I'm Going To Wichita

Here's a little something that should get the week going with a bang. I tell my friends that, if I should ever get a chance to bat in the major leagues, this is the song I want playing as I walk up to the plate.

So here's The White Stripes with "Seven Nation Army."

No Parking Means No Parking

Maybe this is just one of those things that bothers me, but...

I get to park, for free, in a parking garage with covered access for my current temp job. I'm thankful for that because parking can be expensive in Houston. Very expensive. Which is somewhat surprising considering all of the damn parking lots we have instead of parks or green space in this city. But that's not my complaint. This is my complaint.

Each floor of the garage has a series of parking spaces set aside for small/compact cars. There are even signs hanging above each space saying "Compact Cars Only. No parking for Trucks or SUVs. You Will Be Towed If You Park a Truck or SUV."

Yet each day, when I arrive, trucks and SUVs are parked in these spaces. And each day, when I leave, these same trucks and SUVs are still parked in these spaces.

First, there is no fine ink on the signs that says this applies to everybody but the trucks and SUVs that park there. These vehicles have no special tags that say they have permission to park in these spaces. So maybe somebody can tell me just what kind of thought processing goes on to the self-possessed assholes driving these vehicles, besides the standard self-possessed asshole thinking that goes on with any person who drives a truck or SUV? What is it with these people that make them think they're so damn special, and that the rules don't apply to them?

I would never consider parking my car in a space that says "Trucks or SUVs Only." And I know that if I were to do so, there would be some jerk complain, because, despite a general inability to actually park one of their behemoth's correctly, i.e., between the lines, not on or over the lines or in correct spaces, I've never met a bigger bunch of crybabies and spoiled brats than people who drive SUVs and trucks. So you just know they would complain.

As for the parking garage people: what's the point of the damn signs threatening towing if you're not actually going to tow? I've got a parking garage at my apartment complex. And the rule is, a posted rule, that visitors can only park on the top of the garage, and that they will be towed if they don't. And guess what, there are tow trucks here every night towing cars that aren't properly parked. So if my apartment complex can do it, why can't this place?

Better yet. Why don't the people driving the trucks and SUVs actually park where they're supposed to park?

There Goes My Hero

I've never understood why relief pitchers don't use this song as their music when they come trotting in from the bullpen. I remember that one time, when Billy Wagner was still with the Astros, and he was having a down period, that he asked the music guy to stop using "Enter Sandman," which had been Wagner's song since he joined the Astros, and get something else, I suggested "My Hero." I was ignored.



But I think it would be a great song.

Howdy

Sorry. I don't have anything to say. But I thought I owed you, what few readers I still have, a blog post. I'm working another temp job -- starting week three. I'm hoping it lasts a few weeks, hopefully to the end of the month, because I really need the money -- zero dollars in the checking accounts is quickly approaching, and well, I don't think I can get any money selling my body on the streets.

I just wanted to say hi. I hope you're doing okay.

I'll promise, as I always do, to start blogging on a regular basis again. Someday.

Uh, This Is Houston, Not Florida

So how much did Tim Tebow pay Channel 13 for the valuable time on the sportscast in which he got to give his standard anti-choice message without actually agreeing to speak to the media and in which he refused to answer any questions about sports, football, or his possible career? After all, couldn't that valuable time in the sportscast have actually been used for something involving sports? It was the sports portion of the newscast, after all. But who am I expect to a Houston sportscast to actually discuss sports?

The Astros and The Big Suck

Before I get to what's really bugging me about the Astros today, I need to address the latest blog from Richard Justice in which said Justice suggests that the Astros and Drayton McLane should be forgiven because they do what's right in the community. Then he gives a listing of the community activities that will be done by the team when the Astros return home from Chicago.

What bothers me about this is that Justice writes it that the Astros are so much better than all of the other teams in sports because they're the only team in sports that puts such an effort into this. He knows it's wrong. But he can't make his point unless he writes this, so he just puts the facts aside to make Drayton happy. The Houston Aeros are a minor league hockey team, and they do just as much charity work/charity efforts as the Astros. I guess I'm just tired of people trying to make Drayton into some great saint when he's not a saint. He's not a saint. He's never been a saint.

But what really bugs me is that, once again, Brad Mills is benching Michael Bourn because he needs a breather, and he's putting Jason Michaels in CF and batting leadoff. And once again, Carlos Lee is in the lineup. Lee has started every this game. If anyone needs a breather, it's Lee. Yet Lee, fat of body and fat of contract, continues to play while the team's best player, best fielder, and currently, only guy able to consistently get on base, sits.

Who do you think needs the breather? Bourn, hitting .351 with a .368 on-base percentage, and a .432 slugging percentage. Or Lee, with a .103 average, .125 on-base percentage, or .103 slugging percentage? Put Michaels in for Lee. But damn it, play Michael Bourn. I'm really getting tired of the most preferred nation status around Lee. The guy doesn't deserve it. Not on a team this bad, not on a team that desperately needs to have guys on bases.

Can I Have Another...

I should have been in a bed an hour or so ago, new temp job and everything. But today, a Crowded House song popped up on my iPod shuffle, and for the past hour or so, I've been playing around on YouTube, watching Crowded House videos.

So here's one of my favorite Crowded House songs, and videos, "Chocolate Cake."

So It Was All Morgan Ensberg's Fault (No, Not Really)

I've been catching up on some blog reading, including Morgan Ensberg's fantastic blog. If you're not reading his work, you're really missing a great read. I linked to his Jeff Bagwell story the other day. Now I'm linking to something even better.

This is about the epic Albert Pujols NLCS Game Five HR that ruined Brad Lidge's career in Houston. And why does this homer happen? It's because Ensberg is out of position when David Eckstein comes to bat. If they get Eckstein, the game's over. But Eckstein hits a ball to third base, and Ensberg, being out of position, can't get to the ball.

It's not that Ensberg wanted to be out of position. He thought he was in position. He goes into a good explanation of the spray chart, and how this chart sets up the game management plan used by the catcher, the pitcher, and the manager. And Ensberg mentions how, based on that chart, Astros manager Phil Garner positioned him to be where it ended up Eckstein hit the ball. Only, due to an optical illusion at Minute Maid Park based on the field layout from where Garner was standing in the dugout. Though Ensberg had told Garner about this illusion before, Garner seemingly didn't know about it. But because Ensberg had told Garner about this before, when he took his position at third, based on where Garner told him to stand, Ensberg thought he was in the right position.

He wasn't.

It's a great read. And not that he's reading, but I want to thank Ensberg for sharing this with all of us.

The Big Suck

Through the tweets, I learn that Jason Michaels is starting in place of Michael Bourn for the Astros today. And Alyson Footer tells me that it's not because Bourn is injured, but because Michaels needs to play.

And I ask: why the fuck does Michaels need to play? Bourn's your best defender. He can do more on base than any other Astro. Did I mention that Carlos Lee is in the lineup, which means that the center fielder also needs to cover left field.

I've got an idea. Lee is sucking wind this season. He's o-fer with men in scoring position. If someone needs to sit, how about sitting Carlos Lee. Or better yet, it's Jason Michaels. The guy sucks. He's a backup outfielder on the Astros. The Astros suck, and he's a backup on a team where the players suck. So he's not good.

This kind of stuff just really, really bugs me. Seriously, that's why he's playing over Bourn: he needs to play. I think Bourn needs to play because he's one of the team's best players. You don't sit one of the team's best players for a reject like Michaels. I want to like Brad Mills. I really, really do. But crap like this just makes that hard for me to do.

Jeff Bagwell Joins The TV Booth

Jeff Bagwell is joining the Houston Astros TV broadcast crew tonight. For the rest of the season, he'll be in the booth for every Saturday home game.

I'm interested to see what Bagwell has to say. He always seemed to be a real intelligent player, so I'm hoping he can really get us into the thinking process of an at bat, or of fielding a position. Of course, he's working in a booth with Jim Deshaies and Bill Brown, so one worry is whether they're going to be able to work together. I'm not a big fan of three man booths. I'm also a big fan of Jim Deshaies, and he and Brown have great chemistry, so there's a worry about how Bagwell will fit in, and whether Deshaies will tone down so that Bagwell can get in some words.

But I'm curious as to whether there's a longer term plan in works. Bagwell said he's not ready to do this full time because he still wants to spend time at home while his daughters are young. But I'm wondering if there's a possible radio role in works for Bagwell. Milo Hamilton's not going to be able to go forever -- he should have been retired a decade or so ago. So I'm wondering if maybe the thinking is they'll break Bagwell in slowly, with Brown and Deshaies, who are easy to work with it, and after a year or so, if Bagwell's interested, ease him into the analyst role on the radio side.

The Runaways -- A Brief Movie Review

With nothing better to do today -- I don't go back to work until late next week -- I went to the movies. There's not much out there showing that I'm interested in, at the moment. Maybe later I'll do up a post on some recent films I saw that I really liked, but I digress.

So today I went to see The Runaways, the biopic of the 70s all-girl rock bank formed by Joan Jett. The movie, like most biopics, is okay, but not great. I know what happens to the band, and I saw nothing that I didn't already know. Kristen Stewart, who I've seen only in last year's underrated Adventureland, and from some vampire movies I've never seen, is Joan Jett, and I thought she nailed the role. She had that Joan Jett sneer, and with the haircut and the slumped walk, she really looked like Jett -- I'm thinking this was important since Jett is the executive producer.

The movie is based on the memoir of the band's original lead singer, Cherie Currie. Since they held the credits until the end, I spent the entire movie wondering who was playing Currie, who was about 15 when the band started. And though I remembered reading this much later, it wasn't until the credits I realized she was played by Dakota Fanning -- I'm so used to her as a little kid.

I think the only person who is probably truly unhappy with the movie is Lita Ford, who was also in the original lineup. The stars/main characters are Jett and Currie, and Ford only speaks to bitch and moan about Currie, and is otherwise not given much credit for anything to do with the band.

It's an entertaining movie. There are no great revelations. The acting is good. The music is good. The film looks good and really evokes the 70s.

Here's the movie version of the band's most famous song, "Cherry Bomb." And tell me, if I hadn't told you, or didn't already know, would you recognize Dakota Fanning?

The Greatness of Jeff Bagwell

A couple of hours ago, I had no clue of what I was going to write for the mothership. Then I was stuck by inspiration, wrote 800 words, filed my story, and started surfing the internet and catching up on Twitter. Which is where I found a blog post, written by former Astros third baseman Morgan Ensberg, on the greatness of Jeff Bagwell.

So my readers, you will be extra lucky as I just have to write about this about this blog post.

Ensberg writes about Bagwell from the viewpoint of a teammate. He doesn't write about Bagwell the player. He writes about him as a leader, and as a person. And what he writes makes me wish that Jeff Bagwell were my friend. Yet what he writes makes me realize that I do, in fact, have friends that are like Jeff Bagwell.

Ensberg writes about how he was called up to the team, and about how one of his minor league coaches told him the best thing to do was to just shut up and listen to what the veterans said. And Ensberg writes about how horrified he was to find his locker being between Bagwell's and Craig Biggio's, because that's where all of the action on the team was. Then we meet Jeff Bagwell, the leader of the clubhouse.

Bagwell took Ensberg under his wing -- and we're led to believe that Ensberg didn't get special treatment and that Bagwell treated everybody the same way. Ensberg once brought a round of drinks for his teammates at a party, even though he was a rookie, because he wanted to fit in. Bagwell went up to him and told he never needed to do this again. Bagwell said that it was his job to buy the drinks, and the food, and whatever. He gives more examples, and I don't do it justice, so go read it. But what comes out is that Bagwell is just a great person who loved his teammates and did things the right way.

Bagwell has always been one of my favorite Astros. There was just this way about him. He didn't do things with flash -- he didn't have the torn uniform pants or the dirt on his shirt or the messed up helmet like Craig Biggio. Bagwell just played. I've never seen a smarter base runner. I've never understood why the Astros haven't asked Bagwell to come to spring training and teach the new kids how to run bases because Bagwell never had speed, yet he was never thrown out. He knew how to stretch a single into a double. He could steal bases, and I've never seen another Astros who was at good at going from first to third on a single, or from second to home on a single, than Bagwell.

It was a joy to watch Bagwell play first base, because not only did he have great instincts, but he also did his homework and was great at positioning. Before he hurt his throwing shoulder, he wsa the best first baseman I've ever seen when it came to make the 3-4-3 double play, or making a throw home to get a runner. He knew when to charge on a bunt, and he was deadly at nailing runners trying to advance to second or third on a bunt.

I hope you go read this Ensberg post. I'm sorry I couldn't get to it for the mothership -- maybe next week. It's a well written blog post, and it makes me respect Bagwell more than I already did.

Some Notes From Opening Day At Minute Maid Park

So I went to Opening Day yesterday, Astros hosting the Giants. Supposedly, last night's crowd was a record for largest opening crowd in MMP history. That's kind of funny considering the large number of empty seats I saw in the upper decks. And seeing as how I was at the game, I took some notes.

1. Houston needs to grow something besides country music singers. Seriously, I'm really tired of how some country music hack gets tossed out for every big event to sing the Anthem and God Bless America.

2. Minute Maid Park seems to get worse every year. I can't think of any of the new ballparks that I've attended, where it impossible to walk along the concourse. But Drayton has shoved so much crap inside the concourses that it's just impossible to walk around. It gets worse every year. I went to a sold out game at old Yankee Stadium between the Yankees and Red Sox. One of the complaints about old Yankee Stadium was that you couldn't move about and around the concourse. But it was nowhere near as bad as what MMP was yesterday.

3. Can anyone explain to me what Milo Hamilton had to be down on the field, and why it had to be Milo Hamilton who did all of the lineup introductions? Bob Ford is by far and away the best PA guy in sports. He should be allowed to do this -- Milo even said that Ford was the best.

4. And Milo, thanks for reminding all of us that Aubrey Huff was a former Astro -- for about two months. I'm sure that's the highlight of his career.

5. The Ball Park Patrol, which runs around the stadium and infield doing stupid antics and throwing shirts in the crowd looked younger than usual. I could swear I saw Roman Polanski leering at some of the women on the crew. However, that pregnant member of the crew, running around and getting guys to pose for pictures with their hands on her baby bump just didn't do much to get me in the mood for baseball.

6. And nice job Astros operations people. I had a friend who had a parking pass for Lot C. The only people allowed to park in this lot are media and season ticket holders. When you buy a season ticket, you also purchase the parking pass, and you're assured a place to park. Except for last night. Apparently Continental Airlines is now running Astros parking because they sold more parking passes than actual available parking spots. Thus people who had already paid for parking had to go find someplace else to park, and pay again, because the lot was oversold.

7. So the Astros are celebrating their so-called 45th annivesary -- they changed from Colt 45s to Astros 45 years ago. That leads me to ask, what kind of fake annivesary is Drayton going to cook up for next year?

8. I was shocked. Drayton didn't trot out Craig Biggio or Jeff Bagwell for any of the opening ceremonies.

9. Can somebody please explain to me just how it is that Sean Berry and Dave Clark still have coaching jobs with the Astros?

10. This is probably just me, but if you're not sitting behind home plate, don't bitch about a strike call on a pitch that's not high or low because you've got no clue if the pitch caught the plate, or not.

11. A pet peeve: we were told that the Astros set a "new record" for Opening Day attendance. It's a new record only if you're just now inventing a record, i.e. it never existed before. But "record" actually means "new record." When you set a record, you're wiping out the record that existed before.

12. The Astros ripped off the Brewers and they're doing one of those sausage type races with mascot things. Except, instead of sausages, it's large packets of taco sauce. Yeah, it looks as stupid as it sounds. I like the Sausage Race. I saw it in Milwaukee when I went to a Brewers game. And I like the President's Race in Washington, D.C. with the giant heads of former presidents racing around the stadium -- maybe Teddy will one this year. As for the Astros, can't they do something original for once? Something they didn't rip off from another team?

13. This is probably just me. But MMP is a facility that was paid for by tax payer funds. So why am I constantly bombarded by crap about Second Baptist Church? They had a cult recruitment table set up behind home plate/the press box, and they had billboards inside the stadium. I doubt that Drayton would allow Muslims to recruit like this, and they definitely wouldn't allow an atheist organization to do like this.

14. There are no royal families in the U.S. Except for my family, that is, because we're named Royal. So stop shoving the damn Bush family down my throat whenever they decide to show up at Minute Maid for a baseball game.

15. Toward the end of the game, the sound crew played that Kid Rock song that liberally sampled Warren Zevon. I've got an idea. How about playing the sampled Warren Zevon song instead. "Werewolves of London" is a far superior song to that crap Kid Rock produced.



16. Can anybody tell me what Sammy Gervacio was doing with the baseball last night. He came out to pitch in the eighth inning, and I was amazed that Giants third base coach Tim Flannery was able not to laugh, though you could see him struggling. Gervacio would get the ball from the catcher, he would hop. With his body facing the Giants dugout, he would hold the ball high, look at it, look at Flannery and the Giants dugout. Look back at the ball. Put the ball in his glove. Then go into his windup. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and I don't recall Gervacio doing that last year.

17. In my opinion, Tim Lincecum is the best pitcher in baseball. He was dealing last night.


18. In this down economy, it's nice to know that Drayton held fast and kept with his yearly tradition of increasing concession prices.

19. But Drayton finally got something right. He finally produced a scorecard that had spots for the pitching stats.

20. And Bob Ford is the best PA guy in baseball.
That's all. See you folks later.

Watch Out, There's A Monster Coming

So I ask, once again, why aren't you watching Craig Ferguson?



But when the Robot Skeleton Army invades the country, I know that I'll be with them.

Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon

Excuse me blogging world, for it has been one week since I last blogged. That said, it's not like I really have a lot to blog about -- you may commence with your "that's never stopped you before" wisecracks in three, two, one...

Actually, there's not much going on in clown world. I'm still unemployed. I've been on the waiting list for a temporary document review since the start of last week. It took me two hours to fill out the conflicts check list, so I better get the damn thing. Then again, since they demanded such a long, detailed list, they're probably looking for any excuse to disqualify people on the basis of conflicts. Still, it would be nice to get back to work because I really owe the IRS a lot of money, and after I pay them, I'm not going to really have much money to live on.

I managed to find ways to keep myself busy last week without spending lots of money. Mainly, I get out of the apartment first thing every morning. I usually go to a Starbucks for a bit, get some iced tea, and read for an hour or two -- I've been rereading the last two James Ellroy novels, American Tabloid and The Cold Six Thousand, because I just purchased the final book of the trilogy, but it's been awhile since those two books came out, so I thought I would refresh myself before taking on the final book. Then I hit the Borders for a few hours and use their free wireless while working on my stories for the mothership.

Luckily, there were a bunch of sporting events in Houston last week that I was credentialed to attend, so I spent my nights getting free meals and watching free hockey and free college baseball. The hockey story will run in the mothership on Wednesday. The college baseball story will be in the mothership tomorrow. As for today at the mothership, you have my long-awaited, much anticipated 2010 Houston Astros season preview. (I lucked into a free ticket for tonight's Opening Day matchup between the Astros and Giants. Tim Lincecum's pitching for the Giants, and he's a favorite of mine.)

The Houston Cougars are keeping me busy, basketball wise. They hired a new coach last week, and I was at the presser and asked a few questions. The fan base isn't too excited by the hire. I've done some checking around, and I now know how the new coach ended up on the search list. But since I've only got one source, and he/she wants to remain anonymous, and since no one else will corroborate, I can't print it anywhere. Damn.

Right now, I'm sitting at the Borders, taking advantage of the free wireless. Just moments ago, I was listening to She & Him's "Volume Two" on my iPod. But they're now playing it over the speakers here at Borders. I recommend it. It's very good. By the way, have I mentioned lately that I've got this thing for Zooey Deschanel, the "She" of She & Him?

And I would like to ask a favor, to any of you who still pop by and read my missives. My niece is autistic -- it's a real mild form and she's highly functioning -- and my brother and sister-in-law are participating in one of those Autism walks in October, in Austin, where they live. I'm not asking that you sign up for the walk, though I did, but if you don't mind, could you contribute a few dollars? It would mean a lot to me, my family, my niece, and all others who have autism or have to deal with people who are autistic. I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking because there's nothing I wouldn't do for my niece.

Thanks.

Photo of Zooey Deschanel from Arena Magazine.