A Quick Texas History Lesson

Sorry to get political for a moment, but there's a statement of stupidity that I need to address.

The moron tea-baggers who want Texas to secede from the U.S. had a bit of a rally over the weekend. And some guy went off on how Sam Houston was in favor of secession and led Texas out of the Union during the Civil War. Now here's the deal, if you're going to make an argument like this, and you want people to think you're legitimate, and that you actually know what you're talking about, then perhaps you should actually try knowing some facts.

For instance, as I learned way back in junior high school when I took a Texas History class, Sam Houston was against secession. He was governor of Texas at the moment, and he was forced out of office for fighting secession.

Now I know Texas is full of a lot of people who weren't born here and didn't go to our schools -- I'm talking about all of those people from up North -- but if you're going to make statements regarding the Founding Fathers of Texas, then please get them right.

P.S.: And for God's sake, can someone please explain to me why these nutjobs are so upset? And why didn't I hear them bitching when things like the Patriot Act and various wiretapping laws were enacted?

Did You Hear The One About Brett Favre

Over at the mothership is today's post where I discuss tonight's Houston Texans preseason game against the Minnesota Vikings. Well, actually, I discuss what the ESPN crew covering the game will be talking about, and let's just say they won't be talking about the Texans.

Hint: think Brett Favre.

Just A Little Happy Nonsense

I have a strangely good, optimistic feeling about this week. So I thought I would share a happy song. Here's The Beatles with "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da."

Miguel Tejada Denies Latest Cheating Accusation

MLB.com has Miguel Tejada's response to the allegation that he tipped pitches to opposing players back in 2001. Tejada, of course, denies everything. Just like Tejada denied discussing HGH/steroids with his fellow players, which of course, thanks to a guilty plea, we all know that he lied about.

The amazing thing, to me, is that there are people who defend Tejada, and they're statements in the comments to the story are funny. First, they attack the reporter of the MLB.com story, and call him a troublemaker trying to keep Tejada from a big payday next season. They seem to forget, of course, that the story was broken in the New York Times, and this MLB.com story was seeking his reaction to that story. Then there's the fact that no one is going to give Tejada a huge payday next season, not for an aging shortstop with limited range.

But I just don't see what it is about Tejada that gets fans defending him. We know, after all, that he lied about his age -- under oath. We know that he lied about his involvement with HGH. He lied about that under oath, and he was convicted of lying about that. He says he purchased HGH, but that he never used the HGH. And when faced with the story of tipping pitches -- apparently he was so crappy at it that the Oakland A's had to have a team meeting so that Jason Giambi among others could read him the riot act -- Tejada denies that. One would think, that by now, people would stop reflexively believing any thing this guy says. Yet some people still do.

The best part, if you read the original story, which I linked to in a post below, is Johnny Damon's defense. This is classic. Sure, Damon says, Tejada tipped the pitches. But that's just because he was such a crappy shortstop that his positioning gave away the pitch. Damon's defense aside, it's funny that, crappiness aside, the only guys to pick up on Tejada's tipping by his positioning were those from the Dominican Republic, which is also where Tejada is from.

P.S.: One would really think that the news gathering organization in Houston would have something regarding this before the Astros propaganda news outlet. But one would be wrong, again.

The Chron Once Again Not Reporting An Astros Story

Oh, hey, great work Chron. As of 12:28 a.m., half a day after the Tejada tipping pitches story broke, the Chron has absolutely nothing on it. Very, very good. You could mark this up to it being a late breaking story. But I've seen it twittered and linked to all over the interwebs, including over at Astros.com. But Houston's so-called leading information source, nada.

There you have it, folks. The Chron having it's ass handed to it yet again. But hey, at least they've changed the appearance of the website again.

Miguel Tejada Tipped Pitches

One of the things that angers me the most is when I hear about what a great teammate Miguel Tejada is, and how he plays the game the right way. Sure, he did HGH. Sure he injected Rafael Palmerio with HGH "B-12." Sure he's a convicted liar.

But he's a great guy.

So, tell me again, just how great a guy is this cheat? And really, how much longer until the Astros can dump this guy? I know, it's just Miggy being Miggy. And I'm really sick of Miggy being Miggy.

H/T Jon Heyman on Twitter.

Did You Have To Let It Linger For Seven Years?

Here's some nice news. Apparently, the Cranberries are reuniting after seven years and going back on tour with a new album to possibly follow. I was a fan back in the early/mid-90s when the band was at its best, and I had a thing for Dolores O'Riordan, the lead singer. I had wondered where they got off to, and now I know. So welcome back.

Here's the band's first hit, "Linger." And this was always my favorite of theirs, even more so than "Zombie" which was a good rocker, because I was living in Copenhagen when I first heard the song and whenever I hear it, I think of Copenhagen, unlike with "Zombie," which when I hear it, I think of one of my former jobs, which means bad memories.

The Cranberries - Linger
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Wait, Ed Wade's What?

Dear Chron.com:

If you're going to let somebody post a blog on your website, could you please make sure that they at least have a little intelligence? I know, seeing as Richard Justice is one of your writers, that this may be a difficult assignment for you guys. But...

There's this kid, Kyle C., and he's 18, and he writes a blog, on occasion, for Chron.com, about the Astros. And in his last post, he posits the theory, without much legitimate support, that the greatest GM in the history of the Houston Astros is Ed Wade. Supposedly, according to Kyle C., every trade that Wade has made as GM has been a genius move that has worked for the Astros -- uh, how about essentially Chad Qualls for Jose Valverde and Josh Anderson for Oscar Villarreall. Yeah, he doesn't mention those trades. But what makes Wade the greatest in team history is because of the way Wade drafts and operates.

Yeah, you read that write right (and I really need an editor). Forget Tal Smith's tenure as GM when he went took a team that had been in bankruptcy to brink of the World Series. And forget Bill Wood who drafted Craig Biggio and Luis Gonzalez and got the Venezuelan pipeline running and traded aging veterans for Jeff Bagwell, Steve Finley, Curt Schilling, and Pete Harnisch. No, the greatest evaluator in team history is Ed Wade.

And what about Gerry Hunsicker? Well, the kid says Hunsicker's drafts were awful, he was mean to Tim Purpura, and that Wade is cleaning up his mess. What the idiot forgets is that guy who was in charge of the drafts and finding players under Hunsicker was Purpura. And what the kid forgets is that Hunsicker wasn't allowed to draft the best players who were available, he was only allowed to draft players who would sign cheap contracts.

The kid's only 18. But if you're going to write about somebody being the greatest GM in team history, then you really need to know a little something about team history.

So, Chron.com, it's enough that you shove Richard Justice down my throat at every opportunity, but can't you exercise a little control over who else you allow to post on your site.

Thanks.

No To Justice, No To Bagwell, Yes To Robinson

It's all my fault. I realize that. But it's like a car wreck or a George W. Bush press conference, despite knowing how bad it's going to be, you just can't help but look. And I guess that's how I am with Richard Justice. And today is a good example.

Justice, who earlier this year was pushing Drayton McLane to fire Cecil Cooper and make third base coach Dave Clark or hitting coach Sean Berry the new manager has, as per usual Richard Justice, changed his mind. Oh, he still advocates firing Cecil Cooper, but now he wants Jeff Bagwell to be named as the new manager for the rest of the year and for as long as Bagwell should want it.

I suppose it's a minor victory for those of us who know something about baseball that Justice has given up on Clark -- who has been a disaster as third base coach -- and Berry, who seems to have turned the squad into the type of batter that he was, i.e., mediocre. But Justice doesn't offer up any legit reasoning behind his desire to make Bagwell manager.

To Justice, it's enough that naming Bagwell will bring a buzz to the ballpark and will help Drayton's attendance. And to Justice, it's enough that Bagwell was a serious student of the game and that, as a player, he was beloved by fans, players, opponents, staff, management, etc. And I'll note that Bagwell is probably my all-time favorite Houston Astro. I loved the attittude with which he approached the game. He's one of the best base runners I ever saw who didn't have blazing speed. He didn't make mental mistakes.

But...

I've seen no indication from nothing that Bagwell's ever said that he wants to be a manager. Justice says McLane should force him. I say no. If the guy doesn't want to manage, then it makes no sense to make his manage.

And frankly, I'm against the hiring of Bagwell as manager because it's just like virtually every other McLane manager hiring -- somebody who has never managed baseball before. And we know how that turns out. Terry Collins, no playoff appearances and fired. Cecil Cooper, major failure. Larry Dierker was fantastic, but he knew what he was doing, and Drayton doesn't allow for that. And his two other hires have been Phil Garner and Jimy Williams, two guys who had failed multiple times at other jobs and were willing to work cheap.

I haven't made a major study of who is available among manager types, and who is willing to work. But Drayton really needs to give a call to somebody who doesn't mind working with youngsters. Who is good with lousy teams. Who demands respect. Now that I think about it, someone like Frank Robinson would be perfect -- he brings the reputation of a Hall of Famer, one of the game's greatest players, who has been stuck managing awful squads all of his life, but has managed to make them respectable. Then again, he doesn't suffer fools lightly, so he might not get on with Drayton. And he commands a major paycheck. But that's the route the Astros have to take.

P.S.: I do have a role in mind for Jeff Bagwell. And it's one that I've mentioned in the past. Drayton needs to get Bagwell to teach these guys how to run the bases, because the Astros, since Bagwell left, haven't had one guy who can run the bases. Even Michael Bourn would be helped by someone who could teach him a thing or two.

Tell Me Lies Drayton, Tell Me Lies

In honor of Drayton McLane's vow to completely evaulate the Houston Astros once the season is over, I thought that some Fleetwood Mac would be appropriate. So here's "Little Lies."

Introducing Time Magazine To Michelle Pfeiffer

This is not Diane Lane

This is a somewhat interesting review of a somewhat interesting movie, Taking Woodstock. I liked the movie more than the critics did, yet I agree that it's somewhat inconsequential.

But that's not why I write. I write because in a meaningless paragraph at the top of the review, they make a mistake regarding an actress in another movie. In paragraph two of the review, they identify Diane Lane as the actress that starred in the movie Love Field. They make a good point in tying this movie into Taking Woodstock in that it involves characters on the edges of history. There's just one problem. Diane Lane wasn't in Love Field. Michelle Pfeiffer was the lead actress in Love Field.

This bugs me for two reasons. First, Richard Corliss is a rather major film critic who has been reviewing movies for as long as I can remember reading Time magazine. So something like this should be something he remembers, especially since Pfeiffer got an Oscar nomination for the film. I'm also bugged because this is something that an editor and/or fact checker should have caught. Hell, just type Diane Lane into Google and you'll come up with a list of her movies. And guess what's not on the list? Yep, there's no Diane Lane and Love Field.

Maybe this is something that only concerns me. But then again, it's my blog, and if I can't write about what bugs me on my blog, then what's the use of having a blog?

Drayton Promises Evaluation, I Clap With One Hand

Don't worry, Astros fan. Drayton McLane feels your pain, and he's vowing that once the season is over he's going to "completely evaluate the whole club, from manager Cecil Cooper, the coaching staff, and the training staff all the way down to the energy drinks players take."

That makes me feel so much better.

Of course, no where does Drayton say anything about taking a look at his front office -- you know, Ed Wade and Tal Smith. These are the guys who have signed off on all of the moves made the past several years -- Kaz Matsui, Mike Hampton, Russ Ortiz, Miguel Tejada, Shaun Chacon, Oscar Villarreal, Jason Michaels, and so on, and so on, and so on.

Cecil Cooper is an awful manager. But just dumping him is not going to solve this team's problems. Drayton needs to blow up the team, the coaching staff, and the front office, and he needs to start over everywhere. He needs to hire personnel who have an actual, provable track record -- no more first-timers or previous failures as manager or yes men as GM. It's not going to happen, because anyone who has ever bothered in the past to stand up to Drayton and tell him to shut has been fired resigned, i.e. Bill Wood, Bob Watson, Larry Dierker, Gerry Hunsicker.

So I've got no faith in Drayton's promised off-season evaluation. Not if that future involves the likes of Ed Wade still hanging around in the front office. After all, it is my strong opinion that anybody, like Wade, who wouldn't hire the likes of Jimmy Leyland because Leyland wanted to run things really doesn't deserve a job in baseball.

RIP Oasis?

Apparently, Oasis fans, Liam pissed his brother Noel off again, and the band is, once again, kaput. Of course, I see Oasis as the alt-rock equivalents of The Kinks where the brothers Ray and Dave were always fighting and the band was also always in disarray, so I'll believe Noel Gallagher's message that the band is officially finished when a year or two has gone by and there have been no performances or records, because that's just the way these two brothers are.

Anyway, here's a little Oasis song that I'm a big fan of, "The Masterplan."

If You Love Roy Oswalt, Set Him Free

Over at the mothership today, I make the argument that the best thing we can do for Roy Oswalt is to trade him to a team that actually cares about winning baseball games. And while I have that up, one of the "fan" bloggers at Chron.com argues that the Astros should name Miguel Tejada as the player/manager because no player more personifies the Astros -- that is, if you want the personification of the Astros to be a convicted liar who took HGH (I also think this moron fails to realize that what started the Oswalt meltdown the other night was Miguel Tejada being out of position and not making an effort to get a slow grounder up the middle).

And in honor or my argument to set Oswalt free, here's Sting performing "If You Love Somebody Set Them Free."

Sting - If You Love Somebody Set Them Free
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Taking What They're Giving

Well, I'm still unemployed. But for all of you out there who are working today, here's a little something. Huey Lewis & The News doing "Working for a Living."

The Texans Think You Are An Idiot

I just noticed this over at Deadspin, and they got it from a Chron.com blog, so, credit given...

Houston Texans fans, Texans management thinks that all of you are idiots. Well, at least all of you who buy beer inside of Reliant Stadium that is. It seems that the Texans have shrunk the size of the beers they're selling inside the stadium, but they didn't shrink the price. So instead of paying $7.75 for 24 ounces of beer this season, you're paying $7.75 for 20 ounces.

I love this excuse: "And in part, [management] added, it was a way to avoid sticking fans with a price hike during tough economic times. He said that rising wholesale prices would have pushed a 24-ounce Bud or Miller product past $8 at the concession stand."

So the Texans are really doing you a favor, fans. They reduced the size of the beer so that you wouldn't have to pay as much. Of course, there's a slight logic problem in that, technically, you're paying more for less product. If you're really trying to avoid sticking fans with a higher price during tough economic times, you also need to lower the price charged along with the amount served.

I'm sure, however, that there will be plenty of morons who will still pay the price, so the Texans will still rake in a huge profit. Personally, I just don't understand why people pay these prices in the first place. And it's for reasons like this that I laugh when I read and hear about what a great person Bob McNair is.

25 Random Observations From A Trip To Vegas

As you know -- if you've been reading -- I was just in Las Vegas for a day. And as I like to do, I took some notes, which means...

25 Random Observations From A Trip To Las Vegas.

1. The Vegas betting line, as of Tuesday, August 25, 2009, was that the Houston Texans would win 8.5 games. I bet the under. Come January, I'm going to be rich.

2. What is it about Vegas and tourists and the way many tourists dress? It's like a gigantic convention of hookers and low level mobsters. I make the plea again, if you wouldn't dress this way at home, then don't dress like this in Vegas. Trust me on this, the hookers look better than you do in that micro-mini and halter, even with the needle marks and sunken cheekbones.

3. Speaking of hookers, I was actually approached by one at a little before midnight on Tuesday. That was a first for me. And I know she was a hooker because she was dressed like a tourist, she was halfway attractive, and she wasn't drunk. And she had to be a hooker. Otherwise, a semi-attractive woman would never come close to me.

4. I checked out of the hotel at 4:00 a.m. to get the airport. The casino was more crowded at 4:00 a.m. than it was at 1:00 p.m.

5. Okay, is there a casino in Las Vegas that doesn't have a Cirque de Soleil show? What next? Is Cirque going to team up with Carrot Top to stage the nightmares of all nightmares?

6. Speaking of Carrot Top...there were signs posted up and down the Strip advertising Carrot Top as the Comic of the Year in Vegas. I don't know if that means the people of Vegas have no taste or sense of humor, or that the hooker dressing tourists have even less taste than their clothing indicates.

7. And while I'm on Cirque de Soleil, I have a suggestion. Dump Criss Angel from your joint show "Believe" at Luxor. The Cirque portion of the show was far more inventive, enchanting, and mesmerizing than anything Angel did.

8. While at Luxor, I went to see "Fantasy," one of those boobie shows -- as the guy sitting next to me called it. I think I'm in love with about half of the cast. I'm just lusting after the other half.

9. It was good to know that even though the temperature was in the 100s, the homeless guys were still out on the Strip passing out the hooker baseball cards.

10. Then again, if it was Houston and the temp was 100 degrees outside, even the homeless guys would be inside somewhere. Instead, I --along with thousands of my best friends -- were out walking the street. It was hot, but bearable, unlike Houston. So maybe this dry heat thing ain't so bad.

11. What's with all of the penny and nickle slots? When I first went to Vegas in 1994, only old women were playing those slots, and they took up a small corner. Now those things take up a bulk of each casino floor.

12. Here's a little tip. Those penny and nickle slots... not a bargain. They play so many multiple lines that you go through your money much, much faster than on the quarter and dollar slots.

13. When you go to Las Vegas, go the Cheeseburger Place inside the Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood. The best burger in the city, and the best burger I've had outside of one I got in a dive in New York City last year. I first ate there about five years ago, when it was Oasis Cheeseburger inside the Aladdin Hotel -- ownership and name of the casino changed. I've been wanting one of those burgers again since then, and I was afraid it would not live up to my memory. I was wrong.

14. And the bartender was cute. So extra points for that.

15. There's show at Planet Hollywood called "Peepshow." Yep, it's one of those topless girl shows. But this has Holly Madison, one of Hef's ex-girlfriends. If you want to see her boobs, wouldn't it just be cheaper to buy the copy of Playboy she was in?

16. I've got this to say about Vegas. I looked fit and skinny compared to most of the people I saw on the Strip. And unfortunately, most of the women were dressed like hookers. Not a pleasant sight.

17. Saw a billboard on the Strip advertising George Wallace's show at the Flamingo. It was a mock billboard running him for President in 2008. They do know that it's 2009, don't they?

18. That City Center thing has some interesting architecture, but the thing is huge. I wonder if they'll ever get it finished, and with this economy, isn't it a bit of gamble to plan on people actually being able to live there. Then again, it is Vegas, and Vegas lives on gambling.

19. I wonder what Penn & Teller think of Criss Angel. He seems to be one of those guys they love to mock and expose.

20. I hated the Luxor casino layout the first time I visited the place in 1994. It still sucks and has no rhyme or reason. It makes the Caesar's layout seem reasonable.

21. I stayed at New York-New York for the first time. My room was only 60 bucks, and it was huge. But it cost me five bucks to print out my boarding pass.

22. The best play slots or video poker is at The Mirage. And even then, you need to be over by The Beatles store which is next to the theater for Love. They play nothing but Beatles music there, so if you're going to lose, at least you get to hear nothing but really great music.

23. I saw two shows -- that Criss Angel/Cirque de Soleil thing and "Fantasy" -- and the theaters were half empty for both. I've got an idea, cheaper tickets. I think Charlie Sheen paid less for high-end call girls than you have to pay for some of the tickets for those shows.

24. Hey, when you're flying on a plane, please keep your shoes on. Especially if you're not wearing socks.

25. You know, I might remember all of the details of my trip, but I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't have a Hangover experience.

The Best Sports Illustrated Cover of the Year

Here is the best magazine cover of the year -- even better than SI's Swimsuit Cover. And it's the best ever because of the upper left corner. This is the "No Favre Issue." So I think that's reason enough to go out and buy this issue. Reward SI for not sticking us with more sucking up to Brett Favre.

So What Exactly Was Oppressive Act? [UPDATED]

Uh, could someone help me out here. I know what this story says. But what bugs me is what the story doesn't tell me. Like what it is exactly is alleged to have been done. Here's the story from the Chron, with the following as a time of posting:

Aug. 27, 2009, 12:10PM

A Harris County Criminal Court-at-Law judge was indicted this morning for misdemeanor official oppression, officials said.

Few details were immediately available regarding the charge against Don Jackson, a 17-year judge, said Joe Stinebaker, spokesman for Harris County Judge Ed Emmett.

Stinebaker said County Judge Jean Hughes, the administrative judge over the county criminal courts, will appoint a special judge to take over Jackson's docket.

He said the charge, a misdemeanor, will be handled by the felony courts because of Jackson's position. The maximum punishment is a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.

According to court documents, bond will be $1,000 and Jackson will be given the opportunity to turn himself in.

Jackson's term ends in 2010.

There are 15 Harris County Criminal Judges, who are elected to four year terms, which pay $132,500 a year. They preside over misdemeanor criminal cases and appeals of misdemeanor cases from municipal and justice of the peace courts.

Jackson, a Republican appointed to Criminal Court No. 3 in 1992 after longtime Judge Jimmie Duncan retired, was a Harris County assistant county attorney for 11 years before being named by Commissioners Court to the bench. Since then, Jackson has won re-election four times.

Now I know this says the judge has been indicted for misdemeanor official oppression. But just what is it that he did? What was his oppressive act? Did he tie someone up? Did he attempt to arrest someone? What? You just can't report that a judge has been indicted for official oppression and not tell what it was that he's been alleged to have done.

UDPATE (4:09):

Just need to go to different sources. As a friend suggested, I went to KHOU's website, where it's being reported that the judge supposedly made suggestitve remarks to a female DUI defendant and told her that he could help her out with her case if she played along.

Vegas Baby, 2009

So I was actually in Vegas for less than 24 hours. But I managed to take some photos, and as you can tell, the place is still changing.

Here's a pretty common view from the Excalibur and looking north. You see New York-New York on the left. MGM Grand in the middle. But in the distance is funny looking looking blueish tower that wasn't there the last time I was in Vegas three years ago. That's Planet Hollywood Westgate, and I think it's some kind of rich folks condo complex.


Speaking of new construction...I'm not really sure of what this thing is. But this and the connecting buildings stretch up The Strip from Monte Carlo to The Bellagio. I'm told it's "City Center" and that it's supposed to be a combo casino/hotel/residential units/convention center type thing. Whatever it is, it's huge and it's nearly impossible to drive down The Strip at this area because the road is so torn up from the construction. MGM-Mirage owns it now because the original developer went bust when the bottom fell out of the real estate market -- at least that's what the young lady working in Planet Hollywood told me.

Hey kids. You can see Paris, without going to Paris. Actually, I didn't spend much time here this time out, but I usually stay at Bally's-Paris, and I like the inside of the place. It's not as confusing as Luxor/Caesar's Palace, and the mood's a little more relaxed. And you get a great view from the top of the tower.

Looking south down the Strip from Bally's. That massive tower is part of that City Center complex. And it was probably a nice 100-plus degrees when I was out taking this picture. But it's better than 100 degrees in Houston.

And this is the view from my hotel window. You get the New York-New York roller coaster, the MGM Grand, The Hooters Hotel and Casino in the middle, and the Tropicana on the right. And behind all of those is the airport.

Meanwhile...Over At The Mothership

I'm working up a Vegas post or two for later today, but until then, I thought you might want to click on the mothership and read my take on Monster Trucks and my shock that there is such a thing as a season ticket to Monster Truck events in Houston.

Also, if you didn't see it yesterday, I did a post on which of Houston's three big pro sports teams is the best run which, in the comments, turned into a discussion of the Dynamo. And nowhere in those comments was anybody able to change my mind that MLS is a minor league when it comes to soccer leagues. The Dynamo fans are pretty good with the insults, they're just not much good with stats, facts, and logic.

A Brief Plea For Some Common Sense

I have just returned from 24 hours in Las Vegas. And I saw some things that just absolutely disgusted me -- and it takes a lot to disgust me. So I'm going to make a little plea for common sense.

Basically, if you're past college age, and unless you've got the body of a high-priced hooker, then please think before you dress. Seriously, if you wouldn't wear it in your neighborhood, then don't wear it in Vegas. For the love of God, have some mercy for the rest of us. Please.

I know Vegas is supposed to be Sin City. But that doesn't mean you have to dress as a hooker. Most of the people walking the Strip are just like you -- we're all from different towns. So think of what your neighbors would see if you were walking down the street in stripper heels while wearing a micro-mini and a halter top. Don't get me wrong, I love that look, but not every woman can pull off that look -- strippers and hookers have trouble pulling that off.

And guys, what's with trying to dress like you're a member of the Soprano family?

Just exercise some common sense. That's all I'm asking.

What Should Have Been

Oh man, this is a great could have been, should have been story. Hunter S. Thompson covering the O.J. Simpson trial. That would have been some fun reading. But alas, it was not meant to be.

Blind Sided By Bullock

In my opinion, one of the most overrated books of this decade is Michael Lewis' Moneyball. Lewis elevated Oakland A's GM Billy Beane up to a level of genius that he didn't deserve. Sure, he brought a new level of statistical analysis into the baseball front office, but as other teams have adapted and started to employ his strategy, he has failed to adapt, and the A's have once again fallen by the wayside. (Besides, I'm really sick of listening to Joe Morgan try and figure out what is really going on when it comes to moneyball.)

I was kind of interested in the attempts to turn an unfilmable book into a movie staring Brad Pitt and to be directed by Steven Soderbergh, and while it appears to have been put on hold for now, Pitt's still trying to film it. But Sandra Bullock took another Michael Lewis book, The Blind Side, and she has turned it into a movie. Now this book is the importance of the left offensive tackle, because this is often the player that has the most important role in protecting the blind side of the quarterback. And the book has a side story that documents the story of a high school tackle who the scouts are crazy about.

And then there's the Sandra Bullock film.



And what makes it even better is that that damn song from The Fray is being played under the preview.

Hungover? I Hope Not

I should be back in town later today. If everything went as planned, I should be on a Continental flight back from Vegas as you read this. And while I doubt my get rich plan really worked, I hope that, unlike these guys, I can at least my remember my trip.



Later.

A Little Suggestion

You know while I'm away seeking my fortune tonight, may I suggest you explore the fine services I offer at Royal Document Review. Just in case something pops up.

Heading For The Strip

I'm off for my own version of The Hangover, but instead of being a weekend, or for a bachelor party, I'm going on my own during the middle of the week. I haven't been in awhile, and I kind of want to see if there are any changes on the Strip. The Strip is a great place to take photos of interesting architecture.




I'll try to take some time on my short trip to get some new photos. Later.

Viva Las Vegas

I'm just feeling the need to escape things for a bit, so I found a cheap round trip on Continental and a really cheap hotel, and I'm on my way.

I'm supposed to have left at about 7:35 this morning -- I'm writing this in advance, and I should arrive in Vegas around 9:30. I'll get to the hotel, check in, and spend the day roaming. I'm trying to figure out which team to bet on to win the Super Bowl -- it won't be the Texans -- and I'm going to make some NCAA football bets. I'll roam until about 5:00 or so, grab some dinner, then see some shows, maybe have a few drinks at the Coyote Ugly -- I'm staying at New York New York -- then an hour or two of sleep before I head back home on Wednesday morning.

Hopefully this will give me enough time to hit a jackpot, but not enough time to get in to too much trouble. I'm not taking much money -- not that I have a lot to take -- and I just kind of like exploring the hotels anyway. But the way I see it is this: my karma's got to start changing at some point, right. So why not have it change in Vegas? Maybe I'll hit a big jackpot for once -- I'm definitely due for that. So maybe by this time tomorrow I'll be rich and never have to worry about working again.

A man can dream, can't he?

A Place Where Nobody Dared To Go

As you read this, I'm hopefully on a jet plane heading out of Texas for the day. Let's just say I'm on my way to Xanadu, and I hope to have some very good luck. So in hopes of a good result, here's Olivia Newton-John and ELO with "Xanadu."

Olivia Newton John & ELO - Xanadu
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ScarJo Does Fonda?

According to the Chron, the Robert Rodriguez remake of Barbarella is no more, so forget about the chance of seeing Rose McGowan going all late-1960s Jane Fonda. However, if you have really have your heart set on seeing this movie remade, then don't give up hope.

Don't give up hope because a remake is still in the works, this one to be directed by Robert Luketic who did Legally Blonde. And according to the story, several young ladies want the role, including, so the paper says, Lindsay Lohan, Evan Rachel Wood, and Scarlett Johansson.

Now I've got this friend of mine who is a huge ScarJo fan. And for that person, imagine ScarJo recreating this opening credit sequence.

Hey Jerry, About That Scoreboard

Many of you heard about it this weekend, but how many of you actually saw it happen? I'm talking of course about a Tennessee Titans punter hitting the huge scoreboard in the new Cowboys stadium.

Well, via The Big Lead, here's the video.



I remember, back when I was a kid, that the Oakland Raiders had a punter named Ray Guy -- I still don't know why this guy can't get in the NFL Hall of Fame, he had great hang times, the Raiders used him as a weapon by having him pin a team deep in its own territory, then the defense would hold and the offense would get great field position. I remember that Houston Oilers head coach Bum Phillips used to claim that Guy used footballs that were full of helium. And if I remember correctly, Guy one hit the Superdome overhanging scoreboard during a game, but that's the only time I can ever think of that happening.

The Cowboys say this is no big deal, and that you have to try really hard to hit the thing. But this guy just seemed to hit a regular punt. Who knows, but after all of that sick publicity the Chron was giving to the place last week, it's nice to see that stadium isn't perfect.

I'm Alive

So I woke up to an email from one of my head hunters today. No, it wasn't offering me a job. It was apologizing for not finding me a job, and just reminding me of how bad the market is. But...

One of my head hunters acknowledged my existence today. Which means that they haven't forgotten me. Which means that maybe they are making an effort on my behalf. Which means that maybe there is still hope.

So maybe I should take this chance to remind everybody that Royal Document Review is open for business. For those who don't remember, Royal Document Review is a business I'm attempting to run which should be able to aid to small firms and small corporations. If you're involved in a some kind of litigation which has exploded beyond your expectations and for which you've been flooded with documents that you or your firm just doesn't have time to look at, then let me do it. My rates are reasonable -- and negotiable -- and you don't pay for any of the overhead from the temp agencies, nor do you or your staff have to take time away from your other clients. Just let me handle all of the documents.

Remember, that's Royal Document Review for your legal -- and non-legal -- document review needs.

ELO - I'm Alive
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Movie Review: The Not So Glorious Basterds

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Quentin Tarantino's latest epic, Inglourious Basterds. But it seems that despite my Twitter warnings, the film opened at number one at the box office, and it was Tarantino's largest opening ever. Still, I don't understand the critical love for this movie. So I thought I owed it to my readers to provide a review. So a couple of days late, here's my review of Inglourious Basterds.

Let me start with what Tarantino got right -- and as much as I disliked this film, he got an awful lot right. The photography is fantastic. The dialogue is among the best he's ever written which is probably due to the fact that this film is set during World War Two and he can't depend on pop culture references. The acting was very good, especially from the Europeans that most of the audience have never heard from before. But the movie, as a whole, just doesn't work.

Like Pulp Fiction, and the Kill Bills, this movie is told in disjointed sections. But the styles seemed to differ between each and Tarantino would go from spaghetti western to spy flick to buddy comedy to horror film, and unlike with the other movies, the transitions didn't always work and momentum was often lost.

The first section of the movie, set in France during 1941, is perhaps one of the best bits of film work that Tarantino's ever done. This is the spaghetti western which is basically about a 15-minute segment of nearly pure dialogue framed by fantastic camera work, great editing, a tense setting, and fantastic acting that ends with a burst of violence that remarkably, for Tarantino, is actually rather restrained. The segment involves a Nazi SS officer, Col. Hans Landa (played fantastically by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz) interviewing a French farmer about Jews that are possibly being hidden by the farmer and his family. The farmer, Perrier LaPadite (Denis Menochet) seems to be up the game of the wits which involves the men speaking French, German, and English. But Landa, known as "The Jew Hunter" breaks LaPadite, which leads to the epic burst of violence. It also, unfortunately, leads to a moment that, while beautifully photographed, scored, edited, and acted, doesn't logically work except for one important fact -- the rest of the film doesn't work without it.

Tarantino then cuts to the formation of the Basterds, led by Lt. Aldo Raine, a Southerner with the thick accent played by Brad Pitt. This portion of the movie, which includes narration by Samuel L. Jackson and 1970s style title cards plays as a cross of a buddy war comedy and horror film since Pitt commands his basterds to bring each bring him 100 Nazi scalps. And it involves Germans having their heads beaten in by a baseball bat swung by torture porn director Eli Roth who is Pitt's second-in-command.

Then there's the spy film which involves a British intelligence officer being dropped into France where he is going to join up with Pitt's basterds and a German actress. There they're going to go to Paris and kill various members of the German high command who are gathered to watch the premier of a movie about Germany's Audie Murphy. This portion of the movie contains a cameo from Mike Myers looking like one of his characters from the Austin Powers movies and a heavily made up Rod Taylor playing Winston Churchill. And the British officer, he's a film critic.

Michael Fassbender's fine as the officer/critic, and Diane Kruger is good as the German actress, Bridget Von Hammersmark. And they're good in the spy film. But once Pitt's basterds join up, the two groups really don't work because Pitt's and his guys are playing broad comedy and Kruger and Fassbender are doing a LeCarre spy film.

The final interwoven thread involves the story of Shosanna Dreyfus, a Jewish woman hiding in plain sight as the gentile owner of the theater in which the film is going to premier. She is romantically pursued by the German Audie Murphy who is in town for the premier, and she gets to meet up with and entertain various members of the German high command. Dreyfus, played by French actress Melanie Laurent, has another secret. Along with being Jewish, she's hatching her plan to kill the Germans in attendance at the movie.

The stories all intersect at the end as the remnants of Pitt's Basterds and Dreyfus, working separately and not knowing the existence of the other, attempt to carry out their plans while Col. Landa hunts them down and seemingly attempts to prevent the deaths of Hitler and those under his command.

Separately, the stories work. Together, they don't mesh. I know Tarantino likes to go off on tangents and that his movies are generally interwoven stories. But it just doesn't work this time. The actors are fine, especially Waltz and Laurent who are fantastic, but when the various film portions interact, the styles just don't work. Waltz, who has to speak French, English, German and Italian throughout the movie, is the only actor who seems to fit in each section. Then again, he's the smartest man in the movie, and probably the most evil. He's definitely the bad guy, and it's like Tarantino directs him in the same way whether he's in the spy flick, the spaghetti western, or the buddy war comedy. But Pitt and his crew play broad comedy even when they're acting against Kruger and Fassbender, and Kruger and Fassbender are acting as if they're in a spy film. It just doesn't work.

The biggest problem for me, besides the sections of the movie not meshing, is just that I found large portions of it boring. The movie is alive when Pitt, Waltz, or Laurent is on screen. But they're not always there. And there's no momentum from one section to the next. It's like the movie comes to a stop and has to start all over again. And while this is how portions of Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bills worked, those movies didn't lurch from stop to action to stop to action. And even with all of the different stories, the movie was still too long, and it felt like Tarantino could have trimmed a good half-hour to make it work.

In the end, I think Tarantino just chose to make the wrong movie. Inglorious Basterds would have worked great if it was a movie about Pitt and his basterds. Or it would have been just as good were it to have been Dreyfus and her attempt for revenge. And a movie focusing on just the British plot would have been equally as good. As it is, each segment was short-changed, the parts weren't as good as the whole, and some of Tarantino's best individual work is dragged under by some of his most indulgent. If you go for this movie, go for the first 15 minutes. Go for the work of Waltz, Laurent, and Pitt. Or go for the short segment scored with David Bowie's "Cat People (Putting Out The Fire)."

But don't go for the movie as a whole because it's just not worth it.

Sports Broadcasters Gone Stupid

So I watched the Texans get mauled by the Saints on my DVR because it's a preseason game and the Astros were playing, and you guys all know that I'm a baseball guy first. And the football game was ugly. It's probably a good thing KTRK couldn't get it's hi-def signal working because there's no telling how bad it would have looked in hi-def.

But if KTRK can't get it's hi-def signal working, maybe they can do something about their broadcasters. I know Joel Meyers is kind of a name in that he's worked with the networks and he does Lakers games, but at some point, he's got to actually learn something about the Texans. For the second week in a row, he referred to Pro Bowl receiver Andre Johnson as Andre Davis. And then there was how he spent the whole game droning on about Kubiak being a QB guru.

But that's not my biggest complaint. My biggest complaint is that he kept going on and on and on about how the San Diego Chargers must be upset that they gave up on Drew Brees. Now I'm a big Drew Brees fan, and I, too, think the Chargers made a mistake. But here's the thing, the guy the Chargers kept was Philip Rivers, who is a damn good QB. I don't think he's as good as Brees, but the Chargers decision is justifiable. And it's just not clear-cut that they chose wrong, and if he's going to make statements like that, he needs to give out all of the facts.

Then again, that's kind of the role of the analyst, but the analyst for KTRK is Spencer Tillman, and he does nothing but making general, meaningless comments. I would be surprised if it even dawned on Tillman -- who spends most of his time doing college football -- that Rivers was even the San Diego QB who replaced Brees.

So the broadcast was as bad and as sloppy -- on the announcing end -- as the Texans were on offense and defense.

P.S.: I think James Casey had a really good game, and the Texans better figure out some way to make use of him.

When A Guru Really Isn't A Guru

So I've been watching the New Orleans Saints drag the Houston Texans up and down the field. And on the few occassions when the Texans have had the ball, backup QB Dan Orlovsky has been in the game, and he's been doing his best impersonation of Rex "The Sex Cannon" Grossman.

And the Texans TV announcers have been apologizing this away by talking about how Orlovsky just doesn't have the experience, but that he's got tools. Then they go on and on about head coach Gary Kubiak talking about how he can coach Orlovsky up, and about how the most important thing to the success of a QB is how he can be coached up. And to top off, they go back to Kubiak being a QB guru, so this means he knows what he's talking about.

Question: can someone give me the name of a QB that Kubiak has coached up? I'm being serious here. Give me one. He was the QB coach for Steve Young and John Elway. Does anybody out there really think that they needed to be coached up by Gary Kubiak to become great. Hell, Elway was on his way to the Hall of Fame when Kubiak was just a Broncos scrub from the Aggies begging for the chance to hold on kicks. And they talked about how Kubiak played the game at a high level. Where? Like I said, he spent his entire career backing up John Elway. He didn't start. He rarely played.

As for Steve Young, I've got a little reminder. Young backed up Joe Montana, and was coached for a number of years by one of the geniuses of football, Bill Walsh. I just really doubt that Kubiak played much of a role in Young's development. Surely I'm not the only one who knows this, so why do these guys trot out this "wisdom" of the great guru every week? Because that leads back to my question: give me a QB that Kubiak actually coached up?

Brian Griese? David Carr? Jake Plummer? Kubiak had nothing to do with Jay Cutler, who was the first decent QB for the Broncos after Elway retired. Maybe Matt Ryan Schaub, but I would like to see the guy stay healthy before claiming him as a success. (I've got room to criticize, don't I? Seeing as how I had the wrong QB name posted for over 12 hours. My excuse: I don't have a producer in my ear, or a fellow broadcaster by my side, to correct me.)

So please, if you're going to call someone a QB guru who "coaches up" talent, please make sure that he actually "coached someone up."

The Low-Def Texans

If you're one of those suckers who got you one of those hi-def flat screens because you want to your football with that tremendous picture, well, tonight, you're out of luck. Apparently, despite having televised just about every preseason game of the Texans' existence, KTRK-TV still can't quite figure out that fancy hi-def technology, so tonight's game, and the rest of the games this preseason will be in standard low-def.

Yep, the pros at KTRK say that they can't get the hi-def transmission to work properly between themselves and the rest of the stations on the Texans network. Maybe I should send my nephew over to look at things. He's pretty smart.

Now if KTRK wants to really make me happy, they'll make Bob Allen disappear from tonight's broadcast, and they'll find some way to permanently mute the bozos in the broadcast booth.

More Justice Cluelessness

Richard Justice wants the Astros to sign this guy as a free agent pitcher come this off-season. This just continues to show how clueless Justice is. Of course, the guy's in his 30s. And he's injury prone. So he actually sounds just like the type of guy Drayton would go after.

Baseball Ain't Really Life

So I'm watching the Astros on Fox Sports Houston, and Patti Smith is in the concourse interviewing some woman and her family. And it's supposed to be about how Facebook brings people together.

They start talking, and the woman goes on about how she hasn't seen her son in seven years, and how she's never seen her grandson, because they live out of state -- someplace like Iowa or something where they don't have modern forms of travel. But she says she was able to get them tickets to the game so they could all be together.

And this is supposed to be one of those feel good moments about a poor family who has been separated but is now reunited. (I never did figure out how Facebook played into this.) Then Patti Smith mentions how she knows this woman is a big fan because she sees her down in her seats every game and this woman is covered in Astros merchandise and she talks about how some of the players know her and she's got all kinds of autographs.

And I'm thinking: if you really missed your son as much you say, if you relly wanted to see your grandson as much as you say, then maybe you should have skipped a few Astros games. Skipping about 10-15 games a year would easily give you the money to fly to Iowa -- airplanes do fly there -- or you could have driven a car -- there are roads in Iowa -- and you could have seen your family. Surely the Astros aren't as important as this lady's family, are they? And if that's so, then why in the hell is Patti Smith interviewing her, and just why in the hell is her son still talking to her?

You know, they don't really mean it when they say baseball is life.

Meanwhile...Over At The Mothership

Here's the link to today's posting over at the mothership. It's a list of the 10 things to watch/listen for as you're watching tomorrow night's Saints/Texans pre-season game.

Live Forever

I was up really, really late doing that job search thing -- and man is that depressing. But I was listening to my iPhone, and I had it on shuffle, and this song popped up. I hadn't heard it in what seems to be forever, even though I'm a big Oasis fan, and "Live Forever" is one of my favorites -- it was the song that got the band it's first real U.S. exposure. And I just put the song on repeat and probably listened to it for an hour or so.

So here's Oasis with "Live Forever."

Heidi's Back

It's my understanding that something called Project Runway has returned to television. I've never watched because I really don't care, but I know it exists, and I know it exists because of one reason. Yep, Heidi Klum is involved.

I mention all of that because it gives me a reason to post a photo of Heidi, which I haven't done in awhile because I've been trying to be more of a grownup.

Once Again, With Feeling

I've been enjoying Tim Brando's Sporting News Radio show that is new to Houston. Primarily because I like hearing people who actually watch and like college football for a living talk about college football. (Colin Cowherd on ESPN Radio is a different story. That moron talks about college football, and acts like he knows college football, but he seems to know so damn little and he tends to be so damn wrong that it's just not worth listening to.)

But I was kind of upset today because Brando went off on a bloggers in their mother's basement rant. And I can understand, from what he was saying, about why he was upset at the blogger in question, but...

Not all of us bloggers are the same. Until I was laid off, I was a somewhat successful attorney and I haven't lived with my parents in a long time -- and they never had a basement. Plus, lots of bloggers actually break news, and do more legit reporting than some members of the actual media out there. And I've actually got press passes for several teams, and I actually do reporting -- though I'm not really paid much -- so I just get tired of hearing the bloggers are useless freaks who never see the light of day thing.

(Just an aside, I'm credentialed to cover not only the Houston Aeros, but the Houston Cougars. I passed on credentials for the Texans -- they only give out one to the Press -- and the Rockets -- NBA bores me, and the Astros won't give me one. I'm also a credentialed member of the Football Writers Association of America.)

What's all of that mean, I don't know, but it was kind of building up today as I thought about. Like I said, I'm liking Brando's show -- he did a great take down of the Aggies earlier this week, and went into detail about why that football program sucks and why it's going to continue to suck. But not all of us bloggers are the same, just as not all members of the mainstream media are lazy bums who are more concerned with their access than they are with actually reporting.

There, I feel better now.

Flip-Flop, Flip-Flop

It's kind of funny, if you think about it, but also rather typical.

It was just the other day that Richard Justice was slamming that greedy high school puck Matthew Purke for not joyfully accepting the $4 million a year from the Texas Rangers. And he was praising the Rangers for not giving in to the greedy punk. Of course, as I wrote over at the mothership, things weren't so clear cut, and it appears that Purke couldn't accept a $4 million contract because MLB ordered the Rangers to rescind the offer. Justice also praised Drayton McLane for his strategy of not drafting the best players, but instead focusing only on guys that could be signed.

Then something happened today that triggered some memories. That thing was the Cincinnati Reds winning a baseball game on a walk-off homer. The homer was hit by Drew Stubbs, who was playing in his only second major league game. Now that name Stubbs might be familiar to some of you. He was the Reds number one draft choice in 2006, and he played centerfield for UT.

But here's what you might not remember. In 2005, the Houston Astros drafted Stubbs in the third round. And the Astros seemingly had a deal worked out with Stubbs wherein Stubbs was going to sign a contract for $900,000 year. Only, at the last moment, MLB ordered Drayton to rescind the offer, and instead told Drayton to submit an offer of $450,000. Which, because Drayton does what Bud says -- witness manager Cecil Cooper -- the Astros did, and just like that, instead of being an Astro of the future, Stubbs was on his way to Cincy and some really big money.

Now you might think that Richard Justice would have praised the Astros at the time for sticking to guidelines, and for blasting that stupid punk Stubbs. But no, Justice instead blasted Drayton for being cheap and for being a liar.

And that's one of the reasons I get so mad at Justice. The guy's a hypocrite who will change his argument depending on which way the wind is blowing. For instance, time after time last year he wrote that Gary Kubiak was a lousy coach, but today, Kubiak is a great coach who's going to lead the Texans to the promised land -- and if the Texans should lose two straight at some point, he's going to flip-flop and start blasting Kubiak. The Astros were wrong in what they did with Drew Stubbs, and the Rangers and MLB were wrong with what they did to Purke. There's no flip-flopping because the same thing happened, yet Justice does.

And another reason I'm angry is simple: just think of an Astros outfield of Stubbs, Michael Bourn, and Hunter Pence. And just think, the Astros would have Stubbs under a cheap contract and would not have need to waste millions of dollars on the tub of lard that is Carlos Lee, and maybe that money could have instead been used for something important, like starting pitching.

Why The Plaxico Burress Punishment Isn't The Outrage You Think It Is

I've been reading outrage on the blogosphere and tweetsphere regarding Plaxico Burress getting a two-year prison sentence for shooting himself with a gun while Donte Stallworth got only 30 days of jail for DUI manslaughter. Now it's nice to get all outraged and everything -- I do that on a pretty regular basis, especially if I read Richard Justice -- but it's nice every now and then to look at the facts and apply a little non-biased, legal reasoning to the situation.

For instance, Burress' sentence can most likely be blamed on all of those blowhards who think the answer to just about every problem are tougher crime laws which generally amount to more jail time for minor offenses. However, because a lot of the blowhards who rage about this crap are generally the kind who like to drink and drive, they generally find a way to exempt DUI's from the tougher sentencing.

But that's only a general answer. I thought some more specifics might help things out a bit.

Let's look at the Donte Stallworth matter. In March of this year, after spending a night drinking in a Miami nightclub, Stallworth got in his car and headed off to some other location. Reaching a crosswalk, he struck and killed a 59-year-old man who was in that crosswalk. Testing at the scene showed that Stallworth's blood alcholol level was .13, which was way over the Florida DUI limit. Ipso facto, Stallworth should be doing life in prison for killing a person. But...

What has leaked out makes it appear that the victim was jaywalking and not in the crosswalk, that he didn't have the right-0f-way, and that Stallworth made attempts to prevent the accident. The striking thing is that there is a video of the actual accident -- which the court refuses to release at the request of family -- and knowing what I do about the court and lawyers and prosecutors, if that video didn't back up Stallworth then Stallworth would be serving a maximum sentence right now. So what we then have is an accident that might well have happened even if Stallworth were sober -- the video supposedly shows the victim appearing in traffic from nowhere moments before the accident.

Then there are the mitigating factors. Unlike a lot of people in this situation -- including lots of athletes -- Stallworth did not flee the scene. He immediately stopped the car, called 911, and attempted to render aid. When the police arrived on the scene, he cooperated fully, giving statements and allowing his blood alcohol level to be tested which, as an attorney, I would advise you to not do.

The victim's family is fine with the punishment that Stallworth received, and Stallworth has agreed to a financial settlement with the family -- the NFL's actions toward Stallworth are probably now doing more harm to the family than Stallworth's sentence. Plus, there's the rest of the sentence: two years probation, eight years of house arrest, a lifelong suspension of his driving license, 1,000 hours of community service, and constant drug and alcholol testing. Trust me on this, Plaxico Burress might be going to jail, but he's not going to have to deal with anything like this.

Now Stallworth's actions probably killed this man, but that could not be proven, and with these facts, the sentence that Stallworth accepted when pleading guilty is probably a lot worse than he would have got had this gone to trial. There's this thing called burden of proof, and the state wasn't going to be able to meet this standard.

Then there's Plaxico Burrress who stuck an unlicensed gun into the waste band of his sweat pants then went to a popular New York City nightclub. The gun discharged and Burress was shot. But Burress doesn't admit to this. Burress, with the aid of some teammates, leaves the nightclub and hunts down a hospital for treatment where they won't report him for having a gun shot wound. So what we have is Burress committing a provable crime, not reporting that reportable crime, and engaging in a conspiracy to hide the criminal activity.

Now if Burress had done as Stallworth did, it's very possible that he wouldn't be facing this situation -- and I don't mean if Burress would have instead gotten drunk, drove a car, and killed someone. But if Burress, instead of attempting to cover-up everything that happened, had instead fully cooperated without ensnaring teammates and hospitals in a coverup might have gotten off with a lesser sentence, perhaps even probation. But Burress chose to act like a gangster, and he got the punishment a gangster gets.

So save all of your outrage on this matter. The results of Stallworth's actions are worse, but were perhaps not his fault, and he has done everything a lawyer and responsible caring person would ask of him, and he appears to have done this all voluntarily, before getting attorneys and PR people involved. Burress' actions harmed only himself, but he acted as a child, and as a result, he gets the worse punishment.

Stallworth's case was not reasonably provable beyond all doubt. Burress' case was provable beyond all doubt.

New Theory: MLB Ordered Drayton To Trade Pudge*

So maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I've read too many books and seen too many Oliver Stone movies with conspiracy theories, or perhaps I've been reading too many of the comments over at T3I claiming the Wild are deliberately trying to destroy the Aeros, but...

As we learned yesterday, MLB is running the Texas Rangers, going so far as to interfere in contract negotiations with draft choices and forcing Rangers management to pull offers from the table. Yet the other day Pudge Rodriguez was traded to the Rangers even though Drayton McLane says the Astros aren't giving up on the season. And we all know that Drayton does whatever MLB commissioner tells him to do -- why else does Cecil Cooper have a job. So...

I'm thinking that the only reason that trade got made was because Bud Selig ordered it to be made. After all, for the trade to be made, Pudge had to clear waivers. And funnily enough, the Rangers just happened to be in need of a catcher, but none of the other teams striving for the playoffs -- Tampa Bay Rays, San Francisco Giants, St. Louis Cardinals, Florida Marlins, etc. -- were in the need for a Hall of Famer to back up their starting catcher. And despite carefully watching the purse strings, the Rangers were able to pay for Pudge's contract.

So it seems to me this trade happened because MLB ordered it as a way of making it up to the Rangers for preventing the signing of number one draft choice Matthew Purke.

Sure, it sounds crazy. But does it really sound as crazy as that death panel crap, or the Obama born in Kenya crap, or 9/11 was really done by Bush, et al for an excuse to start a war, or that NASA faked the Moon landing, or that Hillary Clinton had Vince Foster murdered?

Yeah, my theory is crazy, but it ain't that crazy.

*Disclaimer: This is based on nothing but boredom and an intense dislike of Bud Selig and Drayton McLane. And I was just in the mood for something fun. So this is it. But I think it contains as much substance as some of the stuff I see in the Chron everyday.

Meanwhile...Over at the Houston Press

Here's my latest post for the mothership. I take Richard Justice to task for omitting some facts from a recent post of his.

Every Night Has Its Dawn

I have been shocked to discover the number of friends I have that ventured out to The Woodlands to see Poison last night. I've always see this band as nothing bunch a punch line -- I really love trotting the lyrics from "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." But even now Poison seems to be inexplicably popular to me, so...

For you Poison fans, here's "Something To Believe In."

Poison - Something to Believe In
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What is Richard Justice Up To This Time?

I know this is going to be painful, but could someone do me a favor here. Could someone read this blog post by Richard Justice? And after doing so, could someone please tell me who in the hell this "John" is that keeps getting referenced in the first set of comments from this morning?

I don't see a "John" referenced anywhere in the post. And there is no comment from anyone named "John." Yet there are several comments at the top that reference something said by this "John" -- and note, this isn't me, as far as I know, because Justice no longer posts any comments that I send his way. What I'm wondering is if this is another of those many instances where Justice wrote something in his blog, trashed somebody, then changed his mind and rewrote the post without telling anybody because he does that on a pretty consistent basis. Or is this another of the many instances where he posts a comment from a person, makes one of his smart ass comments in response, then lets others starting piling on with the insults at which point he deletes the original comment and his smart response without telling anybody, because he, too, does this on a pretty damn consistent basis.

Just wondering if anybody out there might have an answer. Thanks.

Just A Little Cross Promotion

Over at the mothership you'll find my wrap-up of yesterday's Chron meltdown that resulted from the Pudge Rodriguez trade. So give it a read if you want.

They've Come Undone

It seems I spent the day yesterday watching the Chron unravel as media outlet after media outlet beat it on the Pudge Rodriguez story. So, in honor of the Chron, here's Weezer with "Undone (The Sweater Song)."

Weezer - Undone -- The Sweater Song
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A Quick Timeline of The Chron Getting Its Ass Scooped

[UPDATE] Hey, let's hear it for the Chron, at 5:08 they were finally able to get confirmation that Pudge Rodriguez was traded. This is only five hours after the trade went public, and only about four hours after Astros.com had the story and confirmation.

ORIGINAL POST:

As of 2:41 p.m. this is the Chron.com story on the Pudge trade:

Although the Astros aren't ready to confirm the deal, they have agreed to trade Ivan Rodriguez to the Texas Rangers, sending the 14-time All-Star catcher back to where his career began in 1991.

"We are not in a position of making any comments about Pudge Rodriguez at this time," Astros general manager Ed Wade said in a text to the Chronicle.

Rodriguez, the all-time leader in games caught and hits by a catcher, was hitting .251 over 93 games with the Astros. The Rangers and Astros have been in deep trade talks about Rodriguez since the weekend.

Rodriguez played with the Rangers from 1991 through the 2002 season before signing with the Florida Marlins. Astros owner Drayton McLane could not be reached for comment.

[UPDATE] Except for a quote from Roy Oswalt which has been added, to the middle of the story, this is still what is posted at Chron.com as of 4:20 p.m.

I just can't believe how thoroughly the Chron has had its ass handed to it on this story. They can't get confirmation from the Astros. Drayton has disappeared. The readers at the Chron don't even know who the Astros acquired. Over at Astros.com, you can not only find out who the Astros acquired in the trade, you also get quotes from Pudge Rodriguez that not only confirm the trade but give his thoughts on returning to the Rangers and playing for the Astros. You should also note that this version of the story was posted at 2:14 p.m. -- Eastern Time -- or 1:14 p.m Central Time. So the Astros website has not only had this up for hours, they've also managed to get confirmation of the trade, get the names of the other players, and get quotes from Pudge.

The Chron, meanwhile, is still trying to contact Drayton McLane.

The blog Baseball Musings had this story at 1:04. And the Dallas Morning News posted the story at noon. Great job, Chron. Great job. But hey, at least the Chron was able to post lots of nice stories on Brett Favre. And Richard Justice seems to be getting a bit cranky about missing this story. Because, you see, the first time it's mentioned in the Chron is in the comments to a Justice blog post on MLB amateur draft signings. And those comments started at 12:28 central time, nearly a half hour after the Morning News. You would think that Justice would start trying to figure out what's going on at this point, but he instead posts a Favre story at 12:22, and doesn't get around to posting anything on Pudge until 12:48 -- the first several comments are brutal and blast the Chron for so badly missing this story (and knowing Justice, you better read these fast before he goes into that comment delete mode he so loves).

And I've got an idea for the Chron. Maybe, instead of dumping all of your reporters, you should think about dumping some of them overpriced execs who do nothing but come up with redesigns for the homepage.

(Links added.)

Uh, Chron, The Astros Made A Trade

It's 1:25 as I start to write this. The Pudge Rodriguez trade to the Rangers has been news for over an hour now. Unless you're reading Chron.com. The big story there -- with a picture -- is Brett Favre in a SUV with Vikings head coach Brad Childress as Favre supposedly unretires yet again. There's nothing up top with the big stories about Pudge.

Buried down in the right column, under a ton of ads, is a Richard Justice blog post that mentions the trade. But there's nothing from the beat writer, on either his blog, or a legit news story. And if you just click to read headlines and get the important news, then you're not going to see anything on this because, like I said, it's buried under the way too obtrusive ads on the blogging side of the Chron.com sports page.

Oh, and if you click on "Astros/MLB" at the top, you go to the Astros page, where the big story is the Astros signing their draft picks. Yep, nothing up top about the trade. You have to scroll way down to get the Justice blog post, but nothing from the baseball writers.

Note, SI.com, Sporting News, Dallas Morning News, Baseball Musings, and various other outlets are reporting this trade. But the Chron, nothing.

Nice work Chron. But at least you saved money by dumping most of your reporters.

P.S.: I would fully expect the Chron to have something up from Ortiz on this by at least 2:00, and hopefully before game time. But this is the Chron, so I could end up being wrong.

And The Astros Have Officially Given Up

This just in...Drayton McLane has officially given up on this season. Of course, this is about three weeks too late to do any good for the team, but still...

It is being reported by various outlets that Pudge Rodriguez has been traded to the Texas Rangers to be the backup catcher and in return the Astros are supposedly getting two mid-level prospects.

This deal pisses me off. It pisses me off because the Astros should have been making these moves back in July, before the trading deadline, when the players didn't first have to pass through waivers. It was rumored back before that deadline that there were many teams interested in the likes of Miguel Tejada, Roy Oswalt, Pudge, and Jose Valverde, but that Drayton was convinced this team could make the playoffs. But I just can't see any team letting Tejada, Oswalt, or Valverde pass through waivers so that he can be traded to a playoff rival.

And if the team would have made these deals, they could probably have gotten a lot of prospects in exchange, and there would be more hope for the seasons to come. But once again that's just not going to be the case.

What's The Deal With The Astros And The Basterds?

I didn't spend much time watching the Astros on TV this past weekend. I was doing other things, so I listened to the games on the radio. But I'm being told that one of the sponsors for the TV games was the new Quentin Tarantino movie Inglourious Basterds. But apparently, instead of saying the title of the movie in the promo, Bill Brown and Jim Deshaies continuously said "brought to you by the new Quentin Tarantino movie starring Brad Pitt" -- or so I'm told.

So I was told about this, and I was asked what was going? The person who told me this had two theories: either Drayton wouldn't allow them to say "basterds" on air, or Brownie just couldn't make himself say it. Personally, I'm of the opinion that Drayton had absolutely no problem with taking the cash from The Weinstein Company to promote the film, but that he didn't want "basterds" said on air. Kind of like how Mr. Baptist Drayton might disapprove of beer, but he's got no problem with not only selling beer at MMP, but he's got no problem with jacking the price up as much as possible so that he can make as much cash from the infidels as he can.

I guess it's a good thing that "basterds" is not actually spoken by anyone in the trailer, isn't it?