've been pretty much listening to the thing nonstop. So now I'll share with you.

Rest In Peace Uncle Walter

Walter Conkrite, one of the great names in journalism is dead. I'm too young to really remember his work. I do, however, remember him as one of the great voices of the space program. While I don't really remember Apollo 11, I do have vivid memories of Apollo 13 -- I can remember asking my mom if this meant they wouldn't be walking on the moon. So while Uncle Walter is remember by many for his newscast of the Kennedy assassination, or his declaration that Vietnam could not be won. I'll remember him as the space guy.

In a way, with the 40th anniversary of the moon landing coming in two days, it seems only fitting, somehow, that he died when he did. So rest in peace.

Not The Wizard of Oz

Look, I know that Clear Channel has laid off just about every one that works for it's Houston stations. But hey, if you're doing a local sports talk show, that's supposed to be focused on Houston sports, is it asking too much for Clear Channel to put someone who knows what's he talking about in the spot when Charlie Pallilo goes on vacation?

I've been listening to some numb-nuts named Bruce Jacobs for awhile since I was stuck in traffic. The guy appears to be based in LA, and he works for the Fox Sports Radio national network -- not that there's much left of that network since Clear Channel canned most of the people as well. But the guy's supposed to be subbing for Pallilo, so he's supposed to be doing a Houston show. And in the half-hour that I tried to listen, I mostly heard the guy carrying on about some supposed national story where two pro football brothers, who are African-American, made a tape of themselves competing in the Black Olympics, and the outrage that has been generated. Only the outrage is so great that I haven't heard anything about, and I follow the sports blogs pretty damn closely. Oh, and this has nothing to do with Houston sports because neither brother plays for a Houston, or a Texas-based sports team.

But the worst part was the five minutes he spent trying to talk about the Astros with one of the Astros radio guys, and he was throwing out every nickname known for all of the Dodgers players -- who the Astros are playing this weekend -- yet he could not correctly pronounce Roy Oswalt's name. Hey, asshole, it's pronounced Ozewalt -- as in ozone -- not Ozwalt -- as in Wizard of. This mistake would have been somewhat understandable in 2001 when Oswalt was a rookie -- hell, every Houston broadcaster got it wrong until Oswat told everybody how it's supposed to be said. But the guy's been a pretty nationally known pitcher for nearly a decade now. So I would expect the host of a Houston-based sports talk show to BE ABLE TO PRONOUNCE THE NAME OF A HOUSTON ASTROS PLAYER CORRECTLY!

But maybe I just expect too much.

Sex Sells -- The Zooey Edition

I've been spending way too much at Houston's River Oaks movie theater lately -- that's the art theater with the arty films -- which probably helps to explain my somewhat somber mood lately. Well, that and no job. But anyway, they've been showing a promo for what looks to be the kind of chick-flick romantic movie I can get it into, and it's called (500) Days of Summer, and it stars Zooey Deschanel. It doesn't open here for another week, but damn it, all I can think about is Zooey. I don't care how bad this movie turns out being, it's a chance to see Zooey.

You Don't Know Jack

From the wait, they have scripts category, comes this blog post from the brilliant "...by Ken Levine" blog which points out that, apparently, scripts in porno movies are being deemphasized. Now Ken Levine -- who has won a ton of Emmy's and has written for some of the greatest TV comedies in history -- goes with a semi-legit recounting of when porno's, back in their pre-internet heyday, actually tried to have legit scripts and dialogue so that women might actually come and watch these movies.

But I read this blog post, and all that I could think of was Jack Horner. That guy wasn't just about making porno movies, he wanted to make movies that happened to have real-life sex scenes. He wanted you to be so riveted by the movie that, even after you had finished with your little solo activities you would stick around and watch the rest of the movie because you just had to know how the thing came out.

That was the impetus behind the Brock Landers' movies. And that's why Horner was so angry about the move to video, because it just looked so cheap and it deemphasized the plots. I can't imagine about what he thinks of the internet age where it's nothing but sex scene after sex scene with no real dialogue or story.

Oh well, so much for that, I guess. So here's to you, Jack Horner. May you lay in Amber Waves forever.

The Best of The Conchords

In celebration of the many Emmy Award nominations that Flight of The Conchords got yesterday -- including Best Comedy Series and Lead Actor -- I thought I would play my favorite song from the season just past, which also happens to have received a nomination for Best Song. So here's the Flight of the Conchords performing "Carol Brown/Choir of Ex-Girlfriends" -- again.

Sex Sells -- Michelle Pfeiffer Edition

I've been going to a lot of movies lately -- that comes with the whole unemployment thing. And the other day I was looking to see something that wasn't the standard summer movie. So I found myself watching the new Michelle Pfeiffer movie Cheri. She looked fantastic. But whenever I see Michelle Pfeiffer, I can't help but thing of her in a slinky red dress on top of a piano.

You Can't Expose Something That's Already Exposed

Richard Justice had a little story in yesterday's Chron in which he extolled the virtues of one Bud Selig, and decried how Manny Ramirez had made a mockery of the steroid suspension when he went down the minors for rehab games while still on suspension. The headline for the link reads that "Selig Wants To Close Loophole Exposed By Ramirez." The headline to the actual article reads "Selig Wants To Close Suspension Loophole: Commissioner Says Prep Time In Minors Not Right." And Justice's first sentence reads: "Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension exposed a loophole that commissioner Bud Selig intends to close."

There's just one problem: Manny Ramirez did not expose this loophole. You can't expose a loophole which is already in existence and is already being used because that means it's already exposed. True, Justice and his fellow Selig worshippers might not have been paying attention and probably missed it, but the loophole has always been there, and it's been used in the past.

Why, just earlier this year, back in January to be exact, one J.C. Romero, a reliever for the Philadelphia Phillies was exposed as having failed a test for PEDs, and he, like Ramirez, was given a 50-game suspension. Yet, with 14 games remaining on that 50-game suspension, Romero joined one of the Phillies minor league affiliates so as to prepare for his return to the Phillies once his suspension ended. And he did this back on May 18, 2009, over a month before Manny Ramirez joined a Dodgers minor league club to begin his rehab under the same rule.

So Manny Ramirez didn't expose anything. It's just that lazy hacks like Justice didn't actually pay attention until Ramirez did it. I know that I'm probably asking for a bit much when I expect Justice to actually know what's going on in baseball since he likes to write about baseball, but seriously, if he's going to write about somebody exposing a loophole, make sure he writes about the correct person exposing the damn thing.

The State Of The Industry

One of the great comedy shows of the 1990s was MTV's The State. It was a fantastic sketch comedy show that launched the careers of nearly the entire cast. You can watch 3/11ths of the cast weekly on Comedy Central's Reno 911!. And others have written movies like Role Models.

After years of effort and hassle -- primarily dealing with music rights -- The State is finally out on DVD. So I hereby present the very first sketch of theirs that I can remember, "The $7,000 Pyramid" featuring Sid and Nancy. And yes, that's Lt. Dangle and Deputies Junior and Weigel.

The State - MTV Shows

Not All Idiots Are Really Idiots, But They Still Make Me Angry

Eric Berger, the Chron's science reporter, has a posting about those who call the moon landings a hoax. He basically calls the deniers idiots. And for the most part, I agree with that. It's really hard to believe that anyone of at least average intelligence could believe that it was faked and that, all of these years later, none of the thousands involved have come forward with the truth.

Yet...

I once worked with an attorney who believed that the moon landings were faked -- I also worked with an attorney who thought Bill Clinton deserved to be impeached for lying about a blow job, but that Richard Nixon was railroaded and didn't commit any crimes, so attorneys aren't always the smartest people, despite the years and years of schooling. (And yet I can't get a fucking job while these morons are still probably raking in the bucks.) Anyway, the guy went to a good law school. He traveled extensively. He made good grades. He went to a great undergrad school. He wasn't a religious nutjob, and he believed in evolution.

Yet he was, and is, convinced that the government faked the moon landings. I don't understand it, but there it is. Not everybody who thinks the moon landings were faked is an idiot.

(And really, seriously, can someone please tell me why it is that I got turned for another position yesterday, but people who think the moon landings were faked are practicing law? And if you can't answer that, should I just kill myself now, or wait for even more indignities to take place?)

NEVER MIND Let's Have A Fundraiser

OKAY. NEVER MIND. GOOGLE FORBIDS THIS PRACTICE. I DIDN'T READ THE GUIDELINES CLOSELY ENOUGH. I APOLOGIZE.

SO JUST FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THIS BELOW, WHICH I'M NOW DELETING.

Thank You

I just wanted to thank everybody for the comments I've received over the past couple of days. I still feel bad for dumping all of my crap on you, but it's helped a little to read the positive comments. I've just never been through anything like what I'm going through now, and I just feel so isolated.

It doesn't help that I got rejected for another position yesterday, and the mothership didn't help things out any by posting this story about the guy in a suit walking the streets of downtown begging for a job. I'm not there, yet, but I sometimes feel I need to stake out a freeway underpass somewhere and beg for change.

So thank you.

Sex Sells -- The Lousy Mood Edition

I've been a bit down recently. Hopefully Heidi Klum will put me in a better mood.

The John Royal Pledge Drive Continues

Just a reminder...click on the ads. It's one of my few ways of earning any income right now. And the less the clicks, the less the income. And don't make me keep posting these things...

Some Musings On Mr. Morality

Here's my mothership posting for today. I return to the Jesus Ortiz morality tale regarding the married baseball player asking out the young female intern.

I stumbled upon this Jose de Jesus Ortiz blog post on Sunday morning while I was in the process of trying to digest Saturday night’s 13-2 Astros loss to the Washington Nationals. I puzzled over it during the day, but could never really make much sense of it. But then Deadspin got a hold of the thing, and now it seems that Ortiz’ moralizing has gone national.

To save you the time, I’ll summarize. Ortiz is outraged that, after what happened to Steve McNair, married ballplayers are still hitting on young females. And he’s outraged that these young females are announcing their conquests on Facebook. And he’s even more outraged when that young female happens to be a wannabe member of the media.

Ortiz plays the gentleman, and he refuses to name names -- to us, that is. He had no problem with ratting out the young lady to her so-called mentors. But what happened is that last week a married major league baseball player (not a Houston Astro) asked out a young female media intern (not associated with the Chron). And then the young lady bragged about this on Facebook. Fearing that the unnamed ballplayer was about to meet the same fate of Steve McNair, Ortiz ratted out the young lady to those in charge of her internship. Funny thing, however, is that he didn’t go to the management of the team and tell them about what their player was doing, nor does it seem, did he confront the player.

That’s where Deadspin comes in. Deadspin didn’t want to play gentlemen, so they decided to see if they could figure out who the player was. They had no luck, but they did narrow it down to a guy on the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Washington Nationals. But Jeff Pearlman, the man behind The Rocket That Fell To Earth, was able to find out the identity of the player, but he, too, chose not to share that information -- the guy definitely plays for the Washington Nationals, however. What nobody seems to have figured out, however, is which Houston media outlet this intern worked for.

Now I’m still trying to figure out why Ortiz thought this was newsworthy in the first place. He writes at the start of the blog post that, if he thought it was newsworthy, he would write a story about it, but to me, blogging it is writing a story about it. So why is it so damn important to him? Personally, I’d prefer more information on some of the Astros’ recent idiotic decisions -- the six man rotation, picking up an aging Chris Coste off of waivers to be the team’s third catcher -- than I would about which ballplayer is cheating on his wife.

And while Ortiz calls the player stupid, he goes hardest after the young lady. He ratted her out to her mentors. He called her a disgrace. But he really skips over his outrage at the player, and it seems if he was so concerned about this guy cheating on his wife that he would have confronted the player with the information and gone to Nationals management. But he doesn’t do this. As a result, the player gets no punishment while the intern will probably lose her position. And where’s the justice in that?

Yet I just don’t see the cause for the outrage. I hate to be the one to tell this to Ortiz, but players cheat on their wives. And they’ve been doing so for years, long before Steve McNair met his unfortunate demise, see Roger Clemens as an example. And this is going to keep on happening -- Deadspin, again, has info on Donovan McNabb and a porn star in Vegas this weekend. And while this might be a bit hard to believe, cheating on one’s wife doesn’t automatically mean that a guy’s going to die.

But hey, I suppose that things worked out fine for Ortiz. After all, this blog post that he didn’t consider to be a newsworthy item went national and possibly destroyed some young lady’s career.

Apologies From A Whiny Baby

So about yesterday...

What can I say? I get depressed, I get down, I write. I shouldn't bug everybody with it, but then again, what else should I do? Who can I talk to? I don't know, and that's the problem, I guess. I just feel so damn lonely sometimes. I'll be sitting alone at my computer, going through the online want ads, and it all just feels so hopeless.

But I shouldn't bug you with it. So I apologize.

That said, I didn't get in my car and take a long drive yesterday. I ended up going to the movies and saw something surprisingly good, not that I didn't think it was going to be bad, but just that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, being the mood I was in. The movie was Away We Go. And it's not as depressing and heavy as the trailer lets on -- there are lots of laughs.

That said, I shouldn't write the kind of things I did yesterday. It's not your business. I should try to stick with sports and photos of babes in bikinis. So to make up for it, here's Nirvana with "All Apologies."



Nirvana - All Apologies
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Some Musings On A Sucky Life

Four months. That's how long it's been since I've lost my job. Four months and nothing. And I think I'm losing my mind.

The last time, in my adult life, that I was without work for this long was from August 1993 to May 1994, and that's only because I was in Europe and California working on my Masters. When I returned home, I immediately went back to work. I lost my job as an associate from a firm in July 1997, but by September 1997 I was working full-time on a contract basis. And I did that more or less until I took the staff attorney position with the bastards that laid me off back in March.

People tell me not to get depressed. To keep my spirits up. And I appreciate it. But damn, it's just getting so fucking hard. I had a so-so good week last week. Not employment/potential employment wise, but enough to distract me from the hell my life is becoming. One of my recruiters, feeling so guilty that she hasn't been able to find me a job gave me free Astros tickets for Wednesday afternoon. And I got free tickets for a game on Saturday night. And I went out with something known as a female on Wednesday and Thursday night -- the same one.

But now it's Monday and what do I have? Nothing.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm sending out resumes for just about any attorney job I can find. I'm trying to get contract doc review jobs that would pay me less money than I was making doing contract doc review jobs back in 1998. And I'm getting fucking nothing.

What's wrong with me? What did I do?

All I've ever done is do my job to the best of my ability. Document review isn't glamorous, but I was damn good at it. People have sent me across the country to go through massive warehouses and find documents that people thought were lost and buried. And I'd gladly do it again. I'm not asking to make the money I was making. Hell, I'm willing to work for less than I was making over a decade ago. That's how desperate I am. I just want to work. I just want to find someway to pay my bills.

Hell, I've even started my own business, and I've told every attorney and every person that I know who knows attorneys about it, and I'm getting nothing. No phone calls. No emails. It's like I don't exist.

I don't know. I think I'm just going to get in my car and take a long, long drive. I don't see any need to take my cell phone as I seriously doubt anybody will miss me. And maybe I will just drive until who knows what -- well, until I can't afford gas anymore, which probably won't be long.

I used to be somebody. Kind of. Now I'm just another person who doesn't really exist. And I'm getting tired of it, but I really don't know what to do about it anymore. Not that anybody's reading this anyway.

I should be back tomorrow. Depending on my drive.